Thanksgiving is around the corner and so are the big family get togethers. A house full of relatives, smells, loud sounds, and cousins rough housing through the living room. Did your eyes just cross? Hmm, then perhaps you have children like mine. I have been blessed with 5 lovely children, 4 of whom are on the autism spectrum and have sensory integration disorder. Holidays tend to bring out the best and worst in their behavior.

That means the change in schedule, the house full of people, overwhelming smells, loud noises and hard active play builds to a crescendo of out of control hyperactivity just about the time the turkey hits the table. When one little one’s top blows you are bound to see more. Soon the dinner is still sitting on the table and hubby and I are apologizing trying to corral out of control kids and get them out the door. This happened a few years in a row until we decided to stop and look at what was happening and FIX it!

First step we took was to look at our children’s triggers. Triggers are the underlying cause for the eventual outburst. My middle daughter is easily overstimulated by sights. So I now know to provide something to help dim or close off some of the visual stimulation, such as sunglasses or a hoodie. What are your child’s triggers?

Here are some common ones:

Noise - a house full of relatives, all the tech on and dinner dishes clattering can get loud quickly.

Smells – Though the smells maybe great,there may be too many of them for your child to process or too intense to process.

Rough and tumble play - It’s great to play with cousins but too much especially when your child might be tired already can ruin your plans.

Change in schedule - Holidays are big days. Large meals, and traveling can lead to no schedule.

Strange place and/or strange people - Not being familiar with the house or some of the people can cause anxiety, and fear of the unknown.

Too hot or too cold – Any kitchen I have ever been in after hour two of cooking a big dinner gets hot. Then you turn down the thermostat and the rest of the house freezes.

Lack of sleep – Getting up early to travel or staying the night at a new house leads to sleepy kids. Lose a nap in the chaos and you have a sleepy, grumpy kid.

These are just some of the triggers. Now that we had some idea what was sending our children down the wrong path, we needed a plan. Some triggers are easier to deal with than others so we started with the basics.

SLEEP, DRESS, MEAL

• Be sure everyone gets to bed early the night before, including you mom! You will all be more in control and happier for the extra sleep.

• Try dressing your child in a comfortable layered outfit (not the starching dress shirt). I know they are cute, but uncomfortable clothes on a child who is already having trouble keeping control will not work.

• Do not go with out a meal. I was raised that you skipped lunch on Thanksgiving to “save space” for the big dinner. Hunger is a leading cause of the grumpies!

HOUSE, RELATIVES

• If you are going to someone else’s house chose a safe place to retreat to. This is a place when your child is feeling overwhelmed they can retreat to for a breather. Perhaps an out of the way bathroom or a guest room that is out of the mainstream. Also if the house gets too hot or loud a walk around the block might be the perfect break for you and your child.

• House getting too loud or overwhelming? Try earplugs or a hoodie. Take a blankie or stuffy for a younger child.

• Meeting new relatives or relatives you seldom see can be intimidating. On your way to the meal talk to your child about good times with each relative. Then as you introduce them you can remind them or the story. That way your child has a pleasant story already attached to that person and they feel like they know them.

THE BIG MEAL!

• Here is the center of the day. The meal. It is also the most hectic time of the day. Making sure your child knows where to sit is important. Having your child’s seat positioned so they can see you can give them added confidence to deal with dinner.

• Helping them deal with the many food choices can help.

• If the smells are overwhelming give your child a slice of lemon. As they sniff it the lemon smell with clear out the other smells.

There are times that no matter how much you try to smooth the way things fall apart. An exit strategy is just as important as a game plan. First understand that children desire to please us. They love the holidays and get togethers just as much as we do. They just may not be able to handle the situation this year. We as parents must stay in control and not allow guilt to be used against our child or take it personally that our plans have not worked out.

If you have reached the end of the line and it’s time to go, quick and quiet is best. Wrap up and head for the vehicle with as little fuss as you can. That way you won’t feel like you are interrupting your relatives holiday. Also keep any discipline or discussion until the vehicle. The goal of discipline is to train your child not shame them in front of the family. When all is calmed down again. Do encourage your child that you know they tried their best, and that you know next year they will do even better.

Holidays are fun. It’s great together with your family and have day of celebration. we need to keep our children’s abilities in mind as we plan our day. Try to navigate with them through the day to the best choices. Highlight what is important to you as a family. If the meal is the big high point, try going right at the meal. Sadly if your plans fail and you need to leave. Leave with an optimistic view that next time will be better. Working as a family your holiday can be less stressed with a higher degree of success!

Heather Laurie and her husband, Christopher, have been married for 13 wonderful years, and have been blessed with 7 children, two of whom are awaiting them in Heaven. They began their homeschooling journey eight years ago, amidst trials and unexpected journeys, including genetic disorders, austism, sensory disorders, and lupus. Heather and her husband created the ministry Special Needs Homeschooling as a way to use their trials for the Lord’s glory and to encourage special needs parents and homeschoolers.