A Marriage Without Leaves

Posted by Beth | 0 comments

I can’t look at this picture without it evoking a strong desire for my fingers to start typing away. There is a part of me that would love to tell you our incredible love story and then there is another part of me that wants to be completely honest and tell you about the gut wrenching hard times we have come through. Together.

As I was laying in bed last night thinking about this post, I immediately went back in my mind to a lesson we learned together. It was a lesson that would save our marriage. I don’t know why but when we were a whole lot younger we both had the idea that passionate intimacy was something that happened when your relationship mirrored something kinda like a movie. In other words, we were caught up in trying to only “share” what we both thought was our perfected sides– the parts of us that we knew each other loved. We “hid” the parts of ourselves that we considered “ugly”. I think this is a very natural thing but it does not help a marriage. It hurts it.

If you have been in a significant relationship for any length of time then you are familiar with the feeling that you get when you so badly want to communicate something that you know they won’t get or understand. Sometimes, you go there and you share and then you wait for that look to come over their face that tells you, yep they totally didn’t get what I said.

As a woman, this will do two things. It will either drive you mad that they don’t understand or it will cause you to shut down and think twice the next time you share something that is difficult. No matter what, you will feel a huge chasm in your heart that hurts afterwards and that can leave you feeling very alone.

I really don’t know when the light came on for us. Maybe it was the realization that these patterns were hurting us and not helping us. Me always frustrated that I didn’t feel safe or that it seemed I spoke a “different” language at times with him that he could not understand. Throw into that mix a husband who was always away and not very present when he was home. You have a recipe for disaster.

Sometimes a disaster is what you need to happen. It makes you stop and “see” the damage and do something about it!  Thankfully, we were able to pick up the pieces and what was created from those broken pieces is far more beautiful than the original.

Today, I can honestly say that there is nothing in my head or heart that my husband does not know and love. We have thrown off our perfectionist tendencies that shut us down and embraced the beautifully complex people that we are.

We have realized the importance of honesty and have found that our mutual happiness is connected to being able to be transparent. Being loved by someone that you feel you can share anything with is a very beautiful thing. Many people remove their outer clothes and never take off the inner clothes of their heart.

A woman won’t undress her heart until she knows it is safe and that her husband lovingly adores her heart as much as he craves the package that is holding it. It is so easy to be shamed by our noticeable imperfections and desire to hide them, but having a partner that embraces them and loves them is the best thing in the world. The lesson we have learned: We were never intended to hide behind leaves in our marriage when we left the Garden of Eden.

Beth discovered how fun learning can be when she began homeschooling in 2003. She considers homeschooling to be a treasured blessing.On the path with her are her 2 boys and husband John, who is her biggest supporter and fan. Somehow she has enabled her frog loving outdoor boys to love tough subjects like Latin, Writing and Grammar. (She is not kidding!) Now if she could only get them to eat all their vegetables. Beth loves capturing life’s precious moments with her camera and decorating them with Photoshop. You can visit her blog at Pages of Our Life.

homepage photo by Jaci Berkopec