For my third letter to you I want to visit with you about those little ones of yours.  Oh, no, don’t worry, their imperfections don’t bother me at all.  Their loudness and messiness, nah, I’m used to that, and, secretly think it’s endearing – at least I know my kids aren’t the only ones.  I have no judgment for you, sweet friend, you have enough of that without me.  I just wanted to let you know that I understand that this baby-raising business can be tricky and that maybe my words can soothe your confused soul.

1. Find the balance in everything. Not much in life is black and white.

2. Raising kids (and all else in life) is not as much about issues – watching tv, what they’re eating, what programs to put them in – it’s about the principles along the way. Are you doing it out of love? Are you praying for, and with, them? Are you forgiving them and others? Are they seeing that?

3. Life, like the Bible, is not about the law and rules (the law has to be there, but rules are not the end all) you must balance the law with forgiveness, grace, and love.

4. Life will not go as planned.

5. The house doesn’t have to be perfect – you’re the only one that cares.

6. Nothing will ever be perfect – don’t wait on it – it won’t happen.

7. If they’re getting into stuff – move the stuff.

8. Your babies are already who they are going to be – you just get to wait and discover them – you don’t create them.

9. They will not “get it” when you train them.

10. Training a child under 4 is like spitting in the wind. Do it anyway – but do not expect a behavior change.

11. Training is a process – over years – not a one-time event.

12. Discipline – ie. time outs, loss of toys and privileges – doesn’t start until they are closer to 2 years old.

13. Don’t react. Plan.

14. Do not discipline in anger – send them away to their room or you go to yours until you can discipline calmly, this will prevent so much guilt on your part.

15. Think of why they’re doing what they’re doing – how would you react in the same situation?

16. Repetition is what works. From about 10 months until it is clear from their faces that they know exactly what they’re doing willfully, discipline looks like a short command said quietly (ie. “not in the mouth”) and then removing them or the item. It never gets any firmer. You’ll just repeat until you’re saying it in your sleep.

17. As they get older discipline more firmly for the important stuff: lying, stealing, being cruel. As opposed to spilling something, having a messy room, getting dirty.

18. Praise more abundantly for being kind, serving others, telling the truth, asking and showing forgiveness, giving freely.

19. When disciplining, sometimes show them mercy and let them off the hook completely with no guilt – explain that’s how God’s grace works and God is merciful.

20. What your children learn from you – they will apply to God.

Suzanne is wife to one and mama to four. The little ones are 2 boys ages 7 and 5, a girl who’s 3, and a baby boy who’s not knee-high to a grasshopper yet. She eclecticly unschools with lapbooks the Charlotte Mason way. In other words, she doesn’t have the slightest clue what she’s doing, but does it anyway. She lives in a world where there are few absolutes. The dishes don’t stay cleaned, the laundry doesn’t stay put away, the children don’t remember what she told them yesterday. But in their chaotic lives they have found joy. And they’d love to share that with you. So, come on over, kick a path through the toys, have a seat on the couch and grab a cup of strong coffee. Just be ready to hone your skills of “interrupted conversation”! And be sure to stop by her personal blog at JoyfulChaos.