As parents it is our natural instinct to want to see our children happy. Successful. Contented. We don’t want to see them sad, upset, or failing.  Yet, that is part of God’s purpose for them. We must let them make mistakes.

Remember when our children were little and every once in awhile we would sort of let them win at games? We were trying to avoid the temper tantrums that would ensue if they lost.  Oh, it’s just easier not to deal with the tears and the sadness. What’s the big deal if we let them win?

Then when they started homeschooling sometimes they would struggle with spelling. Or math. Or letters.  Sometimes it was just easier to give them the answer than to see them feeling like they failed.  Positive reinforcement right?

No.

What may have seemed easier in the moment, will not be easier in the long run.  We are setting our children up for much bigger failiures in the future by not letting them fail.

It is hard to see your child struggle at a subject.  It is hard to stand by watching them deal with difficulty. We want to jump in and rescue them. It is our instinct to do that.  Yet, our children need to learn to fail. They need to learn how to work through failure. They also need to see God’s power and grace in our failures.

Letting them struggle teaches them to rely on God. They learn to surrender their struggles to prayer and time with the Lord. These things help them to see His power and grace through situations.

Recently I looked my daughter in the eye through her tears over a situation. I wanted to rescue her. I wanted to fix it. I simply said, “Trust God to work through it.” They need to run to Him first. This a huge life lesson that can be taught at home under your guidance.  What greater lesson is there than the lesson to fully rely on God?

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

Romans 5:3-4

Whether it is in school or sometimes in the little things in life, let them make mistakes. Don’t try to do the work for them. They will persevere in the end, and will be much stronger because of it.

Karen DeBeus is married to the love of her life, Steve, and a homeschooling mom of 4 children ages 10-2. She was called to homeschool when her oldest was kindergarten age after thinking, “I could never do THAT!” Now she is passionate about encouraging others on their homeschool journey.  She is also working on simplifying all areas of her life,including homeschool,  and putting God first in all she does.  Read more about her journey to simplify at www.simplylivingforhim.com.

Homeschooling a large family has its own challenges and rewards. On the plus side, there is a lot of fun involved. I love having a large group of people to do big projects or for playing games. I love having all levels of learning materials available, because it’s funny how often an older child can be engaged with something that is designed for a younger child. I love that I finally feel as though I have found math curriculum that seems to work for our not-in-love-with-math family.

One of the things I struggle with, though, in homeschooling a large number of children is avoiding the ‘formula trap.’ We all are familiar with this. It’s the idea that if we can just hit on the right curriculum or the right schedule or the right whatever, we can be assured of homeschooling success. While I’ve come to terms with the fact that there is no perfect curriculum that will guarantee well educated, well adjusted, admirable children (sorry if this is news!), there is another area of the formula trap that I find myself falling into.

I have successfully raised my oldest and she has turned into a lovely young woman who is succeeding incredibly well in college and my second oldest is nearing the end of his high school career and is equally as admirable. They are just two years apart and pretty much what one did the other did as well. All this well-adjusted, high achieving-ness can cause me some anxiety. I worry that if I don’t give my other children the exact same experiences as my first, these later children won’t turn out quite as well.

When I write this, I realize this is ridiculous. There are so many different ways to homeschool and there are so many different homeschoolers who are now successful that the rational part of my brain knows there is not one ‘right’ way. But knowing something is true does not necessarily mean that our emotions follow along.

I have to constantly remind myself that it is the experience of learning and discovering, interacting with other people, and being excited about the world that makes for an engaged and interesting person. It is the experience of negative and positive consequences that makes for a person with good judgment. It is the love and protection a child experiences that makes for a secure person. These are the things I can replicate for my younger children.

There are some other experiences that I think were beneficial to my older children and I want my younger children to be able to have. Our history co-op comes to mind. We started in this co-op when my oldest was in first grade and it has been continuing ever since, taking a year for each era of history. (That means every six years we start again with ancient Egypt.) Many of the families have changed, though there are three of us families who are still around from the beginning, and over the years we have tweaked and refined our methods as the group of children participating has changed, but the idea of learning history in a hands-on way in a group has remained the same.

But here again I find myself falling into the formula trap, but of a different variety. I have two year old twins and every so often I find myself looking forward into the future and realize that I have more homeschooling years ahead of me than I do behind me. Sometimes it makes me tired to think how many times I will have to go back to Egypt. And then I have to pull myself up short. Just because this is what we have done, does not mean it is what I have to do. I am not locked into a certain educational plan just because that is what we’ve always done… even if it has been a good thing. It may be that we find something else to do that will be as good, just different. And different might even be better if it means that the mother is enthusiastic.

So to remind myself and encourage you… homeschooling is not a formula to discover. There are as many different ways to successfully homeschool as there are children, even if these children are in the same family. Aiming for joy, love, the excitement of discovery, and security is our best bet at raising healthy, intelligent children.

Elizabeth Curry is on year 14 of homeschooling her 9 children (with #10 arriving via China at some point next year).  Devoted bookworms all, it’s not surprising that much of the learning that happens centers around whatever chapter book is being read.  When she isn’t taking care of children or reading, she enjoys sewing, cooking, and writing.  Her life of following Jesus with many children in the Big, Ugly House is chronicled at www.ordinary-time.blogspot.com .

During this Mother’s Day Weekend, grab a cup of coffee or tea and take some time to catch up on these amazing articles from this week at Heart of the Matter!

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

Housekeeping Tips for Disordered Moms

Are We There Yet?

Embracing Spring

Blessing Your Children

Striving to Rest

The Homeschool Experiment by Charity Hawkins – Review and Giveaway

Teachable Moments in Spanish

Homeschooling While Facing Chronic Illness

A few years ago I read a short devotion about a mother who daily prayed a prayer over her children—by placing her hand on her child’s head and saying a prayer for whatever their need might be that day. Then a few months later I met a woman who actually did the same thing, and she mentioned that even when her children were in high school they would still stop at the door to receive their blessing before heading out into the world.

This inspired me to do the same for our children. Now, I won’t say I do it every day—but at least a few times a week—after breakfast I ask if anyone wants their special blessing, and I am usually met with a whirlwind of little feet racing to get to me first. They bow so I can place my hand on their little heads as I pray over each one of them.

This idea probably sounds a bit strange—but I’ll give you five reasons why I love doing it in hopes that you might give it a try too!

1)      HELPS ME FOLLOW A BIBLICAL EXAMPLE The bible is full of examples of parents who gave these same types of blessings to their children. Most of the times I recall—the children grew up, and their lives fulfilled those blessings.  Jesus didn’t have children of his own, but quite frequently he laid hands on people, prayed out loud for them, and healed them in this way too! Sure my words rarely elicit healing in the sense that a boo-boo vanishes before my eyes—but I do believe strongly that words can bring about healing in our children’s hearts, and help them see our love for them.

2)      HELPS BALANCE OUT THE NEGATIVES As a mother—my day is filled with opportunities for correction, discipline, and training. Often times I get tired of hearing my own voice saying—“No!—Don’t!—Stop!—How many times do I have to say…Please do this—Please  don’t do this!—You need to say you’re sorry—Sit in time out—Go back to time out!—Let’s talk about this.”  By nightfall I am often exhausted, and wonder if my kids —based on my words from the day— know how much I love them, desire good things for them, and really believe they are precious gifts from God.

3)      SHOWS THEM LOVE IS AN ACTION RATHER THAN JUST A WORD—For seven years before having children I worked as a nurse taking care of cancer patients. I remember the multitude of prayer needs. Every patient I saw—and every family—were desperate for hope and encouragement. In the beginning I always said, “I’ll be praying for you,” and most people responded receptively.  “Oh yes, please do, and thank you for praying,” they would say. I tried to remember and sometimes did, but often I would forget. So, I decided when I could— I would grab their hand and ask, “Can I pray with you?”  Most times, people quickly agreed and bowed their head with me—as I thanked God for their life, prayed for their healing—and asked God to give them peace using their situation to bring them closer to him. Almost always—these types of heartfelt prayers elicited tears for both patients and families alike. I learned quickly that there was power in the laying of hands on someone and praying with them rather than for them.

4)      HELPS THEM SEE YOU PUT YOUR TRUST IN GOD—While we all have a list of  things we may want to see our children grow up to be and do—if we are wise we will recognize our ability to influence and accomplish these things in and for our children is very limited. When we pray and ask God to shape not only our children but the influences and circumstances of their lives—we are acknowledging to our children that we love them enough to entrust them into the hands of someone who loves them more. Someone who cares intimately about the details of their lives, and is able to do amazing things through them.

5)      UNLEASH GOD’S POWER IN THEIR LIVES-The bible reminds us our words have power —and God’s Word even more so. It makes sense then—when we pray God’s word with a pure heart and right motive—our prayers become a great tool to release God’s power into our children’s lives.  While it is difficult to keep a reign on our tongue—and often we probably find ourselves saying things we wish we hadn’t—we should be glad God has given us a voice and words to use for Him—words that have potential to bring peace, hope, encouragement and blessing.

How about you? Do you pray blessings over your children? If so, how do they respond? If not, I encourage you to take a few days this week to do just that, and see if it doesn’t bring its own blessings into your relationships and home.

________________

Lorrie Young and her husband Ben have three children ages two to six. When not chasing, teaching, training and loving her busy bunch–she enjoys, reading, gardening, golfing, thrift-shopping, and fixing up their old home. She is a semi-retired nurse that aspires to one day be a free-lance writer spending many days resting in her hammock. You can follow Lorrie at  www.lifeandlessonslearned.blogspot.com where she shares her thoughts on homeschooling, faith, life, and the lessons she has learned along the way.

Most of us have at least been tempted to begin planning and pondering for the 2012-2013 school year.  Usually this planning and pondering begins with at least a small journey of “self-analysis”.  I don’t mean we are all headed into the psychiatrist’s office at this time of year, although we might actually like we need one.  What’ I’m referring to are all the introspective questions we are prone to ask ourselves about our lifestyles, our relationships, our mothering and of course, our home school choices.  This is our annual time to ask, “Am I being successful in our homeschooling?”  We even work ourselves into “analysis paralysis” living our daily lives in fear of doing something incorrectly.

While it is a good thing to ask ourselves hard questions, I have noticed that mothers are a bit prone to over-analyzing everything.  I know this because I am a mom and I have the same tendency.  I can be emotionally driven, and while that is not always a bad thing, it can be totally exhausting.  So, over the years I’ve developed a process that being and ends with a dependence on God’s leading and direction for each individual child within our home. When making decisions about activities, curriculum, direction and more, these are the steps that have continually helped me not completely lose my mind.

1.  First, I have to remind myself that “my children” do not belong to me.  They are God’s children given to us for a season in which we have been entrusted to raise them to be all that God has planned for them to be.  Becuase of this fact, the entire decision-making process has to begin, continue and end with John and I on our faces before God.  We must bring the needs and concerns that we have for each of our children to God’s throne and ask for his clear guidance and for the peace that comes with knowing you are following His leading.

2.  I then take some time to evaluate the extra-curricular activities that my child has been involved in during this current school year.  I list each activity along with the weekly time requirement for each one.

3.  I write down all the classes that my child has been taking during the current school year and write each one down along with the weekly time requirement for each one.

4.  I also take the time to really evaluate, study and write down the areas of giftedness and interest that my child is currently displaying.

5.  Then, I compare the list of my child’s interest and giftedness areas with what extra-curricular activities and classes they have taken this year and I ask myself if the current list of my child’s activites and classes integrate with their natural interests and giftings?  If not, what changes do I need to pray about making?

6.  Has the time requirements of my child’s classes and activities left them any time to just “be”?  Do I have them schedules so tightly that they cannot enjoy or excel at anything?

7.  I then make a list of the activities that I have been mentally assuming would be a part of my child’s home school next year and I write down the weekly time commitment for each.

8.  Repeat steps 5 and 6 with my plans for the upcoming school year.

9.  One of the most important things for me to do is to assess my own commitments outside of the home and compare them with what my child is involved in.  Can I consolidate and be involved in some of the same things and thus, decrease the amount of time I spend on the road?  Do I need to say no to any of those commitments in order to say yes to what is needed for my family?

10.  Do I feel a need for assistance with any areas of homeschooling?  Would my child benefit from any outside assistance with homeschooling?  Could I lessen my stress load without compromising our homeschooling and family priorities by being involved with outside hom school classes or groups?

11.  Seek God’s leading as to which direction and emphasis he would have for our family in the upcoming year and choose curriculum and outside instruction based on that leading, our entire family’s welfare and each individual child’s needs.

12.  Double check yourself.  Are you making changes based on God’s leading?  Are you being motivated by fear?  Are you giving up on anything before you child has even had a chance to acclimate to it?  Are you considering each of your children as an individual?

13.  Remember….”Do not become weary in well-doing for in due season we shall reap if we faint not.”

14.  Remember, “He which hath begun a good work in you, will complete it.”

15.  Remember, “God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

I’m sure that many of you have your own process that you go through as you plan for each year.  However, sometimes we just need to be reminded of that process before we get stuck in the quagmire of too many options and opportunities.  I would highly encourage you to talk to an “older” woman before making decisions. Seek counsel.  Talk to your husband.  But, most of all relax and rely on God.  He is the alpha and omega.  He is the beginning and the end.  He is the all-knowing, never-changing God and He will lead us, if we only stop to listen and then obey.

Faith and Courage,

Lori

Lori and John Lane have been married 28 years and live on a ranch in the beautiful Colorado Rockies where John coaches the local high school baseball team, runs the ranch, and works with Artios Academies. They have four sons ranging in age from twenty-six down to fourteen, two beautiful daughter-in-loves, and a precious granddaughter. Lori is the author of the book, Beginning With The End In Mind, and the executive director of Artios Academies. You can follow Lori at www.theendinmind.net where she blogs about a variety of topics including life on the ranch, arts education, a Biblical worldview of education, home education and more. Her blog also offers many free resources to encourage you on your journey.

I love my child’s high energy, enthusiasm, and joyful spirit. I don’t even mind that I
will never have any family secrets, ever, because this innocent child will share our business
with anyone within earshot and think nothing of it. Her openness reflects her optimism and her
tendency to believe the best about others. This is another reason for clean living, because if you
don’t have anything to hide, then having a child spill the beans is no big deal.

My daughter’s activity level has often left me in open-mouthed amazement. To burn off
energy, she will run up and down the stairs multiple times. She also likes to sprint around the
block, and when we have inclement weather she will clear a pathway in the house so she can
take off running and then slide across the floor in her socks. Like many individuals diagnosed
with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) she needs to find outlets for her strong need
for physical activity. Also true of many with ADHD, my daughter has had sleep difficulties and
struggles to calm her body and mind so she can fall asleep.

Most of the time I not only accept my daughter’s differences, I delight in them. Over
time I discovered that not all adults shared my appreciation for my wonderfully-spirited
child. At homeschool group classes, I began to hear complaints about my daughter’s non-
stop chattering and apparent inability to stop talking even when the teacher was attempting to
give instructions. She was not deliberately rude or disrespectful, just uninhibited in sharing
her thoughts. Every single one of them. This continual verbal stream was one of the ways her
hyperactivity manifested, as if the words just built up inside her and had to come out or she
would pop.

My daughter was also wigglier than most children her age, something I could easily
accommodate during our homeschool day. It became problematic when we were out in public
and she couldn’t sit still at a restaurant or stand quietly beside me during homeschool field trips.
I remember a very patient AWANA instructor chuckling as he described how my daughter
would slide back and forth on a bench while reciting her memorized verses. She moved around
while she was learning the verses, and she moved around while recalling them. She was
consistent and fortunately had a leader who was able to enjoy having her in his group.

My daughter’s sensory processing difficulties along with her ADHD impulsivity made
it a struggle for her to regulate herself to maintain the calm yet alert state that is optimal for
learning. At one homeschool group gathering, I could see that she was talking continually
and was starting to elicit clearly unappreciative glances from nearby adults. Not wanting to
squelch her ebullience, I sought a way to help her quickly and unobtrusively so she would not be
embarrassed. Scanning the table laden with potluck offerings, my gaze fell on a basket of dinner
rolls. I quickly snatched one up and extended it to my daughter, asking if she needed a roll. I
figured if she was chewing a roll it would give her a few seconds to take a break and maybe relax
and slow down a little bit. I think it would have worked if my daughter had gone along with my
plan, but instead she blurted out, “Hey! Are you just trying to get me to be quiet?” So much for
subtlety.

At home my daughter could wiggle away as long as she was getting her schoolwork
done. It’s distracting, though, when a child is in constant motion in a group setting. Have you
ever noticed how distractible children always seem to find each other in a crowd, and then
escalate each other’s behaviors? This happened often while we participated in homeschool group
activities. One strategy I used to help my girl was our “meatball hug.” She would sit on my lap
and pull her knees to her chin, and I would wrap my arms around her and gently squish her while
rocking back and forth. She loved this, and it didn’t draw negative attention to her. Once she
outgrew my lap, the meatball hug had to be more of a roll. Her father or I would give her arms
and legs little squeezes as if we were kneading dough, or capture her between us to roll back and
forth like a squeeze machine.

The need to calm down was not always apparent to my daughter, but she recognized our
family code, “Do you need a roll?” as a signal to try and tone things down. Your family might
find a different code and use other strategies to support your child. I personally will never hear
the question, “Do you need a roll?” without thinking of my wonderfully vibrant daughter who
did, in fact, need some rolls now and then.

Melinda Boring has been married to Scott for 25 years and has three homeschooled children. Her 22 yr. old son and 21 yr. old daughter graduated from home school in 2006, leaving Melinda an “empty desker” of two along with her 17 year old daughter who will graduate in 2011. Two of her children and her husband have been diagnosed with AD/HD. The children also deal with auditory processing disorders and sensory processing challenges. The name “Boring” just doesn’t fit this family, and Melinda shares many humorous moments in her speaking and writing endeavors. Melinda is the author of Heads Up Helping and has been a contributing author to multiple publications. She is a workshop presenter with a passion for helping struggling learners and providing practical strategies, compassion, and understanding for those with special needs. Melinda is also a speech/language pathologist with over 25 years experience and the owner of Heads Up, a company with products for those who learn differently. You can find her blog at the Heads Up website, where she writes as “Heads Up Mom”.

Why is it so hard for me to trust God with the little things?

The past few weeks have been killer. I has felt that the schedule and the responsibilities we are carrying are totally out of control. The margin that I try so hard to create and preserve within our family seems to have virtually disappeared. If I survive this week, I will take some time and look back at what ate up all that margin so that I can avoid it happening again in the future. In the meantime, I’m hunkering down and trying to move through it displaying grace under pressure. Some days more successfully than others.

Somehow, multiple deadlines, end of the year activities and more, have all seemed to jump on eachother’s back and stand directly in my path. As I look around my normally somewhat clean and organized home, I see floors that need swept or vacuumed, dishes that need washed, a giant pile of laundry waiting for me, bathrooms that desperately need attention and schoolwork that we must refocus on as soon as possible, a mountain of paperwork on my desk and an email inbox that I am dreading. During times like this, I begin beating myself up mentally and emotionally.

Sure, I could tell you that I find it easy to move through times like this because I know it is only temporary. And, perhaps it is a bit easier now than when I was younger. However, I still find myself frustrated that I can’t do more and can’t do it faster. I’m frustrated that I’m behind and that I can’t be wonder woman and mother of the year 365/24/7.

Sigh! Deep breath! Look around! What’s the worst thing that can happen?

Hmmmmm! In most cases, all of these things that are not completed will wait for me until I can get to them. My poor husband and son, who have been finding sustenance in tacos, hamburgers and chicken sandwiches, will not starve to death. In fact, they seem to not even be bothered by the situation as long as mom is happy. The laundry will wait a few more days. No one is going to die because of some dust and dirty dishes. We will survive. The worst that can happen is that I will be a bit behind….but I will catch up.

In the meantime, if I can keep my attitude in check and my focus right, I can illustrate grace under pressure to my own child and to the children I am working with during this very busy week. Honestly, the worst thing that can happen is for me to not be a shining example. Guess what? Even if I mess up in that area, if I acknowledge it and apologize, God can use that as well.

Sometimes I let the little things be the things that cause me to worry, to be anxious, and to get frustrated. I think I have trouble “laying them down” because I think they are things that I can and should control. The things that I have no hope of controlling, the BIG things, are much easier to leave at the foot of the cross. However, those pesky little things, those are the ones I pick back up and carry around all by myself.

HE notices when a sparrow falls from the sky. HE knows the number of the hairs on my head. Surely, I can trust Him with the little things in my life. Surely, I can rest in the fact that there is NOTHING too small that is beyond His notice, His control and His care.

______________________

Lori and John Lane have been married 28 years and live on a ranch in the beautiful Colorado Rockies where John coaches the local high school baseball team, runs the ranch, and works with Artios Academies. They have four sons ranging in age from twenty-six down to fourteen, two beautiful daughter-in-loves, and a precious granddaughter. Lori is the author of the book, Beginning With The End In Mind, and the executive director of Artios Academies. You can follow Lori at www.theendinmind.net where she blogs about a variety of topics including life on the ranch, arts education, a Biblical worldview of education, home education and more. Her blog also offers many free resources to encourage you on your journey.

Jenny Penton is a homeschooling mother of seven children and loves the closeness that being home with them provides. Un-schooling is how they live and learn and she blogs about their learning experiences at Homeschoolingbelle.com. Jenny also has a passion for inspiring women to become master life planners and that includes menu planning. Check out her sites for life planning and her inspiring recipes on her food blog at plannerperfect.com and plannerperfectmeals.com

I couldn’t keep from thinking, “What could be better than to have our first child today, on Father’s Day!” Many thoughts rushed through my mind as I contemplated the awesome responsibility that was soon to come upon me. We had waited for nine months, and a few extra days just for good measure, and now the time was drawing near.

I suppose every new father asks the same questions.

“Will I be able to raise this child adequately?”

“What kind of a father will I be?”

“How will I know how to meet this child’s needs?”

Men have a way of being macho on the outside, but when your wife looks at you with trusting eyes as she struggles to bring this precious new life into the world, and as you are handed this very small and very dependent child, you suddenly realize how weak you really are.

In Proverbs 22:6 we find a clear, obligatory command: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” When my first son was born, I realized that this child I cradled in my arms, and the sacred instruction from Solomon, came packaged together. I was reminded of the call in Ephesians 6:4; that I must not provoke this child to wrath, but I must train him up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. I thought of the statement in Malachi 4:6 that I must turn my heart toward my children.

The task of training my children is a full-time, Deuteronomy 6 process. It requires teaching them when we wake up, when we sit down in our house, when we walk outside and when we lie down to sleep. In order to do that faithfully, my wife and I need to be with them more than anyone else in their lives. Just as Jesus trained His twelve disciples, I have been called to disciple my own children. The hard thing is that I can only pass on to them what I myself possess. They follow me as I follow Christ. That means that the law of God must be written on my own heart, before I can teach it to my children. As daunting as this task may appear, God never calls us to a task without equipping us to fulfill it!

Ultimately, from a Biblical worldview, everything I teach my children is equipping them to know, love and serve God better, and to love and serve their neighbors as themselves. Unlike others who view good grades, college degrees, high paying jobs, and secure retirement plans as the end goals of education, we see those things as being mere means to the end of glorifying God on the earth. If they become end goals, then education becomes nothing more than the humanistic glorification of mankind.

My aim is to help my children understand all of life and reality from within the framework of a Biblical worldview … to think God’s thoughts after Him. I want them to know what they believe, from the Scriptures, and to know why their beliefs and convictions are true. I want them to be able to communicate their beliefs to others. Most importantly I want them to live faithfully what they say they believe. Accomplishing this takes a lot of time and effort. However, I cannot think of a more worthwhile investment than my children.

My wife and I were both home educated. Neither of us have ever spent a day of our life in those Godless, humanistic, anti-Christian establishments we call “public” schools. I’m not sure which part of the “public” they supposedly serve, but it isn’t Bible-believing Christians, like my wife and I. Apparently it is acceptable to be antagonistic toward part of the public. As long as you believe in Jesus, and live out your faith, your views are deemed unimportant in a “public” school.

When we asked the question, “What type of education do we plan to give to our children?” we knew government indoctrination (I mean, schooling) was not an option. As I held my firstborn child I had to ask myself, “How could I stand before God in eternity and explain why I sent my child to be taught for well over 12,000 hours, before age 18, that we can’t know whether or not God exists (or that we know for certain that He does not exist), that the Bible has no bearing on public life, that we are all the accidental result of evolution, that you can’t destroy a bald eagle’s egg but it is okay to murder an unborn child in her mother’s womb, that all religious beliefs are basically the same, that homosexuality is a viable lifestyle, and that teachers know better than parents because they are ‘the experts.’” As a Christian parent, why in the world would I do such a thing to my child? The government school option made no sense to us at all.

While there are numerous private schooling options available, my wife and I opted for homeschooling our own children. I guess the main reason is that we believe God gave these children to us and not to anyone else. We know their academic strengths and their weaknesses. We know their learning styles and personalities. We know which character traits they excel in and which ones need development. We know their interests and dreams. We are their parents.

We certainly welcome the help and support of like-minded Christians who can come alongside and mentor us as we raise these children, but we don’t want to pass our responsibility off to someone else. Training these children is a task that God gives to us, as parents, and to me specifically as a father. Nowhere in scripture does God ever indicate that we should allow the government to raise our children. The church’s role in education is to support parents and come alongside them to assist, but it is never to replace the parents or do their job for them. In the final analysis, the responsibility stops with mom and dad.

Israel Wayne is an author and conference speaker (www.IsraelWayne.com). He and his wife, Brook, are both homeschooled graduates and they are currently homeschooling their children in Michigan. Israel is author of the books, Homeschooling from a Biblical Worldview, and Full-Time Parenting: A Guide to Family-Based Discipleship (www.WisdomsGate.org). He also writes a regular column for the Home School Digest magazine (www.HomeSchoolDigest.com)

I am writing from China where we are in the middle of adopting our tenth child, a little girl who is nine years old. We have adopted twice before, a nearly four year old boy and a two year old boy, but this is the first time that we have ever adopted a child this old. She speaks a handful of words of English and we speak less of Mandarin. We are managing day-to-day functioning well enough and can ask our guides to translate anything more complicated than that. The language piece always seems a big hurdle at first, but I am always amazed at how quickly children pick up a new language.

Our experience is that functional language comes very quickly, but more academic and conceptual language takes years to catch up. It is one of the many reasons that I think adoption and homeschooling make such a perfect pair. Having my adopted children home with me while they first acclimate to a new family, language, and culture has been beneficial for us all, but it has also been beneficial for my children who have been home for quite a while.

The most obvious benefit is time. Especially with our newest daughter, we have missed so much of our children’s early lives that I am loath to lose any more. I might have missed the first step, the first word, the first smile, but I’m not going to miss other firsts because they will be learning and experiencing these things with me. We have time to develop relations with our new daughter and sister. We can make up for the time we have already lost together.

By keeping our adopted children home we also don’t have to rush. We can allow my new nine year old daughter the time she needs to acclimate and not force her right into being a third grader. We can allow our five year old son to be the three-year-old he really is due to his continuing orphanage delays. If we were to send him to school, he would be considered extremely developmentally delayed and placed in special education, but we have found if we adjust his age and subtract the two years he was in the orphanage, he is developmentally on target. We can make his education fit him and not make him fit the
education.

But perhaps the greatest value is the emotional healing that homeschooling my adopted children allows. Our first adopted son had a very difficult transition and it took a very long time for us to attach to each other. On top of that he still suffers the effects of past trauma and does not always behave in a manner which is easy to manage. If we had sent him to school for hours each day, I believe that it would have made the attachment and healing process even more difficult and slow. Learning to love each other and live together can only happen when you are actually together.

All children are quirky and have ways that they each learn best, but because of our adopted children’s less than ideal past histories, I think it makes them a bit quirkier as far as learning goes. Some of it is just a factor of having switched languages. For instance, there have been several occasions where a son who I thought was really very fluent in English will exhibit a basic misunderstanding that I wasn’t aware of.
Can I tell you how shocked I was when I learned he had trouble telling the difference between telling sentences and asking sentences? It did go a long way toward explaining some misunderstandings we have had in the past. A teacher might have corrected his misunderstanding but not thought it important enough to share. Whereas, I saw it as an answer to some past conflict and it turned out to be quite a healing thing to learn.

In another week or so, we will be back home and reunited with the rest of our family. We may not do school for a little while. Those of us who traveled will be jet lagged, our new daughter will be overwhelmed with all the newness thrust upon her, and our children at home will want to spend time having Mommy and Daddy back. It will take a while to reach a new equilibrium. At that point, we’ll get the books out again and formal school will resume. In the meantime, there will still be quite a bit of learning going on. Our daughter will be learning a new language (and my plan is that she will also continue to make use of her current language); we will probably all add to our Mandarin vocabularies as our daughter enjoys teaching new words to us; we will read books and play games, and more than likely go on some field trips to show our new daughter some of the things in her new hometown.

And because we homeschool we have the freedom to do these things. We can take the time to do what’s best for our family and enjoy being all together once again.

Elizabeth Curry is on year 14 of homeschooling her 9 children (with #10 arriving via China at some point next year).  Devoted bookworms all, it’s not surprising that much of the learning that happens centers around whatever chapter book is being read.  When she isn’t taking care of children or reading, she enjoys sewing, cooking, and writing.  Her life of following Jesus with many children in the Big, Ugly House is chronicled at www.ordinary-time.blogspot.com .