Are you a yes-mom or a no-mom

Posted by Sheri | 0 comments

Are you a yes-mom or a no-mom?  Both types of moms most likely have their merits.  How could such different parenting styles have their own merits you may ask. Well let’s name a few.

• A no-mom feels that a child needs to hear no on occasion so that they are used to hearing it and know how to react upon hearing it.
• A no-mom feels that a child needs to learn that no is an acceptable answer.
• A no-mom feels that a child does not need reasoning for answers given, a simple “Because I said so” will do well.
• A no-mom tends to want her child to view her, rightly so, as the final authority.
• A no-mom is trying to teach her child to learn right and wrong through her leading.

• A yes-mom tries to say yes unless she has a good reason to say no.
• A yes-mom feels that while no is an acceptable answer there should be a reason behind the no.
• A yes-mom feels that, as the child is not necessarily used to hearing no, when a no is given it is not questioned.
• A yes-mom is attempting to teach the child the difference in right and wrong through the child’s own instincts.

Note, these are just my own observations and I am sure this can become a much deeper hole than the one I am digging for myself.

See I am a yes-mom. But my reasons are different that those listed above. My reasons are simple. I was raised by a no-mom. My Mom told me on more than one occasion (after I had children) that kids just “need to hear no” sometimes. And while I whole-heartedly agree and understand what she meant, I can also say I was the wrong personality to have a no-mom.

I always wanted to know why. “Why can’t I play in the rain?” “Why can’t I wear the same jeans I wore yesterday?” “Why can’t I build a rock fort?” “Why can’t I shoot the BB Gun without an adult around?”

My mom’s answer always left me a little confused and a lot puzzled. Her answer was ALWAYS the same. Her answer was one I vowed never to use. Her rote answer was: “If you don’t know I am not going to tell you.”

In my mind, especially when I hit my teens, that simply meant she had no clue. She didn’t know why she said no, she just chose to. After I had children that was, as I mentioned, confirmed when she told me that kids just need to hear no. I just went through all of that explanation to say that a no-mom didn’t fly in my mind. So I was determined to be a yes-mom.

“Yes, you can play in the rain! In fact, I’ll dance with you!” “Why do you want to wear the pants two days in a row? Oh you don’t have any others clean? Yikes, yes, you may, and let’s get some laundry going.” “Instead of a rock fort let’s build a fort over here out of this, rocks attract snakes!!!” and finally “No, you may not shoot the BB Gun without an adult because when I snuck out and did it as a kid I broke all of my fingers.”

Usually my “no’s” include a reason or explanation, because I want my children to understand the whys behind my answer. I want them to see that there is reasoning behind my logic. And I want to include an alternative.

The few times I have found myself emphatically screaming “NOOOOOOO” they have listened. The time my little guy was running down the middle of the road in front of a gravel truck. My scream of “NOOOO” was enough to make him veer off the road into the ditch until I could run like Superman (according to him) and scoop him up. The time I said “No, you may NOT draw on the house,” I wasn’t questioned, but rather given a guilty grin. After years of practice they understand that when I say “It’s time to turn off the Wii” it’s because they got a little too competitive and they rarely argue and typically stand up and turn it off. They’ve even come to recognize my reasoning before I state it and often logically work through problems on their own before checking with us.

That’s why being a yes-mom works for me. I am 100% positive that it’s the right thing for our family.  Errr…Maybe.

Sheri Sears (with the help of her fabulous husband Mike) began homeschooling her four children in 2001. She spends her time creating whatever she can out of nothing to make her house more homey, writing lesson plans, listening to her son’s garage band and writing how God is carrying her out of the depths of depression. You can catch up with Sheri at her blog The Shades of Pink. Be sure not to miss the Love Story she and her husband have written.