Beware the Lotus

February 4, 2010 by Melissa

Our history read aloud for the day was from William Russell’s Classic Myths to Read Aloud. We were following the journey of Ulysses and his men on their return home after ten years at war with the Trojans. In this reading, they had just landed on an unknown shore and met a peaceful people that fed them a strange fruit they’d never tasted–the fruit of the lotus, an intoxicating flowering plant on the island. “Whoever tastes of that fruit has no longer any desire to return home or to do anything at all, but to sit and dream happy dreams and forget the troubles of the world, and even forget his home and family.” As I read it, the words jumped from the pages straight into my heart.

The Holy Spirit penetrated my lotus-loving heart with those words to show me something amiss in my own life. I was eating the fruit of the lotus. My modern-day lotus kept me from the chores of my home. It made it easy to ignore the cares within my world and tune out my family, all while sitting and dreaming happy dreams. My personal lotus was the Internet.

I’m not writing to warn you of the perils of the Internet. I’m a fan (although one who must beware). This piercing reminder led me to examine my own life for things that wasted my time and energy. Things that turned my desires from God’s best to the world’s cheap imitations. For me, this is the Internet, but what about you? Is there a lotus in your life leading you astray? A ‘fruit’ whose sweetness pulls you away from the very home and family that should be the focus of your journey.

Often this is something that starts out in balance, but when it falls out of balance it pulls us in the wrong direction. Perhaps its the television, a hobby, a friendship, a computer game, Facebook, a great fiction book, a job, a message board or even a ministry. Any number of things, even good things, can lead us astray.

The Lord was showing me a pattern in my life where I was looking for escape on the Internet. Whether it was reading an inspiring blog (albeit a Christian one), researching homeschool curricula and ideas, or finding a great deal online, I was spending more time ’searching’ online than I was implementing the great things I found. I was Googling more ways to do my job of mom, homeschooler, wife, homemaker and money saver than I was praying to the Lord to show my His ways to do my job. The Internet is a great tool when kept in check, but the distortion of its place in my life led to its sweet tasting fruit zapping my desire for home and family, and ultimately the Lord.

It’s ironic that time wasters abound in our ever-efficient age. But it’s really a matter of the heart that allows us to slip under the power of something that will ultimately rob us of our time, energy and focus. I’ve found it’s easiest to get ‘lost in the lotus’ when I’m not steadfast in my vision of the Lord’s priorities for my life. After the Lord revealed this to my heart, I knew my vision was what needed to get back on track. Proverbs 29:18 says it best, “Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.”

So I made it a priority to set my alarm (instead of waking whenever) and spend time praying and reading my Bible BEFORE chaos awoke in my home. I made it a point to talk to God all day long about all my concerns, both big and small, instead of looking for answers outside of Him.

I also forced myself to get to work on the work of my home. Whether it’s the kitchen piled high with dishes or the discipline issues I see in my children, I stopped trying to ignore it and look past it (not like this was an effective technique anyway). The more attentive and intentional I was in my home and with my family the less I had need of escape.

I also knew that for a time, I needed to take a break from my Internet indulgence. I had to stop eating the lotus, if you will. Or as Hebrews 12:1b puts it “…let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us.” I needed to strip from my life that which was slowing me down and hindering my progress. No getting lost online before my day starts. No searching without purpose. No blog hopping for me.

So I pulled back until I felt the pull lessen. I can’t live life without the Internet, but I know I have to keep it in check. Accountability in this area can really help. Whatever your struggle, share it with someone who can help you stay on track and will encourage you along the way. Change up your routine and your habits. It takes time to break old habits and more time to start new ones, but these changes can help tremendously.

As a Christian, I know I have the power of the Holy Spirit at work in my heart and my life, but it was funny (yet comforting) to me that the Lord used the tale of the mythical lotus-eaters to grab my attention. I think of Romans 8:28: “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Even our Greek mythology read aloud.

Melissa Morgner is a happy wife of 16 years to her college sweetheart and mother to six loud, but lovable children ranging in age from twelve to one. After eight years of homeschooling and sampling way too much curriculum, she takes an eclectic approach in their little schoolroom, choosing resources that best suit the children and the teacher. Her busy household puts her gifts of juggling and winging it to the test each day. She steals moments here and there to write on her blog, Day In Day Out, about the lessons she’s learning from the Lord in the routine but privileged tasks of mothering and homeschooling.

Lists, Lists and More Lists!

December 21, 2009 by Melissa

8 Comments

If you’re anything like me, your refrigerator has at least a couple of lists on it at any given moment. Right now, mine has the kids’ Christmas wish lists (which are WAY too long), a grocery list, several other shopping lists and a list of things to make for lunch. The lists don’t stop there either. A glance at my day planner will reveal more lists. There’s the list of items I’ve lent to friends, a list of chores for each child, a travel checklist, a list of dinner menus, a list of curriculum we’re using this year and a list of the many projects I’d like to accomplish over our Christmas break, which could probably even be broken down into sub-lists.

We are women who are busy giving and going and doing. Our waking hours are filled with the work of accomplishing these lists with the hope of putting that ever-satisfying check mark next to it. The lists are long and ongoing.

Recently as I reflected on the myriad of tasks that fill the minutes and hours of my days, I realized that while important, none of these items waiting for a ‘check’ off the list are representative of the top three priorities in my life—-God, my husband and my children. Yes, the meals and the laundry and the gifts will bless them, but these things aren’t the heart-level work of relationship that I want to sow into their lives.

All of these relationships take time and work and planning. Yet I had nothing written down anywhere about what I planned to do to build these relationships! I know of very specific things I can do to bless my husband and my children, but they aren’t on a list anywhere to remind me. And it’s sad to say that often I’m so busy working on the tasks of all the other lists that the needs of my Lord and my husband and my children are forgotten or at the very least given the leftovers after the ‘real work’ of the day is done.

So I’ve started a new list—-My Love List–to list out things I can do to individually show love.

I need the visual reminder to do the things that are meaningful and heartfelt to those closest to me. I also need to be specific. It won’t do me any good to write something broad and vague, like “Love Jon today.” That’s too subjective. I have to be specific and write, “Read Jon’s favorite story before bedtime,” then I know I’ve either done it or not.

At the top of my Love List has to be the Lord, the only true source of love.

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born is God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” 1 John 4:7-8

He loves me and is jealous for my love and wants a heart fully devoted to him. My list needs to include praying and reading my Bible. I have to be cautious here; this isn’t a list of performance standards or requirements from God. He won’t love me any more or any less because I do these things. Also, I have to be watchful that in my heart I don’t approach these things as tasks to be ‘checked off’ the list. I just need to come to Jesus and spend time with Him. If I start with the Lord, then I’ll be filled up with His love to give out to my family.

In Titus 2:4, the young women are admonished “to love their husbands, to love their children.” Well, of course, we’d say we love our husbands and our children. Isn’t all the busy work on our other lists evidence of all we do for them? Yet, I have to ask myself what I have done to show love to them lately in specific and personal ways. I’ve been convicted of the specific things I do to minister to others outside my family and yet don’t turn around and put that same effort and creativity into blessing my own family.

Ask your husband and your children what really makes them feel loved—-it just might surprise you what they have to say.

Here’s a list of ideas to get your started:

Write a note and leave it in your husband’s car
Play a game with one of your children
Bring home a little surprise from your shopping trip for everyone (packs of gum are big hits at my house)
Call your husband and tell him how much you appreciate how hard he works
Send your teenager an email or text message just to tell him how much he means to you
Hug and kiss everyone in your house today
Take time to work a puzzle with your preschooler
Get on the floor and play with your toddler
Have a special tea time with your girls and their dolls
Build with Legos with your little engineer

Once I got going with my Love List, it didn’t take long to think of more ideas. And while my goal is to show specific acts of love to everyone every day, I know it won’t always work that way. I’m not in a rush to get through this list. I want to take my time, be consistent and become intentional about relationship building.

At the end of a day, I often judge my success or failure by how much I’ve gotten done. I’m a project-oriented doer at heart. And while it’s good to work hard, we need to judge ourselves in the same light that the Lord will. We need to have eternal goals mixed into the dailiness of life.

I don’t stick my Love List on the fridge for all to see, but I do keep it where I’ll see it frequently. Since starting this list, I’ve become more intentional about loving my family and the Lord. I think the lofty goals of marriage, parenting and the Christian life feel a little more attainable when put to paper in specific terms. This is one list where those check marks will be eternally satisfying because “love will last forever.” (1 Cor. 13:8)

Melissa Morgner is a happy wife of 16 years to her college sweetheart and mother to six loud, but lovable children ranging in age from twelve to one. After eight years of homeschooling and sampling way too much curriculum, she takes an eclectic approach in their little schoolroom, choosing resources that best suit the children and the teacher. Her busy household puts her gifts of juggling and winging it to the test each day. She steals moments here and there to write on her blog, Day In Day Out, about the lessons she’s learning from the Lord in the routine but privileged tasks of mothering and homeschooling.

Tags: building family memories, daily schedule, Encouragement, intentional parenting, lists, loving one another, marriage goals, Parenting

Here and There

November 2, 2009 by Melissa

11 Comments

There are many reasons homeschooling can overwhelm you. There are many reasons it has overwhelmed me. After eight years and six children, I thought I had it down. But when the work outgrew the time allotted in my day, my homeschool split the seams of my life wide open. To say I was overwhelmed was an understatement. Maybe you’ve been there too.

After a week of panic (followed closely by prayer), I took a deep breath and remembered that God is in control. It was obvious I wasn’t. I was reminded of the verse the Lord had impressed on my heart my first year of homeschooling.

“For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept, Line upon line, line upon line, Here a little, there a little.” Isaiah 28:10

Those final words, “here a little, there a little,” echoed in my heart. It was only in this way that I could teach my children. It was the little bits that would add up over time to be the progress I wanted to see.

So I set about to find little ways to tweak our days. I looked for nooks and crannies of time to squeeze subjects into. Instead of working only within typical school times, I opened our day wide with possibility. Here are some things worth trying that helped us fit more into our days. When you get creative, you’ll be amazed at all the little opportunities you’ll uncover.

Layer Your Day
Take a look at your day and see where you can piggyback tasks. We all have places in our days where routine has been established, even if it’s just mealtimes. Start by adding on a learning task with this activity. Whether its before, during or after, add in just one thing you want to work on with a child. Maybe it’s math facts or sight words. I have my emerging reader sound out words while I’m peddling on my exercise bike. Multitasking at its best!

Learning Links
This is something I’ve started recently, specifically for my eight to twelve year olds who have email addresses. I send them an email a day with a link to an online learning game (or I try to send a week’s worth at once). I hone in on a skill they need to practice, like learning the continents or dividing words into syllables. There are tons of great learning sites out there. My kids think they’ve gotten a get-out-of-school-free card, but I know they’re shoring up some weak spots in their learning while they’re having fun.

Go Multi Sensory
When things aren’t sticking for whatever reason, it can be helpful to set aside the resources you’re using and come back at the subject through another one of the five senses. Find an audio CD to teach math facts or grammar. Grab a lapbook kit to teach about the Egyptians. We sculpted a flower out of clay to teach those tricky botany terms. Get some more senses involved and see what sticks.

Tweak Your Curriculum
There is no perfect curriculum. Sometimes a good program can be a great match with a little fine tuning. You don’t have to do everything the teacher’s manual recommends. Skip the parts that don’t appeal to you. If it’s too much busy work, assign just the even numbered problems. Or stretch the program over two years. Nix the spelling portion of your language arts package if you need something more suited to your learner. The curriculum police won’t come knocking at your door to check that you did it ‘right.’ Feel free to get out a big, black marker and cross out what doesn’t work for your family.

Play Games
Find a game to achieve your goals. Whatever skill or subject needs mastery, there’s bound to be a game for it. Let the kids play in the evening with dad or for a break after lunch. Siblings can play together while you tend to laundry (or any of the 88 things on your to-do list). Not only are games great for learning, but they’re relationship and character building. Sounds like a triple training opportunity to me.

Kitchen Tutoring
While you’re fixing a meal, invite a child into the kitchen for some one-on-one instruction. Work on this week’s spelling list with magnetic letters on the fridge. Quiz them on science vocabulary. Recite Bible verses or poetry you’re memorizing. Hang a map on the pantry door or inside a cupboard for a quick geography review. I’ve used the microwave keypad for practicing numbers with my youngest ones.

Delegate
If you have extended family who want to help, consider that a gift. If not, get older siblings to help with younger. They can give spelling tests, listen to reading, quiz on math facts or just keep the baby busy while you work with another child. If dad wants to get more involved, let him do the read aloud right before bedtime or conduct the science experiments on Saturday. Make it part of their routine and regular help, even just a little help, will become the norm around your house.

Tweak Your Week
You don’t have to do every subject every day. We only do science on Monday and Wednesday. We’re learning Latin and Greek roots, but we only spend 10 minutes two or three times a week on it. Geography can be taught once a week or for five minutes daily. If you’re trying to squeeze in some art appreciation, pick an artist for one month and hang prints of their work from an old calendar. The next month, pick a composer and play music while you’re cleaning or during dinnertime. Just touching on it here and there throughout your week will do more than you think. You’d be amazed as the results build up over the years.

Every family has their own set of challenges that change from year to year, but managing time is usually a constant struggle. Take heart, that’s just what happens when home meets school. The two are forever mixed into one big blend of challenging opportunities. Get creative in how and where you accomplish your learning and little by little you’ll reach your goals–here a little and there a little.