Rhodema | Heart of the Matter

July 27, 2010 By Rhodema Leave a Comment

“Mom, don’t you trust me?” We’ve all heard that.

With two teenagers in my house there is a whole lot of letting go, praying—and did I mention fear—when it comes to releasing them into the world wide web. From the day the umbilical cord is cut, the process of releasing our children begins. As they learn to walk we hold their fingers. They let loose and fall. I have never heard of a child who doesn’t take a tumble as he learns to put one foot in front of the other.

Our teens will make mistakes and fall as they learn to walk as an adult. They won’t get it right every time; they are in training. When they stumble, we are there to help them stand up and walk again on a secure footing.

The goal in our house is preparing our teens to stand and make good choices in the face of the smorgasbord of folly laid before them in the world. I can’t hide them from what is offered —unless I’m willing to keep them in their rooms the rest of their lives. But, I don’t think that is what Jesus had in mind when He said we are to be the light of the world and to live life abundantly.

Gradual Process

The groundwork for adulthood is laid by teaching respect for authority, moral foundation from scripture, and wisdom in choices during the early years. As they grow up, the opportunities to rebel increase as the consequences get more serious. How we deal with them as toddlers, grade school aged children and tweens sets the stage for our interaction in the teen years.

The teen season offer a chance to test drive young adulthood before they leave our home. I’m all for freedom but I borrow the famous phrase, “Trust but verify,” from Ronald Reagan.

Accountability

Soon after a much publicized national pastor scandal, our pastor shared from the pulpit how our local church staff submits to one another in order to maintain accountability. I appreciated learning that at the time but even more so now that my teens are navigating the online media highway. I am thankful to be able to point to this practice as an example to my children. Even our pastors need rules and use online safeguards.

When our teens get a cell phone, email or social networking account, it comes unashamedly with strings attached. I get the passwords and the freedom to check up on text messages and facebook buddies. As trust is built, I check in less.

Trust Goes Both Ways

With the access to my teenagers’ social media accounts, I promise not to embarrass them. I don’t post baby pictures or any of my favorite photos of them dressed as a princess or a pirate when they were younger. I don’t tell them online to take out the garbage or brush their teeth—for their friends to see.

Becoming Tech Savvy

I’ve had to become technically savvy. Where has my child been on the computer? I’ve learned to check the history of online searches and sites on our computer. We have software to censor unwanted pictures and websites. As adults, we have all experienced the pop-up we don’t want to see. It can happen to the young adults in our home, as well, if we don’t block them.

Resources:

Logged on and Tuned Out: a Non-Techie’s guide to Parenting a Tech-Savvy Generation, book by Vicki Courtney

Focus on the Family Media Safety Resources – Website

Share Your Wisdom

Is there a Bible verse that has provided a family principle in the area of trust? What guidelines have you adopted in your home? What media control programs in your home have helped verify trustworthiness?

Rhodema Cargill lives the parenting adventure with Calvin, her college sweetheart. They have two adult daughters and two teenagers still at home, a girl and a boy. Their homeschool style is eclectic with a great love of living history books. Rhodema is a freelance writer and speaker. Visit with her on her blog: MommyLife.

June 29, 2010 By Rhodema 4 Comments

Summer is often the time that we reevaluate our homeschool curriculum and goals. As we measure successes, struggles and what sometimes seems like failures, we can get discouraged or wonder….

Talking with moms who have homeschooled over fifteen years, I often hear the same theme—they are tired. Their homeschool journey seems long and lacking freshness. Now why did I do this?

When I first began my homeschool journey, I met women who had taught for fifteen years and I was in awe. Now I am there, starting my nineteenth year with a senior and a freshman.

There are days that I am weary. That is when I go back to remember why I began.

It was a calling for me and my husband. God knew what we didn’t. Two of our children are dyslexic and homeschooling was just what they needed. Our family is passionate about missions, and homeschooling has allowed focus and time to travel on mission trips. Most importantly, God knew my heart better than I did and answered my prayers for a close family.

Recently as I’ve been reading through the Old Testament again, I am reminded of another reason. I am struck with a command that God gave the Israelite kings in Deuteronomy 17:18-20.

God commanded each new king of Israel to first spend time copying the entire law of God by his own hand. Once his handwritten copy was approved by the priests, he was to keep it with him at all times, reading it every day and referring to it when he was to make a decision.

Homeschooling allows us to fill our children’s hearts and minds with God’s word—just the way God desired the kings of Israel.

We can choose curriculum that credits God with the creation of our world.
We can select curriculum that shows God’s hand in the events of history.
We can give our children heroes to pattern their life after through excellent biographies of godly world changers.
We can read God’s word each day with our children and pray.

Yes, I am weary at times. But then I know that God is the one to accomplish what He has called me to do. I am so glad that He gives strength to the weary.

but they who wait for the LORD
shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.
-Isaiah 40:31

May 25, 2010 By Rhodema Leave a Comment

I love curling up with a good book—one I can’t put down. An even bigger blessing comes when that book draws me closer to the Lord. For those seasons of rest and reading, I often turn to Francine Rivers’ books. I find her words life-giving.

As a reviewer for her newest novel Her Mother’s Hope, I had the opportunity to host her interview on my blog. What compels the author spiritually, inspired me as a writer and a parent. God can use our passions and talents to reach the world with His message.

Francine writes with purpose to draw her readers into a relationship with the creator God. She weaves scripture throughout her writing and paints pictures that illustrate spiritual truth. The author desires to reveal an infinite God with an infinite love for each individual.

This has not always been Francine’s goal in writing. She loved writing from childhood, but her first novels are not in print and “not recommended” by the author. She calls those B.C. or Before Christ novels. After the dramatic change occurred in her life and marriage, Francine hung up her writing pen. She allowed God to lead her through a season of learning new priorities. God had to become first, her family second and then writing. For three years she did not write but instead soaked in God’s Word.

Not until God prompted her to write again, did she begin writing Christian fiction. Her first Christian novel Redeeming Love is a romance set in the gold rush era of California. She considers it her statement of faith. It portrays Jesus’ unconditional love for us and is based on the Old Testament book of Hosea. Each novel since then has been developed out of a spiritual struggle in the author’s life. As she grapples with the answers, she illustrates what God teaches her by writing a story.

Francine desires to see more writers who excel in their craft enter the field of Christian fiction. She sees God at work in this mission field. With the world in disarray politically and economically, she feels that Christian fiction can speak to searching, hurting hearts. Francine has big dreams for great literature to be on the big screen. She would love to see more positive films roll out of Hollywood. Her novel Redeeming Love is in the developmental stage for a movie.

What advice does the author have for Christian writers? Writing should flow from daily time in God’s Word. Know the scriptures from beginning to end. Without a vital relationship with Christ and honesty about our struggles against sin, we will not have anything of value to offer readers.

Francine’s life inspires me as a parent. If our children enjoy the creative arts, we should help them gain experience and develop skill. God gives talent and passion to our children. Through them the arts can be used to inspire believers and win others to the faith.

I pray that we can say like Francine that God has given us the “tongue of a disciple” in order to “sustain the weary one with a word” (Isaiah 50:4).

For more information about Francine Rivers go to www.francinerivers.com.

March 11, 2010 By Rhodema 3 Comments

My teens recently toured backstage at a Broadway theater. A lead actor from the play Wicked gave this advice to aspiring young actors,”Work hard. If you can get in your mind that the world doesn’t owe you a job or money, you will be ahead in the job hunt.” He went on to tell about his disappointment with the new generation’s lack of motivation to put in extra effort. “They want high salaries without the long hours of work.”

Our teens are part of Generation Y, or the Millennial Generation. They are defined as young people born between 1979 and 1994. They are digitally savvy and used to constant contact and instant feedback. Whether we agree or not, today’s younger generation has a reputation of believing they are entitled to high salaries and interesting jobs that won’t interfere with their personal lives. They are also characterized as having a lack of respect for the older generation.

Although generation gaps have always existed, today’s gap is so wide that the young people are called Technical Natives while those in the older generation are known as Technical Immigrants. Most middle-aged adults can text and e-mail, but if they want to do much else, they must find a teenager to help. Computer lingo seems to be the native tongue of our youth.

These differences impact teenagers as they seek to enter the work force. Strengths in the younger generation can become liabilities without job skill training. Never has this teaching been so important. The unemployment rate is over 10% for adults. In some places, it is double that for teens. Competition for after school jobs is steep. The jobs will go to those who know how to conduct themselves in an interview and how to interact with older employers.

I recently spoke with an area McDonald’s upper-level manager. She agreed that today’s youth come to the job with certain gaps in their skills. “They are very technically savvy, but they’re not used to manual labor. I have to teach them how to work hard. This generation requires more motivation than the young people of the past.”

I asked her if she had advice for teens as they go out on a job interview. “They need to remember that presentation is everything. How they dress, speak, and fill out the application are still as important as ever. The younger generation does not care about appearances, but they need to remember that they’re interviewing with an older generation that does value professional attire and behavior.”

What we consider basic common sense for on-the-job behavior still needs to be taught to our children. We will do our children a huge favor by reviewing job search skills while addressing specific problem areas pertaining to the Generation Y mentality.

Search the Internet for desirable employee traits and you will find promptness, reliability, honesty, and friendliness mentioned often. What do these qualities look like in the interview and early weeks on the job? Following is a list of pointers to go over with your young adult:

Talking Point for Teens:

Dress professionally when you go out and apply for jobs. Different jobs require different attire. You would look odd applying at a food service job wearing a suit. The best rule to follow is to dress a little better for the interview than you would for a day on the job. Make sure your clothes are neat and clean. Do not wear t-shirts with offensive slogans. Flip-flops and tattered jeans are cool but not for interviews or work.

Be prepared to fill out applications. Have a list of references and their contact information. It is best to discuss this with the references beforehand and have their approval before listing their names. If you have worked previously, have the employer’s address and phone number. Don’t sell yourself short. If you have experience through scouts or volunteer projects, list those under experience. You want to have your social security card with you when you apply.

Practice interviewing. Hold a practice interview with your parents so you will be more prepared. Many Websites offer typical interview questions that you can use. Several teens and their parents could get together for mock interviews.

Be on time. Be a little early, but do not be late.

Turn off your cell phone during the interview or better yet, leave it in the car. Although your peers perceive phone calls or texts as acceptable interruptions when you talk, it is a job interview killer.

Good old fashioned manners never go out of style. A firm hand shake while looking the potential employer in the eye are rare among young people. Thank the interviewer and consider a follow-up thank you note. Remember, they have done you a favor by taking time to interview you. You are not doing them a favor by coming in to apply.

Follow up with a polite phone call if you have not heard from them in the time they stated. If you are turned down, thank them for the chance to apply and interview. Don’t burn any bridges; you don’t know what opportunities may open up in the future.

You’ve landed a job, now what? Certain skills will help you keep it.

Always arrive on time with an attitude that says, “I am ready to work.”

Remember that employers have paid for your full attention during work hours. It is not time to talk on the phone or text. You are hired to work, not visit with other employees.

Never complain about your job, boss, or employer in front of customers or other employees. It will usually come back to haunt you.

Use sick days sparingly. You don’t want to gain a reputation as being undependable.

Address customers with friendliness and respect and look them in the eye.

Be willing to work hard at your job and learn new skills. Be a self-starter and one who can finish projects without constant oversight.

With pointers from parents, practice interviews, and a warning list of job taboos, I believe our teens will be in high demand in the workplace.

What experiences have you had in your family with working teens from Generation Y? What advice would you add?

Resource List:

Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris

Young Person’s Career Skills Handbook

Websites:

therebelution.com – Alex and Brett Harris

About.com – Career Planning – Teen Job Skills

Jist Publishing – America’s Career Publishers

Job Interview Strategies for Teens Part I

Job Interview Strategies for Teens Part II

Rhodema lives the parenting adventure with Calvin, her college sweetheart. They have two adult daughters and two teenagers still at home, a girl and a boy. Their homeschool style is eclectic with a great love of living history books. Rhodema teaches women’s Bible studies and is a MOPS speaker. Her blog for moms is Herding Worms.

January 28, 2010 By Rhodema 3 Comments

The holidays are over and we are all back in the classroom. If you are less than excited, the solution may be as simple as stepping outside into the sunshine.

January and February are tough months for me every year. I am a SAD sufferer. This may sound pathetic but SAD actually stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder. A surprising number of Americans fall prey to this gray cloud that roles in each winter. Around ten percent of the population is the number quoted in numerous websites.

What is SAD? Seasonal Affective Disorder is a mood disorder that occurs during certain times of the year. Most sufferers become depressed each year during the winter months due to less sunshine. When the body receives less sunlight, the brain does not produce enough serotonin. This neurotransmitter is important for keeping the brain functioning smoothly and without it a person can become overwhelmed with feeling of depression. Although SAD sufferers feel relief when spring arrives, it can be tough during January and February.

What are the symptoms for over 30 million American SAD sufferers each year?

Depression and anxiety
Increased need for sleep or difficulty getting up each day
Increased appetite and carbohydrate craving
Weight gain
Irritability
Lack of concentration
Relationship problems

Does this sound like you or a family member? The syndrome can effect children although it usually begins in young adulthood. It is more prevalent among females than males. If the blues hit your home it could play havoc in your homeschool classroom. Fortunately, the solutions for the winter months can be fairly simple.

Learn the Facts
Start with learning to recognize the symptoms. Check out articles on WebMD. Understanding that there is a reason for the blues can go a long way toward working on relief. Sometimes just knowing that the sadness is temporary is the best reassurance.

Practical solutions are simple and easy–even fun–to implement as a homeschool families.

Get some sunlight
Start each day near a sunny window. This is a perfect spot for breakfast, devotions or a read aloud first thing in the morning. If weather allows, sit outside in the sunshine or take a walk. Morning light is important to jumpstarting a positive mood each day.

Meet at the park regularly with other families. For our northern readers who have harsh weather, find and indoor gathering place that is well lit. Bright light is the next best thing to sunlight.

Exercise
Did you know that exercise also releases serotonin in your brain? Add a daily aerobic exercise, even if it is only for 10 to 20 minutes, and you can feel a euphoric lift. This might be the semester to implement a home fitness program into your curriculum. Our family has discovered Wii fit. We like variety so Dance Dance Revolution is also a favorite. Laughing with each other during these workouts is a spirit lifter as well.

Eat Healthy
A balanced diet is healthy for the body as well as the mood. Teach your children about nutrition and break the cycle of carbohydrate craving. Have your children help plan meals, shop for food and cook. These skills will benefit them for a lifetime and help with moods.

Has your family battled the winter blues? If your homeschool classroom has been effected by SAD, share the solutions that have worked in your family.

Rhodema lives the parenting adventure with Calvin, her college sweetheart. They have two adult daughters and two teenagers still at home, a girl and a boy. Their homeschool style is eclectic with a great love of living history books. Rhodema teaches women’s Bible studies and is a MOPS speaker. Her blog for moms is Herding Worms.

December 17, 2009 By Rhodema 3 Comments

Imagine the sky the night Jesus arrived on planet Earth as a baby. What would we see if we could turn back the clock and view the stars that shone over the stable? One shiny light in particular interests me–the Star of Bethlehem.

Many theories surround the star. Was it a legend, a comet, or simply an unexplainable miracle? Historians of that time period confirm that something incredible occurred in the heavens that night. The film, Star of Bethlehem, brings together faith, science and logic for a beautiful and compelling explanation of this brightest of all stars.

This movie, made by the producer of The Passion of the Christ, has become a family tradition in our home each Christmas. It chronicles the search of Frederick A. Larson, a lawyer, to find the truth about the heavenly sign.

In true lawyer fashion, Larson studies the characteristics of the star as outlined in the gospel of Matthew. Using these clues and others from historians of the New Testament time period, he pinpoints the time and location of the star. Larson then employs a computer program, Starry Night, that makes turning back the night skies possible.

Starry Night, used by astronomers the world over, generates maps of the night skies for anytime in history from anywhere in the universe. It builds on the discoveries of Johannes Kepler of the 17th century and Isaac Newton who first discovered the three laws of planetary motion. Computer technology speeds up the hand calculations of the past to instantly reveal the location of the celestial bodies at any given point throughout time.

The Star of Bethlehem received accolades from renowned scientists for its sound research. Beautifully and artistically produced, the Dove Foundation gave it five doves.

Personally, when I watch this film, I am amazed by the absolute order of the universe. Each time, I experience a spiritual revival and wonder why I ever doubt God’s ability to order every detail of my life, my family, and my world. We can truly concur:

The Heavens declare the glory of God;

The skies proclaim the work of His hands.

Day after day they pour forth speech;

Night after night they display knowledge.

Psalm 19:1-2

This film makes a great choice for an outreach evening of fellowship in your home. Invite your neighbors, co-workers or family members over for sweet Christmas treats, cocoa, and a lively discussion. The surprise ending reveals the complete purpose of Christ’s visit to Earth and the message meticulously inscribed in the canopy of the heavens.

Obtain your copy from your local Christian bookstore or from http://www.bethlehemstar.net.

November 30, 2009 By Rhodema 2 Comments

My daughter started her sophomore year of homeschooling before we finally learned why school was so difficult for her.

We walked out of the third floor office of the learning specialist and neither of us spoke. Instead, we each attempted to absorb what the doctor just presented in the appointment. I pushed the down button and felt relieved that only my daughter and I stepped into the empty elevator.

“So, what do you think about the diagnosis?” I asked.

After a pause she said, “I’m a little mad right now, at God. I’m trying to take this in. My whole life I thought I was stupid and now I discover that I have a learning disability but that I am really smart.”

Parents who homeschool students are proud of the studies that show higher standardized test scores among children taught at home. Home educated students consistently score higher on the ACT and SAT tests. But, what do you do when your child’s best academic efforts land him or her in the bottom quarter of the standardized test chart?

Diagnosis

My daughter had trouble learning to read and she struggled with spelling and writing since she first held a pencil. If hours of study and hard work equaled success in school, she should have been a National Merit Scholar but the results were quite the contrary.

After numerous tutors, specialists and misdiagnoses throughout the years, we learned that she is dyslexic. She was harder to diagnose because she could read, but the disability affected her ability to perceive phonetic sounds in her brain. She couldn’t spell or write without great difficulty.

The diagnostic report read: profound disability requiring accommodations.

There was no treatment or cure, only coping skills to aid in learning. Aside from the practical study techniques, we determined that the most important survival approach for my daughter to learn was to see herself and her abilities through God’s eyes.

Created Perfect

I like to remind my daughter that she is part of a unique and complete package. What others may consider a deficit, in one area, only adds to whom she is designed to be in God’s plan–and He does have a plan.

I love the parable of the stewards that Jesus told in Matthew 25. He reveals what God values in his followers: not talent, but talent well used. God doesn’t compare servant to servant. Instead, He is interested in what each person does with what he is given. That is what I strive to instill in my daughter.

Curriculum Choices

As is often true in kids with learning challenges, they blossom in the arts. I began tailoring my daughter’s high school curriculum to music, art, voice and theater. We discovered she has a great voice so we began centering opportunities on singing.

Not all academic curriculums are suited for students with learning challenges. I realized that my daughter learned best with courses that offered the lessons and tests on the computer. She even enjoyed some of her science curriculum via music with the Lyrical Learning series.

Learning to type and use the computer for her papers was essential. My husband and I invested in a program called Dragon Naturally Speaking, voice recognition software. This allows her to “speak” her papers. The program types on the screen what she says into the microphone. It takes practice to learn to use the program but my daughter now finds it essential in her writing assignments.

The diagnosis from the learning specialist allowed for certain accommodations in my daughter’s schoolwork. We began implementing these. Her tests were given orally and with extra time. I no longer counted off for spelling errors.

Any writing assignments turned in for classes were proofed by me for spelling errors that slipped by her voice recognition software. My goal, as mom and teacher, was not to do her work for her but to come alongside only in those areas where she lacked ability. I strived to level the playing field, not make things easier for her than for other students.

“Gifted and Talented” for Ministry

God doesn’t require GPA checks before allowing us to minister to others. Life difficulties can yield a harvest of compassion in the soil of a bruised heart. My daughter’s heart was wounded yet ripened to come alongside others who were hurting. Her capacity to feel another’s pain was greater because of her own struggles to stand firm in the face of not “measuring up.”

Homeschooling allowed flexibility for my daughter to participate in community ministry. We learned of an after school program for disadvantaged children. When she helped elementary students with homework difficulties, she did it with patience and a knowing empathy. She was definitely “gifted and talented” for this role.

A trip to the Amazon jungle on a mission team offered her a chance to use her voice to lead ministry. Her compassionate heart made her a magnet for the children. They all vied to be the closest to her as she walked on the village paths or taught Bible lessons. For ten days she was a jungle super hero.

These ministry opportunities had a double benefit. People received help but she also began to experience success outside of the academic realm. She began to see the possibilities for her future.

The Future

College may not be for every child with learning issues. However, my daughter wanted to attend a Christian university to prepare for ministry. We made plans to attend a local Christian College Fair.

Halfway through the event, her shoulders began to droop. Usually, the first thing on the school brochures and out of the mouth of the recruiters was the proud statement of their number of National Merit students and the high GPA’s of entering freshmen. My daughter clearly was in the bottom quarter of those students being sought by the schools represented here; her College Board scores were dismal. She did find some schools with probationary admissions and colleges that offered help through academic help centers.

She could sense the doors slamming shut on her dreams until she approached one college table. My daughter asked her standard question, “What is your ACT/SAT cutoff for entrance?”

A wise recruiter looked into my daughter’s eyes and spoke words that gave her hope.

“None. We don’t use cutoffs. We find that those students with the top grades don’t always perform the best in ministry.”

My daughter flashed me a smile as she loaded up her bag with every brochure on the table plus the pen, magnet and bumper sticker.

She did end up applying to this school and is now in her senior year at this university. On her entrance application essay she wrote:

I have dyslexia. Some may call this a disability or even a reason not to enter college. I have to study and work harder than most to succeed in my class work and I am prepared to do just that. But, I consider dyslexia a blessing because of what I have learned. God has taught me: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” -2 Cor. 12:9 NIV

My daughter is no longer angry with God over her dyslexia. It has taught her to lean into God’s grace to receive His power for her life and her ministry.

The Battle Continues

The world continues to evaluate individuals by the measuring stick of academic success. As parents we have to be vigilant not to slip back into that realm. When a less than stellar grade report comes from the college, we strive not to overreact. We have had to sit down with our daughter and talk through her study habits.

At first, she was reluctant to ask for help at the university level. We had to coach her on how to meet with the learning specialists and speak up for herself by turning in her documentation and asking for the accommodations.

We actually role played with our daughter so she could practice talking to professors about her learning disabilities. She has learned to make it clear that she wants to take full responsibility to work hard but ask for help when needed.

Our daughter will never finish her journey. As she moves from college to the work setting she will continually have to incorporate her accommodations into her job tasks. She will have to stand firm when the world might assess her negatively. By continuing to see herself through God’s eyes and lean into His plan, she will be successful–God’s way.

October 29, 2009 By Rhodema Leave a Comment

Have you ever wanted a window into your teenager’s heart? Try listening to music–their music.

Being raised in the 70′s, I remember the music battles. Most parents from my generation said at least ten times a week, “Turn that racket down!” I decided to take a different approach with my young adults.

Often, when we hop in the car, I ask my kids to pick the music. I can’t say I always enjoy their choices, but it is enlightening. What a person chooses to listen to is so many times a reflection of their thoughts and emotions.

Sometimes it’s the beat they love and, at other times, they are drawn to the lyrics. I keep my opinion and criticism to myself as I offer instead, my standard question, “What do you like about this song?” The most tight-lipped teen usually opens up, and what you hear from him or her, is very revealing.

If I am cautious to do more listening than speaking, I learn what my kids think about God, His message, and their responsibility as part of God’s mission to the world. We have some of our best theological discussions at these times.

What if I find a moral objection to my teenager’s choice of vocal artist or the words of a song? My question instead might be, “What do you know about the singer?” or perhaps, “What worldview comes through the song?”

If you feel clueless about some of their music selections, you can check them out at Focus on the Family’s popular entertainment review page: http://www.pluggedin.com/en/music.aspxhttp://.

One of the most important benefits to sharing music is seeing my kids smile and say, “Thanks for listening to my music.” As they are growing into individual adults with their own tastes, respect for their choices strengthens our relationship.

I think it is worth forgoing the music war to gain the music window.

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