A Simple Walk

The sky begins to lighten, though the sun has not yet breached the horizon. I look out the window toward the chicken coop, wonder how much they care about having their coop opened up when there’s still snow on the ground, think about sinking back into the comforter and enjoying the warmth.

Mattias is standing in his playpen, watching me. When I look at him, he smiles and begins to bounce. I pick him up and he kicks his legs in excitement.

Of course you can come, Big Guy. You like helping mommy with the chickens, don’t you?

He squeals in delight as I dress him. I could be finished with the chicken chores by the time he is ready to go out.

In comes Elianna, sleep still in her eyes as she inquires,

Mommy? I tum, too?

Of course you can come, sweetheart.

I could be finished with the chicken chores by the time she is ready to go out.
Finally, we are at the door, putting on shoes. The sky is considerably lighter as I hear Nisa shout from her bed.

Wait for me!

She calls, and we wait. She’s ready quick enough, but we can’t find her shoes. I could be finished twice more by the time we find them.

The morning air is chilly, the children silent. We make our way to the coop. Hunter trots in front, sometimes sniffing, sometimes barking. He knows where we are heading and he scouts the path, following scents along either side of the path, circling the coop twice, letting me know all is safe by sitting on the step by the coop door.

I put the baby in a toy car and hesitate for a moment. The great old tree in our field almost looks like it has been set on fire by the sunrise, and the whole property seems to glow in the morning light. The children are standing by the fence, looking at a puddle and waiting for the chickens to come out. Hunter is just waiting to see what we do next.

I go in, greeted by four chickens who think the best way to be fed is to dart under my feet while I walk. I move the concrete block guarding their door to the run. The chickens, realizing I don’t have food, walk down their ramp to enjoy the morning air.

My daughters squeal their good mornings. “Chickalee! Chickalee!” calls the two year old, excitedly. “Good morning, Dora!” shouts Nisa. The chickens run to the fence, peering at the children, wondering if maybe they brought the food. We stand, and we watch. There is a peculiar joy in caring for animals.

I wait until their interest wanes before we make it back to the house to start breakfast. Of course, we could be finished eating, if only the children hadn’t come along.

But this is what education is. A simple walk, an invitation to come along side, to join in my day. Some parts are formal, as I give assignments, correct mistakes and write new concepts on the marker board.

But the real lessons, the ones that mold who my children will one day become, those lessons occur in the simple tasks of the every day. They cannot be written into a lesson plan, nor measured with a quiz.

And ye shall teach them your children, talking of them, when thou sittest in thy house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. –Deuteronomy 11:19

It is an easy enough concept for me to remember in the morning, before we have anywhere to be or anything to do. But as the day progresses and the schedule tightens, my priorities shift. My goal becomes completion rather than education. I want the meal cooked, the lessons finished, the house cleaned. The more stressed I am, the more the children are in the way.

Because I forget that this is exactly where I put them. Not “in the way” exactly. More “along the way,” where they can watch, and learn and grow.

Dana is homeschooling her five children while moving to the country. You can follow her plans and adventures while seeking to live life more abundantly at Roscommon Acres.

Tags: daily life, Encouragement, Homeschool Encouragement, homeschool in the everyday, Parenting, real homeschool life

---

Goodbye plans, hello goals!

With several feet of snow on the ground and subzero temperatures, Mouse turned to the wrapping paper she had saved from Christmas for diversion. She measured and plotted, using a magnifying glass to help sketch the details as she mapped out a fantasy world that would make even Tolkein proud. Late last year, she decided to write a book, but has found her writing shaky, not quite up to the grand task she has set before herself. Her ideas, however, seem to demand an outlet.

She wiled away the morning as I was beset with increasing anxiety. It was, after all, a school day and her attention was devoted to a single subject that was not even mentioned in my plans for the day. Of course I could have redirected her attention to her assignments at any time, asked her to set aside her map-making for another time, relegated her chosen pursuit to her so-called “free time” and gone on being the teacher. But there is a problem with that.

This is why we homeschool.

I want to give my children the gift of time. Time to wrestle with big ideas. Time to linger over topics of interest. Time to relish the rereading of a well-written story. Time to pursue projects that spill over the time I have allotted them. Time to simply explore.

I do not want them to view education as something which starts and stops with the ringing of a bell. But the uneasiness I feel when they take their time reveals that I am at least somewhat beholden to the bell by which I was educated.

“Ding! Ding! Ding!” It seems to shout in my mind. It is nine o’clock and we’re still doing quiet time? Noon, and we haven’t even started math? I listen to some of the things I say to the children as we slip further off my neatly posted schedule.

“Hurry up.”

“If you would just concentrate, we could be done with this.”

“Let’s just get this over with.”

If I do not check myself, the message I continually seem to give is that our main goal is getting to the end of the assignment, finishing the chapter, closing the book by a designated time so that we can open the next book, start the next chapter, begin the next assignment on time.

So I looked at my plans for the day. What is on it that can’t be missed, made up or learned through the project she is already engrossed in? “Don’t forget to do your math,” I tell her. And set the rest of my plans aside.

Dana is homeschooling her five children while moving to the country. You can follow her plans and adventures while seeking to live life more abundantly at Roscommon Acres.

Tags: drawing, homeschool benefits, homeschool schedule, J.R.R. Tolkien, Lord of the Rings, Making Time, Taking Time in Homeschooling, Winter Indoor Fun, Writing a Book

---

Kid-Friendly Recipes from Dana

Appointments, activities, homeschooling…and lunch. When my calendar begins to fill up, my standard for a “good” lunch is (homemade) macaroni and cheese. By standard, I do not mean our staple, but that the lunch should be at least as nutritious, at least as quick and at least as well-liked by the children. Here I share a week’s worth of our favorites:

Hawaiian Toast

• Bread
• Ham slices
• Pineapple
• Cheese slices

Preheat oven to 350. Butter both sides of the bread. Cover with ham, pineapple and cheese. Bake at 350 for ten minutes or until cheese is melted and bread is toasted.

Sub-style Sandwiches

To add a little zest to sub style sandwiches, try some of the following dressings.

• Mayonnaise mixed with a dash of wasabi powder, Chipotle chili pepper, paprika or other spice.
• A tablespoon of Italian dressing mixed with a teaspoon of balsamic vinegar.

Slop Gooey on Rice

• Onion
• 2 cans tuna
• 2 cans cream of mushroom soup
• 1 can milk
• Cooked rice

Brown onion in skillet. Add tuna, condensed soup and milk. Heat through and serve over rice.

Pizza Noodles

• Cooked spaghetti (or other noodle)
• Spaghetti sauce
• Pizza toppings
• Mozzarella cheese

Preheat oven to 375. Spread noodles in 9 x 13 inch baking pan. Cover with sauce. Top like a pizza and bake for 15 minutes or until cheese is melted.

Pseudo Eggs Benedict

• English muffin halves or bagel halves
• Fried eggs
• Cheese

Preaheat oven to 350. Place a slice of cheese and fried egg on each muffin half. Bake at 350 until cheese melts.

Dana Hanley is a fourth year homeschooling mom to three girls and a boy. In her column, she will be taking a look at homeschoolers who have affected the news and news that affects homeschoolers. Dana is the host of Home School Talk, a weekly one hour broadcast focused on homeschool news and opinion. Visit her blog, Principled Discovery.

Tags: Eggs Benedict, Hawaiian Toast, Lunch Fare, Macaroni and Cheese, Pizza Noodles, Quick Meals, recipes, Sub Sandwiches, Tuna Recipes

---

Developing Christian Character Through Gardening, a unit study

When Jesus taught, he often used object lessons drawn from the everyday experiences of His audience: drawing water from a well, making bread, a wedding celebration, the harvest, etc. These experiences were an integral part of the culture of Jesus’ day, giving His listeners practical examples of the spiritual principles He was teaching. Today, however, even such simple tasks like making bread or sowing seeds can be as foreign to children as the spiritual lessons they were intended to illustrate.

This unit focuses on how Christian character is developed through studying the parable of the sower. Children are given an opportunity to help plant a garden and tend it through the harvest, while the parent takes time to draw spiritual applications from the work being done, “here a little, there a little” (Isaiah 28:10). Although the foundation of this lesson rests on the parable of the sower found in Mark, chapter 4, take some time before each session in the garden to reflect on what you will be doing and locate an appropriate verse to guide your children toward a more spiritual discussion.

Scripture

He that hath ears to hear, let him hear. –Mark 4:9 (KJV)

This unit focuses on Mark 4:3-20, The Parable of the Sower. It begins at a concrete level, in order to build knowledge and vocabulary, while leading slowly into the abstract, including Jesus’ message in this well-known parable. The first half of the study will tie in closely with science as you and your child discover how seeds grow. The first five days focus on understanding the literal meaning of the parable, with a break taken to really gain a practical understanding of how seeds are sown and how we protect them until the harvest.

• Look at the artwork and talk (discussed later) about what the subject is doing. This is how a field was sown for generations before tractors were invented.
• Begin reading Mark 4:3-4. Discuss what happened to the seeds and how they could be protected from this fate.
• Read Mark 4:5-6. Discuss what happened to the seeds and how they could be protected from this fate.
• Read Mark 4:7. Discuss what happened to the seeds. Why were they able to produce so much fruit?

Take a break here. Give your child plenty of practical, hands on experience with these concepts through the demonstration activity in the science lesson and the building/planting project in the reading lesson. Allow your child to really get a grasp of the concrete ideas in this passage so the interpretation will be more meaningful. Each part of the discussion you have with your child will later be relevant, as you talk about ways to prepare and guard the heart as the fertile soil for the seed of God’s Word. When this is accomplished, begin to transition to the abstract and prepare to apply the themes to all the activities in all subject areas.

1. Compare Mark 4:3-4 to Mark 4:15. Discuss its application in your life, your child’s life, and any other events you know of. What does this look like in a person’s life?
2. Compare Mark 4:5-6 to Mark 4:16-17. Discuss.
3. Compare Mark 4:7 to Mark 4:18-19. Discuss.
4. Compare Mark 4:8 to Mark 4:20. Discuss. What kind of fruit do these people bear?
5. Begin talking about how to prepare the heart as fertile soil for God’s Word. This is actually a lifelong pursuit as we strive to be more like Him. The culminating activity will draw heavily from these discussion and ideas.

Art

And I have filled him with the spirit of God, in wisdom, and in understanding, and in knwoledge, and in all manner of workmanship. –Exodus 31:3 (KJV)

I have always found it interesting that the first mention of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit was in conjunction with craftsmen working on art for the tabernacle. This forms the foundation of our study of art as we look at the lives and works of various artists, and judge what is glorifying God, what is good and beautiful, and what is glorifying that which is base and against God.

As you work through this unit, take some time to look at each of these artists and their work, and spend some time comparing different interpretations of “The Sower.” Much more information can be found on each of these artists and many others, if you and your child are interested in a more in depth study.

Albrecht Dürer was considered one of the greatest artists of the Northern Renaissance and gained fame early in his life because of his exceptional talents. He was a prolific artist, with recognized accomplishments including altarpieces and other religious works, portraits, self-portraits, and copper engravings.

Raised a peasant, Jean François Millet naturally displayed an interest in the peasant life as a theme in his artwork. He was distrusted in his day for alleged socialist leanings, although it’s unclear whether he actually shared such views. Still, the body of his work gives us a glimpse into the life of “the common man” in his day. His work is widely studied and recognized, with his subjects reappearing in other works. Several other artists’ interpretations of the sower (as well as larger versions of the two works above) may be viewed at Biblical Art on the Web.

Geography

Who covereth the heaven with clouds, Who prepareth rain for the earth, Who maketh grass to grow upon the mountains.–Psalm 147:8 (KJV)

The physical geography of the United States is made up of several climate zones and a variety of land features, including tall mountain peaks, deserts, plains, swamplands, river and lake systems, and even tundra and volcanic islands.  These features support an immense diversity of plant and animal life, some of which can only be found in isolated parts of the country. When horticulturalists are planning a garden, they make special consideration of their climate zone and other land features.  Before choosing plants for the backyard garden, you must know several things.  Research the answers to the following questions together with your child.  You local garden store or a more experienced gardener is an excellent source for all the knowledge you need to know about growing plants in your area.

• What is the soil like in your area?  Is there a lot of clay?  Sand?  Rich loam?  What is the pH?
• What are the daily high and low temperatures like during the growing season?
• When can you expect the last frost of the winter?  The first frost of spring?
• What is the average rainfall?
• What kinds of pests will you likely encounter?

Map Skills

Map reading is an important skill. It is needed to plan a trip, locate your position, find the best route when lost, giving directions, learning about new places, and even for planning a garden.  It’s shocking how little our young people know about the nation’s geography and the geography of the world.

This can be overcome by taking the opportunity to regularly and systematically study maps to locate places mentioned in a book, compare topographical features of areas, and to show children where they are on the map in a mall or a rest stop. Maps have five key parts: the title, the compass rose, the legend, the scale, and the neatline (or border of the map).  There are also several kinds of maps, including climate maps, resource maps, physical maps, elevation maps, political maps, road maps, and topographic maps.

Find a good political map of the United States.  Help your child identify the parts of the map and discuss the purpose of each part. Locate different places on the map, including your state, city, and the location of friends and relatives. What information can be gleaned about these areas just from looking at this map? Use the scale and a piece of yarn to estimate distances between different places on the map. Help your child determine the purpose of a political map and thereby the types of information that can be found on one.

Comparing Maps

Studying geography with children often focuses on the lowest level of Bloom’s Taxonomy. Students are taught to label, identify, and recite. While these are necessary skills, higher order reasoning is important, as well. Comparing maps provides an excellent opportunity to help your children develop their reasoning skills. For this unit, you will need three maps for comparison; a political map, a weather map and a map of growth zones. 

AccuWeather provides a variety of weather maps, including temperature and precipitation projections. Ask your child to compare the different zones between maps. The fronts, temperature differences, and precipitation differences all tend to occur along similar lines to the various growth zones for plants. Help your child reason why this is and how the growth zones might have been originally determined. Use the information you gather to determine when it is safe to plant the seeds you have selected. Ask your child what areas of the country can plant sooner and later and discuss possible reasons why this is. Mark your planting dates on a calendar together.

Mathematics

Thou shalt not have in thine house divers measures, a great and a small. –Deuteronomy 25:14 (KJV)

Diverse measures lead to inconsistencies and inaccuracies. At the least, careless measuring results in recipes which do not turn out right or projects that do not fit together. At the worst, it can be a method for stealing or showing favoritism by selling using different standards. Accurate measurement is important in planning a garden, as well. Practice using a ruler, a yard stick, and measuring tape together in the house. Look over instructions for the project you intend to work on with your children and determine what skills they will need to complete it successfully. A more in-depth study of measurement may be found here. Even following the planting instructions on the back of a seed packet will require measuring accurately, but you could also take time to make a raised garden bed, or a window box.

Reading

And he took the book of the covenant, and read in the audience of the people; and they said, All that the Lord hath said will we do, and be obedient. –Exodus 24:7 (KJV)

All texts are written for a purpose. The three main purposes are to inform, to persuade, or to entertain. Oftentimes, the purpose of a text can be deduced by looking at the cover, the title, and other features, such as a table of contents and the presence of an index. If the purpose is to inform, the author usually provides text features which make it easy to find information quickly, such as charts and graphs, indices, a table of contents, and chapter headings and subheadings. If the purpose is to persuade, the author will somewhere make a plea or a call to action. With the current trend toward “edutainment,” it is becoming increasingly difficult for children to differentiate between informational and entertainment texts. It is, therefore, important to select texts wisely when first introducing these concepts.

The Seed Packet

The back of a seed packet has a good example of an informational text.  It has a specific structure designed to present the necessary information about the plant and how to care for it.

• The top identifies the plant.
• A brief description follows.
• The author provides information on planting the seeds.
• Notes on care are provided.
• Instructions on how and when to use the plant are provided.
• Often, there is a graphic summarizing important information.
• A date is printed somewhere on the package to assure freshness. Information about the company is also provided.

Activities

These are not meant to be done in a single day, but rather over the course of the study.

1. Obtain several seed packets, preferably of plants you plan to actually sow. Begin by asking your child what the purpose of the text is. Discuss how you can tell it is an informational text. What kind of information is presented? Discuss how the information is organized to make it easy to get the needed information quickly.
2. Read the packet or have your child read it. Identify each part of the text, including the title, description, planting instructions, care instructions, usage, the freshness date, and the company information. My seven year old was able to deduce the purpose of each section of text after I read from several packets for comparison.
3. Compare different seed packets. Look at packets from different companies. Each packet is laid out a little differently, but the same kind of information is provided. Have your child note similarities and differences. Also look at seeds from plants of varying usages, such as ornamental flowers, herbs, vegetables, and flowers ideal for cutting.
4. If the seed packet indicates a website, visit it with your child. Discuss how the information is organized to make it easier to obtain the information you are looking for. Find information about the plant you selected.  What different information is provided on the website? Why wasn’t it included on the seed packet?
5. Have your children sort the packets. There are several ways to group plants. They can alphabetize them for ease of finding a specific packet later. They can group by fruits, vegetables, and flowers. They can sort them according to some aspect of their care. Have them practice sorting the packets by different characteristics and discuss what the purpose would be of the different methods.
6. Cut out labels for each feature of this type of text. Have your child tape the labels next to the appropriate section to gain familiarity with this type of text structure. This will be particularly helpful for the writing assignment at the end of this study.
7. Have your child follow the instructions to plant the seeds.

Instruction Set

For our study, my family is constructing a raised garden. The directions we used may be found here. This may not be in everyone’s ability or interest to do. However, there are several similar, smaller projects you can complete with your children that will have the same benefits.

• Here you can find instructions for building your own window box.
• Here are some ideas for making your own container garden.

Analyze the text you choose in a similar fashion to the seed packet. Guide your child through questioning to note the similarities in structure. Almost all instructional texts include these basic elements: a description of the finished product, materials necessary for completion, step-by-step instructions, and some additional information or a listing of resources for more information. It is not intended to analyze this set of instructions as in-depth as the seed packet. The goal is to help your child recognize those features common across instructional texts. Help your children think of other instructional texts they are familiar with. Recipes, game instructions, and directions on a test are all examples. Ask your children why they think all of these types of texts include similar information. What would happen if different parts were left out?

Science

For the earth bringeth forth fruit of herself; first the blade, then the ear, after that the full corn in the ear. –Mark 4:28 (KJV)

Following are some simple activities to allow your children to see some of the unseen processes your plants undergo as they germinate and grow.

How does a seed grow?

Demonstration Activity

Materials:

• Plastic bag
• Dried beans
• Napkins or paper towels
• Small amount of water

Procedure:

1. Moisten napkin
2. Place in plastic bag
3. Place 3-4 beans on the moist napkin
4. Observe over several days.
5. The bean should germinate within a few days and your child can observe the developing root, stem, and first leaves. Several may be started to use in later experiments.

How do weeds choke out a plant?

Weeds compete for water and nutrients found in the soil. They tend to grow quickly and can even shade out slower growing garden plants. Some plants use allelopathy to protect themselves form intrusive neighbors. This is a chemical process which keeps other plants from growing too close. From Sciencemadesimple.com: There are several ways in which an allelopathic plant can release its protective chemicals:

• Volatilization – Allelopathic trees release a chemical in the form of a gas through small openings in their leaves. Other plants absorb the toxic chemical and die.
• Leaching – Some plants store protective chemicals in the leaves they drop. When the leaves fall to the ground, they decompose, giving off chemicals that protect the plant.
• Exudation – Some plants release defensive chemicals into the soil through their roots. Those chemicals are absorbed by the roots of other nearby plants, which are damaged.

Check experiment number three in the above link to demonstrate this process to your children.

How do plants get water from their roots to their leaves?

Read and discuss Psalm 147:8. This site has a good overview of the water cycle, complete with coloring pages for your child. It does have one small reference to evolution. Enjoy the process God created in order to provide for all his creation!  This coloring sheet summarizes the basic water cycle.

The water cycle can also be demonstrated through a simple activity in your home. All you need is a houseplant, a plastic bag, and a rubber band. Place the plastic bag around a leafy portion of the plant and close using the rubber band.  Be careful not to damage the plant (it doesn’t need to be tight).  Leave overnight.

Within a day or two, you will notice droplets of water beginning to form on the inside of the plastic bag – your own miniature cloud. Why? The plant’s roots absorb moisture from the soil and carry it to the leaves through the stalk and stems. Small holes in the leaves, called stomata, release small amounts of moisture along with other byproducts of photosynthesis. The process is called transpiration. It is a necessary process to replace water used during photosynthesis as well as supply other minerals from the soil that the plant needs. When the rate of transpiration is faster than what can be replaced by the water in the soil, the stomata close in order to conserve water. Eventually, the plant will wilt.

How important is sunlight to plants?

Every plant has different sunlight needs. Some like bright sun while others like shade. Sunlight gives plants the energy they need to grow through a process called photosynthesis. To show the importance of sunlight to plants, take some of the bean plants you started to grow in different light conditions, including full sun, partial shade, and complete darkness. Check on the plants regularly and note differences in growth and appearance. When we did this, the one in the closet turned white but initially grew much faster than the other beans. Some other ideas for teaching about photosynthesis may be found here.

Writing

And the tables were the work of God, and the writing was the writing of God, graven upon the tables. Exodus 32:16 (KJV)

Students will take notes throughout this unit, as well as write answers to discussion questions which will provide the bulk of the writing. The final project, however, combines the personal application of the scriptures combined with the form of the seed packets studied. Reread the Parable of the Sower and look at one of the seed packets. Have your child design his or her own seed packet with directions on how to grow God’s Word in your heart.

Suggested Reading

Nonfiction
A Handful of Dirt by Raymond Bial

Kids Container Gardening : Year-Round Projects for Inside and Out by Cindy Krezel

Gardens from Garbage by Judith F. Handelsman

Buried Treasure; Roots and Tubers by Meredith Sayles Hughes and Tom Hughes

Roots, Shoots, Buckets & Boots: Gardening Together with Children by Sharon Lovejoy

Green Thumbs: A Kid’s Activity Guide to Indoor and Outdoor Gardening by Laurie Carlson

The Gardening Book by Jane Bull

Ready, Set, Grow!: A Kid’s Guide to Gardening by Rebecca Spohn

The Jumbo Book of Gardening by Karyn Morris

Fiction

Spring Haiku Story by George Shannon

Spring Thaw by Steven Schnur

A Tree Is Nice by Janice May Udry

Check out my article on page 38 of the funky flipbook edition of Heart of the Matter Magazine.

Dana Hanley is a fourth year homeschooling mom to three girls and a boy. In her column, she will be taking a look at homeschoolers who have affected the news and news that affects homeschoolers. Dana is the host of Home School Talk, a weekly one hour broadcast focused on homeschool news and opinion. Visit her blog, Principled Discovery.

Tags: art, Christian homeschooling, gardening, Geography, hands on learning, Jesus, Map Skills, Mathematics, object lessons, Parable of the Sower, reading, science, Scripture, Seeds, Unit Study, writing

---

To Please My Husband

My personal journey toward finding God in my marriage

In November of 1998, I looked into the eyes of my newborn daughter and fell in love. My whole worldview began to change. My whole life I had intended on working, sending my children to daycare, advancing my career, and providing my children a “rich” educational experience through the myriad programs available. I could not picture myself at home, nor could I imagine how children would benefit from a mother who felt jailed in her surroundings. As much as I respected stay-at-home moms, I knew that was not the life for me. But then, I didn’t really know what it was to be a mother, either. I did not know the pulling at the depth of my soul at her cry, the sensation of not knowing quite where I ended and she began as she collapsed into me to nurse, nor the inexplicable joy of watching her respond to my caress.

I sat on my bed pondering these things as I realized how foolish my previous notions of motherhood were. I had no desire other than to be with her, nurture her, and protect her. I no longer viewed hearth and home as a prison cell, but as a calling. And I was ready to answer it.

Just then, my husband stormed into the room, disturbing my peaceful reflections. As he ranted about some fool at work, I slowly realized that he had just walked out on his job. It wasn’t the first time, and it wouldn’t be the last. This time, however, I had no patience, no words of affirmation, no thoughts of consoling him to restore the peace of our home. My dreams had just been shattered, and with them went my temper. All I remember saying was “Who is the bigger fool? The old guy who can’t get the procedures straight? Or the man who walks out on his family’s only source of income while his wife is home on maternity leave?” That and something about not wanting to see him again until he had a job that could support us.

But even as he left, and even as he returned several hours later with the news that he had reconciled with his boss, I knew that I would not be able to depend on him to supply our needs. I looked at my daughter and as much as I longed to be with her, I knew that her physical needs were going to depend on me returning to work. And I was bitter.

I don’t know if it is possible to really explain the depth of the betrayal I felt at that moment. Genesis 2:24 says that a man shall leave his father and mother and “shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” One flesh, but in that moment, a terrible blow had been struck to that bond and I felt as if my very flesh were being torn away.

My husband suffers from depression and I have struggled with exactly how to deal with his mood swings and sometimes unpredictable behavior. I remember the day we told my parents about his diagnosis and gave them a brochure from the hospital. My mom looked at it and said, “I was worried it was cancer. At least this we can deal with.” Now it sounds horrible, but at the time I disagreed. Cancer I understand. Abnormal cells begin to grow exponentially, spread and eventually take over the body, killing it slowly as the disease progresses. Depression is like a cancer. It takes hold of its victims, takes over their lives, and has a profound effect on loved ones who look on helplessly. Except you cannot see it and it cannot be cut out.

When my husband talked, I could hear the depression talking. But it didn’t make a lot of sense to me. Despite all I had read and all I knew about the disease, I still wanted him to just “snap out of it.” To stop feeding the disease with the lies he allowed himself to believe about himself and those around him.

Believe it or not, this article is not about depression. Nor is it about my husband. Our marriage hasn’t survived for thirteen years because my husband was able to conquer this disease. We aren’t still together because I am a fount of forgiveness, grace, and submission. If this story were about me or about him, I would have filed for divorce the day he walked out of that job. As Dave Harvey says in his book, When Sinners Say I Do, marriage does not succeed because of how compatible we are or how much we love each other. It succeeds because of what we believe about God and hence ourselves.

In Ephesians chapter four, Paul is speaking to the church at Ephesus about how we should behave toward fellow believers. But how much more do his words apply to the marriage bond?

“I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, with all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” (Eph 4:1-3, KJV)

At my core, I am a people pleaser. I cannot stand to feel like I am not meeting the expectations of those around me or that someone is in any way unhappy with me. Despite knowing better, I frequently picked up my husband’s depression and made it about me. I wasn’t a good enough wife. I wasn’t patient enough. I wasn’t a good enough house keeper. I wasn’t doing enough to create a peaceful environment for him to let go of his depression and see how much he was loved. It didn’t help that when he was in a depressive state, he frequently lashed out at me about these very things, placing the blame for his discontent on my failings as a wife and mother.

Many tears were shed and many desperate supplications were prayed as I somewhat frenetically attempted to be the perfect wife keeping a perfect house in the hopes of gaining the approval of my husband. In my frustration, I would pull away, seek distractions and found even simple tasks difficult to keep up with. The more pressure I felt to be perfect, the more I ran from it and the more my duties in our home suffered. Over the years, he slowly learned to cope and to manage his depression. He came to Christ and began to recognize both his responsibility for his own behaviors despite the depression as well as the beauty of grace and forgiveness. His depressive episodes became less frequent, less intense, and much shorter. But I still carried many wounds from my side of the battle and was sometimes surprised at just how hard it was to forgive and let those wounds heal.

Until one day I received a phone call while doing dishes. From the tone of his voice, I could tell he was struggling. I returned to the dishes, muttering to myself how tired I was of this cycle and how frustrating it was to continually be thrust back into the same position. I snapped at the children, yelled at the dog, and attempted to bring the house into a state that would somehow head off the criticism that was inevitable. Needless to say, by the time he got home, the house looked worse than it had before, all the children were arguing, and I was on the verge of losing my temper.

In that moment, I realized where I had gone wrong. For our entire marriage, I had made all of his struggles about me. I had invested all of my happiness as well as my sense of purpose and well-being in him. As all things are in this world, it was a shaky foundation, prone to being washed away in the floods of life. As I escaped from the turmoil into my own mind, the Lord gave me a verse.

“Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.” 1Corinthians 10:31

And therein lay my struggle. I looked at the dishes in the sink and realized that I needed to do them to His glory rather than for my husband’s praise. My husband walked in, huffed at the state the house was in, and left to put his things away without greeting. But for once, the action did not feel like knives piercing my very soul.

As I shifted my eyes from my husband and on to God, I stood in full recognition of how far I fell short of God’s standard. But alongside that understanding came the knowledge of grace and the sacrifice Christ had made for me. That was something that could not be shaken by any storm, no matter how severe. And slowly, I learned to forgive my husband for present and past hurts. I felt the scars slowly torn away so that I could again cleave unto my husband and become one flesh.

Check out my article on page 6 of the new flipbook edition of Heart of the Matter Magazine.

Dana Hanley is the imperfect wife of her imperfect husband who has been very supportive of her sharing her personal struggles in dealing with his depression. She now stays home and homeschools her (soon to be) five children. You can visit her at www.principleddiscovery.com.

Tags: christian living, depression, family, finances, forgiveness, healing relationships, marriage, marriage challenges, motherhood

---

Join Us For Monthly Chat On Twitter

Renae and I will be hosting a monthly twitter chat for Heart of the Matter. This will be an opportunity for homeschoolers everywhere to connect with each other and chat about what is going on in our homeschools. Following is some basic information about getting started on Twitter for those of you who are unfamiliar with it. If you are already on Twitter, just skip to the end for instructions on how to join in the chat.

About Twitter

Twitter is a free social networking and micro-blogging tool that allows users to send 140 character messages, or “tweets.” It is a great way to connect with others having similar interests and enjoy some near real-time informal conversation which may not be available through other avenues. I have also found that a lot of other homeschoolers are more than willing to share links with you if you ask for recommendations while preparing lessons. You can follow as few or as many people as you like, and can block your profile so that the only people who can read your tweets are those whom you approve.

Getting Started on Twitter

Getting started is relatively simple. Just go to Twitter.com and select a username and password. You can create a profile for yourself and even include a link to your blog from your Twitter home page. There are also Twitter backgrounds to choose from, or you can design your own.

Finding People to Follow

Following someone on Twitter essentially means you are subscribing to their tweets. When they post a message, it will show up on your home page and you can read and respond to their comments. Twitter has a function to search Twitter for people that you already know or to invite your friends to join with you. You can also go to Twitter Search and enter any keyword to find people talking about that subject. I found quite a few other homeschoolers to follow this way when I first joined Twitter.

HSChat will serve as the main host of this chat. You will be able to find everyone involved by looking in the friends list of HSChat.

Some of the authors here at Heart of the Matter are also on Twitter. Feel free to add yours in the comment box so that we can find each other!

Amy B: @ipop31
Amy S: @amy_sue
Angela: @memofchaoticmom
Beth: @PagesofOurLife
Dana: @principled
Darcy: @my3boybarians
Dawn: @dawnmhsh
Dianne: @bunnytrails
Heather: @sprittibee
Jamie: @jamieworley
Julie: @octamom
Karin: @karinkath
Lee: @the_homescholar
Luke: @luke_holzmann
Mandy: @mandymom
Marsha: @drewsfamilytx
Nikowa: @nikowa
Renae: @reflective
Robin: @heartofwisdom
Sheila: @sheilagregoire
Tiany: @tiany
Yvonne: @gr8tful4grace

Joining in the Chat

We will be hosting a homeschool chat the second Monday of every month from 8 to 10PM Central Standard Time. Feel free to join in when you are ready and leave when you need to. The hashtag for this chat will be #hsc for homeschool chat.

A hashtag is just a means of tagging tweets so that people can follow what is being said on a given topic. In order for your tweets to be seen by everyone participating in the chat, you will need to remember to include #hsc in each tweet. If you forget, don’t worry about it too much. Whoever you directly responded to and those following you will see the tweet regardless, but this makes it easier for everyone interested to participate.

There are a few ways to join in a chat, but to begin with, one of the simplest is to simply go to TweetChat.com and enter your Twitter username and password. You will be asked what room you wish to enter. Type #hsc and the tweet stream containing the hashtag will appear. You can directly respond directly from there as well as check out the profiles of the others participating in the chat.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask! It can be a bit confusing at first, but it does not take time to get the hang of it once you set up a profile and follow a few people.

Dana Hanley is a fourth year homeschooling mom to three girls and a boy. In her column, she will be taking a look at homeschoolers who have affected the news and news that affects homeschoolers. Dana is the host of Home School Talk, a weekly one hour broadcast focused on homeschool news and opinion. Visit her blog, Principled Discovery.

Tags: blog friends, Chat, homeschooling, monthly, online, Social Networking, tweet, Twitter

---

Around the Web in a Dozen Links

Welcome to January’s trip around the web and the universe!

Winter is a wonderful time to do a little stargazing with children because the sky is dark even before bedtime.

Meteor shower viewing has been frustrating for the past several months because we have had a full moon to contend with for all the major showers. The Quatranids, however, will peak the night of January 3-4 during the first quarter moon. NASA put together a nice vodcast for last year’s show which is still accurate, excepting the dates. This shower will peak between one and two in the morning and will be viewed best in the Eastern United States and Western Europe, but there should still be something to see in different areas and at earlier hours.

The Quatranids are known alternately as the least known of the major showers or the best of the minor showers, with peak activity yielding as many as one meteorite per minute. Meteor showers are named for the constellation from which they appear to originate. The Quatranids were named for the Quadrans Muralis, one of many constellations invented in the late 18th and early 19th centuries. It never caught on, however, and is no longer a recognized constellation. The radiant of this meteor shower thus occurs in the more anciently recognized constellation Boötes.

While you are setting up for some meteorite shower viewing, why not collect some space dust as well? Whether rain or snow, the leftover dust will eventually be washed out of the atmosphere with precipitation and may be collected and viewed under a microscope.

If you want to pull together a more formal lesson, one of the best sources I have found for science videos and lesson plans has been vital, a resource put together for New York State Educators, but has been made available to anyone. You will need to register, but can register as a homeschool. They currently have over a 1,000 science resources, largely taken from public television programming, and are expanding to include other subject areas as well.

In our home, education could not happen without paper plates. Versatile and cheap, they provide the materials for a number of projects, and thus I was very excited to find the Paper Plate Education site which, as their tagline suggests, delivers the universe on a paper plate. Bookmark the site and come back for simple projects for use throughout any astronomy unit!

For a desk-top planetarium which will help you find objects in the night sky, or give your younger children a taste of the night sky before bedtime, download Stellarium, a free open source planetarium for your computer.

To find out what is going on in the night sky, try HubbleSite’s Tonight’s Sky, a brief monthly movie presenting the highlights of the night sky.

Stardate, the popular radio broadcast of the McDonald Observatory, also has a website where you can receive daily stargazing tips, listen to broadcasts and find lesson plans.

Northwest Creation Network also has a collection of resources for creation perspectives in astronomy.

While you are spending all this time peering deep into our galaxy and beyond, a few resources for studying our own solar system are in order. Because the sun is the center of our Solar System, it is a good starting point for any study. And what more delicious way to study the sun than making edible models? Solar System Trading Cards is a nice lesson, with a large collection of links for additional information as well as printable color trading cards of objects in our solar system.

Dana Hanley is a fourth year homeschooling mom to three girls and a boy. In her column, she will be taking a look at homeschoolers who have affected the news and news that affects homeschoolers. Dana is the host of Home School Talk, a weekly one hour broadcast focused on homeschool news and opinion. Visit her blog, Principled Discovery.

Tags: astronomy, homeschool, links, outer space, science

---

Jesse Tree Ornaments

On Thursday, I talked about celebrating Advent using the Jesse Tree. I promised to document the making of our little ornaments for anyone interested.

First, we read Genesis 2:7 and discussed who the creator is and how man is unique from the animals. Then, to help us remember this, we made an ornament using Sculpey clay. In case you aren’t familiar with it, it is basically a grown up version of play dough. I really enjoy making little things with it and we occasionally make things to go along with our lessons. When you are finished, you bake it in the oven and have a permanent little clay sculpture.

The clay comes in small squares divided into four rectangles. To make an ornament the size of those in the printouts from the previous entry, you will need one of those four rectangles. If you have never worked the clay before, or your child is going to be doing this alone, you might want to give them a little extra. (Or shrink the images to make smaller ornaments and use proportionately less clay.) Before making anything with Sculpey, you start by kneading the clay. This strengthens and conditions the clay so that is easier to work and it forms stronger bonds.

Then slowly begin pressing it into shape. Begin by pressing it between your fingers, then lay it on a flat surface and continue flattening it until it is the right size. You can trim the edges if you like them neat, or leave them rough like we do. Flip it over so that you have a smooth, flat surface on your clay. Lay the image face down on top of the clay. Rub with a spoon to ensure complete contact between the clay and the image. Press a small hole to string yarn through later.

Place in an oven at 275 degrees F for about 20 minutes. When it is finished, allow it to cool completely before removing the paper or trying to lift the ornament. It continues to strengthen as it cools. Then carefully remove the paper and string your ornament.

Then you just need a tree or a branch or somewhere to hang it to represent your journey through the scriptures together with your child. Ours is currently hanging on a lampshade.

By the way, these make excellent little presents that young children can make. Photocopy pictures of them and follow the steps. Then you will have little ornaments with their precious faces to hand out to special people.

Tags: Advent, Crafts, Heart of the Matter Christmas Series, ornaments

---

The heart of the election season

Dana Hanley is a fourth year homeschooling mom to three girls and a boy. In her column, she will be taking a look at homeschoolers who have affected the news and news that affects homeschoolers. Dana is the host of Home School Talk, a weekly one hour broadcast focused on homeschool news and opinion. Visit her blog, Principled Discovery.

Tags: encouragment, Family Life, history, Parenting

---

Public school administrator calls for homeschool exposé

According to Rory Ryan, publisher and editor of the Times Gazette, an Ohio newspaper, a public school administrator challenged the paper to do an exposé on homeschooling. This seems like a rather odd thing for a public school administrator to do in a public forum and it is difficult to not suspect hopes of another series on abuses occurring in homeschools to drum up public support for greater restrictions placed on homeschools. Perhaps even just in time for Ohio’s five year review of its homeschool rules.

If this administrator is aware of anything which ought to be “exposed,” maybe he should simply contact the proper authorities. If he suspects cases of abuse, there’s Children Services, the police, the Highland County Sheriff’s Office, the Juvenile Court judge, all of whom would, no doubt, respond to the legitimate complaints of a school administrator.

Why challenge the newspaper? We are not the home school police. Frankly, we have enough to do to keep up with those public bodies that spend more and more of taxpayers’ money each year. But I digress. The Times-Gazette

He goes on to discuss what homeschooling is about…and to reveal that his children were homeschooled. And his digression brings up another interesting point about the relationship between the citizenry and the state and where newspapers fit into this relationship. Jefferson certainly seemed to hold a general disdain for the papers of his day, as illustrated in an 1807 letter to John Norvell:

Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper. Truth itself becomes suspicious by being put into that polluted vehicle. Thomas Jefferson to John Norvell

Yet he still viewed them as a necessary censor of the government and a free press as a guardian of liberty.

To demand the censors of public measures to be given up for punishment is to renew the demand of the wolves in the fable that the sheep should give up their dogs as hostages of the peace & confidence established between them. Thomas Jefferson to William Branch Giles, 1794

I, for one, am happy to see at least one newspaper that is still too busy “keep[ing] up with those public bodies,” the so-called wolves in office, to answer to their calls for better monitoring of the sheep. His comments may be a digression, but they illustrate well the attitude of an increasingly powerful educational bureaucracy which believes that parents, especially those who dare homeschool, should be answerable to it.

And unfortunately, this attitude is not isolated to Ohio. New Hampshire homeschoolers had a fight with their legislatures this year regarding increased restrictions placed on homeschooling. The Board of Education of course supported the legislation, but their reasoning was a bit muddled.

The state Department of Education is supporting the bill. Roberta Tenney, an administrator for the department who oversees the homeschool program, said the bill would help get a dialogue going with parents who are looking to homeschool as an option.

“We want, as educators, to be part of that conversation,” she said. nashua telegraph

We need legislation requiring homeschoolers to submit their curriculum to the state in order to “get a dialogue going?” Why does the Department of Education think it has any right to be a part of the education conversation of private citizens not attending public schools? Thankfully, all that came out of this was an earlier registration date. And an ominous commission with as-of-yet undetermined consequences for New Hampshire homeschools with the sole purpose of examining New Hampshire’s home education statutes.

In response to Michigan education columnist Kelly Flynn, who also supports greater state oversight of homeschools through the “compromise” of registering with the state, Karen Braun writes,

As free citizens, we are not required to report to the courthouse if we are not accused of a crime. We do not report to the Department of Health and Human Services if we are not on welfare. We do not report to the Department of Transportation if we don’t ride public transportation. Likewise, we should not be required to report to the Department of Education or the local school district if we don’t intend to use the public schools. spunkyhomeschool

As free citizens, we monitor the government. The government does not monitor us until probable cause has been established. As this paradigm shifts, how long will we truly be able to refer to ourselves as free citizens?

Dana Hanley is a fourth year homeschooling mom to three girls and a boy. In her column, she will be taking a look at homeschoolers who have affected the news and news that affects homeschoolers. Dana is the host of Home School Talk, a weekly one hour broadcast focused on homeschool news and opinion. Visit her blog, Principled Discovery.

Tags: Family Life, homeschool life, News

---

Next Page »