Co-op Community Building

Posted by Debra | 0 comments

I have been a part of four different co-ops in three different states. Each time, I went looking for a community of fellow homeschoolers who could offer support and encouragement. I wanted to find friends for my kids to grow up with. I wanted to introduce my kids to other adults who could speak into their lives with influence, inspiration and grace. All of these co-op experiences accomplished these purposes to some extent and each one taught me abundantly. However, the hardest lessons about how to build a community were learned in my first co-op.

This first co-op began with a fairly large group of families. It was a pretty exciting opportunity and I was ready to jump in and help out. However, when the co-op actually began the adults felt coldly distant from one another and the leadership was difficult for me to communicate with. It felt a lot like my first day in middle school when all the students who had merged together from different elementary schools were simply scared to know one another.

These mothers were actually afraid to start conversations with each other. Why? What made these homeschoolers shut down? What made us isolate ourselves even when we were surrounded by families who understood our choice to homeschool? Even with vastly different motivations for choosing this path certainly we should have been able to find ways to connect and care for one another. After a year and a half, I learned that this disconnect was probably a combination of many things.

First, it is easy for us to judge people whom we simply don’t know. There were some beautiful people in that group, though they looked, dressed, parented, and schooled differently from me. The ones I had opportunity to know taught me many things and turned me on to new ideas. It’s frightening to think of how quickly I jumped to judgment.

Secondly, I began to fear what they would think of the real me: a non-conservative homeschooler who struggled with certain aspects of parenting and served in an unconventional church. My fear, as fear always does, led me to keep everyone at arm’s distance. This was not the way to build a community. If I wanted to be known, I had to make an effort to know others. Getting past the fear of being vulnerable was the first step and I think I skipped it.

Thirdly, many of us probably began the co-op centered on ourselves. I wanted to have everything this co-op promised to “do for me.” And so I went to consume the goods and services that would be provided. What I ended up with was a shallow, program-oriented experience. The key word in co-op is cooperation and cooperation is a group practice in associating for a common benefit, not the benefit of an individual. As a homeschooler, who makes strong efforts to buck the system, I often stumble over being an individual versus living in community with others. It’s an easy trap to fall into.

I was very glad to find a second co-op was going to open closer to our home. We began it quickly out of necessity with about 30 families. This time we simply had to communicate because every adult was needed in order to make the co-op work. It turned into a beautiful experience of shared vision and cooperation.

This group of homeschoolers took care of one another, sat and ate together, and followed a prayerful, humble leader who was friendly and open to suggestions. My kids and I found this to be a fun and loving experience that became rich in friendships. I felt supported and I found it easy to support others.

The difference in these two co-op communities was night and day. What was different about the second one that made it so successful? Again, I think there were several things to note.

First, instead of standing back and waiting to see what this co-op would do for me, I jumped in with a willing heart ready to be used in any way possible. I offered to teach but what they really needed was someone to assist in the Kindergarten class. I did that with joy and put myself under the tutelage of the mother teaching that class. She was organized, gentle, and creative. I learned a lot and gained a friend.

Second, building my community was no one’s responsibility but my own. I knew that I could not go in and expect to have my needs met because nobody knew what my needs were. I had to be vulnerable and make my needs known appropriately. But that was only half of the community-building process. The other half was meeting the needs of those around me. Rather than consume all the support, I offered support back by listening to the stories of others and asking questions rather than giving answers.

Thirdly, it was possible to show care and concern for others regardless of our differences in homeschooling philosophy. No matter what method we use to school our kids at home, we can all struggle with the application of that method and with children who are less than appreciative of our efforts. My second co-op was not only made up of a variety of children with unusual needs, but families who used packaged programs, utilized workbook methods, attempted Charlotte Mason, unschooled and even utilized charter schools. Though our paths were different we showed grace during those precious weekly times walking side-by-side and left with confidence to walk the rest of the week on our own.

Finally, humble leadership made a significant difference. It took someone organized to begin our co-op and keep it running, but that organization didn’t dominate to the extent that the program became more important than the people involved. It took humility to know when people weren’t feeling heard and to know when her ideas were not working for the good of the group. If you’re considering being in leadership you may want to consider how much of yourself you can bear to set aside before you sign on.

If you are considering venturing into a co-op you’ll find many wonderful benefits: friendships, support, learning opportunities, networking, help, and group opportunities. But don’t plan to just dip your toe in and hope to acquire the full benefit of the experience. It takes holistic commitment to reap the real rewards of finding a supportive and satisfying community that needs you as much as you need them.

Check out my article on page 26 of the funky flipbook edition of Heart of the Matter Magazine.

Debra Anderson has been married to her true companion for 14 years and has three sons under age10. Debra’s passions are education, art, her husband, church ministry and missional living — not in that order. She has served as her co-op’s coordinator in Portland, Oregon and loves connecting homeschoolers in relationship to one another. Debra has her seminary Masters degree in Christian Education and has always home educated their boys — even on the hard days. She maintains a blog at www.emergent-homeschool.blogspot.com.