Blessed Disabilities

Posted by Rhodema | 0 comments

My daughter started her sophomore year of homeschooling before we finally learned why school was so difficult for her.

We walked out of the third floor office of the learning specialist and neither of us spoke. Instead, we each attempted to absorb what the doctor just presented in the appointment. I pushed the down button and felt relieved that only my daughter and I stepped into the empty elevator.

“So, what do you think about the diagnosis?” I asked.

After a pause she said, “I’m a little mad right now, at God. I’m trying to take this in. My whole life I thought I was stupid and now I discover that I have a learning disability but that I am really smart.”

Parents who homeschool students are proud of the studies that show higher standardized test scores among children taught at home. Home educated students consistently score higher on the ACT and SAT tests. But, what do you do when your child’s best academic efforts land him or her in the bottom quarter of the standardized test chart?

Diagnosis

My daughter had trouble learning to read and she struggled with spelling and writing since she first held a pencil. If hours of study and hard work equaled success in school, she should have been a National Merit Scholar but the results were quite the contrary.

After numerous tutors, specialists and misdiagnoses throughout the years, we learned that she is dyslexic. She was harder to diagnose because she could read, but the disability affected her ability to perceive phonetic sounds in her brain. She couldn’t spell or write without great difficulty.

The diagnostic report read: profound disability requiring accommodations.

There was no treatment or cure, only coping skills to aid in learning. Aside from the practical study techniques, we determined that the most important survival approach for my daughter to learn was to see herself and her abilities through God’s eyes.

Created Perfect

I like to remind my daughter that she is part of a unique and complete package. What others may consider a deficit, in one area, only adds to whom she is designed to be in God’s plan–and He does have a plan.

I love the parable of the stewards that Jesus told in Matthew 25. He reveals what God values in his followers: not talent, but talent well used. God doesn’t compare servant to servant. Instead, He is interested in what each person does with what he is given. That is what I strive to instill in my daughter.

Curriculum Choices

As is often true in kids with learning challenges, they blossom in the arts. I began tailoring my daughter’s high school curriculum to music, art, voice and theater. We discovered she has a great voice so we began centering opportunities on singing.

Not all academic curriculums are suited for students with learning challenges. I realized that my daughter learned best with courses that offered the lessons and tests on the computer. She even enjoyed some of her science curriculum via music with the Lyrical Learning series.

Learning to type and use the computer for her papers was essential. My husband and I invested in a program called Dragon Naturally Speaking, voice recognition software. This allows her to “speak” her papers. The program types on the screen what she says into the microphone. It takes practice to learn to use the program but my daughter now finds it essential in her writing assignments.

The diagnosis from the learning specialist allowed for certain accommodations in my daughter’s schoolwork. We began implementing these. Her tests were given orally and with extra time. I no longer counted off for spelling errors.

Any writing assignments turned in for classes were proofed by me for spelling errors that slipped by her voice recognition software. My goal, as mom and teacher, was not to do her work for her but to come alongside only in those areas where she lacked ability. I strived to level the playing field, not make things easier for her than for other students.

“Gifted and Talented” for Ministry

God doesn’t require GPA checks before allowing us to minister to others. Life difficulties can yield a harvest of compassion in the soil of a bruised heart. My daughter’s heart was wounded yet ripened to come alongside others who were hurting. Her capacity to feel another’s pain was greater because of her own struggles to stand firm in the face of not “measuring up.”

Homeschooling allowed flexibility for my daughter to participate in community ministry. We learned of an after school program for disadvantaged children. When she helped elementary students with homework difficulties, she did it with patience and a knowing empathy. She was definitely “gifted and talented” for this role.

A trip to the Amazon jungle on a mission team offered her a chance to use her voice to lead ministry. Her compassionate heart made her a magnet for the children. They all vied to be the closest to her as she walked on the village paths or taught Bible lessons. For ten days she was a jungle super hero.

These ministry opportunities had a double benefit.  People received help but she also began to experience success outside of the academic realm. She began to see the possibilities for her future.

The Future

College may not be for every child with learning issues. However, my daughter wanted to attend a Christian university to prepare for ministry. We made plans to attend a local Christian College Fair.

Halfway through the event, her shoulders began to droop. Usually, the first thing on the school brochures and out of the mouth of the recruiters was the proud statement of their number of National Merit students and the high GPA’s of entering freshmen.  My daughter clearly was in the bottom quarter of those students being sought by the schools represented here; her College Board scores were dismal. She did find some schools with probationary admissions and colleges that offered help through academic help centers.

She could sense the doors slamming shut on her dreams until she approached one college table. My daughter asked her standard question, “What is your ACT/SAT cutoff for entrance?”

A wise recruiter looked into my daughter’s eyes and spoke words that gave her hope.

“None. We don’t use cutoffs. We find that those students with the top grades don’t always perform the best in ministry.”

My daughter flashed me a smile as she loaded up her bag with every brochure on the table plus the pen, magnet and bumper sticker.

She did end up applying to this school and is now in her senior year at this university. On her entrance application essay she wrote:

I have dyslexia. Some may call this a disability or even a reason not to enter college. I have to study and work harder than most to succeed in my class work and I am prepared to do just that. But, I consider dyslexia a blessing because of what I have learned. God has taught me: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” -2 Cor. 12:9 NIV

My daughter is no longer angry with God over her dyslexia. It has taught her to lean into God’s grace to receive His power for her life and her ministry.

The Battle Continues

The world continues to evaluate individuals by the measuring stick of academic success. As parents we have to be vigilant not to slip back into that realm. When a less than stellar grade report comes from the college, we strive not to overreact. We have had to sit down with our daughter and talk through her study habits.

At first, she was reluctant to ask for help at the university level. We had to coach her on how to meet with the learning specialists and speak up for herself by turning in her documentation and asking for the accommodations.

We actually role played with our daughter so she could practice talking to professors about her learning disabilities. She has learned to make it clear that she wants to take full responsibility to work hard but ask for help when needed.

Our daughter will never finish her journey. As she moves from college to the work setting she will continually have to incorporate her accommodations into her job tasks. She will have to stand firm when the world might assess her negatively. By continuing to see herself through God’s eyes and lean into His plan, she will be successful–God’s way.

Rhodema lives the parenting adventure with Calvin, her college sweetheart. They have two adult daughters and two teenagers still at home, a girl and a boy. Their homeschool style is eclectic with a great love of living history books. Rhodema teaches women’s Bible studies and is a MOPS speaker. Her blog for moms is Herding Worms.