For parents of special needs children, do you have one moment that stands out in your mind when you realized that your child was different?

In my case, giftedness is my children’s special need, and the aforementioned moment occurred when my oldest daughter, now eight, was just 16 months old. I knew that “T” was different. She was a late walker for one thing. In fact, she didn’t walk until close to 18 months. She was, however, a very early talker. I didn’t give that fact much thought until the day I met another mom on my street for a walk. This mom had a daughter two weeks younger than “T”. Because I was in the throes of dissertation writing, though, we rarely saw each other. Our two girls met up in their strollers, whereupon “T” reached out and touched the other little girl’s dress, proclaiming “I love your cherries!” Her dress was, indeed, printed with cherries.

I remember the other mom’s being flabbergasted and relating that her daughter only spoke in a very rudimentary way – Mama, Dada, bah-bah, etc. I was somehow abashed that my daughter was “showing up” our young neighbor, and hastened to assure the mom that while her child was running, mine couldn’t even walk, as if that difference somehow bridged their verbal gap.

At that point, I first encountered the questions that I still face several times a month: ”How did you make your kids so smart? What can I do to make my kids smart like yours?”

First, it’s important to realize that, as with most aspects of a child’s development, there is likely a genetic component to giftedness. Having said that, though, while I can’t guarantee that following this advice will make your child smart, I do think that it will give him a definite advantage. Whether you homeschool or send your children to school, any early advantage cannot be discounted!

The two things that I have done consistently with all of my children from the time they were born (okay, actually I started before they were born!) are talk to them incessantly and read to them. When I say that I talked to my children incessantly, I truly mean just that. Regardless of what I was doing, from something as mundane as making dinner to something as esoteric as coding data for my dissertation, I narrated my actions to my infants.

The fact that they didn’t understand what I was saying was completely irrelevant. On some level, they were absorbing the words and the language. I don’t think it’s any accident that I had four early talkers. Just as important as the constant flow of language is the use of correct grammar and as sophisticated a vocabulary as you can command. Of course I cooed to my babies, and of course I spoke to them in a baby voice sometimes, but as I talked to (or, maybe more appropriately, at!) them all day, I did not “dumb down” my language because I was talking to a baby. I could have been talking to anyone.

Children mimic what they hear – what parent hasn’t learned that lesson the hard way? Fortunately, this process also works for the powers of good. My children heard me say certain words, so they would repeat them. If I used a word with which I knew they would be unfamiliar, I simply defined it in my next breath: “Your behavior at church today was superb – that means excellent!” Hence, my kids learned a new word. When my son was five, he surprised me by saying in a very adult way, “Mommy, I assume that dinner will be ready too soon for me to have a snack. Is that correct?” Why, yes! On so many levels, that is correct! The key thing to understand is that I never set out with the goal of having smart, sesquipedalian (a favorite word of mine meaning “given to the use of long words”) children. That they are gifted, I credit God. That they are sesquipedalian, I credit the fact that I never altered my natural way of speaking in order to accommodate them. I simply explained a word’s meaning.

Incidentally, it is never too late to begin the practice of speaking to your children as though they were possessed of superior intelligence. I briefly taught 3rd grade, and it never occurred to me to use 3rd grade vocabulary. I’m quite sure I don’t even know what that is. Rather, I treated my 3rd graders the way I treated my own children. If I used a word with which I thought they might have trouble, I simply and quickly defined it and moved on. I had many parents who quickly became impressed with the words that had entered their children’s regular vocabulary!

In addition to a constant narration of everyday actions, reading to your children is key. Most parents know how important it is to read to their children, but this fact cannot be emphasized enough. When your children are babies, rock them and read board books or books designed to be used in a bathtub. That way, when baby drools on the book or tries to rip it, you won’t overreact (or was that just me?).

At this age, your baby should set the pace and the tone for your reading time. If he tries to turn pages before you’re done, allow it. Chances are, he’s not in it for the story at this age anyway. The key thing is for him to learn that reading is as much a standard part of the day as eating and sleeping. Think of it as building a good habit. As your children get older, take them to the library so that they can see the amazing array of books that are out there! Never make reading a chore or a punishment. Try not to do anything that will detract from the inherent joy that is the printed word. Most importantly, let your children see you reading! Let them see how much you enjoy this activity. Try to make it a priority in your busy day. My children are well familiar with my mantra, “I’ll get to that in a second; I just have to finish this chapter.”

Just because your children can read on their own, though, don’t stop reading to them! “T” is, as I mentioned, eight now, but I still read to her all the time, and she relishes it. In fact, there are books that she is not allowed to read to herself because I want the joy of sharing them with her (Little Women and A Tree Grows in Brooklyn top this list!). There are books I read to all four of my children together, and books that I read only to “T” or only to my five year-old twins. We do read for school, and that reading is pleasurable, but we do more reading purely for pleasure.

Finally, I firmly believe that audiobooks make smart children. You can’t read to your children all the time. It’s just not practical. Further, although all children love the sound of mom’s voice reading to them, the prodigious talents of audiobook voice actors can make listening to them the ultimate treat. Further, because children can comprehend books several grade levels above those that they can actually read, you shouldn’t feel that you have to limit your child to easy books. An example: I remember reading Treasure Island in fourth grade.

I remember liking what I read. I also remember having to force myself to pick up the book every time I was going to read it. Fast forward 25 years. “T” loves Treasure Island and eagerly resumes it where she left off. The difference? She is listening to the book as interpreted by a professional voice actor. The excellent narration and changing voices and accents make the book come to life in a way that it failed to do for me a quarter of a century ago.

So when parents ask me how they can make their kids smart, I think the answer revolves around language.

Use your words (as we say to our children in order to encourage them to express themselves!) and make books a central part of your home life. The child who reads and has an early command of language really has no limits.

I welcome your comments and feedback. What do you do to encourage your children’s intellectual growth? What do you see as the key to developing intelligence?

Laura Delgado gave birth to four children in exactly 40 months, but cheated since the last two were twins. She now happily homeschools her 8,6, and two 4 year-olds. She earned a Ph.D. in Political Science from Rice University, but finds that she uses her undergraduate Great Books education far more in her homeschooling pursuits. In addition to writing for various homeschooling publications, she creates educational materials for edHelper. For homeschooling helps and curriculum reviews, please visit her at http://livingasmartha.blogspot.com.