Barbara | Heart of the Matter

August 3, 2010 By Barbara 6 Comments

We are gardeners. I can say that now, because we actually have a garden in our backyard and we actually work in it. That makes us gardeners. We have a beautifully designed garden with plots that are big enough to hold many plants, but that are small enough to manage. The garden has good drainage, good soil, and lots of sun. It is well-watered and weeded thanks to my first-born who may indeed have a green thumb. All in all, it has the makings of being a productive little bit of land. I can’t say we are good at gardening yet. Only time will tell, and at the time of this writing the jury is still out. There are lots of leaves and flowers, but not much fruit yet. However, it is only early July as I’m typing, so we’ll have to wait for the real harvest time to prove our worth.

But that lovely set of plots is not even the object of my attention and affection today. You see, in our enthusiasm for this new garden (or was it our lack of faith in our ability to keep things alive?) we bought a lot of tomato plants. A lot. Like, 25. They were tiny, and we figured some of them wouldn’t make it (we were right!) and we figured I really did want to can a lot of tomatoes if they all survived. And so we planted many, many tomatoes in the garden proper. But there were two more that just didn’t fit anywhere.

Or so we thought.

My husband stuck two in to our flowerbeds. Good idea. They get a little less sun there but they will be watered, and the thought was that if something died in the real garden we could transplant over one of these out of the flowerbeds. Good plan.

However, the other day, my seven-year old daughter decided to help weed the garden. And she yanked out “this really HUGE weed!” Um….oops. That was the tomato plant. See the flowers on it? See that it is, in fact, growing in a tomato cage? My eldest quickly tried to salvage the thing by replanting it as best as she could and watered it some more, but it looked pretty sickly. Especially disastrous was that this un-rooting happened at the beginning of a crazy heat wave in our neck of the woods. Even the well-established plants were suffering under the taxing heat. Surely this little guy with his roots all broken would never make it.

And he did look pretty sad, pretty quickly. He wilted; he leaned up against the cage instead of standing tall as he had previously. The flowers fell off and no more buds seemed to be trying their luck. We thought about pulling it out and tossing it in the composter. However, it was just seriously too hot to go outside and do anything, so we thought we’d just leave it, watching it, (from the comfort of our air-conditioned dining room, no less) suffer a slow, sad, lonely death. Nice.

Some days, my daughter watered it, if she remembered, but we’d all given up on it. Wouldn’t you give up on it? And if you were the tomato plant, wouldn’t you have given up on yourself?

Well, well, well. Just this morning as we were surveying the flowers giving way to cucumbers and the snow peas almost ready to pick, and noting that there are tomatoes on nearly every plant, we turn around and see that sad little tomato plant is not giving up on itself at all, but is vigorously standing tall again, and putting out some new flowers.

Even after being ripped out of “its comfort zone”, even after being neglected of the water it needed to survive, even after being exposed to long and unbearable heat, this tomato plant held on and not only survived but is beginning to thrive.

Somehow it managed to tenaciously hold on, with whatever roots it still had intact, to the soil and moisture that was still there for its health. It managed to continue doing what tomato plants are supposed to do – put out flowers and grow tomatoes—even in the most trying of circumstances.

This is what I’m learning from this little plant: to keep doing what I was made to do even when circumstances make it nearly impossible to do so; and to keep hanging on to what blessings are present, no matter how out numbered they may temporarily seem.

Jeremiah 17:7-8 tells us “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by the water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.”

My tenacity better not be attached to my own ability, or my own circumstances, or to what others say about me. I may be tenacious and persist in my ‘fruit-bearing’ because the Lord is my trust. It is his work in my life that enables the spiritual fruit to grow even in times of spiritual drought. It is Him who wills and works to do His good pleasure in my life. That is why I can hang on. That is why I can keep going.

What is the Lord calling you to keep doing today? What is the thing that is making it hard for you to hold on and keep going? Do you see that the Lord is greater than that thing that hinders you? Trust in the Lord. Rest in the knowledge that He is able, oh so much more than able, to hold on to you, and cause you to flourish, as you obey Him.

Barbara Postma and her husband, as they homeschool their 7 children, are finding out that no two children are alike! Between lessons and lunches, Barbara blogs at Fuel by Barbara.

July 2, 2010 By Barbara 12 Comments

If you are like our family, at the time of this writing, there are 69 days until school starts again. If that sounds overwhelming to you, then don’t get me started on how few days there are until Christmas!

Sixty-nine days is all at once a lot and not nearly enough days of rest and rejuvenation. Don’t you find that the kids who have been desperate for holidays all spring are bored and out of things to do by August 13th? And all those wonderful friendships in the neighbourhood that we hoped would blossom and grow over the summer break tend to actually wither and rot by the end of July? Maybe that’s not your reality. Maybe summer break for you is all about peace and domestic bliss and self-initiated chores. If so, you should write a book. I’d buy it.

Don’t get me wrong: summer, like the rest of the year, is generally a really smooth sail in our home. The kids get along with each other really well, and we all enjoy the break from the routine of school-books and assignments (and marking!) However, every summer there comes a moment where it is quite glaringly obvious that we have all, myself included, had too much free, unstructured, un-educational time. The bad habits of the neighbours are wearing off on my kids, mild irritations with each other become a bit less mild, and we are all generally looking for a rudder to our boat. What to do? What to do?

On top of that, haven’t we all sat at the dining room table in September listening to our kids ask, “What’s 8 times 7 again?” and then bemoan the incredible lack of retention children suffer over a summer that is devoid of intellectual stimulation.

In light of all that, I have come up with a list of things I’d like to do with our kids this summer. These are a few of the things that I always mean to work into our fall schedule, but they often get bumped by the “real school” stuff of core subjects and easily gradable topics. Maybe you’ll want to try some of these too. Or maybe you have a list of resources you’d like to share in the comments below.

We love words in our house. Really good words. Interesting words. Words that no one else knows how to use! Sometimes we (geek alert) read the dictionary. Or at least we pick one word from the “A’s” one day and learn it and use it, only to pick from “B” the next day. Nothing quite as cute as hearing a six year old say, “Well, that’s balderdash”. Do it. It is great fun and an easy way to build a vocabulary.

My kids ADORE all things nature. A series of books we have loved using as a read-aloud and as fuel for nature journaling are the Christian Liberty Press Nature Readers. These short, simple, nicely illustrated books are great for car rides, rainy days, independent reading, or for carrying along on a hike to see what you can find in the woods. We’ll be pulling these off our shelves and leaving them on the coffee table for some spontaneous science classes.

Another easy activity that won’t feel like “school” is listening to stories while colouring, so why not try the Color the Classics series? How much easier does music appreciation and knowledge of composers get than listening to a great piece of music, while reading a biographical sketch and colouring a picture! Love this series.

Of course we can’t forget math, so why not listen to some memory work songs on the way to the cottage, or play Around the World with flashcards on a rainy day. You may be surprised at how much fun that is in July! And of course there is the “life-skills aspect” of the traditional lemonade stand. Let them “take out a loan” from you to buy the lemonade. Let them figure out a reasonable price per cup so that they can sell their product, pay you back, and still make a profit. This feels like an adventure, not an assignment.

And if your kids really want their screen time this summer and don’t want to leave the computer, instead of all the other games they could play, get them hooked on the geography games at www.shepperdsoftware.com? They have more than just geography, but if you’ve ever looked at Knowledge Quest’s Globalmania e-book, you’ll be highly motivated to learn world geography by online games! Go check out www.knowledgequestmaps.com It is highly inspiring and the link to the free e-book is available there on their webpage.

My favourite new resource that we are just about to jump in to is Focus on the Family’s summer curriculum called Kids Of Integrity. They have 16 free lessons with questions and crafts to spur your family on to Christ-likeness and lives of integrity. Doesn’t that just make your heart leap? I keep looking at the site and downloading the next lesson. We are ready to dive in to that!

Is this enough to fill your 69 days? Do you need more? What about all those lap-books you meant to do over the school year that never got finished? They feel like craft time, not school.

What about acting out the books you are reading as a family?

What about the Art in the Park and Fall Fair displays in your hometown? Go and discuss what you see, what you like and why.

What about starting a Baking Club? Invite over a couple of your child’s friends from church and bake a batch of cookies once a week to give to someone at church. Be sure to double or triple the recipe, but make the kids do the math!

As in every area of life, being intentional about the goals we set and how we spend our days is the only way to ensure success. This summer could just go by with out event and we could all survive until September when we jump into a routine again, and that would be okay. Or we could have a new, flexible, light schedule over the summer (with lots of room for changes of plans and spontaneity!) that sets us up for a really great September, refreshed, but challenged, and ready to keep on learning!

How will you fill your days this summer?

Barbara Postma and her husband, as they homeschool their 7 children, are finding out that no two children are alike! Between lessons and lunches, Barbara blogs at Fuel by Barbara.

June 2, 2010 By Barbara 2 Comments

As Christians, we aren’t supposed to like what has come to be called “the Valley experience”. Am I right? We are supposed to be striving for the mountain-top moments where we shine like a light for Christ, joyful, productive, happy, and showing the world how great our lives are. Right?

Well I agree. There is certainly nothing wrong with loving those parts of life. Certainly nothing wrong with celebrating the Lord’s goodness and providence in those moments where, even if everything is NOT right with the world, we are at least resting, trusting, and glorifying God with our lives, actions and attitudes.

But here is the thing: I think the valley is easier.

“What? No, it isn’t,” you say. “The valley hurts, the valley is dark and sad, and lonely, and sometimes it is the valley of the shadow of death. I don’t want that. I want to say, like Psalm 40, ‘He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay; And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm.’ That’s what I want: not the valley”.

Let me explain: I have recently taken up “running” and I use that term loosely. My days of non-athleticism are blatantly obvious to those who knew me in my youth, and have followed me into the present day. However, I have managed to work myself up to being able to run between 5 and 8 kilometers without dying…I mean without stopping. Not too shabby for an English major like myself.

But here is what I learned the other day. I was out on a hillier route than I normally try and more than once I moaned and groaned and tried to psych myself up for the next upward stretch of the hill ahead of me. Downhill? Piece of cake. The flat stretch in the valley? Nice! Breezier, shadier, flatter…no problem. Then all of a sudden the hill is before me and I have to work really hard to do it. I mean, really hard. I have to run faster to get the momentum up to make the hill, which means I need to pump my arms faster, and pick my feet up higher. Now I’m sweatier, and hotter, and certainly fatiguing quicker. Plus, there is my lazy flesh to battle saying, “Good gravy, woman. Just walk already!” In fact the harder I work the worse it feels, physically and emotionally, and next thing you know I am really, really looking forward to slipping down the other side of the incline, if you get the picture. Sure, from the top of the hill I can see how far I’ve come, which is a nice sense of accomplishment. I can also see how close I am to home, which is encouraging. But it is so.much.work to get up the hill in the first place that the celebration at the top is hardly worth it.

Isn’t this true of our spiritual lives as well? It sure is on my part. What you need to know about me is that for all the outward “hard work and perseverance” that people think I have mastered, on the inside I am exceedingly lazy, weary, hard-to-motivate, and generally stuck in the mud. I would choose the valley over the mountain-top almost every time, despite the pain, just because it is easier to sit there suffering than it is to climb out.

The mountain-top moments are so good and refreshing and encouraging. But what did it take for you to get there? A whole lot of “dying to self” and “fighting the flesh”. A whole lot of choosing to keep moving forward, through the pain, through the fatigue, through the well-meaning-but-often-wrong encouragements of our friends to “take a rest and go easy” on our selves.

Think about it: are you in a “valley” right now? How did you get there? Is it a valley created by someone’s hurtful actions towards you? The way out of that valley and up to the mountain-top is choosing to be humble and loving enough to forgive them and extend grace to them, as far as it is appropriate for you to do so. That is hard work!

Is it a valley created by your own sin? The way out of that valley is humility and confession, repentance, and accountability with a sister in Christ who will keep you on track. That is hard work!

Is it a valley created by years and years of faithful service that has left you drained and weary? The way out is choosing to believe (no matter what it seems like!) that the Lord sees your obedient service and that he will reward you in due time (see Galatians 6:8-10 and Hebrews 6:10-12), over the lies in your head saying that you’ve done enough for others and you can spend the rest of your life resting on your laurels and serving yourself. Dying to self and loving others doesn’t always seem like much fun compared to soaking up a whole lot of “me time”. That is hard work!

What is your valley? How did you get there? What will you do to get out? It is hard work; there is no denying that. But the freedom and victory that you will experience once you have persevered through the hard work of climbing out of the pit will be worth it. I promise! And please hear me: I do fully believe that the Lord is sovereign, and that it is the Lord alone who can change our hearts and our circumstances as He sees fit. However, I do also firmly believe that, most times, the tool the Lord uses to lift us out of the valley is our wholehearted obedience to Him. Do you agree with that?

Lord, you know what valleys our lives have held in the past. You know what valley may lay before us this week, or this year. You alone can prepare our hearts to endure it. You alone can direct our hearts and stir our spirits into specific obedience out of it. You alone can set us on the journey out of the pit and onto your mountain-top of freedom and healing. Give us the courage and the faith to take those steps. And help us to enjoy the hard work of the upward climb.

Barbara Postma and her husband, as they homeschool their 7 children, are finding out that no two children are alike! Between lessons and lunches, Barbara blogs at Fuel by Barbara.

April 28, 2010 By Barbara 4 Comments

I don’t know about you, but there are moments in my day (and days in my week!) where I just feel frazzled, out of control, and clearly scatter-brained! (Can I get an amen?) What’s a gal to do to regain her focus? What’s a mom to do in order to help her kids regain their focus?

I read a brilliant book called Prayer: Finding the Heart’s True Home by Richard Foster. Actually I’ve read it several times now and each time I am drawn by his conversation on the simple complexity of prayer.

One of my favorite suggestions he makes is to select a “breath prayer” for yourself that you offer up many times a day. Something that is on your heart that can be said in one breath, so to speak. How often do I intend to pray “if only I had more time”. This gives me the ability to pray without ceasing on one matter that will greatly impact my day, and allow me to focus my heart and attentions. (Oh, I wish you would go and read the book. I’m making this sound an awful lot like a chore…he is much more inviting about this…)

So here is my breath prayer (it is actually more like two breaths worth, but close enough). It is Psalm 19:14.

”Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Thy sight, O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.”

There is never a time when I don’t need to keep that prayer on my lips. There is never a time when my speech is so pure and pleasing that I can stop worrying about being acceptable. There is never a time when the thoughts of my heart are so pure and focused that I can just stop guarding them. I will be saying this silently, under my breath, out loud with a cry, and hopefully with my children on many occasions today.

From Richard Foster’s book: “Commenting on breath prayers, Theophane the Recluse notes, ‘Thoughts continue to jostle in your head like mosquitoes. To stop this jostling you must bind the mind with one thought, or the thought of One only. An aid to this is a short prayer, which helps the mind to become simple and unified.” (pg. 130 Prayer: Finding the Heart’s True Home)

Along with this, I recently wrote a post on my blog about finding a motto or a mission statement for your family from the scriptures. I know many people often have a “life verse” or a passage that stirs their heart. Don’t let that passage and that stirring go to ‘waste’. Teach it to your children. Have it on your lips so often as a breath prayer or family motto that your family latches on to it and is changed by it. Having a verse posted on the fridge or on your school white board or posted on a plaque in your living room, and then remembering to actually take your children (and yourself!) to look at it, ponder it, work on it, live it out, is such a benefit and a help towards making your home become the haven and rest you wish it to be.

In the meantime, you really should find this book. It is such an “open window after a fresh rain” kind of feeling.

But what about your family? What would your life verse be? Do you have a school motto? A family motto? What could you use this week as a breath prayer? What other tools do you use to keep your focus personally, and as a family?

Barbara Postma and her husband, as they homeschool their 7 children, are finding out that no two children are alike! Between lessons and lunches, Barbara blogs at Fuel by Barbara.

March 26, 2010 By Barbara 16 Comments

My daughter had an appointment with a specialist recently. This doctor is lovely. Truly one of the best physicians I’ve ever had to deal with. She is intelligent, patient, understanding, funny, great with my 3 year old, gentle, encouraging, non-condescending. She has a lot of letters after her name. I won’t even try to understand what they all mean, other than a lot of schooling and a lot of expertise. Along with all of that comes the pay-check, the lifestyle, the wardrobe, the respect, and the pride that accompanies such a career achievement. She is living the dream!

Except…

Once when my daughter was in to see her, this doctor asked me how many children I had. I told her we had seven. She asked if I worked out side of the home. I said no. And that we homeschool. And then she said something I will never forget.

“We are all jealous of you, you know that?”

“Pardon me? Who is? Jealous of me?”

“All of us women who bought the lie that we could invest in our education, and build our careers first, and still have children later and have it all. It was a lie.”

“Oh.”

“I have my education. I have my career. And now I have two wonderful children, but I’m still missing out,” she said. “I am here all the time and they are at day care from early, early ages and then school and I am still missing out on so much. You are so lucky.”

Now, before you take this wrongly and think I am about to launch into a “And that’s why I’m better than she is because I stay home with my kids” soap box rant, think again. Clearly, I stay home with my children, and I am so fortunate and so grateful that that has been an option for our family. However, this is not a rant about working women. I love having a female family doctor, and a female optometrist, and a slew of female midwives (clearly!) so I would be a hypocrite to then say that all women should forever, always, stay home and never work outside the home. That is not the point of this article.

Here is my point: This doctor is looking at me and assuming that because I am home with my kiddos every day, every waking minute of most days, that I am not missing out on anything. That I am there for them, all the time; investing in them like she wants to be for her kids; being the perfectly engaged and engaging mom; experiencing and enjoying every moment with them with out fail.

That’s not reality. Can I get an amen?

Please tell me that I’m not the only one here who will admit that just being in the house with my children all day, everyday does not instantly make me a great mom. Who else will admit with me that many, many opportunities to build in to my children go by every day that I miss and waste because I’m too absorbed in my own selfishness, laziness, distractedness? How much am I missing, even though I’m in a better position to really soak it all in?

I know, I know, my being here at home with them, teaching them gives me an advantage of time and proximity that certainly helps in “getting it right” with my kids, but I still miss out so many times. At a homeschool conference I once attended, the speaker said she didn’t cry when her daughter married and moved out because she didn’t feel like she had wasted their years together at home. She felt like she spent her years well with her daughter, teaching her and loving her, and communicating to her all she needed to know before she moved out. She was at peace with her moving out, knowing that their mother-daughter relationship had been so well built over their years of being home together.

Can I say that? Do I feel like I’m making the most of my days with the kids? Do I see today and tomorrow and the next day as chances to invest in these wonderful little people or do I see them as 72 hours to survive before the weekend?

Here is the challenge for those of us staying at home: being intentional about using these days wisely. There are women who would LOVE to stay at home if they could but their circumstances dictate otherwise presently. We are blessed to have the option of being home: let’s not waste this gift by not making the most of our time with our children. Not just being with them and caring for their basic physical and educational needs, but really enjoying them, getting to know them, preparing them for their future.

What can you do today to change how you view the joy and the responsibility of being at home with your children? What can you do today to thoroughly drink up all the rich blessings of enjoying being with them?

Barbara and her husband, as they homeschool their 7 children, are finding out that no two children are alike! Between lessons and lunches, Barbara blogs at Fuel by Barbara.

February 12, 2010 By Barbara 5 Comments

In those exciting pre-Christmas shopping days, my family and I went to the mall. Mind you we were not shopping for others…oh no; we were quite happily, selfishly buying a new bedspread for the lovely bed my husband just built for us (yeah!).

But I digress; the shopping isn’t the point. The shopping is only the reason we happened to be out ‘in the world’ where homeschooling moms get blasted. You know that verse in Proverbs 31–”they will praise her in the city gates” –that must not include the local department store.

After a few beautiful comments on the number and appearance and behavior of my children, one lady decided to give me her opinion on the fact that we homeschool. Now I’m used to many categories of comments and criticisms, as I’m sure you are. Typically it is “Oh I could never do that”, “You must be so patient and organized”, ” What about socialization?” and so on. But for what I think was the first time, I heard “What qualifications do you have to teach your children?”

Oh.

Now after having a few days to think about it, I have some excellent answers: For example, I love my children more than any public school teacher could, no matter how well trained she may be simply because I’m their mom. Period. Mom trumps teacher in the love department any day.

However, what I said probably sounded quite pathetic: “Oh, you know, you don’t really have to be qualified at all. I mean, the curriculum choices online are amazing and most of them script every word you have to say (which sounds like “I’m really pretty stupid and unable to think on my own, so I need the publisher to tell me how to explain what a noun is.”). Then I did try to cover my bases by saying “Well, I did go to university,” which seemed to earn me some favor in this lady’s eyes.

Still, I have been asking myself since then, what does make me think I am qualified to teach my children? Here is the answer I’ve come up with: The Lord, who is all wise, chose me to be the mom of these little ones, and it was He who put the burden on my heart to homeschool. If He says so, it must be, that I am able to teach my children in a way that benefits them, brings glory to His name, and builds His Kingdom.

I usually am not a big fan of some of the quotes we put on the signs in front of our churches, but one of those slogans does keep coming to mind in this context: God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips those He calls. Sounds like us doesn’t it? Do you remember this account of the apostles’ witness? “Now when they (the people) saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus.” (Acts 4:13) This is the only qualification I want or need. I want to be the kind of woman, wife, mother, and homeschooler who can stand out in the world as being unqualified, uneducated, common except for having been with the Lord.

Lord, May I spend so much time at Your feet and in Your Word that I am clearly, and visibly trained by You.

Barbara and her husband, as they homeschool their 7 children, are finding out that no two children are alike! Between lessons and lunches, Barbara blogs at Fuel by Barbara.

November 16, 2009 By Barbara 1 Comment

How many times have you heard, or said, “A place for everything and everything in its place”? You know as well as I that this is a helpful adage. And getting it ingrained in your kids can certainly facilitate an easier clean-up time. Nothing worse than saying to your children “Please, go clean up the craft area” and then finding that everyone has merely shoved all the craft supplies in to the toy boxes and book shelves because there is no obvious spot for those items to be stored.

However, the problem comes when you get yourself so nicely organized, and you get a place for everything that you free up some shelf or drawer space. Heaven forbid you’d have an empty drawer! Heaven forbid there might be a shelf with nothing on it! Has this happened to you?

We recently moved to a house that had more kitchen cupboards than our previous home. I found that my kitchenware fit nicely into my kitchen with room to spare. Immediately, I found myself looking for more stuff to fill those drawers. Perhaps I ought to go buy some cases of baked beans and bulk spices to fill the pantry? Same situation in the bathroom. The previous owners had installed a lovely vanity with plenty of drawers. We don’t need all these drawers. I found myself wanting to race to the store to stock up on extra hygiene and personal care items just to fill the space. Just how many bottles of shampoo and conditioner does one need to have on hand at all times?

I changed the adage to read: “A thing for everyplace and everyplace full of things.”

You can see the problems associated with this, right? Overspending your grocery budget, cluttering up your space, making it hard to find what you really need (and already have) because it is hidden by all the stuff…

But you don’t need me to tell you about de-cluttering and organization. You are likely significantly more “together” in that department than I.

What I would like to remind myself of, and possibly you too, is that we can have the same mentality of “more is more” when it comes to our spiritual life as well.

Gladly, this school year has found me a bit more organized than previous years. The hours in the day are stretching slightly, and I find there is some “empty minutes” in the day that could be filled with something. Particularly, I’m thinking of the early morning hours when I am awake before the kids to have my prayer and Bible reading time.

Now just calling it that is ironic to me, although you won’t know why yet. Here’s what I’m finding: I am trying to cram that hour full of stuff just like the drawer in the bathroom. First, I should try to read a short devotional. Then there are those good biographies my pastor keeps mentioning. Of course, there are the topical study guides that I’ve started and not finished: I could squeeze one of those in. And then there are the newsletters from the mission field to catch up on, the book about worship, the newest release from the mega church pastor that everyone says is a must read, and the book and journal on parenting that I really wanted to work through.

Any one of those things will definitely take an hour. But what did I say the hour was called? Oh, right. Prayer. Bible reading….

Right.

There is “space” in my mornings that I have cluttered up with so many things that, while beneficial, are really in the way of the stuff I need. All I need are my Bible and my ears open. Period. The other books and women’s studies and home-schooling resources and parenting lectures are all very good, and shouldn’t really be ignored forever. However, the Word does say that “All scripture is breathed out by God, and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God man be competent, equipped for every good work” (2Tim. 3:16-17). Do we believe that? Are we willing to test God in that, that His Word is enough to answer all our questions, and guide all our steps?

Here’s the challenge: Clear out an hour of your day for the Lord and keep it simple. Read a bit of the Bible. Pray about what you read. Listen to God more than you talk to Him. Simplify. Simplify. Simplify.

(And while you’re at it, empty out a drawer and leave it empty. You’ll smile every time you see it in all its bareness!)

Barbara and her husband, as they homeschool their 7 children, are finding out that no two children are alike! Between lessons and lunches, Barbara blogs at Fuel by Barbara.

September 25, 2009 By Barbara 4 Comments

Let me tell you, if the Lord handed out extra jewels for our eternal crowns based on number of and sheer irrationality of one’s, well, irrational fears, my crown would be so sparkly and bejeweled that you would need to wear sunglasses to look upon me, and so heavy that I would need a brace to support my neck in order for me to lift my head.

Allow me to list a few of my irrational fears to prove that, in this area of life at the least, I excel.

I am afraid:

that if a fly buzzes around me in particular for a lengthy amount of time at an outdoor function that you’ll think I have poor personal hygiene and will think less of me.
that if I say to a vendor at a farmer’s market that I might come back to buy his bag of apples and then instead buy someone else’s bag of apples, that he will go home and tell his wife about this lying, cheating, rude lady who isn’t supporting his farm business.
that my dentist can tell that I haven’t been flossing and thinks I’m a lesser human because of it.
that I’ll accidentally mix bleach with whatever it is you aren’t supposed to mix it with and I’ll fill my house with some deadly chemical and poison my whole family.
that if I eat junk food, in secret, while driving in the car that this will be the time that I get rear-ended and choke to death on my Nachos Bell Grande.
that if my children can’t tie their own shoes by the time they start grade one that they will have emotional issues from my negligence well into their adult years.
that someone will pull my children aside in a public place and spontaneously quiz them on the capitals of the Canadian Provinces, they won’t do well, and they’ll be forcibly removed from my care.
that every police officer I see behind me on the road is about to pull me over on account of my poor driving, or on account of a crime of which I’m being falsely accused.
that my not knowing how to ride a bike really does make me a loser.
that the people I knew in High School will find me on Facebook and air all my past failures to the people who know and love me today.
that I will be forced to learn how to ride a bike and I’ll either a) never get it and thus be a loser forever or b) finally get it and have to admit that I really like it.
that my sister will die not knowing Jesus personally and it was my fault for not telling her more clearly.
that maybe, just maybe God’s promises in His Word don’t really apply to me.
that if I need to ask for help it means that I’ve taken on more than the Lord meant for me to do and that I’ve failed.

What about you? What things keep you up at night? I bet I’m not the only one with a list as long as her arm of ridiculous things to be stressed out about. And how many of them do you think are legitimate? About how many of these fears is the Lord saying, “Oh yes, my daughter. Please worry about that one. It is of eternal significance and truly something that you need to work out for me”?

Don’t get me wrong, some of these things feel really, really legitimate. And some things in our life DO need a lot of thought and prayer, and some planning to avoid disaster, so far as it depends on us.

But what about this?

“Do not be anxious about anything.” (Phil. 4:6)

How do we do that? How do I just not be anxious? Is there a magic pill to take? Is there a self-controlled, white-knuckling I can do to overcome this? Do I just shove down all my anxieties deeper and deeper into the heart of me, burying them with food, with computer time, with shopping, with bitterness, with ministry addiction,…?

No, no, no. Praise the Lord, no. Read the verses before and after Phillipians 4:6 to get the whole, beautiful, freeing, wonderful picture.

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice!”

Step one: Look for the joyful things in your life, no matter how small and seemingly trivial. Rejoice in them to yourself in prayer time, and to your friends and family around you. Say it out loud so you don’t forget the happy, non-anxious things in your life.

“Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.”

Step two: Okay, seriously? What is the worst that could happen if someone takes a really unflattering picture of me at a church function? Is my anxious reaction reasonable? Look at the irrational fears in the grand scheme of things. Watch them shrink to nothing.

“The Lord is at hand.”

Step three: Those things that aren’t trivial that are worrying you like health concerns, finances, your own sin and guilt, your children’s education and safety…all these things we can be “not anxious” over because the Lord is at hand. He is beside you, guiding you, instructing you, calming you, working out every detail for your good and His glory.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”

Step four: Don’t pretend you don’t need help both in getting through the fearful situation in a practical, temporal way, and in getting over the emotions attached to the anxiety in our lives. Please, really and truly take it to the Lord in prayer, and then leave it there. He knows we need Him. Why can’t we admit we need Him too?

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Step five: Breathe. Isn’t that what we want: Peace?

This week I want to surrender my anxious thoughts and my restless heart to the Lord of Peace. I want to be reasonable about the things that are irrational fears so that I’m thinking clearly enough to rightly consider the issues that ought to be brought before the Lord in prayer and thanksgiving and supplication. I want to trust that the Lord is at hand, ready to cover me in His peace. I want to be free of irrational fears, don’t you?

And if that means I need to take a smaller crown in glory, so be it.

Barbara and her husband, as they homeschool their 7 children, are finding out that no two children are alike! Between lessons and lunches, Barbara blogs at Fuel by Barbara.

August 28, 2009 By Barbara 8 Comments

There you are; sitting as a family in your only-just-enough-seatbelts vehicle. Driving somewhere just longer than anyone wants to go today. And it starts. Nothing major. No hitting. No shoving. No “Dad, she’s BREATHING on me.” Just small little verbal jabs. Just little changes in tone creating a more sarcastic, biting air. No one is fighting, per se. No one is looking to be vindicated by mom. Just tense. Just nit picky, irritated eye-rolling and sighing.

What’s a mom to do?

I’ll tell you what I did today. I thought about how much time the kids spend together. All seven of them. Crammed into the van. Sharing bedrooms. Three meals a day. All the same friends. All the same activities. School together, play together, work together, sleep together. Yikes! That’s a lot of time up close and personal with the same gang!

And I thought, maybe they’d be happier and enjoy one another more if I just split them up a bit. Encourage them to go their own way and play on their own. Maybe if we could build another bedroom in the basement to spread them out a bit. Or if we bought a bigger van to allow spaces in between some of the kids. And if they were at public school, they’d all be in their own classrooms with their own teachers and their own friends.

Maybe what they need to really enjoy one another and to get along better is to just spend less time together. Maybe then they’d appreciate the time the do get to spend with each other and enjoy one another more.

Fortunately, I then shook my head and laughed at my idiocy. What they need, and what I need, is to learn how to love one another. And contrary to the old adage, absence does not make the heart grow fonder. Absence makes the heart grow absent! Or as a lady once said to me “Absence makes the heart grow fonder…of someone else!”

If brothers can’t get along with sisters, I don’t need to make sure they never have an opportunity to argue again. I need to make sure they have lots of opportunities and tools to learn compromise and reconciliation. Some day these boys of mine will need to know how to love and bear with their wives. And some day these girls of mine will need to know how to respect and submit to their husbands. They can learn that here.

If sisters can’t get along with sisters, I don’t need to make sure they never speak any words to one another, lest a harsh one comes out. I need to make sure they have lots of opportunities to practice speaking truth and kindness to one another. Some day these girls will have mothers-in-laws and female friends at their churches and homeschool groups with whom they will need to speak graciously and wholesomely. They can learn that here.

If brothers can’t get along with brothers, I don’t need to keep them separated like two Alpha Males of competing tribes. I need to make sure they have the opportunity and wisdom to discern when humility dictates that they lead or that they follow. Some day these boys will be employees or employers who need to know how to be respectable. And they will be fathers and husbands who will need to know how to be the loving head of a home. They can learn that here.

Do you see what I mean? Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. I know it is familiar, but read it with me thinking about your kids and how they relate to one another and to you:

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all thing, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

Did you see anywhere in there that said “Love avoids a difficult person, it avoids conflict by keeping to itself. Love only enjoys the company of ‘easy people’, and only likes those who agree with it on everything.”

No? Me neither. So how do we teach our children (and ourselves) to be patient if we are never with people who try our patience? How do we learn to be kind if we are never in a situation where we are tempted to be mean? How do we learn to not envy if we never spend time with people who succeed where we fail? How do we learn to not insist on our own way unless we spend time with people who want something else?

Why do people say, “Never pray for patience”? Because they know that the Lord needs to put you in a frustrating, waiting kind of situation for you to learn patience. So how do you learn to love? By being with sometimes-unlovable people.

Am I saying our kids should never be on their own and do their own thing? Of course not. Is sharing a bedroom more holy than having a space of your own? Of course not. However, we do ourselves, and our children, a grave injustice by constantly removing them from every conflict-ridden situation between siblings without giving them the Biblical tools to work the conflict out themselves next time.

Proverbs 18:1 says, “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire”. Whoever prefers to be alone is doing so in order to get his own way. Is that what we want to teach our kids? On the other hand, Romans 12:18 teaches us, “If possible, so far as it depends upon you, live peaceably with all.” There will be conflict in our homes, in our workplaces, in our schools, in our neighbourhoods. What do you think our response should be? Self-isolation? Separate the kids everytime? Or teach ourselves, and our children, to live at peace with one another, wherever we are able?

Lord, this is impossible for us. But we are so grateful that by your Spirit at work in us we will be able to live with each other in an understanding way. Help us to think more highly of others and to model for our children what that looks like. Thank for you for all the opportunities you give us (in the grocery check-out, in the left-hand turn lane, in the homeschool co-op) to practice loving our neighbours as ourselves. Give us the grace, Lord, to live like you, and to love like you. And grant us the wisdom, patience, and humility to teach our children to do the same.

Barbara and her husband, as they homeschool their 7 children, are finding out that no two children are alike! Between lessons and lunches, Barbara blogs at Fuel by Barbara.

July 31, 2009 By Barbara 10 Comments

There are a few questions that, if I had been paid a dollar for each time I was asked them, would have made me very rich by now. I’m sure you’ve heard the same: “Are you certified to teach?” “What about socialization?” “What about Physics?” “You’ll send them to real school at some point, right?” and if you have a larger family “Are they ALL yours?”

But the real money-makers for me would be “You must be so organized” and “You must have the patience of a saint”.

Right.

Now, you are welcome to come to my house someday and see my snazzy bookshelves where the books are ordered by subject. You can see my attractive baskets, one holding all things adhesive, one holding all things that cut, and one holding all things that mom isn’t sure what to do with or how to categorize. We live by what we call “a flexible schedule” which means our days have a rhythm and an order, but with the freedom to stop for the diaper changes, the runny noses, and the unexpected friend dropping in for tea.

Sounds pretty organized to me.

Then comes VBS. You know, really, this is my worst nightmare. I have to allow myself to see my kids enjoy being taught by someone way cooler, significantly younger, doing messy paint-water-glitter-glue-sand-and-playdough crafts that, clearly, have no place in my home. To feel the pressure to live up to all that fun and frivolity come September is, in a word or two, painfully humbling. And totally unrealistic, but I digress.

But that ain’t the worst part, sister.

Where my organization skills, or lack thereof, are most evident is in the “please pack a brown bag lunch for your child that does not include any peanut products” department. How do moms of public school kids do this day in and day out for the school year? Man alive. Lunchy type things are not cheap. Plus, if not peanut butter and jam, then what? My kids are only so-so into ham sandwiches, and my idea of bagels and cream cheese have been met with “Well, that was really yummy for the first two days, but…”.

Oh, the pressure to live up to the other lunch bags! Water bottle or juice box? Granola bar or cookie? Homemade or store bought? Is it geeky to have cut veggies and dip? Will they just throw out the apples? Am I feeding them too much and the other kids will stare at their peculiarly large lunches and call them freaks? Am I not giving enough and they will gorge themselves at snack time stirring up questions of my fitness as a mother in the minds of the camp counselors? Arrgh! I can’t handle it.

Plus, when I’m doing four of them at a time, these lunches, and all things “lunch-boxy”, are not terribly fast and easy to prepare. There’s the slicing and spreading and wrapping and hunting for waxed paper, and refrigerating, assuming I can find room in the fridge… Especially complicating is when I realize I’ve forgotten to do it the night before and am setting aside my 5:00am Quiet Time to spread cream cheese on a bagel (or four). Talk about “she rises while it is still dark to prepare food for her household”. Not entirely sure that’s what the Proverbs meant.

And don’t forget, I’m not crafty. No paper bag puppets being made over here, which means, you’ve got it, no paper bags in the house. I have since made another trip to the grocery store to buy bags of both the paper and zippered varieties, hoping to stream-line production for the rest of the week. The first day of VBS this week, I had to send all four girls their lunches in one big reusable grocery shopping bag. It was just slightly smaller than a travel trunk, which mortified my 8 year old; and was heavy enough that only my 10 year old could carry it, which she had to for all the day’s activities until lunchtime. Plus, all the age groups weren’t eating lunch at the same time, which meant that it had to be dragged around to various lunching places holding up several of the groups’ activities. Ah yes. Way to represent, Homeschooling Mom!

Now, assuming that I’ve made their lunches on time, and remembered to set aside money for tuck and sunscreen and bathing suits and towels and “the card I made for my teacher” and an extra change of clothes (“just incase” the paper work suggests) and bug spray (phew) then I still somehow have to get them all out the door and to the church by 8:45am. Which is plausible, until you factor in the three other kids of mine who aren’t attending, one of whom likes to go down for his morning nap at 8:30am. And plausible until you consider the fact that I’d prefer not to drive them to the church and see all my friends and some community folks with my hair in a “I haven’t showered in two days” ponytail, with my glasses, not contacts, on, and yesterday’s mascara on my temples, cheeks, and nose. So, quick grab a shower, maybe find a lipstick, entertain the cranky boy for an extra 30 minutes while making the 3 year old and 5 year old get shoes on and into the car for a trip that, for them, will just end in disappointment, and ensure that we have allotted enough time for the 8 trips in and out of the house to carry all of the day’s needs.

And then do it all again in reverse at 4:00pm.

Come on now! Who is the really organized one? The lady who can do this with her brood to public school every day, year round, rain or shine. And if any one has any allusions of my “saintly patience”, this VBS routine very quickly sets aside any ideas of grandeur for them.

Our family is committed to homeschooling for some pretty valid reasons to be sure. I’m not worried about socialization. I’m not concerned about Physics. I know my children are receiving a high quality of education. My certification to teach comes from the fact that I love these kids more than any teacher could, regardless of educational qualifications. Yes, they are all mine (and yes, even all from the same father, thanks, lady in the grocery store, for asking that in front of my little girls). And yes, I even think I am fairly organized and relatively patient. However, if I needed any humbling in that last area, I sure received it this week from my first foray into VBS land.

I think this fall I will build a little extra flexibility into our 9:00am start time, so that I can take a minute or two to consider all those champion women who can get their kiddos out to school on time. They deserve a round of applause for that.

Or maybe I’ll use that extra time to quick grab a shower, find a lipstick, pour another cup of coffee, and thank the Lord that I get to do this homeschool thing for another year.

Barbara and her husband, as they homeschool their 7 children, are finding out that no two children are alike! Between lessons and lunches, Barbara blogs at Fuel by Barbara.

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