Bittersweet Birthdays

Posted by LisaV | 0 comments

From the instant our firstborn son turned one, I found myself near tears every time his birthday rolled around. This caught me completely off guard, as I had envisioned only happy moments and celebrations surrounding birthdays. But as a mom, birthdays tend to be bittersweet, as the years pass so quickly and our baby boys turn into men right before our eyes.

This June, our older son turned 14. We had departed at 5:30 a.m. that Saturday for him to compete in a basketball tournament in Iowa. We almost forgot it was his birthday, until we awoke from our sleepy state as they played their first game at 8. He didn’t want his teammates to know about his birthday, so we kept it a family affair. Between games, we had time to shop and ended up buying him sports sandals, a dri-fit shirt, shorts, and socks for his special day. We also enjoyed dinner at the Olive Garden, one of his favorites.

At the hotel that evening, after everyone else had gone to bed, the tears started welling up in my eyes as I contemplated our time together. How did 14 years pass so quickly? When did he become taller than me, develop a deep voice, and take over all the outdoor duties? When his dad traveled overseas for a couple weeks before Christmas, I counted on my teen to blow the snow after the blizzard dumped a foot of white stuff on our driveway. I needed him, and he knew it.

Will you ever forget the first time you saw your newborn? I had never even held a newborn before I had my own, much less taken care of a baby. It all seemed to come so naturally, feeding him and holding him in my arms. As he grew, he was always curious and loved to explore, asking questions constantly and thinking about the deep questions of life.

As we started homeschooling seven years ago, I found out how much he differed from me, always wanting to move and build rather than sit and color. In preschool he would color with one crayon, usually green, and disregard the lines. All the while he would have his nose in the air watching what everyone else was doing. It was definitely an adjustment to find this child so much like his father, who loved history rather than math.

I’m so glad I have this time with him, teaching and learning from him at the dining room table, thinking in abstract ways rather than linearly and finding other methods to solve a problem. He always thought outside the box and marched to the beat of his own drum. He loves sports and is committed to practice, weight lifting, conditioning, and more practice. He works hard, moving up from the middle of the lineup to first batter. In the first nine baseball games of this season, he did not strike out once.

Hearing him say, “I’ll always need you,” and getting hugs from him every day – you can’t put a price tag on that! We made it through his 13^th year relatively unscathed. Oh, there were some awkward moments, but we communicated and kept first things first.

Since we started attending our current church two years ago, our teen heard about outreach and had a strong desire to do this, especially in the neighborhood surrounding our church. This summer he got his wish, as the kids and leaders go out on Wednesday nights to an elementary school playground. They play basketball and other games with the kids who are there, inviting them to church and developing relationships in the process. Our son has always loved babies and small children, and they seem drawn to him. He is gentle yet strong, qualities he’ll need as he hears adulthood.

Though we’ve struggled through spelling lists, math facts, handwriting books, and why everything has to take so long, we understand each other. We don’t have to be the same to build this special bond. He can tell me what’s on his mind and I will listen. When he’s stuck on a math problem, he knows I can help. He can count on me to love him no matter what. Sometimes he’ll ask how I can put up with him and his wild ideas. But I know him, as I’ll always be his mom. I believe in him even when he gives up on himself. He’ll be all right. God has a plan for his life.

Maybe that’s why birthdays are bittersweet. Our time together is so fleeting. I miss when they were little, though those days seemed to last long. When my husband calls home, he wonders why a man answers the phone. It’s his son, all grown up.

Speaking of birthdays, I noticed that this post is set to publish on my birthday. Talk about bittersweet, but that would be a whole other blog post!

Lisa Van Dong has been teaching her two sons since 2004 and attempts to incorporate study, work, service, and play into their homeschooling days. She takes an eclectic approach to homeschooling and enjoys reading, writing, editing, and essential oils. Lisa blogs publicly at Pockets of Time and privately at Scooter and B.