Growing Up Too Fast

Posted by Sheri | 0 comments

“I’m having a hard time with watching him grow up.”

Those were the words my husband said to me the other night as he drove me home from work. We have made a habit of Mike driving me to work a few times a week, that ride home is one of the few times that we get to talk and discuss our days, our lives and what’s going on with our children.

That night that comment caught me completely off guard.

You see, I have sat back and watched our oldest son. I am amazed daily at him. I love the way his shoulders have broadened, the thickening of his jaw, the depth of his chin cleft. I enjoy the manner in which his voice has deepened. Every single change has been something I have celebrated.

To be honest, it’s been an incredible journey so far and I am excited over the next few years.

So hearing my husband say he was having a hard time was a bit of a wake up call to me. Did he mean he didn’t love these changes?

I looked at him quizzically. He seemed a little sad. Okay, he seemed really sad.

He smiled “He’s not my little Dylan anymore.”

I smiled back at him. “He’s not supposed to be. He’s supposed to grow up. He’s supposed to change. He’s supposed to become a man.”

And then the truth came out. “I am not sure I am a good enough father.”

And there it was. Mike has worked so hard for our family, for years he’s gone to work every day, 10 hours a day, so we could have a house, food, a car. But now he was looking at our son, who is turning 16 soon, and he suddenly realized that his life was passing us by.

Perhaps I’m too simplistic, but I looked at him “So, spend more time with him.” I shrugged my shoulders, I failed to see the big picture. He looked at me, big sad brown eyes and commented that he just didn’t know how or when.

And with that we began to work together to figure out ideas, things he could do with our son who is on the verge of adulthood to let him know he’s there for him:

• Dollar movies: There is nearly always a dollar movie the guys want to see that us girls aren’t interested in. Rather than wallowing in the fact that our son is getting older Mike can celebrate that he has someone with whom to watch The Bourne Identity.
• Hikes: We take long walks as a family. Sometimes Mike and I fall behind and chat. Other time Mike and Dylan fall behind and chat. What a great opportunity to talk to him and to watch how he’s grown as he carries his baby brother on his back.
• Video Games: I can’t stand video games, but Mike and Dylan love to play RockBand together. Most of the music is from our generation and popular again. So we gained a tiny bit of coolness there.
• Stay up late: I am decidedly NOT a night owl. Our son is. And Mike is. Many nights Mike will stay up late and chat with Dyl. They bond over late night talk shows, SNL and The Office.
• Teaching him to drive: This is a big one and coming in the next month or so. Dyl will be getting his permit and that will bring with it some major father/son time because I am NOT teaching that child errr…teen to drive.
• Biblical discussions: Dyl is a fountain of knowledge when it comes to the bible. If I am unsure of something I just ask him. Mike and Dylan have had some great discussions and the “son” loves teaching his “father”.

And as I listed ideas for him I could see Mike’s eyes lose some of their sadness. Rather than looking at our oldest son’s growing up as a bad thing he suddenly saw much of it in a positive light. In just a few short years he’ll be leaving us. We can just hope we were there for him and guided him down the right paths.

What things do you do to spend special time with your teens?

Sheri (with the help of her fabulous husband Mike) began homeschooling her four children in 2001. She spends her time creating whatever she can out of nothing to make her house more homey, creating lesson plans, and listening to her son’s garage band and writing how God is carrying her out of the depths of depression. You can catch up with Sheri at her blog, be sure to check out the on-going Love Story she and her husband are writing while you are there!