Have you ever had a day when you just felt “blah” about your significant other? It could be they have left the toilet roll empty for the third time this week, maybe they left their shoes in the middle of the floor, or their clothes on top of the laundry basket instead of IN the laundry basket…is my husband the only one who does this?
Surprisingly though, I am sure they have had the same feelings about us from time to time. I know there are things I do that perturb my husband. The difference is he doesn’t always harp on me like I do him.
I have found that when I make the time and effort to support and encourage my spouse, I actually like him more! When I take the time to focus on the joy he brings to my life instead of the things he does that annoy me, our marriage is better.
Here are some tips that can help you support and encourage your spouse. If you try a few of these you may be surprised to find that you like your significant other a little more just because YOU tried a little harder!
1. Submit yourselves to each other and be a united front!
Now I know you might be thinking WHAT? That is old fashioned…but actually, it is biblical. The husbands are to be the heads of our house, and husbands aren’t off the hook either. They are supposed to love, and cherish their wives. This is the biblical example laid out in scripture in Ephesians Chapter 5:
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish
I am also a firm believer in being a united front! When it comes to disciplining our children, we stand together! I would never go behind his back and let the kids do something he said no too, and vice versa. We have to have each other’s backs! The same goes for when we are out. There have been numerous times our families have made comments about how we choose to raise our children. I know he supports me, and will defend my honor! I do the same for him; I would not let my family say anything bad about his role as my husband and father to our children!
2. Pray for your marriage.
Maybe you have a problem with #1…we all do! Maybe you don’t really like everything your spouse does. Maybe YOU are not happy in your marriage. Maybe you know that your spouse is not happy in your marriage. One thing that can help all these areas is prayer. Stop what you are doing and pray for your marriage. Our marriages are the most important relationship we have next to our relationship with Christ. It deserves our prayer time. Go beyond that and pray with your spouse!
Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. Matthew 18:19
3. Make eye contact and Listen when they speak.
Making eye contact when your spouse is talking is a great sign of respect. It is something that most of us want, yet in today’s tech ruled world it is something few of us actually get. If I am talking to my husband and he is more interested in what’s on TV or playing on his phone, I get the distinct feeling that I am not important! However, if he is looking at me, nodding, or actively listening then I get a distinct feeling of love, and respect. Now, if I feel this way, I am sure he does too. So I need to do the same thing, and actively listen to HIM! When he comes in from work, I should stop and take the time to look him in the eye and ask how his day was. And really, want to know!
Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do. Thessalonians 5:11
4. Take some time to be together every day and be each other’s best friend.
Just like any friendship, you need to put time and effort into your marriage! Even if it is as simple as putting the kids to bed early one night a week so you can watch a movie your spouse deserves your time! Depending on your husband’s work schedule, this may be difficult. We have had years where mine was on second shift. This made it little more difficult, but we tweaked our schedules and made it work. We would sit on the porch and talk during naptime; I would stay up late occasionally and be alert when he came home from work. Now, I get up early and we talk before he goes to work. Find a time in your day that works for you. The important thing is to spend time connecting and choosing to make time for each other.
Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Ecclesiates 4:9
5. Guard your words
For me this is the hardest one. I am naturally a critical person. This is not a positive quality and is definitely not one I am proud of. When I am in a group of women and one starts talking about something their husband did my first action used to be to chime right in. Then one time a friend had talked about their husband to the point that it started making me think less of him. If her words had that affect on me, what affect do my words have on other people? I wouldn’t want anyone to think less of my husband because of something I said! My husband is a fantastic husband and father.
Now, as women, we should be able to talk to and confide in our friends about anything really…but that also means as wives and friends we should stop when the seeking advice moves into straight out spouse bashing! This can be a fine line, and we need to tread carefully.
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her Proverbs 31:11
Believe me when I say that I am no expert in marriage. I am learning, and sometimes I fail. Miserably. But, I truly believe the point is to learn from our mistakes, guard our marriages, and take the time to support and encourage our spouses. Our children will one day grow up and leave our homes. Their marriages will likely model ours, and we want to be good examples by having strong relationships with our spouses.
Misty Bailey is a wife to Roger and a homeschool mom to three beautiful blessings. She resides with her family in Southern Ohio. She loves helping new homeschoolers and shares her struggles with time management, becoming unglued and finding joy in the everyday moments on her blog Joy in the Journey.