Melissa | Heart of the Matter

August 31, 2010 By Melissa 4 Comments

It had hung next to my kitchen sink for more than 15 years; happy and green in a weathered terracotta planter. I had never done anything special to it, but my shamrock flourished in the same planter in four different homes in two states. I’d added new soil on a couple of occasions, but other than that it received no special treatment.

This spring, for some reason, it started to look unhealthy. I probably was watering it a little less than usual. The leaves were brown and wilted, and it looked like it might not survive. How, after 15 years of so much change, could it all of a sudden be ready to die? I figured maybe it was time to add new soil, but I was too busy to tend to it.

I had been too busy to tend to much of anything. I had been doing so much outside my home that I was too burnt out to serve inside my home. I wasn’t leaving home in my busyness, but my time and attention were pointed elsewhere.

One day it struck me–many days, I had spent more time on a particular volunteer project than I had spent with my family or the Lord.

And not only that, but I was stressed out the majority of time, creating hardship for everyone who lived with me. That’s not what God intended. That’s not ministry. That’s called serving in my own strength. It seems blasphemous, I know, but it’s so easy to do.

I didn’t start out with intentions to venture off the path the Lord had marked for me, nor did I even realize I was doing it, but there were legitimate needs I saw that had to be filled. Or things came up along the way that cried out for help. It often benefited my family in some indirect way and it was easy to justify because of this.

Those were all the things I told myself that made it OK to move my family’s needs to the backburner while I served the greater common good. It felt like I was putting others first, so how can that be wrong? I couldn’t see that my weakness was masquerading as a strength.

I heard a quote on the radio, although I can’t recall who said it:

“Just because you are capable doesn’t mean you’re called.”

It struck a deep chord in my heart and resonated with my weary spirit. I felt like someone had just given me permission to step away from things I might be good at, but wasn’t led by the Lord to do.

I feel capable of so many things, but I am called to just a few. Motherhood. Wifedom. Homeschooling. Disciple of Jesus.

And if I’m so busy serving outside my home in all the areas I’m capable (to the detriment of my family), then who’s fulfilling my call? Who’s nurturing my children? Who’s loving my husband like only I can? Who’s teaching my children the beauty and wonder of God’s creation? Who’s spending time with Jesus for me?

Do I have any energy at all to do anything except the very basic duties of my job? And will I do it with joy or with tired resentment? Will my call to homeschool my children be fulfilled with excitement to see what we’ll learn together today? Or will the slave driver mom just shove them into the next assignment to finish the day’s work so we can be done?

It took a draining school year of my ‘capable’ activities to convince me that I was scattered in the wrong direction. I needed to rein in my efforts and put first things first. The ‘good’ and the ‘better’ needed to be overridden by the ‘best’.

That often means saying “no.” I need to get comfortable with disappointing people who I’d like to please. I need to move out of the way of being all things to all people, so that the right people can step in. Or so that busy, good activities can fade into the background and make way for eternal, best activities.

With my kitchen window shamrock, I made a last ditch attempt to save it. I plucked all of the dead leaves off, leaving only a few tiny green clovers. It really looked like a shadow of the glorious plant it used to be. But guess what happened next? It thrived. It came back in a beautiful show of fresh, green growth. New leaves sprouted through with hopeful flowers springing alongside.

And that’s just what happened in my life.

When I plucked off the dead leaves of busyness and the wilted activities, it gave way to new growth in gifts and talents that lay waiting for energy and opportunity.

I learned that pursuing what the Lord calls me to will leave me more energized and more able to serve those I love, not grumpy and exhausted. Now when I was home, I really was present in the moment with the people I love and available to them–body, mind and spirit.

Ecclesiastes 3:1; 10-11a: “To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven…I have seen the God-given task with which the sons of men are to be occupied. He has made everything beautiful in its time.“

It’s OK to say NO.

It’s OK to step down from something good so that the best things can succeed.

It’s OK not to be the one to save the day.

It’s more than OK. It’s best.

Let the Master Gardener tend to your life and show you where some pruning and trimming are needed. Then pluck away! The flowers are waiting to bloom.

Melissa Morgner is a happy wife of 16 years to her college sweetheart and mother to six loud, but lovable children ranging in age from 13 down to two. After eight years of homeschooling and sampling way too much curriculum, she takes an eclectic approach in their little schoolroom, choosing resources that best suit the children and the teacher. Her busy household puts her gifts of juggling and winging it to the test each day. She steals moments here and there to write on her blog, Day In Day Out, about the lessons she’s learning from the Lord in the routine but privileged tasks of mothering and homeschooling.

July 22, 2010 By Melissa 12 Comments

If you have more than one child, you’ve probably noticed this: all the snazzy new things that were invented between babies. I have six children who were born about every two years. With each subsequent baby, there were several new gadgets and gizmos that I really wanted to have. Even though I really had all the basic supplies we needed, that latest invention seemed to solve one more problem of motherhood in a very tempting way.

The same can be said of homeschooling. There have been many changes and resources to come on the scene since I began homeschooling almost 10 years ago. And we are blessed for it. When people who are not ‘in-the-know’ on homeschooling ask me, “Where do you find curriculum?” or “How do you know what to teach?”, I just smile. The problem for homeschoolers isn’t finding the curricula or the method, it’s weeding through the gazillion resources and philosophies out there to narrow it down to what will work for your family.

Homeschooling can be as simple or as complicated as you make it, but what I’ve learned over the years, often the hard way, has brought me back to the simplicity of the essentials. Whether you’re just beginning or need to regroup for yet another year ahead, start with these basics.

A Plan
Whether you live for the planning process like I do or not, you still need a plan. It can be detailed or vague. It can lay out the next year or just the next week. Whatever style suits you, plan accordingly. A plan looks at where your going (often called goals) and what you’ll use to get there (often called curriculum). A plan ideally follows your vision. Don’t fret if you don’t have a vision for your homeschool yet or you’ve lost your vision along the way, it will come with time and prayer.

Homeschool Support
A homeschool journey without support is like taking a hike without shoes. Sure you can do it, but you won’t get very far. You’re blessed if you live in or near a city with homeschool support groups. Find one that clicks for your family and get involved with a goal to build friendships, for you and your children, and to stay encouraged in your homeschooling. If you don’t have a support group where you live, then turn to internet sites and groups where you can be encouraged, like Heart of the Matter Online. For many years, I didn’t know homeschoolers that shared my excitement for education, so I found tremendous value in the online groups and message boards I visited.

Books
Books feed the mind, inspire the heart and revive the spirit. Start with the Bible and don’t ever stop reading it. Add all kinds of books to your library–biography, poetry, history, classics, living books, picture books and atlases. Reading aloud to my children has been one of my favorite parts of homeschooling. Books are vital to your homeschool no matter what your approach to education. They are my personal weakness and I have a lovely library to show for it. But you don’t have to go broke buying books. Check your local library, thrift stores, garage sales and even Paperbackswap.com. I can’t tell you how many great books I’ve gotten for a quarter each!

Jesus
As a follower of Jesus Christ, all I do should be for Him and His glory. Homeschooling is no exception. In fact, it was Him who called me to this task in the first place knowing it is beyond my ability. But thankfully, He gives me His strength, His wisdom and His grace to teach His children. He’s the ultimate Headmaster. He will give you vision and support you won’t find anywhere else. Check in with Him each and every morning and your homeschool will stay on track.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” Matthew 6:33

The 3 Rs
Honestly, I get bored with the 3 Rs–reading, writing and math. History and geography and science are much more interesting to me. They let me be a creative teacher and dig into subjects lacking in my own education. But I need to remember, I’m not homeschooling me. The 3 Rs are key to every age and stage. It’s the meat and potatoes of your child’s educational day. Fill a good portion of your homeschooling plate with the 3 Rs and you’ll still have room for all the other subjects.

Review, Review, Review
We teach stuff and kids forget stuff. Goodness, I forget stuff. I can barely remember enough from my education (which includes a Bachelor’s degree) to help my son do 7th grade math. Review is especially important with math, but also applies to grammar, science and geography. It doesn’t have to be boring. Play games on a regular basis that will enforce what you’re learning. Watch an educational video. And don’t discount the value of flashcards. They don’t have to be boring and they really do work.

A Supportive Husband
If you’re married, you want and need the blessing of your husband to homeschool. If you don’t have it, then work at getting it. Pray, pray and pray some more. There’s lots of great information out there on the many benefits of homeschooling. Going to a homeschool convention helped my husband get on board. But if after all is said and done, you’re hubby is still against it, then don’t do it. You are better off having a marriage that lines up with Scripture than keeping your kids home against daddy’s wishes. Your children are home for a short season, but your marriage will last years beyond graduation. Honor your husband and invest in your marriage.

Refreshment for Mom
Don’t let homeschooling consume you, because it easily can. It’s OK, it’s even good to do things you enjoy. It will rejuvenate you in all aspects of your life. Whether you scrapbook or run or sew or write or read or garden, continue to do it. You may not have as much time as before homeschooling, but don’t neglect things you enjoy. You will be a better mom and wife and teacher because of it. And don’t forget to take care of your health–get enough sleep, drink enough water, eat healthy foods, take your vitamins, exercise your body. Those are just the basics, but it’s so very important that mama is healthy and that your children see you modeling what it looks like to take care of yourself.

The Right Tools
You are a professional educator, no matter what anyone says. Don’t feel badly about investing in some things to make your job easier and save time. You wouldn’t be too impressed if your builder showed up with a rock and some nails. He knows the value of the right tool for the job. Some of my must-have tools in our homeschool include an electric pencil sharpener, a laminating machine, lots and lots of bookshelves, good wall maps, lots of scissors, paper, notebooks and staplers. A good planner, whether electronic or paper, is also essential so I can keep track of everything (see #1). And don’t forget quality art supplies and science experiment supplies.

Freedom from Comparisons
This is probably the most difficult thing on the list to obtain, but so essential to the well-being of your homeschool. As homeschoolers, we need each other, but that can be a double-edged sword with which we slash our own efforts. We see Sally Homeschooler and her children excelling at everything our kids struggle with. Just check out the hilarious Tim Hawkins video to get a taste of what I mean. We do that in our imaginations all the time to some degree.

We are our own worst critics. Don’t let the voice of the enemy whisper comparisons in your ear. God created your family to be unique and the plans he has for you are unique.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

The verse doesn’t say “plans to make your family a cookie-cutter copy of the family in your support group.” No two homeschools will look alike, nor should they. Follow Jesus and let Him lead your family. Make decisions based on His plan for your family, not based on fear or pride. Yes, we should learn from each other and encourage each other. But take the best and leave the rest.

Start with these ten basics and let the Lord add to it. “The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.” 1 Thess. 5:24

May 28, 2010 By Melissa 12 Comments

I’m not sure who’s more excited about summer break–my children or me! Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoy homeschooling, but by the end of May, I’m ready for a big break. I know most homeschooling moms can relate.

Although the schoolwork will be ending soon for us, other important work needs to begin. While I definitely take time in the summer months to relax and slow down the pace of life, I purposefully use our summer break as a time to work on tasks that have been neglected the rest of the year. Here’s some good reminders with an easy-to-remember acronym for using your S.U.M.M.E.R. time wisely.

Set some goals and plans. Put into writing the things you hope to accomplish during your summer months. Walk through your house room by room and begin a list of things you’d like to get in order. And then post this somewhere you’ll see often. Don’t forget to hone in on your homeschool zone the last few weeks of summer, tending to preparations for the upcoming year.

In addition to your space, think through your relationships. Maybe you’d like to grow closer with your children or a friend, or have more time alone with your husband. Plan for that. Include your children in setting goals, too. If they’re old enough to set their own goals, let them. Or for the younger kiddos, set some attainable goals for them, like reading a certain number of books, being able to name all the backyard birds or learning a foreign language.

Unclutter your space. Whether it’s a few drawers, a closet or the whole house, we all have spaces that could use a good old-fashioned purge. Go through those spaces and get rid of stuff. Less stuff means less work keeping it all organized the rest of the year. Get rid of clothes that don’t fit or aren’t worn, toys that have been outgrown, and other stuff that you don’t use or love. Enlist the help of a friend. Sometimes a fresh eye can see solutions we miss. Summer is the perfect time to organize and re-organize.

Make everyday count toward your goals and plans. Summer will fly by no matter how much time you take off. You don’t want to start back to homeschool wondering where the time went. Even if you just accomplish one small thing each day, you’ll be that much closer to achieving your goals. Try to establish some semblance of routine for summer, however simple it may be, to ensure you’re using your time wisely.

photo courtesy Janet of The Well Rounded Mama

Make some memories. If you’re planning a summer vacation, the memories will happen. But you don’t have to leave home to create some special memories for your family. I have fond memories of eating lots of Popsicles, roasting marshmallows and running barefoot every summer. Here are a few fun ideas to get you started planning fun into your summer:

Make homemade ice cream.
Create a theme day one day a week, like “Wear and Eat Orange Day”
Camp out in the backyard.
Run through the sprinklers.
Eat breakfast outside.
Wear your swimsuits all day.
Be a tourist in your town.
Create a scavenger hunt.
Go to the county fair.
Visit a museum.
Visit your library weekly.
Ask your kids for more ideas–I guarantee they’ll have lots!

Evaluate your year. I usually look back on the academic portion of our year while I plan in the spring, but summer is a perfect time for evaluating everything else in life: marriage, parenting, finances, schedules, ministry and volunteer work, hobbies, etc. Pray and seek the Lord’s guidance. Are your priorities in the right place? How’s your marriage? Are your outside commitments putting too much pressure on your time and your energy? Are there heart issues you need to address, in yourself or your children? If it’s overwhelming to think through everything, just ask yourself what’s irritating you the most or what area in life has the most stress. Then work backwards from there.

Renew your mind. The easy routine of summer is the perfect time to start or increase your habit of time with the Lord in his Word. That’s the first and best way to renew your mind. I love how the New Living Translation puts Romans 12:2, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is.” Also, read good books that will encourage and challenge you in all aspects of your life, but especially in areas where you’re struggling. This is a great way to stay refreshed and keep your vision strong.

It’s sure nice to have a change of pace come June. Make the most of these long days of summer so that when you start back to school in August, you’ll be ready. Both in your home and in your heart.

April 23, 2010 By Melissa 6 Comments

The traditions of springtime abound–spring cleaning, spring fever, spring break. We do them all to some degree at my house, usually more fever and break than cleaning, but after nine years of homeschooling, the biggest spring event for me is homeschool planning.

It began many years ago in preparation for my state’s homeschool convention which is always held in late April. It’s so ingrained in me now, that come springtime I automatically begin to evaluate our year and look ahead to the next. As sure as the snow melts, I can be found poring over homeschool catalogs and reading curriculum reviews. And by the time we wrap up one homeschool year, I’ve pretty much planned all our curricular choices for the next.

I’ve learned a lot over the years and made my share of mistakes. Yet each spring, I’m excited by the newness and the challenges of the coming school year. I feel like the gardener who plans the summer garden while the beds are still covered in snow. Hopeful for the harvest to come, but knowing the seeds have to get planted first. Here’s some pointers to help you through the homeschool planning days of spring.

Pray About It
Starting with prayer is critical. One year I went to our convention with the best, most organized plan ever. I placed all my orders and went home satisfied that we were all set for another great year of homeschooling. But I made one HUGE mistake–I neglected to pray about it beforehand. Within weeks of returning, the Lord changed our direction completely. This was a humbling experience, but a good one to remind me that I only think I’m in control. I need to submit all my decisions to Him and this is best done at the start of the planning phase. Proverbs 16:3 reminds us to “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.” Canceling those orders was NOT fun!

Break It Down by Subjects
Determine how your curriculum is working for each subject, both for you and your child. Is your child progressing? Does it suit their learning style? Is it challenging enough or too challenging? Do you find it easy to implement? Are you using it to its fullest or just using a portion of it (but still paying for the whole thing)? I’ve always been an eclectic homeschooler using a variety of resources from different publishers, so it’s natural for me to consider subjects separately. But even if you use a box set of curricula from one company, you can still look at each subject individually. Don’t be afraid to stray from your ‘tried and true’ curriculum provider if there’s a subject or two that aren’t working in your homeschool.

Get Organized
I create an Excel spreadsheet with a box for each and every subject for all my children (with six children I can’t possibly keep it in my head). I’m also very visual, so getting things onto paper is an important part of the planning process. If something is working and I plan to use it next year, I write it down. If I need to choose something new, I leave it blank or jot down ideas to research. As the planning phase progresses, I finalize each box. This also gives me a ‘shopping list’ of sorts for what I need to buy.

I also start a file folder for all things ‘next year.’ When I come across a great book list or a catalog, I pop it in there. I also print out samples of curricula I’m considering, as well as table of contents for things like science and history. Having everything in one place makes the process of planning easier.

Set Goals for Each Subject
During the long days of winter, it usually becomes apparent to me what the major areas of struggle are for each child. So in looking at where they are and where I’d like them to be, I mentally set goals for the next year. Maybe it’s fluent reading or all the multiplication facts down pat. Perhaps it’s a broader goal, like working more independently. I keep these goals in mind as I make selections for each subject.

The 3 Rs
I’m not talking about reading, writing and arithmetic here, but rather a reminder to “read reviews and research!” There’s nothing like getting input from other homeschool moms. And this doesn’t mean just the ones you know in real life. Get active on a message board or homeschool group forum and ask questions. I’ve learned about curriculum I didn’t even know existed that later proved to be the perfect fit for us.

There are many websites devoted to reviews of curricula, like HomeschoolReviews.com, The Old Schoolhouse magazine, and Cathy Duffy. It doesn’t guarantee something will work, but it will help you think critically about a resource.

Look at the Big Picture
As you look at each child and each subject, you also need to step back and look at your family as a whole. I have to consider how much time I’ll have to work with each child each day. I also consider what children I can teach together. Subjects like Bible, history and science aren’t as grade specific, so I teach my elementary aged kids together on these. I may require more in-depth work for the older ones, but it helps my budget, both of money and time, to be able to teach several together. Also, pay attention to the season of life you’re in. If you have lots of little ones or work a part-time job, don’t choose super teacher-intensive curricula. Take into account any extracurricular activities as you look at what the year can hold. Planning too much will frustrate you and your child. Be realistic!

If It’s Not Broke, Don’t Fix It
This age-old saying is true for homeschooling too. If something is working, then leave it alone. It can be tempting to change things up with the latest homeschool resources, but if what you are doing is working, then don’t mess with it. Put your energies elsewhere.

The Convention isn’t the End
I love heading to my state’s convention each year. It’s refreshing and helps me refocus my heart and energies for the next year. And while it’s also a great time to buy things, it isn’t d-day. All decisions don’t have to be made before the convention ends. While there are often savings if you buy during the convention, it’s better to wait than make a hasty decision.

Last year, I stood over a table of science curricula comparing the two books I was considering. I prayed and asked the Lord to show me which one I should choose. In my heart, I heard the Lord tell me that if I didn’t know that I should just wait. Well, impatient as I was, I thought I’d just wait right there. I should have walked away, but I stood there for 30 minutes and made a decision on what I thought was the best choice. That night, I had a dream that the science book I purchased was the older edition, because the photos were black and white, not color. I awoke, and ran to my bookshelf only to find that I had indeed purchased the older edition that I didn’t want. I returned it, but learned a valuable lesson that day. Patiently wait on the Lord.

Stay Flexible
If there’s anything I’ve learned since I began homeschooling it’s this: stay flexible. Each year is different. There are years where trials arise, babies are born, illness lingers, company comes and stays, challenges seem never ending. Don’t make things worse by forcing your plans to happen. Proverbs 19:21 says “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Walk with the Lord each and every day so you can stay tuned in to His purpose. Good plans are flexible. Sometimes we can’t know a good plan until it has passed. There are many times in my life when I look back at what seemed like a blundered mess only to realize it was all part of God’s plan. I can’t ask for a better plan than that.

(Download my FREE Homeschool Subject Planner on my blog to help in your spring planning.)

Melissa Morgner is a happy wife of 16 years to her college sweetheart and mother to six loud, but lovable children ranging in age from 12 down to two. After eight years of homeschooling and sampling way too much curriculum, she takes an eclectic approach in their little schoolroom, choosing resources that best suit the children and the teacher. Her busy household puts her gifts of juggling and winging it to the test each day. She steals moments here and there to write on her blog, Day In Day Out, about the lessons she’s learning from the Lord in the routine but privileged tasks of mothering and homeschooling.

March 18, 2010 By Melissa 2 Comments

My days were starting to feel like a fast moving treadmill I couldn’t get off. From homeschool to housework to helping my husband, I felt scattered and pulled in every direction. The clutter was growing, the laundry was multiplying, our homeschool was dragging and my stress was mounting. I started each day feeling behind before even beginning. No matter how much I got done, there was always more waiting. I desperately wanted a ‘PAUSE’ button for life–a chance to put everything on hold and catch my breath.

As a homeschooler, I am free to set my own schedule and take breaks as needed. I have this freedom for the taking. I don’t need a note from my doctor or a letter of permission from anyone to do it. That’s the beauty of homeschooling; I can press the PAUSE button, so to speak. Many of us know this and yet rarely take advantage of the freedoms we have. We’re driven to ‘keep on keepin’ on.’ I know I can make the decision that we need a break, but what good is this if I never DO it?

I needed that break this past week. I was mentally and physically drained. I was weary of the work. I caught a glimpse of myself and really worried that if I didn’t stop, I was in for trouble. These are some of the symptoms of overload, and if they are ignored, more trouble awaits. So after our fun field trip on Wednesday, we took Thursday and Friday off from school. I pressed PAUSE.

It was an instant lift for my spirit (and my kids, for sure) to take a break from book learning. I told the kids we would not be doing school as usual, but they would be working. We set the timer for 30 minutes and each got to work cleaning the main rooms of the house. We alternated rooms and worked together folding the many loads of much-needed clean laundry. I had time to remember the phone calls and paperwork that had been too long forgotten. Each task accomplished lifted my weight of my burdens.

The change of pace was a soothing balm for my weary soul. I let go of everything to do with homeschool for those few days. I didn’t do any planning or preparation for the next week. I just focused on my home and my family. I let myself slow down to recover the mom who had been missing in action; too busy for fun. I let the kids make and decorate cookies on Friday. We were playing catch up. Yes, we had caught up on housework and caught up on laundry, but what our break really allowed me to do was catch up with my family. I was able to tune into the relationships and not just the routine of work that had become my daily focus.

I know not all mom’s struggle with giving themselves permission to take a break, but I suspect many of us do. We can be our own worst critics and judge ourselves too harshly. We can keep a pretty crazy pace for a time, maybe even a season, but we are moms, not machines. As moms, we have to give ourselves the grace to know when we have reached our limits and take time to PAUSE. Take a break to catch up without feeling guilty for it. Maybe it’s playing catch up with the messes or it might be the relationships that need our attention.

I feel refreshed after my homeschool holiday. I’m ready to start the week with renewed focus and a cleaner house. My sanity doesn’t feel so slippery anymore. It’s amazing what a little break can do. It’s like a vacation with no suitcases to unpack at the end. And everyone has something clean to wear if they decide to get out of their pajamas.

February 4, 2010 By Melissa 10 Comments

Our history read aloud for the day was from William Russell’s Classic Myths to Read Aloud. We were following the journey of Ulysses and his men on their return home after ten years at war with the Trojans. In this reading, they had just landed on an unknown shore and met a peaceful people that fed them a strange fruit they’d never tasted–the fruit of the lotus, an intoxicating flowering plant on the island. “Whoever tastes of that fruit has no longer any desire to return home or to do anything at all, but to sit and dream happy dreams and forget the troubles of the world, and even forget his home and family.” As I read it, the words jumped from the pages straight into my heart.

The Holy Spirit penetrated my lotus-loving heart with those words to show me something amiss in my own life. I was eating the fruit of the lotus. My modern-day lotus kept me from the chores of my home. It made it easy to ignore the cares within my world and tune out my family, all while sitting and dreaming happy dreams. My personal lotus was the Internet.

I’m not writing to warn you of the perils of the Internet. I’m a fan (although one who must beware). This piercing reminder led me to examine my own life for things that wasted my time and energy. Things that turned my desires from God’s best to the world’s cheap imitations. For me, this is the Internet, but what about you? Is there a lotus in your life leading you astray? A ‘fruit’ whose sweetness pulls you away from the very home and family that should be the focus of your journey.

Often this is something that starts out in balance, but when it falls out of balance it pulls us in the wrong direction. Perhaps its the television, a hobby, a friendship, a computer game, Facebook, a great fiction book, a job, a message board or even a ministry. Any number of things, even good things, can lead us astray.

The Lord was showing me a pattern in my life where I was looking for escape on the Internet. Whether it was reading an inspiring blog (albeit a Christian one), researching homeschool curricula and ideas, or finding a great deal online, I was spending more time ‘searching’ online than I was implementing the great things I found. I was Googling more ways to do my job of mom, homeschooler, wife, homemaker and money saver than I was praying to the Lord to show my His ways to do my job. The Internet is a great tool when kept in check, but the distortion of its place in my life led to its sweet tasting fruit zapping my desire for home and family, and ultimately the Lord.

It’s ironic that time wasters abound in our ever-efficient age. But it’s really a matter of the heart that allows us to slip under the power of something that will ultimately rob us of our time, energy and focus. I’ve found it’s easiest to get ‘lost in the lotus’ when I’m not steadfast in my vision of the Lord’s priorities for my life. After the Lord revealed this to my heart, I knew my vision was what needed to get back on track. Proverbs 29:18 says it best, “Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.”

So I made it a priority to set my alarm (instead of waking whenever) and spend time praying and reading my Bible BEFORE chaos awoke in my home. I made it a point to talk to God all day long about all my concerns, both big and small, instead of looking for answers outside of Him.

I also forced myself to get to work on the work of my home. Whether it’s the kitchen piled high with dishes or the discipline issues I see in my children, I stopped trying to ignore it and look past it (not like this was an effective technique anyway). The more attentive and intentional I was in my home and with my family the less I had need of escape.

I also knew that for a time, I needed to take a break from my Internet indulgence. I had to stop eating the lotus, if you will. Or as Hebrews 12:1b puts it “…let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us.” I needed to strip from my life that which was slowing me down and hindering my progress. No getting lost online before my day starts. No searching without purpose. No blog hopping for me.

So I pulled back until I felt the pull lessen. I can’t live life without the Internet, but I know I have to keep it in check. Accountability in this area can really help. Whatever your struggle, share it with someone who can help you stay on track and will encourage you along the way. Change up your routine and your habits. It takes time to break old habits and more time to start new ones, but these changes can help tremendously.

As a Christian, I know I have the power of the Holy Spirit at work in my heart and my life, but it was funny (yet comforting) to me that the Lord used the tale of the mythical lotus-eaters to grab my attention. I think of Romans 8:28: “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Even our Greek mythology read aloud.

Melissa Morgner is a happy wife of 16 years to her college sweetheart and mother to six loud, but lovable children ranging in age from twelve to one. After eight years of homeschooling and sampling way too much curriculum, she takes an eclectic approach in their little schoolroom, choosing resources that best suit the children and the teacher. Her busy household puts her gifts of juggling and winging it to the test each day. She steals moments here and there to write on her blog, Day In Day Out, about the lessons she’s learning from the Lord in the routine but privileged tasks of mothering and homeschooling.

December 21, 2009 By Melissa 8 Comments

If you’re anything like me, your refrigerator has at least a couple of lists on it at any given moment. Right now, mine has the kids’ Christmas wish lists (which are WAY too long), a grocery list, several other shopping lists and a list of things to make for lunch. The lists don’t stop there either. A glance at my day planner will reveal more lists. There’s the list of items I’ve lent to friends, a list of chores for each child, a travel checklist, a list of dinner menus, a list of curriculum we’re using this year and a list of the many projects I’d like to accomplish over our Christmas break, which could probably even be broken down into sub-lists.

We are women who are busy giving and going and doing. Our waking hours are filled with the work of accomplishing these lists with the hope of putting that ever-satisfying check mark next to it. The lists are long and ongoing.

Recently as I reflected on the myriad of tasks that fill the minutes and hours of my days, I realized that while important, none of these items waiting for a ‘check’ off the list are representative of the top three priorities in my life—-God, my husband and my children. Yes, the meals and the laundry and the gifts will bless them, but these things aren’t the heart-level work of relationship that I want to sow into their lives.

All of these relationships take time and work and planning. Yet I had nothing written down anywhere about what I planned to do to build these relationships! I know of very specific things I can do to bless my husband and my children, but they aren’t on a list anywhere to remind me. And it’s sad to say that often I’m so busy working on the tasks of all the other lists that the needs of my Lord and my husband and my children are forgotten or at the very least given the leftovers after the ‘real work’ of the day is done.

So I’ve started a new list—-My Love List–to list out things I can do to individually show love.

I need the visual reminder to do the things that are meaningful and heartfelt to those closest to me. I also need to be specific. It won’t do me any good to write something broad and vague, like “Love Jon today.” That’s too subjective. I have to be specific and write, “Read Jon’s favorite story before bedtime,” then I know I’ve either done it or not.

At the top of my Love List has to be the Lord, the only true source of love.

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born is God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” 1 John 4:7-8

He loves me and is jealous for my love and wants a heart fully devoted to him. My list needs to include praying and reading my Bible. I have to be cautious here; this isn’t a list of performance standards or requirements from God. He won’t love me any more or any less because I do these things. Also, I have to be watchful that in my heart I don’t approach these things as tasks to be ‘checked off’ the list. I just need to come to Jesus and spend time with Him. If I start with the Lord, then I’ll be filled up with His love to give out to my family.

In Titus 2:4, the young women are admonished “to love their husbands, to love their children.” Well, of course, we’d say we love our husbands and our children. Isn’t all the busy work on our other lists evidence of all we do for them? Yet, I have to ask myself what I have done to show love to them lately in specific and personal ways. I’ve been convicted of the specific things I do to minister to others outside my family and yet don’t turn around and put that same effort and creativity into blessing my own family.

Ask your husband and your children what really makes them feel loved—-it just might surprise you what they have to say.

Here’s a list of ideas to get your started:

Write a note and leave it in your husband’s car
Play a game with one of your children
Bring home a little surprise from your shopping trip for everyone (packs of gum are big hits at my house)
Call your husband and tell him how much you appreciate how hard he works
Send your teenager an email or text message just to tell him how much he means to you
Hug and kiss everyone in your house today
Take time to work a puzzle with your preschooler
Get on the floor and play with your toddler
Have a special tea time with your girls and their dolls
Build with Legos with your little engineer

Once I got going with my Love List, it didn’t take long to think of more ideas. And while my goal is to show specific acts of love to everyone every day, I know it won’t always work that way. I’m not in a rush to get through this list. I want to take my time, be consistent and become intentional about relationship building.

At the end of a day, I often judge my success or failure by how much I’ve gotten done. I’m a project-oriented doer at heart. And while it’s good to work hard, we need to judge ourselves in the same light that the Lord will. We need to have eternal goals mixed into the dailiness of life.

I don’t stick my Love List on the fridge for all to see, but I do keep it where I’ll see it frequently. Since starting this list, I’ve become more intentional about loving my family and the Lord. I think the lofty goals of marriage, parenting and the Christian life feel a little more attainable when put to paper in specific terms. This is one list where those check marks will be eternally satisfying because “love will last forever.” (1 Cor. 13:8)

Melissa Morgner is a happy wife of 16 years to her college sweetheart and mother to six loud, but lovable children ranging in age from twelve to one. After eight years of homeschooling and sampling way too much curriculum, she takes an eclectic approach in their little schoolroom, choosing resources that best suit the children and the teacher. Her busy household puts her gifts of juggling and winging it to the test each day. She steals moments here and there to write on her blog, Day In Day Out, about the lessons she’s learning from the Lord in the routine but privileged tasks of mothering and homeschooling.

November 2, 2009 By Melissa 11 Comments

There are many reasons homeschooling can overwhelm you. There are many reasons it has overwhelmed me. After eight years and six children, I thought I had it down. But when the work outgrew the time allotted in my day, my homeschool split the seams of my life wide open. To say I was overwhelmed was an understatement. Maybe you’ve been there too.

After a week of panic (followed closely by prayer), I took a deep breath and remembered that God is in control. It was obvious I wasn’t. I was reminded of the verse the Lord had impressed on my heart my first year of homeschooling.

“For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept, Line upon line, line upon line, Here a little, there a little.” Isaiah 28:10

Those final words, “here a little, there a little,” echoed in my heart. It was only in this way that I could teach my children. It was the little bits that would add up over time to be the progress I wanted to see.

So I set about to find little ways to tweak our days. I looked for nooks and crannies of time to squeeze subjects into. Instead of working only within typical school times, I opened our day wide with possibility. Here are some things worth trying that helped us fit more into our days. When you get creative, you’ll be amazed at all the little opportunities you’ll uncover.

Layer Your Day
Take a look at your day and see where you can piggyback tasks. We all have places in our days where routine has been established, even if it’s just mealtimes. Start by adding on a learning task with this activity. Whether its before, during or after, add in just one thing you want to work on with a child. Maybe it’s math facts or sight words. I have my emerging reader sound out words while I’m peddling on my exercise bike. Multitasking at its best!

Learning Links
This is something I’ve started recently, specifically for my eight to twelve year olds who have email addresses. I send them an email a day with a link to an online learning game (or I try to send a week’s worth at once). I hone in on a skill they need to practice, like learning the continents or dividing words into syllables. There are tons of great learning sites out there. My kids think they’ve gotten a get-out-of-school-free card, but I know they’re shoring up some weak spots in their learning while they’re having fun.

Go Multi Sensory
When things aren’t sticking for whatever reason, it can be helpful to set aside the resources you’re using and come back at the subject through another one of the five senses. Find an audio CD to teach math facts or grammar. Grab a lapbook kit to teach about the Egyptians. We sculpted a flower out of clay to teach those tricky botany terms. Get some more senses involved and see what sticks.

Tweak Your Curriculum
There is no perfect curriculum. Sometimes a good program can be a great match with a little fine tuning. You don’t have to do everything the teacher’s manual recommends. Skip the parts that don’t appeal to you. If it’s too much busy work, assign just the even numbered problems. Or stretch the program over two years. Nix the spelling portion of your language arts package if you need something more suited to your learner. The curriculum police won’t come knocking at your door to check that you did it ‘right.’ Feel free to get out a big, black marker and cross out what doesn’t work for your family.

Play Games
Find a game to achieve your goals. Whatever skill or subject needs mastery, there’s bound to be a game for it. Let the kids play in the evening with dad or for a break after lunch. Siblings can play together while you tend to laundry (or any of the 88 things on your to-do list). Not only are games great for learning, but they’re relationship and character building. Sounds like a triple training opportunity to me.

Kitchen Tutoring
While you’re fixing a meal, invite a child into the kitchen for some one-on-one instruction. Work on this week’s spelling list with magnetic letters on the fridge. Quiz them on science vocabulary. Recite Bible verses or poetry you’re memorizing. Hang a map on the pantry door or inside a cupboard for a quick geography review. I’ve used the microwave keypad for practicing numbers with my youngest ones.

Delegate
If you have extended family who want to help, consider that a gift. If not, get older siblings to help with younger. They can give spelling tests, listen to reading, quiz on math facts or just keep the baby busy while you work with another child. If dad wants to get more involved, let him do the read aloud right before bedtime or conduct the science experiments on Saturday. Make it part of their routine and regular help, even just a little help, will become the norm around your house.

Tweak Your Week
You don’t have to do every subject every day. We only do science on Monday and Wednesday. We’re learning Latin and Greek roots, but we only spend 10 minutes two or three times a week on it. Geography can be taught once a week or for five minutes daily. If you’re trying to squeeze in some art appreciation, pick an artist for one month and hang prints of their work from an old calendar. The next month, pick a composer and play music while you’re cleaning or during dinnertime. Just touching on it here and there throughout your week will do more than you think. You’d be amazed as the results build up over the years.

Every family has their own set of challenges that change from year to year, but managing time is usually a constant struggle. Take heart, that’s just what happens when home meets school. The two are forever mixed into one big blend of challenging opportunities. Get creative in how and where you accomplish your learning and little by little you’ll reach your goals–here a little and there a little.