How to respond to the negative stereotypes of homeschooling
September 4, 2009 by Sallie
My mother is 90% deaf in one ear and about 75% in the other ear. She had a bout with scarlet fever when she was a little girl and it pretty much ruined her hearing. She has learned how to read lips pretty well but must concentrate to understand people. Her favorite saying when she hasn’t quite grasped what someone has said is “Do what, hon?!” It’s a phrase I have never heard anyone else say and one that I swore I would never repeat but I catch myself saying it lately. A LOT. It pops out especially when I get frustrated over the stereotypes that other people associate with homeschool families.
For instance, the other day I was sitting with a group of moms and they were talking about teenage hormones and the cat fights certain young men and women were having because of them. I said I could relate and they laughed me off. “Your kids are homeschooled. You don’t have that problem,” they said. “Do what, Hon?!” was the phrase that went through my mind.
Oh, right, I forgot. We’ve got the perfect families. I think that is what they must be thinking. But they are so very wrong.
I remember a few weeks ago, too, when prayer requests were being taken in one of my groups for the families as kids were getting ready to go back to school. I asked for prayer, too, as I organize our books, write lesson plans, and buy our supplies and curriculum. I had many bewildered looks and someone even said “But you’ve got it so easy. You can sleep late and do whatever you want.”
Guess what phrase went through my mind again? That’s right! “Do what, Hon?!”
I find that I don’t get angry at all with people who hold to these negative stereotypes of homeschooling but rather I feel sad that they have such a lack of understanding. I take it as my calling to gently explain to them why the view they hold isn’t accurate. I have been the recipient of the sharp end of a tongue (and sadly the giver of that sharpness as well) in the past and understand how hurtful it can be. I have learned as it says in Proverbs that a soft answer turns away wrath.
Romans 15:1-3 tells us that the stronger should bear with the failings of the weaker. Whether you believe those who homeschool are stronger in faith or not doesn’t really matter when you look at this scripture. I know plenty of Christians who are much stronger in their faith than I am and they don’t homeschool. However, homeschoolers who have a strong faith in their reasons for homeschooling ARE stronger in their beliefs than folks who have grasped hold of the negative stereotypes of homeschooling without determining in their own minds what is true and accurate. Bearing with the failings of the weaker does not simply meaning putting up with or tolerating. A word study will show you that it actually means carrying and lifting them up because they aren’t able to do it on their own. Jesus Christ never merely tolerated or bore with us. He lifted us up quite often, and still does!
Angry rebuttals will never do anything to change a persons mind when they have already given themselves over to a negative thought. Only gentleness and patience will make a difference. Especially if you are a Christian who homeschools your child, you have a duty to bear gently with others who hold to these negative viewpoints. Here are a few scriptures that will help you to remember that when you are greeted with negative stereotypes as well.
5Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth. (Matthew 5:5, King James Version)
22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. (Galatians 5:22-23, King James Version)
2With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; 3Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (Ephesians 4:2-3, King James Version)
13Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom. (James 3:13, King James Version)
2To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men. (Titus 3:2, King James Version)
Have you faced negative stereotypes about homeschooling before? What are some Christ-like answers you have given in response to them? Please share in the comments…
Sallie is an off-again, on-again homeschooling mom to her 4 children, ranging from elementary to high school. In her writings, she discusses the challenges of homeschooling a child with disabilities and offers insight to those who sometimes feel all alone in a round hole world. Please visit her at Seaside Tales
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Lesley on Fri, 4th Sep 2009 1:30 pm
We are entering our 14th year of homeschooling, and I absolutly have heard a lot of comments through the years. One of the hardest actually came from the pulpit. The speaker said that those who homeschool are ,”Sheltering their children from real life opportunities to witness.” At the time there were two homeschooling families in the church, we were one of them. It was hard to hear that mentioned from the pulpit at various times, but yet we knew that we were called to homeschool our children. I could of ranted and tried to defend the position, but instead I prayed that God would give us grace to do what we were called to do, despite what others thought. He has been faithful to that prayer and as we enter a new year the Lord has surrounded us His grace and mercy. He has also softened the hearts of those that were so vocal. Just remember when your in the trenches that God is the defender and He is more the able.
Lesley´s last blog ..Finding My Mojo
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Bethany L. on Fri, 4th Sep 2009 1:52 pm
Great post, Sallie! I’ve been struggling with this myself lately. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people say “You’re home all day; can’t you do such-and-such?” I’m still working on the gentle answer, unfortunately, and this is our 10th year!! The verses you listed are very good reminders, though.
Bethany L.´s last blog ..When I Want Your Opinion, I’ll Give It to You!
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Jennifer on Fri, 4th Sep 2009 7:56 pm
What I’m struggling with right now is the attitudes within my own immediate family. No one seems to understand that BECUASE I am HOME ALL DAY and have the kids with me ALL THE TIME, I am completely overwhelmed with trying to get ready for this upcoming school year. The last time I had any time ALONE, with no one in the house talking to me or making messes was in January, the day I had abdominal surgery and then the day after. (The abdominal surgery that didn’t find or fix the problem that is now 2 years-going-on-strong.)
I’ve tried asking nicely, and now, I shamefacedly admit, not so nicely, if some family members could help me out by taking the children AWAY for an afternoon or overnight so I can have some peaceful time to get our school area cleaned up and prepared for our upcoming school year. Unfortunately, the overwhelming misconception in the entire family (and most friends) is that since I choose to homeschool, I am also choosing to have my kids around me 24/7/365, and that I don’t really ‘want’ them to be out of the house. Pray for me please – I’m burned-out before the school year has even started!
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Karen on Fri, 4th Sep 2009 8:31 pm
I’ve had many comments as well, but most recently was caught with my mouth wide open…literally!! I was having my teeth cleaned by the dental hygienist. She had asked me about homeschooling and what the laws are about reporting to the state, etc. I live in New Jersey, so I explained to her that all states are different, but in NJ you do not have to report to anyone. So after she started cleaning my teeth, she says to me, “Well it’s very confusing to me. I thought that the public mandate was that ALL kids be EDUCATED.” Here I am with my mouth wide open, having her scrape away at my teeth, unable to respond. By the time she was finished working on my teeth, it didn’t seem right to go back and address it. On my drive home, I played the whole thing over in my head over and over, and was so disappointed in myself that I let the opportunity pass without responding, even if it seemed too late or awkward. I have been using that instance to learn from for the next time, because I know there will be a next time!!
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How to respond to the negative stereotypes of homeschooling | Homeschooling Information on Sat, 5th Sep 2009 1:16 am
[...] See original here: How to respond to the negative stereotypes of homeschooling [...]
How to respond to the negative stereotypes of homeschooling | Home School News Blog on Sat, 5th Sep 2009 3:27 am
[...] See the original post: How to respond to the negative stereotypes of homeschooling [...]
Ann Dunagan on Sat, 5th Sep 2009 2:04 pm
Sallie, I appreciate your heart and the verses you share in this article. Thanks for sharing!
Ann Dunagan´s last blog ..A Vision for Souls – by Amy Carmichael
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Angela Mills on Sat, 5th Sep 2009 10:06 pm
I appreciate the verses, too! The best I can do lately is just nod and smile, I am afraid to open my mouth! A family member keeps asking, “When are you going to send them back to school?” and says, “Well, YOU certainly aren’t going to be able to teach them what they need to know!” I just smile and say, “Well I pray that with help, I can.” One of these days I am afraid I will blow up and be rude! I guess I’ll just have to keep praying that I can respond kindly
Angela Mills´s last blog ..Quiet Time Kit for Kids
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Ada on Sun, 6th Sep 2009 3:00 pm
I thought this was a beautiful article. I have learned the lesson of the soft answer the hard way. I don’t know though if I would even waste my time edifying strangers to homeschooling. I think unfortunately we as human beings have a hard time understanding what we have not experienced – which is why adversity teaches compassion. I have given up on caring what people outside my circle, think anymore. It just takes so much energy away from my true mission when I try to “convert” others to what my “calling” is all about. I guess giving no response is also a part of giving a soft answer. Thanks for the article.
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Karen on Sun, 6th Sep 2009 7:38 pm
I agree with using a soft answer. But what I struggled with recently and addressed in my blog as well, was this: I feel we must be a good witness to homeschooling by telling people who do not understand. These are the people who make ignorant statements at times. It to me is the same as sharing the Gospel…how can those be saved if they do not hear (Romans 10:15) How can we expect people to understand homeschooling if we do not share? But yes, we must use a soft answer and certainly address them in love and grace….thanks for all the insight ladies…
Karen´s last blog ..Workboxes are set up!!!
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Sallie on Mon, 7th Sep 2009 9:06 pm
Thanks everyone for your comments! We have been out of town for the holiday weekend and didn’t have ANY internet access… oh my!! It was glorious
I will come back in the morning and read all your comments and answer any that need answering. Have a blessed evening!
Sallie
Sallie´s last blog ..My Meatloaf Recipe
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Friday Favorites September 11, 2009 — Daily Dwelling on Thu, 10th Sep 2009 7:08 pm
[...] How to respond to the negative stereotypes of homeschooling from Heart of the Matter Online by [...]
Sallie on Wed, 30th Sep 2009 10:49 am
There are so many things we can say we feel like we have to tell people about and they might have differing views — debt free living, family size, career choices, green living, school — but we are not responsible for the choices other people make. If we become homeschool-thumpers, we only turn people off instead of welcoming them back for more conversation at a later time.
We all have family that doesn’t understand. We all have rude passerby’s in the street who are gonna give us weird looks or say we’re crazy. But, we also will have generous, and kind folks who offer us encouragement. Focus on those things, and not the negative. Focus on all the accomplishments your children, and your family as a whole, have made and the opportunities they’ve had particularly because they haven’t been in a public school setting. ALWAYS focus on the good!!
Sallie´s last blog ..I Greet Thee Who My Sure Redeemer Art
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