A Mother’s Prayer Life

Posted by Debra | 0 comments

I grew up in the evangelical American church. I was active my youth group, I was a leader in my campus ministry in college, I even earned a seminary degree. All of these programs taught me prayer patterns and emphasized that certain times of the day were superior for prayer habits. I practiced within these guidelines for many years and believed that as I did so, I was communing with God.

Perhaps I was, for that time, but things changed.

My children arrived and those unpredictable little people had a way of turning any routine upside-down, of putting my priorities on hold and of decidedly disrupting quiet. Needless to say, I fell out of the habit of praying specifically and regularly.

I didn’t stop. I just stopped the patterns. But all my years of Christian devotional training still internally scolded me for slacking.

Between our second and third child our family went through a long period of upheaval and uncertainty. We ended up having to wait several years for God to move in our lives and as we waited and cried out to him I noticed my prayer life changed again. I prayed more though I couldn’t do it alone, or immersed in quiet, or even for more than a minute. And though it seemed like less, it actually was more.

In this time, I learned to turn my concerns over to God as soon as they entered my mind. I directed to Him my short, pointed requests and thanks. At times, all I could manage was to silently be in his presence and allow him to move through my inner being to heal, change and move me. Day by day, I let the Spirit within me groan on my behalf to the Father. I grew to depend on this kind of prayer, especially on the days when the weight of waiting felt unbearable. “God, am I doing this right?” “Can you change my heart right now?” “Will you inspire me with a creative solution?” “Please, please speak.” “Help.”

I felt like a drowning woman gasping for breath. I knew I was groping for God in the most primitive and raw way. Yet, despite all of my years of faith and training in discipleship, I couldn’t bring myself to talk to him any other way. Hour by hour, I simply kept casting all my cares upon him.

I don’t know when I first realized that I had moved from a prescriptive form of prayer to a transformative form of prayer, but I had, indeed, crossed over into that realm of what Paul calls, “praying continually.” Years ago, following Paul’s command seemed impossible. But now, it’s simply the way I think and breathe.

Praying continually has forever changed the way I approach the Father. I don’t feel any guilt for leaving the patterns of prayer behind. Instead, I feel freed and empowered to not only talk to God at every whim, but to be continually mindful of his presence, working and compassion even when I’m not in the midst of crisis. What I needed then and still need today is communion with God. And in my desperation I found it.

Debra Anderson has three sons ages 11 and younger. Her passions are education, mentoring, her husband, writing, church ministry and missional living — not in that order. She has her seminary Masters degree in Christian Education, is married to her pastor-husband of 16 years, and resides in their newish home in Denver, CO. In spite of moves between four different states, she has always home educated her boys — even on the hard days. She maintains a blog at www.emergent-homeschool.blogspot.com.