When my daughter was in public school, I began to find it harder to connect with her on a personal level. Spending time with her seemed to be a challenge. We were growing apart and there was so much tension because of our moodiness.
The stress put on young people in public schools is tremendous. Adults may think teens have no reason to feel stress…after all, they aren’t even a part of the “real” world yet. Hmmm, no wonder the connection is hard to make between the parent and the teen.
I had no idea how much stress my daughter endured. I wasn’t there to actually be a part of her daily life, so how could I know? I only heard and saw bits and pieces of her day. In fact, much of her physical complaints stemmed from the emotional and mental stress of dealing with her school days.
God led us to homeschool after I began to realize the extent to which the stress was affecting her overall well-being. I had not wanted to believe it. I had tried everything to help her “grow out of” her stress-related problems. It seemed to be an uphill battle. Once I saw the change in her after we settled into our homeschool routine, I was amazed.
As the stress level declined, the physical symptoms improved dramatically. The moodiness is almost nonexistent, which is shocking for a teenage girl and a middle-aged mom. The time we spend together now is embraced and relaxed. She no longer becomes irritated with my need to spend time with her, nor vice versa.
My own stress level has declined as well. My moodiness has improved. My desire to spend time with my daughter has increased and I now make more effort to relate to her wants and needs rather than trying to get her to conform to mine. Even so, she is more open-minded to my own wants and needs these days. We respect each other’s need for space more as well.
If your teen doesn’t seem to want to spend time with you, maybe there are deeper reasons than just the “stage” he or she is going through. Maybe you also have to look at your own approach and outlook on life and the things that affect your overall health. Your teen may not be and most likely isn’t the only problem that needs solving for the quality time to reach its full potential instead of a weak, half-hearted excuse of an attempt to bond.
So, it seems both parent and child have to learn the art of spending time together. Yes, my teen does know how to spend time with me…now that we are both happily homeschooling.
Shawnee Bowlin is a homeschool mom of a 10th grade daughter, also an aspiring writer and artist. She works as a veterinary technician and has been writing for the public since 2006. She lives in Northeast Texas and enjoys animals, nature, reading, writing, and riding motorcycles. You can visit her blog at Shawnee Paints
that was really beautiful to read first thing in the morning. I love success stories. A few weeks ago, my husband was reading aloud something that spoke about teenagers not wanting to spend time with their parents. My two boys literally did not get that … they thought it was a really weird thing for the author to have written. I am so thankful.
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My mom has long said that she can’t relate to people who talk about how hard it is to be with their teens. Because we were homeschooled, we already got along and liked being together. I’m so glad you found something that works for you and your daughter!
~Luke
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Our older son recently turned 12, so we’re entering the often dreaded teen years. However, with the relationship we’ve developed over the last five years of homeschooling, I look forward to the years ahead.
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We too experienced those same stresses and witnessed them melt away just two weeks into homeschooling! We removed our eldest daughter from private school in the middle of seventh grade for some of those exact same reasons you listed! It was goose-bumpily to read your words that matched our own!
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