Order and Structure

Children who have disabilities or learning challenges typically need structure and organization. I was reminded of that on Christmas morning while looking at the mess once called our living room. Yet, there in one small corner was an organized structure of unwrapped items. The wrapping paper had been neatly scrunched into a ball and Caleb had lined up all of his gifts. Even the spoils of his stocking were organized. The tootsie rolls were stacked next to the smarties which were lined neatly in a row. The jumbo candy cane log lay down the side and everything else was neatly in tow. There was no question about it: this was Caleb's area!

I should mention that Caleb takes after his dad in this area of neatness. I once walked into Mike's office at work and he had warned me about the "mess" at his desk. The office had recently been restructured and so I walked in and sat down at the messiest desk. Boy was I surprised when a Marine other than my husband came over and said "Can I help you ma'am?" I told him I was just waiting for my husband and he confusedly pointed to another desk and said "Uh, that ONE is Gunny's desk!" This desk was as perfectly arranged as if it was in an office furniture showroom display. Everything down to the stapler and tape dispenser were arranged perfectly and in order. No, Caleb did NOT get that from me!

I hate organization. I am one of those people who knows where everything is in my chaos and if you move it to straighten it up then I am L.O.S.T.. Really, I would lose my head if it wasn't screwed on! So, how do I manage to keep things organized and straight when I am obviously not wired that way and my autistic child would die without said organization?! Well, the God's honest truth is that most days I don't. I tell myself as I look around at "my style of organized chaos" that I'm teaching Caleb a good thing because we live in an imperfect chaotic world. That doesn't mean I let everything go to pot but God has shown me that sometimes autistics can be trained by learning to cope with what we neurotypical people (NT) call everyday life. We all work at it as a family and somehow the end result works.

Compromise is where we all exist in a happy medium. There are important battles which Caleb needs to win -- ones we all need him to win. One of those would be having his clothes neatly arranged in his drawers and closet in a manner that he likes. If I don't help him do that then I run the chance of smelling the results of it two weeks later when he finally asks if he could PLEASE have a new pair of socks because there aren't any in his dresser. Where the other children would just go to the "yet to be matched" jumble of socks in the laundry basket, this thought never passes into Caleb's mind. He knows he has to wear socks. Therefore, if he looks in the drawer and there aren't any there, then he just puts on the ones he wore the day before, and the day before, and the day before...Eewwww! We've worked together to train ourselves to put laundry away as soon as possible.

We don't always succeed. For instance, my bed is currently laden with clean clothes that I sorted through this morning for putting away. The weekend roared through our lives like a busy lion and I wasn't able to complete my jobs in a timely manner. The stacks of laundry coming out of the laundry room Saturday evening after everyone went to bed landed on my living room sofa. Yesterday they were quickly stacked in a corner of my bedroom, when on short notice, we had company come for dinner after morning church. We'll pick back up this morning on laundry "perfection" and get all those socks and tees and so forth put neatly away like Caleb (and really me, too) likes.

Another compromise we work on is school. The psychologist fussed at me about my square box thinking about neat writing with an hour of this subject and an hour of that subject. He told me to "get over it already" because that was "normal" school and hadn't I pulled Caleb out of that environment so he wouldn't have to try and fit it anyway?! He told me to stop making Caleb do busy work but to organize and have a list. I listened and this past year spent two VERY FULL days completely organizing a schedule for all four of my children for EVERY DAY for the WHOLE year. No one has any questions about what their work for the day is and everyone is enjoying school now. I still have days like any other home school family where the schedule will get thrown off but again we compromise and we make it work. We pick up where we left off on our list and we keep going. Without this schedule for school, not only would my children falter in their work, but so would I. I may dislike organization but this schedule keeps me accountable and our one day of taking a break doesn't turn into an unplanned two week vacation.

Schooling most likely will always present challenges for our special needs children. When we, as parents, learn what it is that our child needs the most to succeed, and make changes or compromise to accommodate those needs, our children will grown and thrive in ways that awe and inspire us. Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us that "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." Homeschooling your child with disabilities is a season of your life and a season of their life. Work with your child to make it the best season for both of you!



Sallie is an off-again, on-again homeschooling mom to her 4 children, ranging from elementary to high school. In her column "The Square Peg," she discusses the challenges of homeschooling a child with disabilities and offers insight to those who sometimes feel all alone in a round hole world.