Making Laundry Detergent – Homesteading With Suzanne
August 3, 2009 by Suzanne
The last time we talked I told you how I had temporarily dropped all of my newly frugal ways due to the surprising sickness that came with this pregnancy. Except one. Laundry detergent. I started making my own detergent last November after watching an episode of 18 Kids and Counting and I haven’t looked back. The money saving value is so exceptional it will, at the very least, make you look twice and, at most, cause your jaw to drop and become it’s number one promoter.
For most recipes I found online there were 3 basic ingredients needed. Borax, washing soda, and laundry soap. I find these three items in my grocery store for under $10 (you can call their hotline numbers to find a store near you) or order them online.
Here are the two recipes I have tried.
Liquid: I used the Duggars recipe found here.
Powder: 1 cup Borax, 1 cup Washing Soda, and enough grated Fels-Naptha to make 2 cups (usually 1-2 bars)
Here is the full list of what I gather each time I make a large batch of detergent.
I have a large coffee can cleaned out to hold the detergent, an old cheese grater I keep just for the soap,
a plate to grate the soap onto, a little food chopper to finely chop the soap, and here’s where I appear to really go off the deep end – I keep our extra remnants of bath soap (you know the little pieces that usually fall apart and get thrown away?) and then use them as extra filler soap with the Fels-Naptha.
My large almost 3 pound coffee can will hold a triple batch and this lasts us months.
I grate the Fels-Naptha and remnant soap, then put it in the chopper to make it super fine. I dump the soap into the coffee can at this point, add the 3 cups Borax and 3 cups Washing Soda (remember – my big batch is tripled) secure the lid and shake thoroughly. And I’m through. I use less than 1/8 cup powder per large load.
I have consistently used 20 Mule Team Borax and Arm & Hammer Washing Soda, but I have tried several different types of soaps – Pink Zote Soap and regular Zote Soap. They all worked great I just happened to like the Fels-Naptha the best. It’s a harder soap – I like the way it grates and I like the smell of it a little better. And speaking of the smell, the fragrance is very light before washing. After washing, the clothes have no noticeable odor. At all. Even in that first trimester. I, personally, like a stronger smell to my clothes, so with all the money saved on detergent I began buying the off-brand fabric softeners just to make my clothes smell like what I’m used to.
In my brief time making detergent I’ve learned a few things. There are lots of recipes out there. I began with the recipe they gave on television – it was a liquid version. It worked fine for us and I have at least two friends who still opt for the liquid recipe – it does seem to go a little further. I switched to powder when I got pregnant and loved the ease of it so much that I haven’t gone back. I had to tweak ours a bit, which I read later may have been due to the hardness of our water. Maybe. Though I’m fairly certain mine was due to my general goofiness.
For instance, my local Wal-Mart did not carry the Washing Soda and I figured since it and Baking Soda were both made by Arm & Hammer and they both had Soda in the name that they couldn’t be that different, right? Not so. At least, not in the same ratios. After one batch made with the Baking Soda our clothes were looking very dingy. I became disheartened and almost gave up. But after reviewing my recipe, decided to do a search of the bigger city for the real stuff and actually give the real recipe a try. (Novel concept, right?) It worked like a charm. Our clothes came out beautifully clean.
Here is another site with lots of versions of the recipe.
So, tell me, do you use homemade laundry detergent? If so, how long have you been doing it and what’s your recipe? If not, but think you want to try this, be sure to come back and tell us how it works out and if you’ll continue.
Happy soap making!!
Suzanne is wife to one and mama to four and a half. The little ones are 2 boys ages 7 and 6, a girl who’s 4, a wild toddler boy who’s 2 and a new baby boy expected this October. She eclecticly unschools with lapbooks the Charlotte Mason way. In other words, she doesn’t have the slightest clue what she’s doing, but does it anyway. Be sure to stop by her personal blog at TheJoyfulChaos.
Lapbooking – A Few of Your Questions Answered
I’ve had several people (real life and this here life!) ask about our lapbooks. What are they? What do they look like? Where do I come up with ideas? Do the kids like them or are they just a Mama-thing? How much do you they cost? How do you fold them? Are they just for little people or do older kids do them too? What do you need to get started? And these are just a few. So I thought I would answer some of those questions. And start showing off my kids’ work a little along the way.
What are they?
A method of homeschooling. Or supplementing any other learning (public, private, or just free time fun stuff). The are basically scrapbooks that kids make. You can print off little “components” (see, I’m even gonna give you some lingo, so you feel “in the know”!), have the kids fill in the information, and glue them in file folders. Yeah, just those plain boring manila kind that you can buy a whole bunch for very little money at your local get-it-all store. Typically you refold the folders to where they open up like shutters in the front, but that depends on the lapbook and your preference. It’s a great place to keep their work (I’ve suggested them to my public schooling friends who don’t want to trash all that paperwork their children bring home from school).
What do they look like?
They look like little booklets that unfold and hold lots of cutesy pictures and fun folded paperwork.
Where do I come up with my ideas? And how much do they cost?
You can buy very cool preprinted packages from some very trustworthy and amazing places. A Journey Through Learning and In The Hands of a Child are great examples. I’m cheap and prefer free. That means a little more work on my part, but not much. My favorite site of all and great place to get started is HomeschoolShare. Wow. Free, constantly updated, exhaustive, and organized. Really, for homeschooling what more could you ask for?! You can go explore their site, but if you’re looking for the shortcut straight to the list of lapbooks they offer go here. Their lapbooks are then either listed exhaustively or broken down by age. They have lapbooks by topic (for instance lizards, the human body, and honey bees) and literature-based lapbooks (we’ve done Winnie the Pooh and Some Bees, The Mitten, and If You Give A Mouse A Cookie just to name a few). I love both, but am probably partial to the literature-based just because I can cover so many subjects in one place.
How do the kids feel about them?
Mine love them. And I have 2 boys and a girl ranging in ages from 7 down to 4 who currently participate in them. They like picking them out or seeing what surprise one I’ve picked out for them. They enjoy doing each component, and since mine are still so small I usually put them all together at the end for them, and they love that completed surprise when it’s all over. And here’s the amazing part, after about a year of doing them, they’ve started asking to go back through them. At bedtime it’s the number one asked for item over books or toys. When they see a show about a book or topic we’ve covered before they run to get that lapbook to look through it again.
Are they just for little learners or for older kids too?
As I said my kids are all under the age of 8, but they have some pretty advanced and very cool chapter book lapbooks, as well. And I look forward to turning over the entire putting-togetherness of it when they get just a bit older. I think you’ll be surprised what all’s out there for both genders and all ages once you start looking into them.
How do you fold them or the oft-heard “That’s very cool, and you make great ones, but I would never be able to figure out all that folding” ?
There are such great resources out there that take you step by step in the process. Remember, it’s one little fold and one little component at a time that eventually adds up to one whole complex cool lapbook. Don’t get overwhelmed by the finished products. At HomeschoolShare they have a whole section on blank resources if you care to do them yourself or expand on the lapbooks they have available for you. When you click on an already prepared lapbook each component is listed seperately so that you may pick and choose the items you want to include in your lapbook. With those items you print are instructions of how to fold them. They also include pictures at the end of each section to show you what their completed lapbook looks like. But it’s always just a suggestion. And I’ll always take comments or emails and talk you through any place that you’re stuck.
How do you know just how much to include or when you’re through with one lapbook?
This is a good question. You can play by the rules and print off the whole list and when you work through it, well, then you’re done. I’m not a good rule follower. I go by my kids’ levels of concentration. I pick components I think they would like (or let them pick), print them off, and have them on hand. I’m not a great planner or stick to it-er once I have a plan, so maybe I’m not a great one to ask. Or maybe I’m the perfect one to ask. You pick! Either way, this is how I do it. I print off the things I want, we jump in one morning and get started, when my kids start losing interest for the day, we quit. Then we do some more the next day. And we keep going as long as they show interest and aren’t fighting me on it. When they seem through, I quit, put it all together, and give it to them like a present. If they show more interest than I have printed items for, then I go get creative. I go to sites like Enchanted Learning (a paying site for the premium stuff – $20 a year last I checked, but very trustworthy, legitimate, and a WEALTH of resources), an awesome site full of free stuff is Jan Brett’s site, I do a search for the topic we’re working on, and/or there are usually related extra resource sites at the end of each lapbook on HomeschoolShare with lots of free printables to add to your finished project. This is yours and ultimately you’re in control of all of it!
How much do they learn, does it cover enough, and do you use it a your sole curriculum?
Hmm… Depends on who you ask, but since you asked me, I’ll answer! My kids have learned a ton and have retained nearly all of it. Really. When they see something in real like that reminds them of a once-covered lapbook they get excited and start reminding me about what they learned. It can be your sole curriculum and cover enough if you’re dedicated. They are great as a companion to Five In A Row. I have one friend who uses Abeka and plans to use these to kick off or wrap up each 6 week series they start. I have another friend who wants to use these mostly during the summer and do their “regular curriculum” during the “regular school year”. It’s up to you. Homeschool Share even has a scope and sequence checklist for the things you might want to cover with your child according to grade. Print that off, make a plan, work through it. And you have an entire school year ahead of you, if you’re that organized and so inclined. If you are, I envy you and dream of being you some day. For me, I’m kinda lazy. Or kinda busy (at least that’s what I tell myself, though I have a sneaking suspicion it’s more the former). So we do lapbooks according to their desires and fill in the blanks with workbooks and textbooks when I get tired of lapbooking (yes, it can happen, even for an enthusiast such as myself), or run out of one of the necessary items to lapbook.
Which brings us to another question I get..
What do you need to get in order to lapbook?
This is a running joke amongst my lapbooking friends and myself. Just go buy stock in glue sticks, printer paper, ink, and file folders now. I’m kidding. Kind of! Depending on how many lapbooks you do, how often you do them, how many children you have and how many of those children either contribute to one large combined lapbook or each have their own you may very well find yourself at one of the super mega supply stores buying in bulk. But when you consider the price you pay for curriculum or other fun learning projects then the price is nominal. If you’re a beginner I suggest you buy a pack of file folders (I buy the manila ones because I’m cheap – we have painted and decorated them before, but mostly just leave them plain, however, they do have colored file folders if you desire); several glue sticks (I like the sticks over the liquid, because when you’re doing that much gluing – your paper will tend to wrinkle – and well, that just drives me crazy); a pack of printer paper; a pencil; and some colors, markers, or paints; those brass brad things are handy, but not always necessary; a stapler; and sometimes you may want some clear contact paper for the things you want to keep “just so”. As with most things, they can be as simple or as elaborate you want.
An example of a simple literature-based lapbook my 3 year old daughter did is What Will You Wear Jesse Bear?
And an example of a more elaborate exhaustive topical lapbook is the Volcanoes lapbook my 5 year old son did kindergarten year.
Have questions I haven’t covered? Sites I haven’t mentioned? Or want to show off your own awesome lapbooks? Please do! We’d love to hear from you.
Suzanne is wife to one and mama to four and a half. The little ones are 2 boys ages 7 and 6, a girl who’s 4, a wild toddler boy who’s 2 and new baby boy expected this October. She eclecticly unschools with lapbooks the Charlotte Mason way. In other words, she doesn’t have the slightest clue what she’s doing, but does it anyway. She lives in a world where there are few absolutes. The dishes don’t stay cleaned, the laundry doesn’t stay put away, the children don’t remember what she told them yesterday. But in their chaotic lives they have found joy. And they’d love to share that with you. So, come on over, kick a path through the toys, have a seat on the couch and grab a cup of strong coffee. Just be ready to hone your skills of “interrupted conversation”! And be sure to stop by her personal blog at TheJoyfulChaos.
One Step Forward, Two Steps Back – Homesteading With Suzanne
May 11, 2009 by Suzanne
I was on a roll. I was saving money. Going green. Preparing my garden with the compost I had so lovingly saved. I was perfecting my bread making, keeping granola on hand for hungry mouths, instituting cooking days, and cutting my grocery bill in half. I was cultivating confidence (and growing pride) by the yard full.
We found out we were expecting the newest Parker and I knew we’d fold this upcoming baby into the routine just as I had done with the first four. I’d begun to ask about and look into cloth diapering. Baby food would take on a whole new look now. It was going to be great!
And then I got sick. Nothing to worry about, just run of the mill, first trimester-can’t-get-off-the-couch sick. Why didn’t I plan for this? Why didn’t I see it coming, you gently ask? Well, the answer is not a popular one. I wasn’t really sick with the first four pregnancies. I had a little nausea a couple of times, but mostly just breezed through it. I know, don’t hate me, I can’t help it. And I was always thankful for it, I knew others and I knew how it could be. So I was always grateful.
But it caught up with me. I paid for it this time around. Still am, on some days. My house came crashing in around me. And I was completely unprepared. I couldn’t plan meals, shop for meals, cook meals, much less actually eat the meals. I couldn’t keep laundry done, sweep the floor, or even manage to teach my children. So, naturally, when my sewing machine came to a slow pitiful stop in need of oil, I couldn’t manage to figure out how to fix it. I couldn’t imagine preparing a whole fryer for boiling. I couldn’t prepare a garden. I wasn’t brewing coffee anymore or chopping any fresh vegetables, so I quit even trying to upkeep my compost. In fact, the only thing I kept up of my new ways was my laundry detergent making (it’s that easy – and I’ll share how I do it next time).
But one of the hardest parts of this for me has been the mental battle that came with this. I beat myself up over it. Feared that all my progress had been for naught, that I had let y’all down – two measly updates in. As we filled our cabinets and fridge with frozen, packaged, instant foods again I knew I had failed. And let’s not even talk about school work. Lapbooks came to a screeching halt. And finally even our ridiculous attempt at worksheets stopped. Who was I kidding? What was I thinking? What were we going to do? (I tend to be a little on the dramatic fatalistic side when it comes to myself.)
What DID we do? We ate out. A lot. We ate instant foods. We watched tv. I laid on the couch and cried. Really, it wasn’t a pretty picture.
But now, as I’m rounding the corner into my second trimester, the fog is lifting. About an inch at a time, but enough so that I feel hope. I’m back to cooking a real meal or two a week. My sweet husband put the few items we bought for the garden into the ground and even used my compost! Just yesterday I added new compost fodder to the container. Worksheet schoolwork is back in swing (but I’m saving those lapbooks for when I feel like superwoman again). And my house doesn’t look so much like a disaster area.
As I sat wallowing in my “I’m a failure” self-pity and bemoaning the fact that since I am a failure I have nothing to tell you guys, I had a revelation. That is just what I would tell y’all. That sometimes when starting something new there will be bumps in the road. Heck, there will even be times you just pull over on the side of that road and do nothing. But the desire that drove you to start in the first place will bring you back to where you left off. It’s okay to do the dance your own way. And for me, right now, that homesteading dance is one step forward and two steps back. At least I’m starting somewhere. Again.
Suzanne is wife to one and mama to four, with a new one expected in October. The little ones are 2 boys ages 7 and 6, a girl who’s 3, and a 2 year old boy who’s not knee-high to a grasshopper yet. She eclecticly unschools with lapbooks the Charlotte Mason way. In other words, she doesn’t have the slightest clue what she’s doing, but does it anyway. She lives in a world where there are few absolutes. The dishes don’t stay cleaned, the laundry doesn’t stay put away, the children don’t remember what she told them yesterday. But in their chaotic lives they have found joy. And they’d love to share that with you. So, come on over, kick a path through the toys, have a seat on the couch and grab a cup of strong coffee. Just be ready to hone your skills of “interrupted conversation”! And be sure to stop by her personal blog at JoyfulChaos.
This is all I know
May 3, 2009 by Suzanne
I don’t have a clue about what I’m doing. No, really, I don’t. I know people who have their whole homeschooling careers mapped out from before their child is born. They know the method they’ll use. They have a plan for whatever learning styles their children turn out to have. They have their curriculum ordered, their school year lesson plans written or if they’ve chosen unschooling, they are completely confident and prepared for the life of learning they’ll unravel. Me? I have no idea.
A year and a half into this thing I don’t know what I’m doing. Nope, truly. How many days a year? Nope. Start in September? Start in January? Nope. Use a full curriculum set? Unschool? Eclectic? No idea. I don’t even know if my oldest is really in kindergarten or 1st grade. I told you I didn’t know what I was doing. Before they were preschool age I thought maybe I’d homeschool. I knew I had the ability. I wasn’t worried about socializing. I knew there were lots of great curricula out there. And then my oldest made lots of friends and there was such a to-do about registering for school and I caved. Against my husband’s better judgement.
Shoulda been a sign.
And then my husband took a job in a different city 3 weeks before school was to start. And we didn’t find a place to live (leaving him commuting more than an hour each way) until 3 days before the first day of school.
Shoulda been a sign.
I was in the first trimester of my 4th pregnancy. Every morning I got 3 small children dressed and fed and drove 20 minutes (to the best school in the district – refused to put my 4 year old on a bus) and dropped my crying, hysterical child off with strangers who could care less. That’s how kindergarten goes.
“They have to grow up,” they said.
“They’ll eventually stop crying,” they said.
“He’ll love it,” they said.
“It’ll be great for your other children,” they said.
“You deserve it,” they said.
“He’ll listen better to someone other than his mother,” they said.
“You’re coddling him,” they said.
“You’ll ruin him,” they said.
“He needs to toughen up,” they said.
He cried and I cried. Then, my other 2 children stood by the door all day asking about their brother and when I picked him up from school he was hungry; and tired; and overwhelmed; and in trouble – Everyday. So, I scheduled appointments with the teacher and I was informed that she had “only a minute to talk” because her son had a football game to get to so I couldn’t glean from her if it was typical kindergarten adjustments or if it was him. Next, I signed up to volunteer and was told that I should allow the professionals to do their jobs because they’ve been trained and know best. I attended the PTA meetings and was treated like a first-timer that needed to wise up, get seasoned.
I brought my son home each afternoon with new papers declaring things like “name moved from good guys to bad guys” with no specifics of what to actually address. I went to meet him for lunch on his 5th birthday and realized they had 20 minutes to retrieve their tray, eat, and dump their trash. So, when he needed to potty, he didn’t get to finish eating. When we told him to put his chicken nuggets in his pocket so that he could eat them on the playground immediately following lunch he said, “Oh, no, I would get in a bunch of trouble for sneaking food.” He got in trouble at rest time for holding the 2 inch square of cloth that I had sprayed with my perfume to comfort him. In the mornings he begged me to not drop him off before the morning bell. They were to go out to the playground with all 6 of the other grades to play with 2 on-duty teachers. When we got home we did homework, reviewed his disciplinary action for the day, fed him, bathed him, and sent him to bed. We awoke the next morning to do it all again.
Shoulda been a sign.
At 8 weeks we finally prayed about what we were doing. And we brought him home – with no plan; no curriculum; no ammunition in our arsenal. We were armed only with our love for our son. Our feeling of what we were doing was finally right and we had the confidence that we know what’s best. I still don’t have a plan. I have hand-me-down curriculum. I have the internet. I have the Discovery Channel. I have ideas about someday ordering cool sets. I don’t know. Most days I question if I’m doing enough. Other days I question if I’m pushing too hard. I don’t know much about what I’m doing. But what I do know, we’ll go where the wind blows. I know that I love my children. I know that I don’t need a special degree to do that. I know that they’ve come so far in such a short time and I know that they astonish me constantly with what they’ve learned. I know that I love being with them. I know that they love being with each other. I don’t know how to do what I’m doing, but I know that what I’m doing is right. And I know that at the end of the day I love what I’m doing.
Suzanne is wife to one and mama to four. The little ones are 2 boys ages 7 and 5, a girl who’s 3, and a baby boy who’s not knee-high to a grasshopper yet. She eclecticly unschools with lapbooks the Charlotte Mason way. In other words, she doesn’t have the slightest clue what she’s doing, but does it anyway. She lives in a world where there are few absolutes. The dishes don’t stay cleaned, the laundry doesn’t stay put away, the children don’t remember what she told them yesterday. But in their chaotic lives they have found joy. And they’d love to share that with you. So, come on over, kick a path through the toys, have a seat on the couch and grab a cup of strong coffee. Just be ready to hone your skills of “interrupted conversation”! And be sure to stop by her personal blog at JoyfulChaos.
Back To Those Babies of Yours
March 31, 2009 by Suzanne
I write to you my fourth and final letter. This one, as well, is about those sweet babies of yours. I know they are the joys of your life. But I also know when we’re gettin’ real with each other they can be the absolute challenge of your life. In those difficult times I hope these words come back to you. And bring you comfort.
**Thank you to Heidi of Mt Hope Academy for this photo
1. Everything is a season. It will pass.
2. Don’t pass judgment on what you don’t know. Because if it’s not you, then you probably don’t know. You will eat your words.
3. Your children will get dirty.
4. Commercial stain removers will get about any stain out. If it doesn’t, replace the clothes with something even cuter.
5. Your very young children will throw fits.
6. Your babies and toddlers will hit other children and you.
7. Your toddlers and post-toddlers will try out lying.
8. Your children will embarrass you in public.
9. When annoyances happen a million times a day – and they do – repeat after me… “it doesn’t matter.” Because, really, it doesn’t.
10. Forgive them and teach them the right things to do (they really don’t know yet) just as God is daily forgiving you and teaching you.
11. Your children were born into sin. Just like you.
12. Slow down – you can’t hurry and love simultaneously.
13. Hold them when they’re sick – until you think you’re going to lose your mind. And then hold them some more.
14. Your young children just want to be with you.
15. They won’t always want to be with you.
16. Your children will get hurt.
17. Don’t obsess about your child’s safety – be informed, be aware, and then trust them into God’s care.
18. When bad things happen – and they will – know it has already passed through God’s hands, He is completely heart-broken with you, and there is a reason.
19. You will not know “why” in the midst of situations very often.
20. God loves your children more than you ever could.
Suzanne is wife to one and mama to four. The little ones are 2 boys ages 7 and 5, a girl who’s 3, and a baby boy who’s not knee-high to a grasshopper yet. She eclecticly unschools with lapbooks the Charlotte Mason way. In other words, she doesn’t have the slightest clue what she’s doing, but does it anyway. She lives in a world where there are few absolutes. The dishes don’t stay cleaned, the laundry doesn’t stay put away, the children don’t remember what she told them yesterday. But in their chaotic lives they have found joy. And they’d love to share that with you. So, come on over, kick a path through the toys, have a seat on the couch and grab a cup of strong coffee. Just be ready to hone your skills of “interrupted conversation”! And be sure to stop by her personal blog at JoyfulChaos.
Starting Somewhere: Gearing up for Gardening
February 27, 2009 by Suzanne
As the weather starts to show signs of spring (or at least we hope it does soon!) I’m turning my homesteading thoughts to the garden. You know… that we don’t have, have never had, and have no idea how to have, but that’s for another day. Right now, let’s talk trash.
Composting! Here we come!
In the fall, I started my first compost bin. Overwhelmed by even what kind of bucket to use, I went to my closet, dumped some clothes out of a container and set about my starting. Then we went out into the front yard and started collecting dirt and leaves. I then started setting a plate on my counter and put all of our coffee grounds, egg shells, tea bags, and fruit and veggie peelings on it. Each day, or whenever I deemed it too gross to be in my kitchen, one of my children would step out on the back deck and dump the plate into the bin.
We have dumped some dirt into it and stirred it, but that’s been very rarely. It’s not been very stinky, though it has been winter time. I do hear that it doesn’t get really stinky like regular trash.
I do have to say, I wonder if it will be garden ready at the beginning of gardening this year. It appears to not be breaking down at the rate that I had thought it would go. But I will stay the course, and hope that something productive comes of it.
In the meantime, this has been an easy (read: lazy) way to feel like we’re changing our ways. It is so low maintenance. Seems like I can’t really get it wrong. And it’s one more step that by next year will be such a part of our lives that we won’t have to think about it and may contribute positively to our lives. At least I started, made one more change in our consuming ways, and stuck with it. Big steps in my book!
For y’all who have thought about doing this, but have not started because you were intimidated by the unknown (and you know you’re out there, I couldn’t have been the only one!!) start here. Let’s talk trash together and learn alongside each other. If I can do this, I promise you can.
And for those that are old pros: What I need from you is advice. I didn’t research this. I know nothing about what I’m doing except dumping our old produce in a bin and stirring dirt into it. Is this right? Should I be adding something else or not putting something in? How long will this take to be actually useful in a garden? Please leave a comment with your own composting blog post, someone else’s website that has great information, or just a comment telling me what I can do differently. And let’s do this thing!
Suzanne is wife to one and mama to four. The little ones are 2 boys ages 7 and 5, a girl who’s 3, and a baby boy who’s not knee-high to a grasshopper yet. She eclecticly unschools with lapbooks the Charlotte Mason way. In other words, she doesn’t have the slightest clue what she’s doing, but does it anyway. She lives in a world where there are few absolutes. The dishes don’t stay cleaned, the laundry doesn’t stay put away, the children don’t remember what she told them yesterday. But in their chaotic lives they have found joy. And they’d love to share that with you. So, come on over, kick a path through the toys, have a seat on the couch and grab a cup of strong coffee. Just be ready to hone your skills of “interrupted conversation”! And be sure to stop by her personal blog at JoyfulChaos.
Dear Friends, About Those Babies of Yours
February 26, 2009 by Suzanne
For my third letter to you I want to visit with you about those little ones of yours. Oh, no, don’t worry, their imperfections don’t bother me at all. Their loudness and messiness, nah, I’m used to that, and, secretly think it’s endearing – at least I know my kids aren’t the only ones. I have no judgment for you, sweet friend, you have enough of that without me. I just wanted to let you know that I understand that this baby-raising business can be tricky and that maybe my words can soothe your confused soul.
1. Find the balance in everything. Not much in life is black and white.
2. Raising kids (and all else in life) is not as much about issues – watching tv, what they’re eating, what programs to put them in – it’s about the principles along the way. Are you doing it out of love? Are you praying for, and with, them? Are you forgiving them and others? Are they seeing that?
3. Life, like the Bible, is not about the law and rules (the law has to be there, but rules are not the end all) you must balance the law with forgiveness, grace, and love.
4. Life will not go as planned.
5. The house doesn’t have to be perfect – you’re the only one that cares.
6. Nothing will ever be perfect – don’t wait on it – it won’t happen.
7. If they’re getting into stuff – move the stuff.
8. Your babies are already who they are going to be – you just get to wait and discover them – you don’t create them.
9. They will not “get it” when you train them.
10. Training a child under 4 is like spitting in the wind. Do it anyway – but do not expect a behavior change.
11. Training is a process – over years – not a one-time event.
12. Discipline – ie. time outs, loss of toys and privileges – doesn’t start until they are closer to 2 years old.
13. Don’t react. Plan.
14. Do not discipline in anger – send them away to their room or you go to yours until you can discipline calmly, this will prevent so much guilt on your part.
15. Think of why they’re doing what they’re doing – how would you react in the same situation?
16. Repetition is what works. From about 10 months until it is clear from their faces that they know exactly what they’re doing willfully, discipline looks like a short command said quietly (ie. “not in the mouth”) and then removing them or the item. It never gets any firmer. You’ll just repeat until you’re saying it in your sleep.
17. As they get older discipline more firmly for the important stuff: lying, stealing, being cruel. As opposed to spilling something, having a messy room, getting dirty.
18. Praise more abundantly for being kind, serving others, telling the truth, asking and showing forgiveness, giving freely.
19. When disciplining, sometimes show them mercy and let them off the hook completely with no guilt – explain that’s how God’s grace works and God is merciful.
20. What your children learn from you – they will apply to God.
Suzanne is wife to one and mama to four. The little ones are 2 boys ages 7 and 5, a girl who’s 3, and a baby boy who’s not knee-high to a grasshopper yet. She eclecticly unschools with lapbooks the Charlotte Mason way. In other words, she doesn’t have the slightest clue what she’s doing, but does it anyway. She lives in a world where there are few absolutes. The dishes don’t stay cleaned, the laundry doesn’t stay put away, the children don’t remember what she told them yesterday. But in their chaotic lives they have found joy. And they’d love to share that with you. So, come on over, kick a path through the toys, have a seat on the couch and grab a cup of strong coffee. Just be ready to hone your skills of “interrupted conversation”! And be sure to stop by her personal blog at JoyfulChaos.
20 MORE things about husbands
January 27, 2009 by Suzanne
Here, dear friends, is the second installment of my letter to you: perfectly adoring amazing help meets that we all are, about our always sweet, wonderful, helpful husbands. Right? Right!? You know I’m talking to you. About him. And you know I’m right there with ya.
Here follow the last 20 truths I learned either by gleaning wisdom from older friends or the painfully hard way.
1. Every once in awhile, watch your husband and make a list of the things you fell in love with and realize you are weak in those areas so that God could make you One.
2. Put your husband first and then your children. Your husband needs this, you need this, and amazingly your children need this.
3. If you feel aggressively, defensively that you.are.not.wrong – you just might be!
4. Be teachable - especially when you don’t want to be.
5. Stop (mid-sentence if you have to!) when you’re tempted to gossip, berate your husband, or say anything negative.
6. Speak only encouraging words and they’ll come back to you.
7. Surround yourself with positive people. It’s contagious.
8. Ask God for the characteristics that you want, try to make these changes yourself, find people that have those characteristics, and then just be patient while God does the rest of the work for you. One day you’ll just wake up and wonder how you’ve become more of the person you wanted to be.
9. Read Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul by John Eldridge – it’s written for men – my husband said it was life-changing so of course I read it! It gave me such insight into my husband. And my boys.
10. If something isn’t working – in your marriage, with your children, with others – ask God to search you and try you and give you wisdom to know what to change.
11. You will gain wisdom, if you ask.
12. Give freely and often.
13. Accept freely and with much gratitude.
14. Don’t “pray”. Talk to God like you talk to your friends – openly and often.
15. When you want to complain – think of something in your current situation for which to be thankful. There’s always something.
16. Make life comfortable for your husband and he will make life fun for you.
17. Joy is looking at life with a thankful heart. It is a decision.
18. Contentment is not “just one more thing.”
19. Money is never worth it.
20. Joyfully laughing always is.
Suzanne is wife to one and mama to four. The little ones are 2 boys ages 7 and 5, a girl who’s 3, and a baby boy who’s not knee-high to a grasshopper yet. She eclecticly unschools with lapbooks the Charlotte Mason way. In other words, she doesn’t have the slightest clue what she’s doing, but does it anyway. She lives in a world where there are few absolutes. The dishes don’t stay cleaned, the laundry doesn’t stay put away, the children don’t remember what she told them yesterday. But in their chaotic lives they have found joy. And they’d love to share that with you. So, come on over, kick a path through the toys, have a seat on the couch and grab a cup of strong coffee. Just be ready to hone your skills of “interrupted conversation”! And be sure to stop by her personal blog at JoyfulChaos.
Starting Somewhere: Homesteading with Suzanne
January 23, 2009 by Suzanne
Confessions of a Beginning Homesteader
Although my daddy grew a garden every year and my mama canned at the end of each summer I was a mall-goin’, car cruisin’ kind of girl. When I got married all I brought to the table was my ability to make macaroni without having to look at the directions on the side of the box.
But I have a secret. I want to go green.
Bake my own bread. Can my own produce. Make my own soap. Sew. Mend. Darn (as in socks, right?). I was so gung-ho. When my mom brought over all of her old canning equipment and even a few “vintage” how-to books I did a little dance and got giddy over how my cabinets would look full of beautiful jars, how much money I could save, and how wholesomely my family would eat. All by my own hands.
I dream big.
But I fear bigger. So I stashed those canning supplies in a cabinet set aside just for them and kept telling myself I would tackle that challenge soon. My excitement grew stale and my defeat found roots before I’d even begun.
“I can’t do this.”
“I have no idea where to start.”
“I can’t even keep one house plant alive, much less feed my family from a garden.”
“If I don’t have a garden, then there’s no point in learning how to ‘put up’ my own goods.”
“I can’t afford a deep freeze, I might as well just keep doing what I know.”
“My days are full enough without having to add more stress.”
I closed the door on that cabinet and allowed life to happen. Feed those little mouths, wipe those little bottoms, change nothing, risk nothing, fail at nothing. I can’t do it all, after all. It’s overwhelming to know exactly what to do. Studying all of the must-have’s, just-so’s, best way’s put my perfectionist heart into a stand still.
But each time the toddler opened those doors and pulled out those jars and pans and lids to play with them – I would dream again.
I decided if I wanted to really do this and make it a lifestyle that I needed to make one small change at a time. I accepted that I could not transform myself from Consumer Extra-ordinaire to Producer Supreme in just a few months.
I started smaller than small.
Baking bread seemed so intimidating. So instead I went to my regular grocery store and found a pack of 3 loaves of bread in the freezer section. I still had to let it rise but I started the process a few steps ahead instead from scratch. I spent one-third the money I spent on the regular bread aisle. And I pulled from the oven golden mouth-watering confidence. I did it! I baked bread for the first time ever! I focused on that success instead of the lingering “but I still don’t understand those little yeast packets and all that kneading stuff.” I continued to bake that kind of bread until it was “normal” –just something else I cooked in the kitchen. That allowed me to conquer one fear before moving onto another. And each accomplishment is one more habit that becomes a part of our every day life.
I say all of this to say, this is not a how-to. I’m no expert. Please know: I don’t have the foggiest idea of what I’m doing. But I’m trudging forward. I’m willing to learn. And I really want you to join me – everything new is easier with a friend, plus, I’d sure like to share some fresh-baked bread with you!
Join me, as I keep you updated on the progress of my currently ungreen thumb and the rescuing of my cabinets from that brightly colored parade of store-bought labels. Email me at suzanne@heartofthemattermagazine.com with ideas of what you’d like to see me try next. And by all means, please keep the suggestions, links, and encouragement coming.! Just remember, living off our own land is attainable. We only have to start… somewhere.
Suzanne is wife to one and mama to four. She “eclecticly unschools with lapbooks the Charlotte Mason way.” In other words, she doesn’t have the slightest clue what she’s doing, but does it anyway. She lives in a world where there are few absolutes. The dishes don’t stay cleaned, the laundry doesn’t stay put away, and the children don’t remember what she told them yesterday. But in their chaotic lives they have found joy. Visit her at www.thejoyfulchaos.com.
20 things about husbands
December 30, 2008 by Suzanne
Several years ago, I wrote a letter to a friend of mine who was going through a hard time in her life. I was worried about her. I prayed for her. I prayed for wisdom, patience and peace for her. I prayed for wisdom for me as to how to help her. And I began thinking – I wish I could give her what I’ve learned as a wife and mama. So, I wrote her a letter. I hoped that she would receive it well, I wrote it in a spirit of love.
I ran across the copy I kept for myself the other day and I was floored by some of the words that the Lord clearly gave me at that time. Boy, could I use them for myself most days! I don’t have life figured out. It’s not smooth for me all the time. I don’t obey my Father’s commands like I should, not by any means. But I prayed for wisdom and He was faithful. Now I just need to print these out and live by them!
I’ve divided the letter in half – one about her relationship with her husband and one about her relationship with her child. And to make it a little more suspenseful, uh, er, readable(!) I then split those two letters in half.
So, I write these four letters to you (and myself!), dear friends, in the same spirit.
What I’ve learned about husbands and wives
(from others and the hard way!)
- Your husband is the valiant and noble king in your family.
- You are the beautiful and able queen that he wants to lift up. Read also Proverbs 31.
- Accept that your husband is the boss.
- Check with your husband about all decisions bigger than “what will I eat for lunch today?” And check then, if lunch is with him!!
- Trust his decisions.
- Know his heart – it really is to serve you.
- Build him up to others.
- It’s better to be in love than to be right.
- Research God’s love in the Bible. Read and absorb it. Apply it to you. Know that God loves you.
- Your husband is going to make you mad. Often.
- Hold your tongue. Pray for him. And you! Immediately – don’t wait to feel like it.
- You rarely regret holding your tongue – with your husband, with your child, with others – and it allows you to live in much less turmoil.
- Forgive – it’s not a feeling, it’s a decision.
- The Bible has much to help you – don’t always search by topic – apply the truths and verses to your situation.
- Don’t listen to the world. Being a wife and mama – and one that works hard at it – is the most fulfilling job, it doesn’t have to be your only one – just the most fun.
- Give up your dreams.
- God will give you even better ones… He comes to give you life more abundantly. He will give you new desires in your heart.
- Trust Him that He loves you.
- Your husband will disappoint you.
- Jesus is the only man you can turn to about that.
Suzanne is wife to one and mama to four. The little ones are 2 boys ages 7 and 5, a girl who’s 3, and a baby boy who’s not knee-high to a grasshopper yet. She eclecticly unschools with lapbooks the Charlotte Mason way. In other words, she doesn’t have the slightest clue what she’s doing, but does it anyway. She lives in a world where there are few absolutes. The dishes don’t stay cleaned, the laundry doesn’t stay put away, the children don’t remember what she told them yesterday. But in their chaotic lives they have found joy. And they’d love to share that with you. So, come on over, kick a path through the toys, have a seat on the couch and grab a cup of strong coffee. Just be ready to hone your skills of “interrupted conversation”! And be sure to stop by her personal blog at JoyfulChaos.
