Family and Faith | Heart of the Matter

September 2, 2010 By Misty 5 Comments

A new school year brings high hopes, doesn’t it? I don’t know about you, but I have been known to become positively giddy in a school supply aisle. Something about notebooks full of clean, blank sheets of paper, new pencils that haven’t even been sharpened yet, and boxes of brand new books does something wonderful for this homeschool mom. Who needs January when we all know the New Year really begins in August?

The homeschooling lifestyle has many wonderful benefits, not the least of which is getting to know these unique gifts God has given us . . .

“Behold, children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward.” Ps. 127:3

As C.S. Lewis said, “It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ‘ordinary’ people. You have never talked to a mere mortal.”

You’ve seen books with titles like, Children are Wet Cement. They propound the idea that our children come to us like blobs of playdough, ready to be molded and shaped like the objects of some baby shower game. The frightening truth, of course, is that they *are* extremely impressionable, and words we use may make indelible imprints.

But I’m afraid if we think our children are just unmolded blobs we can do whatever we like with, we’ll find ourselves extremely frustrated, discouraged, and exhausted.

I’d like to posit that our children are more like blocks of marble. And not just because they’re sometimes hardheaded. Prov. 22:6 is familiar to many of us. It reads, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” I have eight children, from one to eighteen. Amazingly, while having the same genes and being raised in the same home by the same parents, they’re all incredibly different. This weekend we dropped our eldest off at college. My husband and I had parcelled the other children out to friends and spent the night several hours away in my son’s new town, “to celebrate,” as my husband put it. As we reflected that night on the experience, I talked to him about how I felt we’d handed off our “upbringing” responsibility in some way to the college. He reminded me of a video we’d seen where the actors portrayed a Christian being worked on by God, Who chiseled away at him, shaping him as He saw fit. “It’s like we’ve handed off the chisel,” he said. And that felt sooo true.

Michelangelo said, “Every block of stone has a statue inside, and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.”

Raising our kids is like being entrusted with a marvelous piece of marble. It’s our job to carefully, prayerfully chip away at the parts that don’t truly belong to the sculpture–the parts that take away from the image God wants to bring forth. We must be careful not to chip away aimlessly, to strike in anger, or to just hack away at the parts that we don’t like or understand. God made that piece of marble in your living room, mom. He knows what He wants it to look like. It’s our responsibility and privilege to ask Him what His vision for our children is. And then we must listen. And then, if you’re as impatient, imperfect, and likely to mess up as I am, you might want to ask God to hold your hand and aim every strike.

When choosing marble, very rarely did sculptors use pure white stone, because that made it difficult to see the gentle curves of muscle. Another factor considered was the fineness or coarseness of the marble crystals. Fine textures allowed lots of detail, but left the sculpture a bit on the dull side, while coarse, large-textured marble was harder to work with but would have a brilliant sheen when finished. The marble itself contributed to the creativity of the artist and developed the artist’s style, since each type offered possibilities that the artist would learn to master once becoming accustomed to working with it.

Sound familiar?

Of course, our kids probably won’t look like David at eighteen. I’m pretty certain someone will turn my son to the side sometime soon and say, “Woah! Look at that big unformed hunk there–that needs some work!” because I’m imperfect and don’t even own every desirable tool. That’s why he has many more years ahead of him with the Lord, Who will use others to finish what we began.

But I can make sure I give them a good start. I can be faithful to pray and seek God’s will and do what He tells me, to speak purpose into the lives of my children and encourage them to put themselves under His discipline and correction. And so can you!

God is the ultimate sculptor. We just get to help out as His hands and mouth for a few years.

Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”

I encourage you to get to know the wonderful gifts God has given you. Ask Him what He wants to develop in them–and you!–this school year. And let that bring you joy and perseverance as you walk through another year of sculpting.

Misty Krasawski is the overly-blessed mom of eight children whom she homeschools in sunshine-y Florida. She has been clinging ferociously to the hand of her Lord since she was knee-high to a grasshopper, homeschooling for the past thirteen years, and has eighteen more years ahead of her with the children who are glad she will have done most of her experimenting on those who went before. Her wonderful husband Rob has much treasure laid up for him in heaven for having been called to such a daunting task. After the house goes to sleep she can sometimes be found gathering her thoughts at http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/MistyKrasawski.

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August 31, 2010 By Melissa 4 Comments

It had hung next to my kitchen sink for more than 15 years; happy and green in a weathered terracotta planter. I had never done anything special to it, but my shamrock flourished in the same planter in four different homes in two states. I’d added new soil on a couple of occasions, but other than that it received no special treatment.

This spring, for some reason, it started to look unhealthy. I probably was watering it a little less than usual. The leaves were brown and wilted, and it looked like it might not survive. How, after 15 years of so much change, could it all of a sudden be ready to die? I figured maybe it was time to add new soil, but I was too busy to tend to it.

I had been too busy to tend to much of anything. I had been doing so much outside my home that I was too burnt out to serve inside my home. I wasn’t leaving home in my busyness, but my time and attention were pointed elsewhere.

One day it struck me–many days, I had spent more time on a particular volunteer project than I had spent with my family or the Lord.

And not only that, but I was stressed out the majority of time, creating hardship for everyone who lived with me. That’s not what God intended. That’s not ministry. That’s called serving in my own strength. It seems blasphemous, I know, but it’s so easy to do.

I didn’t start out with intentions to venture off the path the Lord had marked for me, nor did I even realize I was doing it, but there were legitimate needs I saw that had to be filled. Or things came up along the way that cried out for help. It often benefited my family in some indirect way and it was easy to justify because of this.

Those were all the things I told myself that made it OK to move my family’s needs to the backburner while I served the greater common good. It felt like I was putting others first, so how can that be wrong? I couldn’t see that my weakness was masquerading as a strength.

I heard a quote on the radio, although I can’t recall who said it:

“Just because you are capable doesn’t mean you’re called.”

It struck a deep chord in my heart and resonated with my weary spirit. I felt like someone had just given me permission to step away from things I might be good at, but wasn’t led by the Lord to do.

I feel capable of so many things, but I am called to just a few. Motherhood. Wifedom. Homeschooling. Disciple of Jesus.

And if I’m so busy serving outside my home in all the areas I’m capable (to the detriment of my family), then who’s fulfilling my call? Who’s nurturing my children? Who’s loving my husband like only I can? Who’s teaching my children the beauty and wonder of God’s creation? Who’s spending time with Jesus for me?

Do I have any energy at all to do anything except the very basic duties of my job? And will I do it with joy or with tired resentment? Will my call to homeschool my children be fulfilled with excitement to see what we’ll learn together today? Or will the slave driver mom just shove them into the next assignment to finish the day’s work so we can be done?

It took a draining school year of my ‘capable’ activities to convince me that I was scattered in the wrong direction. I needed to rein in my efforts and put first things first. The ‘good’ and the ‘better’ needed to be overridden by the ‘best’.

That often means saying “no.” I need to get comfortable with disappointing people who I’d like to please. I need to move out of the way of being all things to all people, so that the right people can step in. Or so that busy, good activities can fade into the background and make way for eternal, best activities.

With my kitchen window shamrock, I made a last ditch attempt to save it. I plucked all of the dead leaves off, leaving only a few tiny green clovers. It really looked like a shadow of the glorious plant it used to be. But guess what happened next? It thrived. It came back in a beautiful show of fresh, green growth. New leaves sprouted through with hopeful flowers springing alongside.

And that’s just what happened in my life.

When I plucked off the dead leaves of busyness and the wilted activities, it gave way to new growth in gifts and talents that lay waiting for energy and opportunity.

I learned that pursuing what the Lord calls me to will leave me more energized and more able to serve those I love, not grumpy and exhausted. Now when I was home, I really was present in the moment with the people I love and available to them–body, mind and spirit.

Ecclesiastes 3:1; 10-11a: “To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven…I have seen the God-given task with which the sons of men are to be occupied. He has made everything beautiful in its time.“

It’s OK to say NO.

It’s OK to step down from something good so that the best things can succeed.

It’s OK not to be the one to save the day.

It’s more than OK. It’s best.

Let the Master Gardener tend to your life and show you where some pruning and trimming are needed. Then pluck away! The flowers are waiting to bloom.

Melissa Morgner is a happy wife of 16 years to her college sweetheart and mother to six loud, but lovable children ranging in age from 13 down to two. After eight years of homeschooling and sampling way too much curriculum, she takes an eclectic approach in their little schoolroom, choosing resources that best suit the children and the teacher. Her busy household puts her gifts of juggling and winging it to the test each day. She steals moments here and there to write on her blog, Day In Day Out, about the lessons she’s learning from the Lord in the routine but privileged tasks of mothering and homeschooling.

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August 27, 2010 By Meg 6 Comments

Have you ever considered praying for friends? Though it’s important, I’m not talking about the act of praying for your friends’ prayer requests. I’m talking about praying for actual friends to come into your life.

It’s hard to believe, but it’s true: God hears our every prayer. Even the little, seemingly insignificant ones. The insignificant to us is always significant to Him. Why? Because we are His. Because we are His children, He knows our every need.

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” (Matthew 6:26)

One of the fundamental needs of people everywhere is friendship….intentional and regular fellowship. Though many might dispute this, I firmly believe it to be true. We shouldn’t go through life alone.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)

About three years ago, I went through a very lonely and isolated span of months. Our two children were very young and not as mobile, and since we have always felt it was important to give our kids structure, I was (voluntarily) tied to the house the majority of the time due to naps and feeding schedules.

While I enjoyed the quietude for a while, it soon became a little too “comfortable.” I began to feel myself drifting from my old friendships and never initiating new ones. The biggest problem was that, at first, I was apathetic about it. I didn’t see meaningful friendships as vital and necessary. After all, I was best friends with my husband….didn’t that count?

Well, yes, it does. Friendship with one’s spouse is indeed a blessing. Yet there are things that my husband (i.e., males in general) cannot understand, comprehend or relate to. There are things that only other women can fathom. There were things I wanted to say, ideas I wanted to bounce off of someone, and things I wanted to be challenged on — but a quick look around and I slowly realized I’d almost shut everyone out.

So I began praying. That very night I prayed for a Godly, positive, strengthening friendship with a fellow female (mom and wife) to appear into my life. Though I felt silly at first, and worried it might be a “pie in the sky” request, I stuck to my plea. I continued to pray for it every day, and with time and increased loneliness, my prayers became more heartfelt (and a tad bit desperate at times).

You know what? God did answer my prayers. Funny how you don’t always realize that He does until you look backwards and see His provision from where you’re currently standing. God not only provided me with one strong friendship, but several. I am now surrounded and intermingled with a handful of Godly, Christian, same-stage-of-life wives and moms who nurture, inspire, challenge, and uplift me. A few are old friendships that I had that God grew deeper….and a few are brand new ones. The point is that He blessed me…..bountifully. He truly gave me “immeasurably more than all I (could) ask or imagine” (Ephesians 3:20).

What about you? Do you need to “pray for friends?”

Meg Wilson is a devoted wife to her husband, Ken, of 10 years, and mom and homeschooling teacher to her 5-year-old son and 3-year-old daughter. When she’s not writing or creating something, Meg loves to cook for, host and entertain friends and family. She also enjoys reading, the outdoors, eclectic music, yoga, and studying history. You can read all about her adventures (and misadventures) at her blog, Muses of Megret and read her product reviews at Muse Reviews.

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August 25, 2010 By LeslieT 7 Comments

Life consists of mixed emotions and subtle ironies. We’re overwhelmed with emotion on the day we’re married, received that new job, or looked into the bright future of life filled with wonderful children, a great place to live, or our dream car. Then comes the day to day grind we must face; the disagreements, unmet expectations, disgruntled co-workers, car repair bills, or back-talking offspring. Where’s the joy then? Can we find it, or is it hidden too deeply?

Take a look at this excerpt from a book my husband brought home the other day by Stephen C. Lundin. The book is titled, Fish Tales – Bite-sized Stories – Unlimited Possibilities

“We recently read about a little boy with a rare digestive disorder. He spent much of his time in the hospital, with needles in his arms. When a doctor or nurse approached him, he knew it was because they were probably going to have to put another needle in his arm. But instead of crying, he smiled and held out his arms for them.

Life can sometimes be painful when you greet it with arms extended. But there is no other way to fully embrace life.”

When he first read this to me, I thought it was a cute story. I could even find a few examples of how I could apply the principle to circumstances I had recently experienced. We talked about how we want to teach our four young children this principle and be prepared to face not only the joys of life but the struggles and disappointments – starting with their every day dealings with one another. Teaching others is fairly easy to do because you don’t have to get too dirty.

Over the next few weeks, however, this thing was ever present before me.

As I faced my daily responsibilities, I would remind myself that I enjoy this family of mine. Each small source of irritation would present itself in much larger magnification that it was in reality and I’d have to slap myself and say “with arms wide open,” …. smile, …. embrace it.

Entering my 7th week of pregnancy, two and a half months after miscarrying I had an ultrasound. After being told my baby’s heartbeat was much lower than normal, and the measurement was below the presumed gestational age, I had to tell myself, “with arms wide open,” …. smile, …. embrace it.

Nearing summer’s end (ending way too soon), and staring at the books I’ve purchased, wondering how to put some type of plan into place to pull this all together and teach my children successfully, I’d sometimes think about how incredibly hard this job really is. My toddler poops again and it’s the kind that puts a grown person to shame and I want to scream. But the Lord reminds me, “with arms wide open,” …. smile, …. embrace it.

It’s now the beginning of my 8th week of pregnancy and every morning I wake up waiting for nausea, hoping for morning sickness, praying to feel the worst pregnancy symptoms ever because I know that’s a signal of hope. It’s a sign that something is being stirred up with in. It’s not being stirred up for futility, but it’s for a purpose. There’s life destined to be birthed. So any day I felt these symptoms, “with arms wide open,” ….I smiled, …. I embraced it. I actually hoped for that same struggle the next day.

Even today, after having confirmed that our 6th baby’s heartbeat had stopped, the principle has not changed. I’ve repeated to others many times before and I hate sometimes, when I have to take this advice myself — the Lord’s principles remain unchanged. I can’t apply it to one circumstance and not another. God’s says in his word that “weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5). The Word also says, “for the joy that was set before Him, He endured the cross.” (Hebrews 12:2) So today, Lord, I set that same joy before me.

I will arise and eat bread. “I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.” (II Samuel 12:18-23)

I love you, Lord. I know you planned and fashioned our family well before I met any of these people living in this house with me. Well before you placed me in my own mother’s womb. So again, I say that I love you. I thank you. I will “Be Still and Know That You Are God”.

And “with arms wide open,” ….I will smile, …. I will embrace it.

Leslie Thompson and her husband Jeoff began educating their children at home almost three years ago. They have a passion for sharing Christ’s love in marriages and helping point husbands and wives (including themselves) back to Christ when resolving conflicts. Leslie is Director of a Classical Conversations Community, in which their two oldest children are enrolled. Their two youngest children, ages 3 and 1, provide a much needed element of joy throughout the family’s school day.

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August 24, 2010 By Lee 5 Comments

Toward the end of homeschooling, you start to wonder about the next stage of life. What will you do when you aren’t homeschooling?

I can suggest what NOT to do. I saw a woman at the store who was talking about how bored she was with her life. She had attended FOUR weight watchers meetings during the week, not because she was overweight, but because she was BORED! Although I’m a big fan of weight watchers, I wondered about that. Is that all there is to life?

Give Yourself Away
The first thing I did was become a Board Member of our state homeschool group. That’s a busy job that really benefits a lot of homeschoolers! I also began helping other homeschoolers with my business, beginning almost immediately with my newsletter. How can YOU support other homeschoolers? What can you do to make it easier for the next mother who is stressed out about homeschooling high school?

Give yourself away in new ways, too! I began volunteering regularly at our local clothing bank. It’s a wonderful feeling to do something so concrete and physical that will help truly needy people. And there is nothing that can take your mind away from your own problems more than helping people with even BIGGER troubles!

Get What You Wish For
When I was homeschooling, so many times I had to say “No” to fun things. I had kids at home, I had to get dinner on the table, and there were 13 soccer practices to attend each week! When the kids are gone, now is your time to say “YES!” to the fun things you have put off! My husband and I started singing in our church choir. Evening practices aren’t a hassle at all when you don’t have to find a babysitter!

Make a List
List all the things you wish you could have done over the past few years, because your turn is coming soon. Make a list of things volunteer positions that sound like fun. Make a list of homeschool organizations that you would like to help. Make a list of fun ways you would like to serve your community and your church. After years of serving your family, soon it will be your turn to take care of yourself.

Exercise and Aesthetics
Do you have a box of photos and no time for scrapbooking? Clutter around the house, with no time to organize? Think of all the great crafts you’ll have time for! And when you retire from homeschooling, you can take care of yourself and finally be able to exercise. Just think, you can take a walk AND stop to smell the roses! Here in Seattle, it doesn’t rain all day long, just some of the day. Now I’m able to take walks between raindrops, when it fits my schedule.

Avoid Heartache!
You hear about the empty nest feeling when your children go to college. It’s true – and it’s probably unavoidable. But you can lessen the affects by being active in your community, and giving yourself away! Soon it will be your turn to volunteer, serve, and have fun!

Junior and Senior year of high school are extremely busy times. When you get frustrated, start writing your list. Because your turn is coming, and you can make the best of it!

Lee Binz is a veteran homeschooling mom of two and the owner of The HomeScholar, “Helping parents homeschool through high school.” She has a new free minicourse called “The 5 Biggest Mistakes Parents Make When Homeschooling High School”. You can sign up for her free email homeschool newsletter, The HomeScholar Record and get your daily dose of wisdom via e-mail from her homeschool blog, The HomeScholar Helper. Get homeschool transcript help with her Total Transcript Solution. Get comprehensive homeschool support as a member of her Gold Care Club.

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August 13, 2010 By Karen 21 Comments

Do you crave a simpler life? Less chaos? Less “stuff.”

I do.

Recently when we traveled to Jamestown and Yorktown VA, I noted that the recreated 18th century farmhouse was so simple. There was basically one room and a loft to take care of and there was very limited clothing for each person. Now I understand this was out of necessity as well as limited resources. Certainly doing laundry back then was a much more difficult task, therefore each person having 1 -2 sets of clothing made more sense. Plus they just didn’t have the resources for more.

Yet as I stood there in the house I thought to myself, “How awesome would it be to have this house in today’s world with all of our technology?”

We’d have so much more time in our lives…With so little to take care of, we’d have more time to do “real” things! I know I sound crazy. In an age where most people crave more “stuff”, I crave less. I have come to realize the more we have, the more there is to take care of. Imagine the 18th century family seeing all of the technology we have, and seeing our lives are even MORE complicated and busy? They would have given anything for a washer, dryer, dishwasher, etc.! And cell phones, iphones, and laptops?? Unfathomable! Why are things so hard today when we have it so easy?

I am trying to simplify more in our life. Our kids don’t have nearly as many toys as I think others do, but I still find myself wanting to get rid of more. They enjoy being outdoors and playing and really do not need all the “toys.” I have found myself simplifying closets. They are happy to wear the same few outfits everyday. So I have tried to weed out what we don’t need ( we are lucky to get LOTS of hand-me-downs), and limit it to some basic outfits and a few nice church outfits.

I have tried to simplify our home. I realize it is not about how things look, but who the family is that lives in the house.

Schooling can take place and I can be more focused on my kids, when I am not always trying to keep up with the house chores and clutter…

So, while I don’t think we will sell our home and live in a 18th century farmhouse, I do want to be grateful for the resources we have and how easy our life can be, and not make it more complicated with so much “stuff!”

Karen is married to the love of her life, Steve, and a homeschooling mom of 4 children ages 9,7,5, and 1. She was called to homeschool when her oldest was kindergarten age after thinking, “I could never do THAT!” Now she is passionate about encouraging others on their homeschool journey, as well as learning all she can along the way. She sees her kids as her mission field and loves the verse in Romans 10:15 that says, “How beautiful are the feet of those who carry the good news.” Follow her blog at Beautiful Feet Bring Good News.

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August 12, 2010 By Nikowa Lee 14 Comments

I’ve heard over and over how people lose their privacy once they have children. Maybe it started in the delivery room, but it extends well beyond! I’ve swapped “I get no privacy” stories with many friends & they all seem to understand. They even have their own stories to share!

I swear I can’t go to the bathroom without an audience anymore.

But the alternate scenario is just as ahem, embarrasing.

You see, I’ve noticed that there are generally (generally being a very “loaded” word here) two types of children. One: children that listen to and follow directions. Those that know the rules and happily, or not, abide by them. And two: those children that listen to the directions and proceed to do what they want to anyway. The live-in-the-moment child.

I have one of each. (Lord help me!)

So when I don’t get the bathroom audience, I get the sounds-like-the-house-is-caving-in piercing screams of my live-in-the-moment child. Must he wait until I’m in private or dare I say on the telephone with someone important to test out those vocal cords?

Is there a little tingle that we forgot about when we were children that tells them, “Hey! Mom’s on the phone, you know what that means. PAAARRRTTYYYYYY!”

Does a little voice tell them that they MUST tell your in-laws that they stay in their pajamas most days & Mom lets us eat cold meat loaf for breakfast & cereal for dinner?

So tell me I’m not the only one, please!

What are some of your zero privacy adventures in parenting?

Nikowa Lee is a quirky homeschooling mom to a special needs son, co-schooling mom to a son that’s a handful, foster-to-adopt parent, Cub Scout volunteer, frugal lifestyle livin’, 2x cervical cancer surviving wife. She enjoys social media, photography, gardening, reading, and teaching. You can visit Nikowa at The Adventures of a Quirky Mom.

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August 11, 2010 By Jenny 7 Comments

Everything always seems to be running smoothly until I open my planner to reveal… an appointment. I don’t care if it’s ice skating lessons for one of my children, the doctor or the dentist. I seem to always have the same problem— getting there on time. It’s hard enough just getting myself ready, let alone several of my kids. And when we have to be somewhere it usually gets stressful, such as one of them can’t find one of their socks or a baby is crying when I have one foot already out the door. Sure it’s fun filling up my calendar: lunch at noon on the 13, we’ll be there! Teeth cleaning at 3 o’clock on the 20th, no problem. Science class this Friday, exciting! But when the time comes to actually go to these appointments, I’m not as excited as when I made them.

One time, I had all 7 of my children with me on our way to the dentist, because my two, older ones had an appointment. I of course was running ten minutes late; turned into the dentist’s parking lot on two wheels, and pulled in front of the building with a screeching halt. I put our truck in park, looked back at all of my children in our Suburban and yelled, “Hurry and get out!” We unbuckled ourselves, the older ones helped the younger ones, and our feet hit the pavement in record time. We all ran in the front door, I tripped over the foyer rug and out of breath exclaimed, “The Pentons are here for their appointment.” The receptionist peered at us over her glasses that were on the tip of her nose, then her appointment book, and looked at me with pity and said, “I’m sorry honey, you’re here too late for us to take you. We’re going to have to reschedule.”

Well, I don’t need to tell you how that effected my day. It’s amazing how even one appointment can be the death of me. Combine that with all my children’s activities and we’ve got chaos! Keeping my children busy and active in the homeschooling community was something I did because I wanted to be plugged-in to all the science projects, field trips, and sports. I thought that was how I was supposed to take care of my children’s education—by being submerged in all the activities. Keeping busy felt frazzled, which I thought at the time, was a good thing. It seemed the busier I kept us in life, the more successful they would become.

Children’s hectic schedules are hot topics everywhere I go and they are talked-up in such a positive, almost arrogant sort of way. At my son’s football games, my daughter’s ice skating lessons and even the dentist. Homeschooling your child definitely does not make you immune to an over scheduled life. There is so much out there to entice you and so many homeschool groups to join, that if you don’t stop and think—you are going to be running to gymnastics, piano, a writing class and be leader of a local homeschool group with one blink of an eye! And you won’t even know what hit you. And not to mention, all the appointments you need to keep, such as doctor visits, dentists and grocery days.

A light bulb went off one day and it became clear to me that I didn’t want to be a part of that busy life any more. I wanted to go back to living and enjoying life, unhurried. Of course that doesn’t mean that I took my kids out of everything, and we never go anywhere. We go and do things all the time, just more at our leisure than by appointment. For us, when we are just running errands, going to the library, or visiting a museum, we learn more and enjoy each other’s company. The mistake was made when thinking they were not going to learn anything unless they were in a structured, learning atmosphere. They do not need to dabble in a hundred different things to be well-rounded children. On the contrary…a relaxed life with time to read, listen, and play, without stress, is what we can take advantage of as homeschooling parents and that is what creates a calm, well-rounded child.

We now focus on that one thing, each child wants to put their energy in. Those kinds of activities I don’t mind doing. They have true purpose. God wants us to live life to the very fullest. I’d rather we all do one thing at full potential, than a dozen things mediocre.

Being free of an over scheduled calendar allows us to learn about ourselves without the interference of time restraints. There are the appointments in life that we must do and keep, such as the dentist. But as far as activities and my children are concerned, I want to be focused on the ones that creates purpose and meaning, rather than always being frazzled to… death by appointment!

“Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.” Henry David Thoreau

Jenny Penton is a homeschooling mother of seven children and loves the closeness that being home with them provides. Un-schooling is how they live and learn and she blogs about their learning experiences at Homeschoolingbelle.com. Jenny also has a passion for inspiring women to become master life planners and that includes menu planning. Check out her sites for life planning and her inspiring recipes on her food blog at plannerperfect.com and plannerperfectmeals.com

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August 10, 2010 By Christine 2 Comments

I have four children ages 10, 7, 4, and 3. They are all home all day with me (unless we’re out at activities, field trips, homeschool playgroups, doctor’s appointments, the YMCA…you get the picture) and so we occasionally have squabbles. If I’m really honest, there are some times that it’s more than occasional! There is one thing, however, that they rarely argue over- their toys. Maybe I’m just blessed with children who shun possessions and show Jesus-like selflessness naturally….and if you believe that I have some swamp land in Florida I’d love to sell you!

What I believe is the reason for their ability to share joyfully and kindly is a very simple one: I never force them to share.

We’ve all experienced the young child at church or at the park who comes over and takes a toy from our child. I’m sure on many occasions that curious child has been ours! The most common response in our culture today is, “Oh, let him play with it, Johnny. You have to share!”

What if Johnny doesn’t want to share? What if he’s intent on playing and learning with his toy, and breaking his concentration will cause a meltdown? And if a meltdown occurs, who will the parent blame? Little Johnny, of course!

My aversion to forced sharing comes from my Montessori upbringing and the research I’ve done since becoming a parent. One of the reasons we chose to homeschool in the first place was to avoid the imposition of unnatural breaks and transitions in our children’s learning. The bell, ringing to signal the end of a middle school class, interrupts the focus of a child intent on a task, teaches them that their concentration doesn’t matter, and eventually shortens their attention span. The same thing can happen when we allow another child (whether friend, sibling, or stranger) to interrupt the flow of concentration on a given task. In addition, forced sharing teaches our children to cling more tightly to their possessions, not less, because they are never sure when something will be taken from them.

In our home we encourage sharing and taking turns. We teach that people are more important than things, and relationships are worth more than lots of stuff. We praise our children when they choose to share. But it has to be that: their choice.

We also allow them a “protected” space- their rooms. Anything that they do not want to share (for any reason. Again, it’s their choice.) can remain in their rooms. Anything they leave in common areas of the house is fair game for a sibling to use as long as that sibling is using it respectfully.

When a child takes something from one of my children in a park or at church, I simply say, “He’s using that right now. I’m sure if you ask nicely, he will let you use it when he’s done.” My child might then choose to let the other child borrow it right away, and they would get a pat on the back from me for being kind and selfless. If it’s my child doing the grabbing, I give the toy back to the other child and say to him, “I won’t allow my child to take this. If you choose to share later, that would be great. But it’s your choice.”

Keeping the peace, when it comes to possessions, is often just a matter of respect. I find that it works well in our home and hope it continues to bear fruit in the future.

Christine Hiester is a Christian, homeschooling mom to three boys and a girl, ranging in age from 9 to 2 years old. She is a musician by trade, eclectic in homeschool style, and continues to grow and learn along with her children in this journey of life and discipleship at home. Visit her blog at Fruit in Season.

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August 3, 2010 By Barbara 6 Comments

We are gardeners. I can say that now, because we actually have a garden in our backyard and we actually work in it. That makes us gardeners. We have a beautifully designed garden with plots that are big enough to hold many plants, but that are small enough to manage. The garden has good drainage, good soil, and lots of sun. It is well-watered and weeded thanks to my first-born who may indeed have a green thumb. All in all, it has the makings of being a productive little bit of land. I can’t say we are good at gardening yet. Only time will tell, and at the time of this writing the jury is still out. There are lots of leaves and flowers, but not much fruit yet. However, it is only early July as I’m typing, so we’ll have to wait for the real harvest time to prove our worth.

But that lovely set of plots is not even the object of my attention and affection today. You see, in our enthusiasm for this new garden (or was it our lack of faith in our ability to keep things alive?) we bought a lot of tomato plants. A lot. Like, 25. They were tiny, and we figured some of them wouldn’t make it (we were right!) and we figured I really did want to can a lot of tomatoes if they all survived. And so we planted many, many tomatoes in the garden proper. But there were two more that just didn’t fit anywhere.

Or so we thought.

My husband stuck two in to our flowerbeds. Good idea. They get a little less sun there but they will be watered, and the thought was that if something died in the real garden we could transplant over one of these out of the flowerbeds. Good plan.

However, the other day, my seven-year old daughter decided to help weed the garden. And she yanked out “this really HUGE weed!” Um….oops. That was the tomato plant. See the flowers on it? See that it is, in fact, growing in a tomato cage? My eldest quickly tried to salvage the thing by replanting it as best as she could and watered it some more, but it looked pretty sickly. Especially disastrous was that this un-rooting happened at the beginning of a crazy heat wave in our neck of the woods. Even the well-established plants were suffering under the taxing heat. Surely this little guy with his roots all broken would never make it.

And he did look pretty sad, pretty quickly. He wilted; he leaned up against the cage instead of standing tall as he had previously. The flowers fell off and no more buds seemed to be trying their luck. We thought about pulling it out and tossing it in the composter. However, it was just seriously too hot to go outside and do anything, so we thought we’d just leave it, watching it, (from the comfort of our air-conditioned dining room, no less) suffer a slow, sad, lonely death. Nice.

Some days, my daughter watered it, if she remembered, but we’d all given up on it. Wouldn’t you give up on it? And if you were the tomato plant, wouldn’t you have given up on yourself?

Well, well, well. Just this morning as we were surveying the flowers giving way to cucumbers and the snow peas almost ready to pick, and noting that there are tomatoes on nearly every plant, we turn around and see that sad little tomato plant is not giving up on itself at all, but is vigorously standing tall again, and putting out some new flowers.

Even after being ripped out of “its comfort zone”, even after being neglected of the water it needed to survive, even after being exposed to long and unbearable heat, this tomato plant held on and not only survived but is beginning to thrive.

Somehow it managed to tenaciously hold on, with whatever roots it still had intact, to the soil and moisture that was still there for its health. It managed to continue doing what tomato plants are supposed to do – put out flowers and grow tomatoes—even in the most trying of circumstances.

This is what I’m learning from this little plant: to keep doing what I was made to do even when circumstances make it nearly impossible to do so; and to keep hanging on to what blessings are present, no matter how out numbered they may temporarily seem.

Jeremiah 17:7-8 tells us “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by the water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.”

My tenacity better not be attached to my own ability, or my own circumstances, or to what others say about me. I may be tenacious and persist in my ‘fruit-bearing’ because the Lord is my trust. It is his work in my life that enables the spiritual fruit to grow even in times of spiritual drought. It is Him who wills and works to do His good pleasure in my life. That is why I can hang on. That is why I can keep going.

What is the Lord calling you to keep doing today? What is the thing that is making it hard for you to hold on and keep going? Do you see that the Lord is greater than that thing that hinders you? Trust in the Lord. Rest in the knowledge that He is able, oh so much more than able, to hold on to you, and cause you to flourish, as you obey Him.

Barbara Postma and her husband, as they homeschool their 7 children, are finding out that no two children are alike! Between lessons and lunches, Barbara blogs at Fuel by Barbara.

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