It’s February and spring is fast approaching. We have chicks in the incubator and plans for more. Ducklings and goslings are on the way. My seed starting shelf is set up and ready for my first planting as we wait for the garden to thaw. We have a chicken house to repair, a duck house to build and fencing to put up. This alongside fundraising efforts to build a children’s home in my son’s memory and the first craft shows of the year for my jewelry business. The busiest season of the year is about to begin.

I don’t have time to homeschool.

Now that statement seems a little strange to me. My children work alongside me all through the day. They peek in the incubator and ask what the chick inside looks like. They help fill tubs with soil for our seeds while we talk about what contributes to good soil health. They helped decide which breeds of poultry we should acquire based on our needs. And they have sat at craft shows with me learning the fundamentals of running a business.

But as demands on my time increase, I am not ready to fully let go of sit-at-the-table-and-do-your-work school. So we instituted our first ever mid year curriculum switch and began (loosely) using the Robinson curriculum. Now, instead of me calling everyone to the table and me giving lessons and me setting up projects and assigning work, I wash dishes, bake bread, finish jewelry. My children get started on their lists. My daughter has a bible reading plan she is working on, my son reads the next section of his devotional. They both read a chapter from a book selected from a list of 500 great works of Western Literature, have a brief writing assignment and do some math.

And then they’re done. With the formal part of their day, anyway. We’ll eventually add on more subjects to their independent time, but for the moment, we are focusing on the discipline of getting up and getting started without mom’s reminders. And I am finding more time to attend to other tasks in our home.

Advantages for our family:

• I have more time and am not feeling as stressed with everything that needs to be done in a day.
• The children have stopped complaining about school. This surprised me, honestly.
• Without the complaining, they are getting to their work and finishing rather quickly.
• They’re gaining independence. If they graduate with the ability to complete their work by reading a syllabus with no one to nag them, they will be more prepared for college, work or whatever comes next than most young people their age.
• We’re a little more consistent. It doesn’t matter how busy the day is, they get this formal part of their day done.

Disadvantages:

• I miss learning together as a family. I like the reading and the discussion and the more project based learning. But it was a lot of work, too. I think with some of this extra time, however, I will put together some units to do together every six weeks or so.

So far, so good. And the best part, I think, is that we can get on with some of that life learning without me feeling like we “skipped” school for the day.

Dana Hanley is homeschooling her five children while moving to the country. You can follow her plans and adventures while seeking to live life more abundantly at Roscommon Acres.

Taking Care of the Kids

Let’s face it: a household need a certain number of things done daily in order to run smoothly (or at least stumble along). And moms with chronic illnesses don’t always have the energy to do them. That means we often have to ask our kids (and hubbies) to step up to the plate. But what’s a mom to do when the kids resent being asked to do extra chore or being told mom can’t do something for/with them?

One of the biggest advocates for Mom’s health and kids doing chores is Dad. A father sets the tone for the whole house. If Dad plops on the sofa every night after work and asks about dinner and clean clothes when Mom is clearly not up to either, he sets up false expectations for the kiddos. On the other hand, if he willingly pitches in and encourages the children to help as well, he’s not only blessing his wife, he’s also exemplifying an attitude of servanthood.

What happens if a chronically ill mom is all your kids have ever known? That’s okay! They’ll learn how to do household chores early on. They’ll learn to be independent (in a good way). Hopefully, your kids will have extra compassion towards those who are physically weaker.

What happens if a chronically ill mom is suddenly sprung on our kids, especially if they have previously not had to do many chores? They’re in for a surprise. It’s all about expectations. In general, change leads to frustration. When a major life change like this occurs, it’s best to sit the family down and address these issues at the current level of expectation. It may be a bumpy adjustment, but don’t back down when the kids start whining about never having to do their own laundry before. They’ll adjust eventually. Promise.

Here’s what one friend had to say, “If Dad is frustrated and complaining, the children will follow suit. My husband never hesitated to clean do dishes, scrub floors, do laundry, etc., when I was down with pain. He encouraged our daughters to serve similarly. There were times when my girls were frustrated (junior high/high school), but they eventually grew to appreciate all I was able to do despite my pain. Also, I feel that my chronic pain was a plus in homeschooling. I was physically unable to hover over them or spoon-feed information. They were on their own. I wrote the lesson plans, and they carried out their work without me. They learned to dig for answers and be resourceful. Community college professors said they had incredible study skills—but that’s because they had no choice but to develop those skills. It’s all good.”

It may take a few years—or more—for our children to appreciate hard work, responsibility, and serving, but it will probably happen. Proverbs 22:6 reminds us, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

How can we try to keep our children’s attitudes in check?

• Model servitude
• Model a good attitude
• Don’t ask them to perform extra chores when we’re able to do them ourselves
• Study together biblical examples of people serving others
• Be patient when they are frustrated and unhappy, but don’t feed into it
• Encourage them to snuggle in bed with you to talk
• Let them express their frustrations in an appropriate way

How can we make sure our kids know that we appreciate them and the sacrifices they’re making on our behalf (at least in their minds)?

• Say thank you. A lot
• Spend time with them on their terms when we’re able
• Say yes when possible
• Take them on special outings when possible
• Give them little, unexpected treats just because
• Make an effort to ask someone else to take the teens on field trips and other outings
• Give hugs and kisses
• Write them thank you notes for special (or even regular) acts of service
• Let them hear you praising their actions to others

Of course, kids and teens will be frustrated from time to time, but aren’t we all? It’s that root of bitterness that we have to watch out for. Ephesians 4:31 admonishes, “Let all bitterness . . . be put away from you.”

Bottom line: there’s no guarantee that our kids won’t spend thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours stretched out on a therapist’s couch whining about their forced slavery. But there’s also no guarantee that kids who have been raised in church won’t forsake it, either. While we have no control over how our children choose to feel, I believe our number one defense against the root of bitterness in our children, especially as it concerns how our physical limitations affect them, is prayer.

Bethany LeBedz is a veteran homeschooler, professional editor, writer, and speaker. You can check out her business website at www.bethanylebedz.com. Bethany contributes regularly to Heart of the Matter Online, has a regular column in the Home School Enrichment magazine, and occasionally writes for other magazines, websites, and newsletters. She lives in North Carolina with her family and she enjoys music, reading, scrapbooking, sewing, genealogy, and keeping up with friends in her spare time. Be sure to follow her blog, Confessions of an Organized Homeschool Mom, at www.bethanylebedz.blogspot.com.

My daughter watched the TV show about hoarders with studied focus. She stared frozen as the show shared the lives of people who collect things to such an extent that they can no longer move through their homes. Stacks of newspapers, unopened packages, garage sales finds, dirty dishes, and mountains of clothes are piled often to the ceiling, creating tunnel-like paths through their homes.

She glared, unblinking at the screen, while the camera painstakingly worked its way through a woman’s home. Apparently, years ago this mom had suffered the loss of two children, only six months apart, and her inability to cope had sent her into a hoarding downward spiral. Suddenly, my eleven year old turned to me in utter seriousness, put her hand on mine and said, “Don’t ever do that. Just don’t. If, heaven forbid, I were to die. . .. . .take up knitting.”

I laughed out loud. Her concern was so heartfelt. Her face so serious. Yet, the idea of me as a hoarder would bemuse most of my family. I was raised in the military. And that means every few years you throw away everything you don’t feel like packing. This usually leaves me with several books and a coffee pot. I feel practically giddy when throwing things away. I look at a horizontal piece of table or shelf that was once covered with stuff, and find that once it’s cleared, I have a reaction that must be something like smoking crack. Who needs drugs. . .when a polished cleared table produces such an effect?

A few members of my family however, hover dangerously near the hoarding disorder. They have a very difficult time throwing things away. My youngest child believes that almost everything “would be perfect in my room!” My father has long collected obscure and odd-shaped things “that we just might need one day.” And my husband believes that anything that our children have ever breathed around is now precious, and must be preserved with sacred solemnity. The beginnings of tell-tale piles easily form around them.

I pick my battles carefully. My father and husband are on their own. But the daughter is still under my influence, and I decided that perhaps we should watch LOTS more of this show, Hoarders. Why? Because I remember so well how watching another TV show impacted my son to change how he views reckless and rash behaviors.

Previously, I had spent vast amounts of breath telling him not to climb on the roof, not to walk with scissors point-up, not to open the car door before the driver had stopped, etc. He constantly thought I was just over-reactive mom. Hyper-worry mom. Dismissible and amusing over-careful mom. Then one day we accidentally stumbled upon a TV show, 911 Emergency, that showcased actual ambulance calls. Each show started with a recreation of the accident, then followed up with the emergency action taken to rescue the victims. My son was hooked. Suddenly he saw, in vivid detail, just what happened when kids run through a glass window, ride a bike without a helmet, or venture out on thin ice. The show fascinated him; it also validated me. In time, he became the voice of caution, the resident crossing guard, the home monitor and safety patrol. It should come as no surprise that he also eventually became an EMT and firefighter.

So the question then becomes, why did this show work where the words of a wise and experienced mother did not? I think it has something to do with repetition and visual imagery. This TV show brought its message with sight, sound, color, and drama. And not just drama, but drama that was safe, while still “experienceable”. All the wise words in the world can’t compete with that.

But I also believe that some kids need more. More of everything. More intensity. More voices. And most of all. . .more repetition, to get some concepts.

So I find myself in an odd position of advocating television use. Carefully. Moderately. And with a noble purpose. It may seem counter to traditional educational thought, but there it is. I’m putting the TV show “Hoarders” on our schedule. I’m hoping that my daughter will eventually develop a fear of becoming what she sees on the screen. And that she might, one day, view her room with a different eye.

Carol Barnier is a fresh, fun and popular conference speaker unlike any you’ve heard before. Her objective is to have the wit of Erma Bombeck crossed with the depth of C.S. Lewis, but admits that most days, she only achieves a solid Lucy Ricardo with a bit of Bob the Tomato. She is a frequent guest commentator on Focus on the Family’s Weekend Magazine broadcast, has been a guest on many radio programs and is a speaker to conferences nationwide. She’s the author of three books about dealing with (or possessing) a non-linear mind in a linear world: How to Get Your Child Off the Refrigerator and On To Learning, If I’m Diapering a Watermelon, Then Where’d I Leave the Baby?, and The Big WHAT NOW Book of Learning Styles. Her main websites are CarolBarnier.com and SizzleBop.com. You can also find Carol at her blog for moms with distractible kids at SizzleBop. And for fun, see her church humor blog at CarolBarnier.

If you are anything like me, life works out much better when it is scripted. “Then the LORD answered me and said: ‘Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it’.” (Habakkuk 2:20) I have found this scripture to be of great importance; reminding me to prayerfully write things down rather than trying to remember everything on my own. Because of the importance of staying organized as a stay-at-home homeschooling mother, using planners has been a wonderful and necessary tool in my life.

Does this describe you? If so, then I have the perfect resource to recommend you!

Recently I had the honor to review the eBook, Planner Perfect: A Fresh Idea on Organizing Your Life by Jenny Penton. The Planner Perfect is unlike any planner that I have ever used in the past. It is truly a breath of fresh air that I know will help me out with planning many wonderful thins to come in the new year. It is well written, well organized, keeps God at the center of your planning, and very simple to understand. The beautiful thing about Jenny’s eBook is that it teaches you how to become a master life planner, taking control of your own scheduling, rather than being held captive by your schedule.

The story behind the concept is absolutely heartwarming. Jenny has fashioned the planner around the influence of her precious Proverbs 31 mother and the example she modeled while Jenny was growing up. Rather than the typical “task manager” planning, the Planner Perfect is a place where you create your life and can dream up new things birthed in freedom, rather than being tied down by an impossible to-do-list.

One of my favorite things about the Planner Perfect approach to goal setting is the simple fact that it is more about dreaming and living life than about the legalistic aspect of making lists to “check” off. While lists do serve their purpose, the Planner Perfect gives you a whole new understanding about the importance of not overbooking yourself and family. This new “mindset” will help anyone who has been giving their calendar too much control in their life plans.

Some of the many wonderful topics this fabulous eBook covers are:

• creating a space of your own
• secrets to why we can’t stay organized
• the role of your calendar
• daily and monthly pages
• organizing and exploring your strengths and talents
• organizing your wardrobe
• party planning
• vacations
• emotional and physical health
• keeping your home clean
• meal planning
• holiday’s and special occasions
• aspiring for more

I would highly recommend purchasing this eBook if you want a fresh and exciting new start to your life planning. I love the way Jenny teaches us to become the master of our own life planning accompanied with living life, accomplishing goals, creating and accomplishing dreams, and above all else; living a life pleasing to God.

You can purchase Jenny Penton’s ebook here: Planner Perfect: A Fresh Idea on Organizing Your Life.

We have FIVE copies of Jenny’s planner to give away!  To enter, simply leave a comment on this post. The giveaway will remain open until Wednesday 2/8 at 10pm EST. If you are reading this on Facebook, please note that you must enter your comment on the original blog post on our website.

Carlie has been blissfully married to the love of her life, Michael, since June of 2000. She has been a stay-at-home homeschoolin’ mama to their 3 children since 2001. Carlie currently resides with her family in Germany courtesy of the US Army. You can read about her homeschooling adventures and Christian faith at her blog: So You Call Yourself A Homeschooler?

Like many, we homeschool at the dining table. Every day I’m amazed at the speed with which it is covered—books, papers, folders, colored pencils, and sometimes a bowl or a cup is squeezed in there, too. Worse, I’ve seen a kid fill one spot up with books and papers and then sit at a fresh spot for lunch, leaving one of my preschoolers to set a bowl on top of the older kid’s pile of books.

We’ve had nights that we just ate in the floor picnic style rather than try to excavate the dining table. We’ve had disastrous coffee spills and cheerio-encrusted Latin pages. I only confess this because I know you know what I’m talking about.

The table gets that bad with only two students, but this year, my three-year-old and four-year-old have started wanting to “do school,” too. They lug their workbooks and bags of pencils over to my desk, and with round, sweet eyes, they ask if I’ll help. They obliviously pile their things on top of the bigs’ papers some days; other days they just cry out, “There’s nowhere for me to sit!” And then they get stuck, repeating this cry until a spot is cleared.

Last weekend, I had an idea. I marked off the amount of space each child could have for their work and gave them a piece of paper the same size to decorate and label. John drew inventions on his placemat; Grace illustrated the events of The Iliad on hers. Abby and Caedmon colored their names with dots and stripes.

We put the four pieces of decorated paper on the table and covered the whole table with a thick piece of clear plastic I’d bought at the fabric store for that purpose years before. Now they could see at a glance if they were taking up too much space.

So far…honestly, it hasn’t helped at all. But I think that the training will go more smoothly with the visual reminder. I think drawing boundaries will help them to see—in the long run—the importance of keeping their stuff picked up and the finite limits of the square footage available at one dining table.

Aubrey Lively is a homeschooling mama with a loud one-room classroom filled with four children, aged ten to two. She likes a Saturday morning with her husband and his guitar, a good cup of coffee, and a fresh sheet of paper. She has a BA in Literature and a MEd in Teaching, but more importantly, she thinks outside the box. (She believes the box is a conspiracy.) Visit Aubrey online at http://aubreylively.blogspot.com.

I feel as if I have been pushed into the deep end of the pool now that our family has been tossed into the world of homeschooling three. I was use to schooling ten and eight year old girls. Even with their special needs I had things worked out and running smoothly.

Then in a very short amount of time a little three year old boy came into our life. He just got thrown into the mix. As you can imagine things did not stay quite as organized. I started to stress.

Yet when God asks you to follow His word He means it! When He asks you to do something, He will also equip you to do it. None of it is about our glory but all for Him. As we obey His word we are transformed by Him. He works in our hearts through the person of the Holy Spirit that lives within us if we are truly His. He will never leave us the same. The goal is Christlikeness.

God uses our children as a big tool to teach us this. When He calls us to homeschooling this requires dying to self even more. But there is reward in obedience. God sees the challenge and knows it is hard. Yet He gives us all we need to accomplish it.

Our family has been filled with just two children for the past 8 years. Just these past few weeks we have acquired a three year old. I am looking at this situation and wondering how in the world am I going to homeschool them all now. This new addition has thrown us in a frenzy. It is messy because my neat organized world is looking quite different. How will I handle this?

After I went into freak out mode, I remembered that God provides. He equips. What I need to do is believe it. He will work all things out. It may need to look different now but God is still in control. Life comes with many interruptions. We all face them. I wonder what is going on in your life now? Can I just encourage you to relax? To trust God’s plan? All things will work themselves out in their proper time. And in that proper time we will all be a little more like Him.

“LORD, my heart is not proud; my eyes are not haughty. I don’t concern myself with matters too great or too awesome for me to grasp. Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself, like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother’s milk. Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, put your hope in the LORD— now and always.” ~Psalm 131 NLT

Angela Parsley, of the international ministry Refresh My Soul Ministries, is a wife and homeschooling mother to her 2 young daughters. Angela is also a contributing author to a devotional book entitled, “Standing on the Promises of God” and Radical Revolution, a devotional site for teen girls through Proverbs 31 Ministries.

It has been said that play is child’s work. Do you agree? I do.

Vygotsky’s famous statement emphasizes this: “Play creates a zone of proximal development of the child. In play a child always behaves beyond his average age, above his daily behavior; in play it is as though he were a head taller than himself.” (Vygotsky, 1978:102)

Maria Montessori also gave her word about play: “The most important role that play can have is to help children to be active, make choices and practice actions to mastery. They should have experience with a wide variety of content (art, music, language, science, math, social relations) because each is important for the development of a complex and integrated brain. Play that links sensory-motor, cognitive, and social-emotional experiences provides an ideal setting from brain development.”

As we can see play is understood as the most effective vehicle for young children’s learning.

But ‘play’ in a bilingual context can be an exciting experience it leads to language and cultural learning. I have heard comments such as, “How can children learn when they are having fun?” or “Children should sit in their seats and pay attention when learning.” Although I have found that playful activities stimulate children and promote learning.

What happens in a child’s mind when they listen to a song in another language, move to the rhythm of a foreign rhyme, or engage in a game that requires them to speak a foreign language?

Games, songs, chants, movement, fun activities do compliment language acquisition. As adults, what are our roles?

We have to provide opportunities for meaningful play, to engage children in purposeful experiences in a rich environment so they continue to learn. Playing with your children contributes to their physical, emotional and intellectual development.

Play situations tend to create meaningful and interesting contexts for children, in which children can become motivated to communicate in the new language both non-verbally and verbally, and to practice and rehearse familiar words and short phrases, and to begin the process of combining new words together. A teacher (or mother, or leader ) who joins in and talks through everyone’s actions and ideas – i.e. models the use of language – when children are not yet able or ready to talk for themselves, provides language teaching in a meaningful context.

For example in this picture, my niece (or should I say the princess?) is preparing tea for her 5 best dolly friends. She invited them to have tea and they accepted. So at that time she was laying the table.

I took advantage of that situation to review colors in Spanish, numbers one to five, the words tea, cookies, cups, plates, spoons, teapot and tray. And we review how to greet people. Oh! When everything was ready for tea, she changed her dress and waited for the dolly guests.

To resume we can say that play helps your children to

• Have a sense of well being and good self-esteem
• Deal with tragedies and setbacks
• Have a sense of control
• Make good relationships with you and his peers
• Understand and care about others
• Be creative and imaginative, think and have ideas, develop concentration
• Be physically co-ordinated.

Language is a vehicle for communication. A new language will be easier for younger foreign language children, yet laughing and excitement are still an integral part of the lesson. Play almost always promotes excitement, enjoyment, and a relaxing atmosphere.

So,what we are waiting for? Let’s play!

Analia Capurro is the designer and owner of Ingles360.net® and the author of all the educational resources sold in her website. After 20 years of teaching children she found that the only way children love learning is if teachers love learning and teaching, too. Promoting a learning environment where laugh, fun and friendship and companionship are as important as any language structure, are the things she had in mind while designed her bilingual resources.

There’s just something about January and February that guarantees them. Sick days. Maybe the sickness started with one then knocked you all out despite the diligent hand washing. It’s ok. Take a sick day.

But make the most of it. Yes, with sickness, it seems the weeping and weariness abounds. Why not turn that around?

If you are functioning somewhat, have a tea party. Nice, hot tea soothes throats and a party surely cheers spirits. Spread out a tablecloth to prevent spreading germs. Hold your party at the kitchen table or on the family room floor. You can toss the cloth in the laundry and wash it later.

You might even want to invite the baby dolls. Ask one who is well to pick some flowers from the yard.

But if you are stuck on the couch:

• Put on the Schoolhouse Rock DVD.
• Pile up with the box of tissues and get caught up on read alouds.
• If everyone needs to be separate, build blanket tents all around.
• Some nice, bland, rice water soup might soothe tummies.

You need not be doomed on sick days. Be easy on yourselves. Take a nap. Then have a tea party!

Tricia gave up life in the drive thru lane for the joy-filled road home. She homeschools five children from preschool to middle school. You can find her facing that daily dose of chaos at Hodgepodge. There she writes about practical schooling strategies and shares how she is saving bucks and her sanity with the frugal recipes of her Southern roots. Tricia is also known as Hodgepodgemom.

It started early this year.

As in, really early. On our first day of Christmas vacation (which was, blessedly, the day before Thanksgiving since we take all of December off), I found myself sighing, “Only five weeks ’til we start again!”

I tried to keep my great attitude to myself. But now that January has come, we’re all online groaning to one another about how difficult it is to start back to school again. I hate to admit it, but it’s happening at my house, too. There are missing math texts, almost-used-up notebooks and too many of the pencils are broken. Everyone makes a sad face when Monday rolls around.

Even me.

So, what does that mean? Did we make the wrong schooling choice altogether? Should we choose new curriculum? Do we need a new schedule? Do we just need to crack the whip a bit more?

To me, the fact that I’m squealing with delight over a vacation and counting the days ’til it’s over with trepidation and reluctance means I’m doing something wrong. How on earth can I expect my children to enjoy our school year if I’m not enjoying it?

Oh dear.

Here’s my guess: My homeschool has become a bit too heavy on the school. And I really need to fix it.

We all can get trapped into feeling like we’re leaving something out, not doing enough, not keeping up with the Bluedorns. That leads to curriculum choices we really knew weren’t quite right, commitments to groups and classes we don’t really want to be committed to, and schedules that make us want to tear our hair out.

I don’t know about you, but when the majority of my days are spent doing things I don’t really want to do, it exhausts me.

All of a sudden, as I sit here today, I’ve realized something: I don’t want to be raising my kids in a homeschool. I want to be raising them in a home. A home where together we read well- written, imaginative books; listen to beautiful music; prepare and enjoy healthy, delicious meals; and surround ourselves with inspiring art and the words of God. I want their memories primarily to be of those kinds of things … not my scowling face, fussing at them to complete that math lesson or finish that literature assignment.

Now, I’m not advocating for tossing all our books out the window and abandoning order altogether. Kids need order and routine – actually thrive on it, in fact. And the books aren’t really the problem (well, maybe the math books could be a problem, but that’s another story.) The story books and history books and science books are wonderful in and of themselves. It’s generally my slavery to the assignment sheet that throws my homeschool balance off, not the assignments themselves.

So what do we do if we can tell our homeschool has gotten a bit too heavy on the school?

My plan is to first spend some time with a pen and paper and write out how I’m really feeling right now. What’s bothering me most? Do I have any idea how to change the problem? Later I plan to call my kiddos together so we can talk about it. I want to hear their hearts, to know how they feel about what we’re doing and what they think would make things better. I want to find out how they feel about each activity we’re involved in—coops, ballet lessons, chess, Friday afternoons at the park—all of it. And then I’m going to decide what’s going to stay and what needs to change.

Perhaps all of our families need a bit of adjustment every January, as we’re half-way into our year and we return after a break. In light of how brief our days are with our children, how great our responsibility to show them the power and beauty of God and His Word before they leave our nests, what should our days really be full of? Am I organizing my day with Jesus or my school planner as the center? What does the emphasis I put on checking off assignments say to my children about my true priorities?

I want us all to live in a home, not a homeschool. I think that means some changes may be in order.

Has your homeschool become too heavy on the school?

Misty Krasawski is the overly-blessed mom of eight children whom she homeschools in sunshine-y Florida. She has been clinging ferociously to the hand of her Lord since she was knee-high to a grasshopper, homeschooling for the past thirteen years, and has eighteen more years ahead of her with the children who are glad she will have done most of her experimenting on those who went before. Her wonderful husband Rob has much treasure laid up for him in heaven for having been called to such a daunting task. After the house goes to sleep she can sometimes be found gathering her thoughts at www.encouragingheartsathome.com.

A few years ago I saw a spoof of a motivational poster that said, “Remember, you are unique, just like everyone else.” I had to laugh because it’s a human tendency to want to believe you are unique and special, which is actually a very common desire. I wonder how many of us have ever had the thought that there is no one else in the world who can relate to how we think and feel. Ironically, while we are longing to be unique we also want to be recognized and included as a valued member of a group. We want to belong, but we want to belong on our own terms and be appreciated for the unique qualities that set us apart.

Our children look for groups with which they identify so they can have a sense of belonging. It’s reassuring to know that no matter what, there is a place where you are accepted and where there are people who care about whatever is happening with you. This desire begins in childhood but continues throughout our lifetimes. Life is meant to be lived within the context of relationships, sharing commonalities as well as differences. One of the challenges we face as parents and educators is to help our children forge their own identities without being unduly influenced by those around them.

As the mother of three children, I came to realize that my kids often responded in different ways even when they were in a shared situation. My son, Josh, was usually pretty oblivious to the reactions of those around him. My daughter, Beth, was so sensitive that she read meanings into situations and was easily offended or hurt. My daughter, Beckie, was such an optimist that she made excuses for others even when their behavior was blatantly appalling. In order to help my children learn how to be part of a group while developing their own sense of individuality, I had to recognize that just as each learned academic skills in their own way they developed their personalities differently, too.

Josh, who was diagnosed at a young age with severe attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), has always been an “outside the box” kind of thinker. So far outside, as a matter of fact, that I’m not convinced he ever truly realized there was a “box”. His creativity has always amazed me, and I tried to encourage it because I perceived his unusual perspectives as a wonderful gift. I can’t say I always understood his thought processes, and I certainly was never able to predict what he might say or do next. Yet it gave me great pleasure to see glimpses into how his mind worked and to consider ideas that would never have occurred to me without Josh to introduce them.

Josh’s various ideas and experiments did stretch out our school days, because he never seemed interested or even able to take a direct approach to a task. If there was a scenic route, Josh would take it. If there wasn’t, Josh would forge one and leave the well-worn path for the less adventuresome. He often struggled academically, but he could leave most people in the dust when it came to creativity. As a thoroughly “inside-the-box-and-it’s-probably-taped-up” kind of thinker, I made a point to share with Josh my genuine admiration for his ability to come up with unusual solutions to problems.

I have to admit that I was disappointed when not everyone shared my enthusiasm for Josh’s quirky and unpredictable ideas. Couldn’t they see how special he was? Josh left many adults as well as other children baffled by his thought processes, and he was equally baffled by their lack of understanding as he expressed his ideas. In what I considered a “genius-for-being-inside-the-box” idea, I enrolled Josh in art classes where I was sure his gifts would be recognized and appreciated by someone besides me, his mother.

Josh enjoyed exploring new art mediums. He had many ideas to express, but even in art class he tended to be non-conforming to others’ expectations. When Josh saw how something was done, it seemed to trigger an onslaught of alternative possibilities in his mind. Instead of being embraced, his creative drive in non-traditional directions was met with attempts to redirect him to more specific tasks. As Josh grew older he informed me that, “People expect you to be original while following a strict set of rules.” Apparently Josh was over the top even with other creative types.

If you’ve ever felt like you are just not as creative as a lot of people you know, try to remember that thinking inside the box is not all bad. Creative people need help to make their visions become reality, and those of us who are generally logical and detail-oriented may have just the skill set they need to help those visions become realities. For those of you who are naturally creative, thank you for sharing your unique ideas. While it’s true that in some circles you will be asked to tone it down and “be original while following a strict set of rules”, please know that there are those of us who will continue to admire and applaud you for your originality.

Melinda Boring has been married to Scott for 25 years and has three homeschooled children. Her 22 yr. old son and 21 yr. old daughter graduated from home school in 2006, leaving Melinda an “empty desker” of two along with her 17 year old daughter who will graduate in 2011. Two of her children and her husband have been diagnosed with AD/HD. The children also deal with auditory processing disorders and sensory processing challenges. The name “Boring” just doesn’t fit this family, and Melinda shares many humorous moments in her speaking and writing endeavors. Melinda is the author of Heads Up Helping and has been a contributing author to multiple publications. She is a workshop presenter with a passion for helping struggling learners and providing practical strategies, compassion, and understanding for those with special needs. Melinda is also a speech/language pathologist with over 25 years experience and the owner of Heads Up, a company with products for those who learn differently. You can find her blog at the Heads Up website, where she writes as “Heads Up Mom”.