How quickly things can change.

This spring I was working 60 to 70 hours a week in a job as a financial advisor. I was striving to grow my business practice. Two or three days a week, I would leave the house before my 3-year-old son woke and arrived home after he was in bed. My marriage was strained. My husband was also working full time, as well as pursuing a masters degree program on nights and weekends. My son was developing disruptive behavioral patterns that one could easily attribute to being a toddler – tantrums, anger, and hitting. However, he also started throwing up daily when dropped off at daycare. Absent any medical reason, it was troubling. The house was a perpetual disaster. On the weekends I was exhausted. I was usually working and had little energy for taking care of myself or engaging with my family.

In May, my son and I went to visit my parents in North Carolina for a week. It was a welcome respite. Most remarkably, I experienced a totally different child. He was joyful and easygoing. He didn’t have any tantrums. I began to appreciate how much the behaviors he had been exhibiting were related to a lack of engagement on my part. He was literally hitting me to get my attention. My child was attention starved and intellectually on fire. He wanted nothing more than to engage in conversation, have his many questions answered, and to explore ideas. I also realized how much better I felt being with him and my family in a relaxed atmosphere. The day before we returned home, I began having anxiety attacks. I was up crying the whole night. I called my husband at 4:30am to tell him how I was feeling. I knew that something really needed to change in our lifestyle.

A few days later I learned that the baby I was carrying had passed away. I was in my 14th week of pregnancy. I felt as though a light within me went out. While I grieved the loss, I realized that God had given me a blessing, a divine pause and the opportunity to evaluate my life. It felt surreal, like I was in my own version of “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

I took several weeks off work, pulled back from all my usual activities and focused on allowing myself to heal and nurturing my grieving family. While I could claim success in certain areas of my life, I didn’t feel that I was successful as a whole person and I wasn’t creating a successful family environment in which we could grow and thrive. My life and the lives of my son and husband were passing me by while I was projecting myself into a future where I had a successful business and, ironically, leisure time to spend with them. I realized I had the power to make changes in my life and that I could be a leader in my family. I had to take responsibility for where my family was, forgive myself for my mistakes, and move forward boldly and with confidence.

My mind kept reaching back to a distant conversation. The conversation was with my husband before our son was born.

What did we want our family culture to be? How did we want to educate our children? What were our values and how will we create a family environment in keeping with them?

We talked of having all family members be heard and appreciated as unique and cherished individuals; creating an environment that stimulated curiosity and a love of learning through fun and adventure; and spending time with one another, traveling, and learning together. We spoke frequently of the possibility of homeschooling our children because of the flexibility it would give us as a family to live out this vision.

I started to pray intensely for guidance.

First, I knew that we were in a difficult situation financially. Within 2 weeks I could afford to leave my job through a combination of determination, divine intervention, and luck.

Second, I needed an attitude adjustment in a big way. I had to release my ego and get into the spirit of service newly. I prayed for God to change me.

God told me to know His word and to write.

I began to read the Bible for at least 1 hour every morning, getting up at 5:30am so I could get that quiet time before everyone else woke up. I had a notebook with me and wrote my reflections down daily. What God revealed to me next ruffled my feathers quite a bit. He said to me,

“You think you are all about healing the world. How can you do that when you overlook the suffering of your own family and won’t get off your high horse to serve them? If you really want to be of service in the world start by serving your own family in your own home.”

I didn’t like hearing that but I knew it was true. I was deeply humbled. Here I was the co-founder of a charity, a volunteer at church, and involved with many social justice issues. However, I held the attitude that my family responsibilities were a burden and were keeping me from doing my work in the world. I swallowed my pride and set out in obedience to serve the beautiful and amazing family with which I had been blessed.

I looked for opportunities to support my husband and son in being successful people. It totally changed the dynamic in my household. My husband and I began having fun and laughing together again and began experiencing true communication. We started to set date nights and began to dream of our future together again. My relationship with my son transformed as I created fun daily adventures for him. I transformed a portion of the drive and ambition that had previously made me successful as an individual into a stand for extraordinary relationships within my family.

I began to understand that I am the stabilizing force of our family. With that comes tremendous responsibility to take care of myself so that I can be at my best for my family. My mood sets the mood of the whole family for the day. Likewise, my physical presence is a source of comfort for my son and husband. My son often come up to me in the midst of playing and asks me to hold him. Together we sit for a minute or two. He then gives me a big squeeze and is on his way. My husband often gives me a hug or puts his arm around me gives me a squeeze and be off to the next thing. I get how it is as much an expression of their love for me as it is a sort of “reset” for them. I really got how much I could offer my family by simply being there and being present with them. My value to my family had nothing to do with what I was doing out in the world. Realizing this was one of the biggest gifts as it allowed me to accept myself as I was. Whole, perfect, and loved by my family.

Finally, the decision to preschool or not to preschool. While I had been working, my husband and I looked at different preschool options. None seemed to sit right with us. We finally settled on a lovely Montessori school nearby. However, it was quite expensive and for my son to attend, we would definitely need to make more money. As I considered the options, it just seemed wrong to go out and get a job to send my child to preschool and a babysitter.

Some of the most successful families I knew were homeschooling families. They were families where each member was truly unique, was supported in pursing their gifts in the way that made the most sense outside of the confines of a rigid “school schedule” and they contributed greatly to the community through service. All the members of those families seemed connected with one another, respected one another, and seemed truly joyful. I spoke with these families, read books, and got connected with area homeschooling support groups. I knew in my heart that I could be a leader in my family in creating this kind of atmosphere where we could all live our dreams and thrive. I prayed and once again people, resources, and opportunities started to present themselves on a regular basis. I acknowledged the truth that was in my heart and life began to occur in a wonderful and joyful flow.

It took a great amount of courage one day while sitting on the deck with my husband to tell him that I didn’t want to go back to my advising practice and that I waned to create a homeschooling family. I thought he’d be upset. He just listened as I recalled our past conversations about our family values and dreams and my new confidence that we could create the family we’d always wanted. To my joy and surprise he totally agreed. He told me he loved the change in our lifestyle and loved that our son was so much happier and engaged and was developing by leaps and bounds with all the adventures I’d been creating with him. He saw that despite our tremendous loss, I was more at ease and was enjoying myself. As long as we could stay afloat financially he was in total agreement and looked forward to our future.

So it was decided. I left my job officially. This was really difficult. I had put a lot of work into building connections, creating partnerships and opportunities and establishing strong relationships with my clients. It was hard to walk away and leave money that I had worked very hard for on the table, so to speak. I had to transition clients and get people complete with various processes they were going through. It was time consuming and emotionally challenging.

I canceled our son’s reservation for preschool and took the rest of the summer off to have fun, go to the beach as much as possible, and get a tan. It was the first summer vacation since childhood and I enjoyed every minute of it.

I got our house in order and began to gather resources for homeschooling starting in the fall. Feeling partially overwhelmed and partially liberated, I knew I was in complete alignment with my heart to create an amazing family life for the highest good of all. I was living mindfully and setting my daily intentions through prayer and reading scriptures. I was truly and completely happy, centered, and complete for the first time in my life.

Joonu is a wife and mother to a 3-year old energetic little boy and has one on the way. She is just starting out on her journey in homeschooling and embraces it as a family lifestyle. She is also a successful yoga teacher, the co-founder and President of a charity called Blackstone Valley WomenAid, Inc, coordinator of service activities at her church, and a Chief Dream Officer of an entrepreneurial development community for women called The Dream Factory Community. She enjoys being in nature, spiritual study, reading, golf, chocolate, and spending time with family and friends. She started blogging as a way of recording her observations and got great feedback from family and friends so she kept going. Her intention is that by sharing of her own experience she can offer resources, support, and ultimately enrich someone experience of themselves as whole, perfect, and loved. Please visit her blog at howhomeschoolinghappens.blogspot.com.