Communicating with Tweens and Teens Through a Shared Journal
Posted by Jimmie | 13 comments
When our children go through adolescence, they seem to change dramatically. Even very close parent-child relationships are tested during the tween and teen years as children push their boundaries and grapple with conflicting emotions. Although they long to share their hearts with us, teens are often caught in an awkward sense of embarrassment. It is so hard for them to realize that we, too, went through this difficult stage. And to be honest, sometimes we grow impatient with their moodiness and trivialize their very real frustrations.
My twelve year old daughter and I have started communicating with a shared journal. So far it has been a great way to keep the lines of communication open. I snagged a composition book from my back-to-school stash and added some fun decorations with Mod Podge. The journal itself is not the key, of course. You can use any blank book or notebook. Whether you decorate it or not, it’s the ideas inside that are essential.
On the first page of the journal, I wrote a note to my daughter, explaining what this journal was to be about.
Our Conversation Journal
This journal is for both of us to have conversations back and forth. It is not an assignment; there are no due dates. When you get the journal, you can reply and give it back to me. Then I can reply back to you. It may take a few days. Sometimes the journal may even get lost. But we will keep going as long as we can. Then you will have a treasured record of our ideas.
Love, Mom
To start off, I wrote the first entry. It shared my pride at how Sprite has been handling a tough situation in a godly way. I added a few Scripture verses that applied to the situation, and passed the book on to her. The very next day, she replied with some concerns about her future career.
Yes, it does seem silly for a twelve year old to be worried about such far away issues, but that is the point of the journal – each person can share what’s on her heart. If I were face to face with Sprite as she shared these things, I would likely discount her concerns as premature. But when I read them in a journal, I can be more careful about my reactions and write things to encourage and uplift rather than dismiss and criticize.
And so it continues. In the few short weeks we have used the journal, it has already recorded disagreements when we were angry. Fortunately it also holds the apologies that came later. I fully expect the journal to be a treasure both during these tough years of adolescence as we struggle to keep the lines of communication open and also in the future as we look back at our dialogues.
I wonder if a shared journal might benefit you and your tween or teen? Give it a try and let me know how it works for you.
Jimmie is a former public school teacher turned homeschooling stay-at-home-mom. Her only child, Sprite, is a creative middle school student who loves the arts and living books. Jimmie uses a loosely Charlotte Mason approach with lots of notebooking and field trips. Visit her blogs Jimmie’s Collage and The Notebooking Fairy.
13 Comments
Leave a Reply
Sponsors
Link to Us
Our Team on Twitter
I don’t have a tween or a teen yet (my daughter will be 4 in May), but I will definitely be tucking this idea away for later. When I was growing up I was constantly trying to get my family to hand deliver notes to each other, making my own little mail box for my door and everything. This seems like a great way to communicate. It will take the embarrassment of a face to face convo completely out of the equation!
[Reply]
Jimmie,
Thanks for sharing this! I did something similar at one time with my older guys…but somehow, I had gotten away from it and needed this reminder. I am so encouraged and inspired by this post.
Lori Lane
[Reply]
I have shared special night-time notes with my 12-year old and 9-year old for over a year now and it is really a wonderful way to communicate when we don’t seem to have the time to talk about what is in our hearts.
We each feel so blessed when we find the notebook tucked under the pillow with a new note penned inside, and we all can’t wait for the response.
I’ve even shared with my 17-year old in a similar way and print out a picture or a poem, write a link to a special song on YouTube, place a pressed flower, a scripture verse in the notebook. Mostly, she doesn’t write back, but at least there is a place for me to make my “deposits”.
Right now, I wish my tween would share more … she’s withdrawn and feels embarrassed to write what she can’t necessarily even put into words. This transition is so difficult for them.
[Reply]
What a wonderful idea! I have 3 teen daughters and will try this with each of them. 2 are very open with me, 1 not so much. Maybe this will help.
[Reply]
I did this several years ago with my older daughter and have been thinking that it’s time to pull it out again. It worked pretty well for us back then. She’s still really open with us, for which I’m thankful, but there’s also a boy in her life now that she’s trying to navigate a friendship with that’s bringing new questions that may be better journaled (that way her younger sister is a bit more out of the loop, good for sisterly relationships). I’ll need to look around in her room to see if I can find our old journal, otherwise I’ll buy a pretty new one. I think I’ll definitely need to use this with my younger daughter, who’s not quite as open and may communicate better this way.
[Reply]
I’m still far away from the teen years as my girl just turned 3. But I’m already reading up on handling teens. I know they are so delicate and tough!
I do think this journal is such a fantastic idea! So whatever is been mentioned in the journal, is it taboo to be talking about it in person?
I’m thinking this would be a beautiful gift to the daughter when she marries.
[Reply]
Jimmie,
I love this!
Melissa
[Reply]
I always find it easier to tell the truth and share what I am really feeling through writing. There are things that I find hard to express that is easier when putting in paper. I believe this is an amazing and effective idea. Doing this would teach me a lot about my daughter.
[Reply]
I love this idea! Now that my daughter is 11 (soon-to-be 12,) communication doesn’t seem to happen as naturally like it did when she was younger. Between her life being busier now, (homework, friends, sports, ipod, etc), as well as my own life, there is very little “couch talk” going on, and it feels like some formal kind of thing when I simply just want to talk to her. It seems when I have to create the right atmosphere, the conversation doesn’t flow as well, so she doesn’t open up as much as I’d like her to. And with her love of writing, this might be just the thing to get her “talking” again. I will definitely give it a try. Thanks so much for the idea!
[Reply]
I was just wondering if anyone has done this with their tween/teen boy. I am sure it would go over well with a girl, but not as convinced it would work for a girl.
[Reply]
elizabeth Reply:
May 11th, 2012 at 9:37 am
Sorry, not as convinced it would work for a boy!
[Reply]
I have four boys, three of which are grown and two of which are married and one still at home. At one point or another, I have done something along the lines of “journal communication” with each of them along the way. It proved to be a launching pad for discussion and a way to get my foot in the door to open communication in hard to touch areas between mom and son. Although I’m sure it doesn’t work for every child, boy or girl, it was a successful method of communication at various points with my guys!
[Reply]
I got my journal and am getting ready to decorate it! Thanks for a fabulous idea!! My daughter is 12 and I have a 9 y/o son with whom I’m also going to eventually try this. I think he’ll really like it, too.
[Reply]