It's funny but as a homeschooling mom I ofter hear the question,
Gee Whiz. I guess they will miss out on developing many social skills since they aren't enrolled in public school. After all, a couple years ago when they were enrolled in public school they often came home to tell me all about the socializing that occurred during the day.
Like the time my second grader came home and asked me why people were calling him gay because he had on a GAP jacket. Apparently they forgot to inform me at the checkout that GAP stood for Gay And Proud. Now first of all, to tease a child is downright wrong. Second, to tease in
a way that also degrades a characteristic of another human being is wrong. I teach my children to love people no matter what. No one is perfect and no one fits into any mold. We are all different. I may not approve of homosexuality but it is not for me to judge them but to love them. Besides, I can assure you that others can find something about me that they do not like.Then there was the time my then kindergartner was subjected to a showing of private parts in the little boys room. He says "(insert child's name here) wanted me and my friends to show ours too." It took weeks to bring him back to the frame of mind that those private parts are well, just that - PRIVATE!
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Or let's consider the social skills my oldest son was subjected to. He has a form of dwarfism called Cartilage-Hair Hypoplasia so his new nickname became Mini Me the midget. I was beyond furious that this was allowed to go on. I went to the school and asked if I could speak to the classes and share with them about my son's condition. I wanted to tell them that just because he has no hair and is smaller and maybe looks like this guy on a movie doesn't mean that is who he is. He is ten years old even though he is smaller than others his age. I also wanted to let them know that the term "midget" is inappropriate and degrading and that if they must refer to his condition to just call him a little person. I was told by the school that this wasn't a good idea since it might bring more attention to the situation. Are you kidding me? Since when is educating and encouraging positive behavior wrong? And isn't this is the same schools that teach about pre-marital sex and hand out condoms? Won't that draw more attention to sex?
I could go on.... learning about smokin' vipe, hookin' up, springin' bling, wanting
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tattoos at 7, fist fights, singing very inappropriate songs that they heard from the bus driver.... STOP! I can't take it! I'm thrilled that my children no longer have to be subjected to this type of socialization. Do I think everyone should take their child out of public school? Of course not. We all have our own opinion and our own way. Some people can't homeschool because they work, others simply choose not to homeschool and that is fine. It is up to us as parents to choose what is best for our children. (keyword: our) I choose to have my children socialize in an environment that I have some control over. Such as; baseball, football, youth group, summer camp, home school PE, sleepovers, basketball, art class, yada yada yada. They socialize well. No concerns here.Now, if someone could help me off of my soapbox I'd be much obliged.....
So, how do you respond to this question?
25 comments:
I just laugh when asked that question. It's well-intentioned (usually) if clumsy. I assure them that they need not worry, and rattle off a few things my kids do. Usually people are a bit chastened by the answer; they realize it's a silly question. And a light-bulb goes on too; I usually don't have to mention the negative socialization that goes on in schools - they end up bringing it up themselves.
It depends on their tone of voice and apparent intent in asking the S-word question, but I often answer their question with my own questions. "What do you mean by socialization?" "How are social skills learned, by whom should they be taught, and how does HSing prevent kids from learning them?"
When they answer with something along the lines of 'how do they learn to get along with other kids if they are home all day' I ask them why they think my kids are home all day every day?
Folks sometimes just don't think before they speak, and asking a few questions to give their brain a jumpstart helps them figure it out for themselves without me going through a list of things we do to ensure our kids have a well-rounded social life.
Well said !! Thank you! My 3 boys went to school until this year and we had more hardship in the social part of school than anything else!
Amen sista!!!!
Blessed Much ! Jessie M
Mother of 3 boys and a girl
All I can say is "PREACH IT, GIRL!"
Why is it that people think our children NEED to be exposed to all of this in order to be socialized? I'll never get that!
Now that my kids are teens it has been interesting to hear comments from people who comment on what "nice kids" they are....all because they werent IMMERSED in the type of things you shared. It's worth it, Amy! Keep up the good work!!
My daughter was in public school for 7 years including kindergarten before I brought her home. This is our first year and she is still sharing the things that were said or did to her while she was in school that she would not tell me then. People who think putting 30 kids all the same age in a classroom together is socialization are wrong. When they graduate from their education whenever will they be subjected to being in a room full of people their own age? :)
I'd help you off the soap box, but this needed to be said :)!
I am so tired of the "S" word that all I can think is, "If all you are sending your child to school is for socialization, then why go? When are they there to learn?"
Very well said!!!!
In 15 years of home schooling, we've been asked that question about 8,000 times, but my favorite time involved my husband.
A co-worker asked my husband if he was worried about the kids not being able to socialize with others when they grow up. Before hubby could answer, the guy got a phone call from his wife informing him that he had to pick his son up from school (the 3rd time that month) for fighting. My husband asked the guy if that was the type of socialization he was talking about. The guy never asked again.
Honestly, I think people ask because they just haven't thought it through. My kids have always participated in dance classes or sports or music classes or church groups, etc. Even in those places, while my kids are right there in front of us, playing with other kids, the parents ask, "Aren't you afraid they won't know how to socialize with others?" Makes you just want to laugh and say, "What do ya think they're doing right now - with your kid?"
I have the best in-laws in the world - I really do - but they don't understand either. My oldest son is almost a Junior in college (at age 18) - with scholarships and a 3.8 GPA - and they STILL actively worry about his future because he didn't attend 'regular' school.
People are funny I tell ya!
Loved your little soapbox rant!!!! ;)
Amen, Amy! We have had our share of experiences with ps and private school which is just as bad in our experience. I thank the Lord that He led us to homeschool.
What a great post. I've never even homeschooled and I know that socialization isn't only found in traditional school settings. My kids are only 4 and 3 and we get plenty of social opportunities just through our church. Once we start sports and art/music classes or whatever they get interested in, I know they will have many more social opportunities as well. As someone who is just about to dip a toe into the homeschool waters, it's great to hear positive stories from veterans!
I am a first time home school mom of 3 boys, 8, 7 and 5. I love that I can keep them out of the junk that is in public schools. I love that we can pray and do devotions each morning. Love your article keep on preaching!
Kara-North Texas
PS. What is wrong with keeping your kids sheltered from all of the wrong socialization!!
After rolling my eyes and laughing my snarky little laugh (yeah, I shouldn't do that), I pretty much respond as you do.
My now 13 yo attended a private, Christian school for kindergarten and one-half of first grade before we pulled him out. A private, Christian school, just kindergarten-first grade, and I did not like the socialization he was involved with. But that is not THE reason we homeschool...just one of many.
So why the prevalence of the phrase, "Get to work! You are not here to socialize, young lady!" in school? Just asking. =)
Negative socialization is just one, very secondary reason that we now homeschool, yet people tend to assume it's the main reason. They're extremely concerned about it all for us,too, considering that our eldest is on the autism spectrum, and conventional wisdom says that they MUST be in a classroom or they'll withdraw... Missing, of course, the basic fact that a child with autism will NOT automatically pick up positive socialization simply by being amidst it. They often miss and misunderstand social cues, and must be taught the "obvious" explicitly! Negative socialization,though, because of it's in-your-face nature, is much more easily "picked up". Along with extreme bullying. Which doesn't help the extremely high suicide rate... Yes, talk to folks in my special needs homeschoolers group who've gone through the schools already and find out how good that "socialization" was for their kids...
Feel free to camp out on your soapbox. Apparently the internet access is fine up there.
There seem to be a lot of misconceptions about homeschooling, with socialization at the top of the list. As a homeschooler, I believe part of our jobs is to educate others on what homeschooling is and isn't. Otherwise, the only examples they may see are the negative stereotypes of homeschoolers.
Our culture says to put kids in school at younger and younger ages to "socialize" them. However, we have to consider what type of socialization they are receiving when grouped with other kids their same age. Do children learn better primarily around other kids or with a loving parent?
It can be a challenge to be counter-cultural at times, but I believe we are called to be that as homeschoolers.
I usually ask what they mean by socialization. More often than not they answer their own question and apologize realizing how narrow minded they had been.
Last summer I was contemplating the decision to homeschool when I was asked to substitute the middle school Sunday School class at our church. It shocked me how the kids who went to school had NO socialization skills. They were rude, inconsiderate of others and spoke a language only they could understand, filled with slang and abbreviations. The kids who were homeschooled could carry on an intelligent conversation with me, used their manners and were very kind to the other kids. Some of the kids in the class who go to school are very sweet kids, but when put in a social environment, I would say they failed. I was convinced that socialization should no longer be a consideration on the decision to homeschool.
Great article, Amy!
In the 16 years I have been home schooling I have heard that question so many times it makes your head spin.
I always respond with. "Because I am a social person my children will have plenty of socialization."
To be honest with you we are constantly told how great our kids are...especially our teenagers by our youth pastor. People want their kids to be friends with my kids because my kids are so well behaved. Though they have their issues and are not perfect, they know how to converse with a child or an adult with no problem. They are very well adjusted kids.
So much for not having socialization, huh?
Blessings all,
Julie
Amen to that one!!! At my son's former school there are plenty of opportunities for socializing with drug users, kid who cut themselves, kids who are having premarital sex, kids who drink, kids who smoke, girls who dress like prostitutes, boys with their pants down low so their underwear shows etc... (did I mention that this school only goes to grade eight???)
I LIKE the thought of them not hanging out with the kids at school. At church or scouts there are responsible adults around to make sure that certain things are not going on.
Wonderful article. I agree. My 16 year old is the youngest shift supervisor where she works, but they have no problem with her social skills. So what's the big deal. They both were in Girl Scouts for 5 + years and guess who was there every meeting mom. Why because I was leader. Had the last say if you may.
I'm a public school teacher and certainly agree the socialization in public schools is largely midguided. One of the motivations for the socialization question, unfortunately, is that school bureaucrats and union leaders have decided that's their hill to die on. After all, the idea public schools offer the best, or even equal, education can hardly be taken seriously anymore. So, the elites are shifting toward a collectivist, socializing defense of public education.
Have you noticed that socializing was a major issue in the recent California home school case? The court wrote, "A primary purpose of the educational system is to train school children in good citizenship, patriotism and loyalty to the state and the nation as a means of protecting the public welfare." When a California court rules that kids need to go to public school to learn loyalty and patriotism, you know they're reaching for anything to help public schools. In any other situation, those qualities would be considered the outdated ideas of the fly-over states.
When people mention the socialization issue, I just remind them that until 100 years ago, almost everyone was home schooled. Home schooled and apparently well-socialized people include: Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, James Madison, Patrick Henry, John Stuart Mill, Mark Twain, Rembrandt, Mozart and many more. As a recent example that works well in my neck of the woods, Tim Tebow, the recent Heisman Trophy winner, was home schooled. He and his 4 siblings were all home schooled, all went to college, and two already have graduate degrees.
I rather my kids keep that kind of company than learn about privates from the boy in the bathroom.
You know, as I read your post I think maybe I'm being too defensive.
I usually rattle off all the kids do with other kids during the week to show what an active life they have.
But instead maybe I should do what you've done and challenge their assumption that socialization at school is actually good! Thanks for prompting me to think through this!
Visit To Love, Honor and Vacuum today!
UGH!!!! my comment disappeared!! You didn't mention the education that my 1st and 2nd graders received on the Public Transportation limb of THAT system....yep, another time....
Thankfully God spoke in ways that I FINALLY listened too! We now LIVE the best choice we've ever made....
I didn't say...easy, but BEST!!
My kids see plenty in afternoon activities....enough for my 13 year old to observe that "it's SUCh drama!"
Hey, if you aren't willing to STAY up on the box, (I was really getting into it:)) then hurl yourself off the box, and we'll catch you...
"a homeschool mom MOSH PIT!!"
imagine that visual!
HA!!!
love you girl!!
great post......
Thanks for that reminder to all of us that homeschool. I have the privilege of starting my children at home, and I know that I do not want the world's idea of "socialization" to occur in their lives. Sometimes, though, I find myself wondering, "Is it really that bad out there?" It is encouraging to know that my children don't have to be exposed to all these things until they are steady on their own two feet (if even then).
And THIS is the very reason I started considering homeschooling. I am not a homeschooler (yet) in the technical sense, but I am educating myself in all that I can. Thanks for reinforcing my argument for homeschooling.
I am terrified to send my boys to public schools when the time comes mainly b/c of the "socialization" that happens there. Why would I throw my babies into the lions den? That's how I look at it. No thanks. I remember school, I remember the "socialization" that went on. In third grade I remember boys making sexual comments and telling sexual jokes. I even had a girl corner me in the bathroom, show me her "privates" and demand to see mine. I was terrified.
I love this site. It's helping to prepare me to homeschool my oldest when he has to "go" in a year. ;-)
THANKS!
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