Several years ago, I wrote a letter to a friend of mine who was going through a hard time in her life. I was worried about her. I prayed for her. I prayed for wisdom, patience and peace for her. I prayed for wisdom for me as to how to help her. And I began thinking – I wish I could give her what I’ve learned as a wife and mama. So, I wrote her a letter. I hoped that she would receive it well, I wrote it in a spirit of love.

I ran across the copy I kept for myself the other day and I was floored by some of the words that the Lord clearly gave me at that time. Boy, could I use them for myself most days! I don’t have life figured out. It’s not smooth for me all the time. I don’t obey my Father’s commands like I should, not by any means. But I prayed for wisdom and He was faithful. Now I just need to print these out and live by them!

I’ve divided the letter in half – one about her relationship with her husband and one about her relationship with her child. And to make it a little more suspenseful, uh, er, readable(!) I then split those two letters in half.

So, I write these four letters to you (and myself!), dear friends, in the same spirit.

What I’ve learned about husbands and wives
(from others and the hard way!)

1. Your husband is the valiant and noble king in your family.
2. You are the beautiful and able queen that he wants to lift up. Read also Proverbs 31.
3. Accept that your husband is the boss.
4. Check with your husband about all decisions bigger than “what will I eat for lunch today?” And check then, if lunch is with him!!
5. Trust his decisions.
6. Know his heart – it really is to serve you.
7. Build him up to others.
8. It’s better to be in love than to be right.
9. Research God’s love in the Bible. Read and absorb it. Apply it to you. Know that God loves you.
10. Your husband is going to make you mad. Often.
11. Hold your tongue. Pray for him. And you! Immediately – don’t wait to feel like it.
12. You rarely regret holding your tongue – with your husband, with your child, with others – and it allows you to live in much less turmoil.
13. Forgive – it’s not a feeling, it’s a decision.
14. The Bible has much to help you – don’t always search by topic – apply the truths and verses to your situation.
15. Don’t listen to the world. Being a wife and mama – and one that works hard at it – is the most fulfilling job, it doesn’t have to be your only one – just the most fun.
16. Give up your dreams.
17. God will give you even better ones… He comes to give you life more abundantly. He will give you new desires in your heart.
18. Trust Him that He loves you.
19. Your husband will disappoint you.
20. Jesus is the only man you can turn to about that.

Suzanne is wife to one and mama to four. The little ones are 2 boys ages 7 and 5, a girl who’s 3, and a baby boy who’s not knee-high to a grasshopper yet. She eclecticly unschools with lapbooks the Charlotte Mason way. In other words, she doesn’t have the slightest clue what she’s doing, but does it anyway. She lives in a world where there are few absolutes. The dishes don’t stay cleaned, the laundry doesn’t stay put away, the children don’t remember what she told them yesterday. But in their chaotic lives they have found joy. And they’d love to share that with you. So, come on over, kick a path through the toys, have a seat on the couch and grab a cup of strong coffee. Just be ready to hone your skills of “interrupted conversation”! And be sure to stop by her personal blog at JoyfulChaos.