Battling Depression: Part 4

Posted by Barbara | 0 comments

This article is overdue. It was supposed to be submitted to the editor six days ago. And here is why it is late: I’m terrified to write it.

These last three posts have been significantly harder to write than I expected.  What I’m finding is that in order to write convincingly and honestly, I have to relive a bit of what I felt in those dark days. I fully expected that it would be a theoretical reliving. What I found was that the darkness loomed much too close for comfort, crossing over from past memory to present threat. This, clearly, was not okay with me.

And so, with one final article to write for Heart of the Matter, and with a book in the wings on which I am working, I am finding the fear of what might be lurking around the corner to be a significant deterrent to getting the job done.  I would love to be able to say to you, “I am willing to find myself back in the pit of Despair in order to write this book so long as even one person is helped by it.”  But that would be a total lie.  There is no part of me that wants to experience that pain again. Not for a moment.  Not for you. Not for myself. Not for the sake of my family. Not at all. Period.

However, it is a part of the story God is writing for my life. And He intended it for good.  Therefore, I can trust Him to guard me and protect me as He sees fit as I re-evaluate that time of my life, and write about it (which will actually benefit me, and my family, and hopefully you as well).

And so, I praise God for his Word of truth.  It was my life line back then; it is my life line still today. What a blessing to see the speed with which those dark clouds vanish when I seek the Lord quickly, and enlist my loved ones to pray for me before the lies get out of hand.  To see depression hovering on the periphery, and to be able to say, “No. No. I will not give in to that darkness again” is such a blessing.  The battle never even begins because I don’t enter the fray. That is not to say it is a case of “mind over matter”. It is, however, a case of fixing my eyes on things above and listening for Christ’s Word of truth and hope, instead of listening to the slanderous lies of the enemy.

And this is my encouragement to those of you who may have walked that dark road already. When you come through that dark time, you may expect that you’ll never be there again. Or perhaps you worry that you will be there again. Or maybe you have no idea what to expect. Regardless, the battle plan is the same: abide in the Word. Meditate on the rich truths that Jesus speaks in the Bible and gather your prayer partners around you asking for clarity of thought and focus, and discernment to see the lies as they try to take root.

The following is a passage I pray for myself, and that I would suggest you pray for yourself, or give to your husband or friend or pastor to pray over you as well:

Psalm 42:11 “Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God.”

Father, I do wonder at the despair in my soul. You have been so good to me. When I think of what I deserve and what you have given me instead, I marvel. Why are you so good to me? Why is your mercy so rich?  Because you are good and your mercies endure forever. I praise you for that. Thank you for being my help in the past. You have lifted my countenance. You have buoyed my spirit. You have lifted me out of unimaginable darkness.  And so I pray, Lord, that you will do that again. Pull me away from this pit of despair so that I may not fall into it. Help me to walk boldly in the steps you are showing me. Give me the courage to face the darkness as I walk in your marvellous light.  You are my hope. You are my help. Let that be the cry of my heart and the truth to which I cling. I trust you, Father, with my emotions – my fear.  I trust you to guard and protect me as you see fit, knowing that you will never leave me or forsake me. Amen.

Barbara Postma and her husband, as they homeschool their 7 children, are finding out that no two children are alike! Between lessons and lunches, Barbara blogs at Fuel by Barbara.