Faith Through the Bad Days

Posted by Sallie | 0 comments

Some days are just bad days. Having bad days isn’t exclusive to having special needs children but when you have a bad day AND you have a special needs child, then it… the badness… seems to be amplified to the degree that the very existence of the know universe, even the unknown for that matter, will be determined by the outcome of whatever happens THAT day. These are the days that make you long to go lie down in your bed, cover your head with the blankets as tightly as you can, and have a good, soul-cleansing cry.

I’ve had those days. Sometimes, I think perhaps I’ve allowed myself too many of those days. Other times, I wish I could have just one more. Thankfully, I am too strong willed to allow myself to succumb to those desires. I do a mental shake of the shoulders. Occasionally, when the mental shakes aren’t strong enough, I am forced to take it a step further. On those days, I give my shoulders a good shrug, jerk my head a few times back and forth ala Rocky Balboa style, set a determined look to my face, and, with an ‘I will NOT crawl into my bed!‘ or an ‘I will not let the despair win!‘ conversation with myself, I put one foot in front of the other to make the day work. It may not be our best day, but it is a finished day none the less!

My faith in God carries me beyond understanding on these days. Key scripture verses such as Philippians 4:13 (I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.), Psalm 55:16-18a (I call to God, and the Lord saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and He hears my voice. He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me.), and John 16:33 (These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.) play repetitively like a scratched CD in my mind.

Many times the bad days stem from frustration and lack of patience with my child. The easy path to take, on days like this, might be to rail at God and curse Him. I could play the blame game and scream at God for giving me a child who does not remember a list of things to do two seconds after I have given him tasks to complete. I could play the woe-is-me game and ask what did I ever do to deserve a child who for the life of me can not remember 7 times 7 is 49. And, really, WHY must he throw a tantrum in the restaurant when they bring out something that resembles fried chicken instead of steak? I mean, he DID order country fried steak so what is his problem anyway?!

Would it do me any good to rail at God for answers to these questions? Would it do my child any good? Is my special needs child the real reason I am having a bad day or am I just taking advantage of a likely candidate? Even if the answer to the first part of that question is yes, does he deserve MY bad attitude making his day any worse than it already is? Perhaps that is the most important question that I need to answer!

The path of thankfulness and gratitude towards my Savior for every circumstance He has given me is a harder path to take but one worth striving for. Philippians 4:8 tells us “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” It is a simple task to pick out the bad and run with it. God gives us a harder task though when He tells us to focus on the good and be appreciative of those things.

One way I can do this is to take a mental time out for myself to dissect the verse above and concentrate on those specific traits within my son. For instance, I might say:

Whatever is true: my son has a disability, but the disability does not have him.

Whatever is noble: a few terms the dictionary uses to define noble are excellent, magnificent, stately, notable; My son is very good at including everyone in playtime. He always takes the time to notice the child who is feeling left out and brings them into the playgroup. Many mothers have shared with me how they have appreciated and admired this noble quality within my son.

Whatever is right: my son loves to read and share stories with his brothers; Many children on the autism spectrum have problems with comprehension but not my son. He is great at helping others understand the plots in a storyline. You will almost always find the right answer when you ask him a question about books!

Whatever is pure: my son loves God with all his heart; He is compassionate and understanding when sharing Christ with others. He knows that God has given him his own special challenges for a greater purpose in his life. He is ready for God to use him however He sees fit.

Whatever is lovely: my son is always quick to let me know things are going to be all right; He used to twirl my hair when he was a little boy to calm himself down. It was “stimming” in a way I guess but it never bothered me that he liked to have his hands in my hair. Now, when he sees that I am having a bad day, he will give me a hug, and ask to brush my hair. I guess playing with my hair has been something that has always calmed both of us and he knows that better than me sometimes.

Whatever is admirable: my son has learned the hard way to practice self control; It had taken a LONG time, and it has been a LONG road, but my son now practices self control better than most adults I know. I admire his ability to quickly read a situation and decide to walk away from events that might otherwise turn out ugly. Though sometimes he might still struggle, for the most part he has learned to be wise and discerning in this area.

These, and more, are all excellent and praiseworthy things that I can think on and appreciate. My child is a special gift that God has given to our family. I know there will be days with trials on occasion but the good will always outnumber the bad. I know we will always have challenges but they are not insurmountable ones. Most importantly, I know that my microscope view of things is not the same telescope view that God has. I will remember God’s promises in His Word and ‘I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”‘

Sallie is an off-again, on-again homeschooling mom to her 4 children, ranging from elementary to high school. In her writings, she discusses the challenges of homeschooling a child with disabilities and offers insight to those who sometimes feel all alone in a round hole world. Please visit her at Seaside Tales