Am I a Tiger Mom?

Posted by LisaV | 0 comments

After sharing an article from The Wall Street Journal on “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior,” someone asked me on Facebook if I am a Chinese mother as described in this excerpt from Amy Chua’s book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. The picture painted from this essay was one of a strict Chinese mom who allowed her daughters no play dates, no TV, no grades less than an A, and hours of daily music practice. It was an interesting read, raising questions of how the eastern approach to parenting compared to the western parent, who encourages play dates, allows TV and computer games, and lets their child choose their own extracurricular activities.

Though there were obvious drawbacks to the Tiger Mother’s approach, I found myself agreeing with her on some points. While many western parents tend to be overly anxious about their child’s self-esteem, the Chinese mom assumes her child is strong and treats her accordingly. The article made me reflect on my own upbringing, which sounded fairly different from the one described in the paper.

My parents are originally from Taiwan, so I am Chinese by nationality. I was born and raised in the United States, making me American by birth. My brother and I attended public schools, learned English once we hit Kindergarten, and were raised with a mix of Chinese and American cultures. Straight A report cards were expected and generally produced as I grew up. I recall only one B in college. Most of the time I expected perfection of myself.

As far as music, I quit piano lessons in the second grade. I also had play dates and watched TV. The Tiger Mother would gasp in horror!

For our children, I tend to be strict in terms of behavior (and hopefully character development) but more western-minded in terms of schooling. This winter I told our teen that if he didn’t work, he didn’t eat. He stopped complaining about snow blowing after that. I do believe that kids, especially adolescent boys, need to be pushed in terms of work, as that is part of developing into a man. Kids can sometimes limit themselves, so we challenge them to develop further. I reminded our son that in some cultures, a 13-year-old boy is considered a man.

As a home school teacher, I believe children learn best when they are interested in a topic and that they can learn a lot on their own as they pursue their dreams and desires, as long as those are legitimate. Growing up, I never would have guessed we’d be so involved in sports. I played tennis with my school team, but had a more casual relationship with sports. It appears the Tiger Mother would never allow such pursuits, as it is not piano or violin.

I found my love of study to be somewhat narrow in the real world, where you need a more well rounded experience to be successful in business and life. I hope that our home school provides this for our kids, teaching them that life is more than study and includes work, service, and play.

Lisa and her son, making each other laugh

So am I a Chinese mom? Perhaps I look like one, but I’ve adopted a lot of western ideas in my lifetime. How about you? Do you consider yourself a Tiger Mother or a western mom? Do you agree with the Tiger Mother’s approach to parenting?

In her defense, The Wall Street Journal printed a follow-up piece called “The Tiger Mother Talks Back” that presented a much more balanced approach to parenting and showed that author Amy Chua was not asserting that Chinese parenting was better than western parenting. I like what she said about believing in your child more than anyone else–even more than they believe in themselves, and that the goal of Chinese parenting is about helping your children be the best they can be–which is usually better than they think!

I’m still number 129 of 221 reservations to read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother from the library, so I can get the full measure of her approach to parenting. Our 10-year-old son slyly hinted that perhaps I can get some tips. Our boys realize I am not a Tiger Mother, for which they are thankful, but can still be an Asian mom nonetheless. Regardless of parenting approach, I believe we all want the best for our kids. We just have different ideas about how to get there.

Lisa Van Dong has been teaching her two sons since 2004 and attempts to incorporate study, work, service, and play into their homeschooling days. She takes an eclectic approach to homeschooling and enjoys reading, writing, editing, and essential oils. Lisa blogs publicly at Pockets of Time and privately at Scooter and B.