I Feel So Sorry For You…

Posted by Angela | 0 comments

I wish I had a nickle for every time I have heard that phrase. Every time my husband or I tell people that our son has Autism it typically goes something like this:

Us: We have 4 children.

Them: Really, what are their names and ages?

Us: Um, (their names), ages…what were their ages again. (Taking time to count the years) Oh yes, 11, 9, 7, and 6, I think.

The conversation goes into how we homeschool all of them and they inevitably go into:

Them: I could never do that! What made you decide to pull them from public school?

Us: Well, our 7 year old has Autism.

Them: Oh I am SO sorry!

I am certain that when we tell them that he is such a blessing just the way he is they are secretly in their heads saying ‘they must be putting up a good front‘.

We aren’t. My husband usually counters the response with, “oh, he is no trouble at all and he keeps us laughing all the time!”

More quiet from the other individual(s). Some are horrified that we would ‘laugh’. Let me tell you though why we are so blessed:

• Many children with Autism cannot speak, mine can–don’t feel sorry for us.
• He smiles all of the time for no reason, peeks out the window when we’re outside and stands there and smiles with a huge grin that brings us laughter, which makes him laugh more–don’t feel sorry for us.
• He worries about things like animal cruelty, people who don’t know Jesus and whether he’ll be able to have a wife someday–don’t feel sorry for us.
• He tries to lie but gives himself away because he just cannot do it without smiling–don’t feel sorry for us.
• Many children with Autism take years (and some never) to learn core subjects like reading and math and writing. He can add single digits and recognizes three letter words. They told us we’d never be able to teach him–don’t feel sorry for us.
• He is uniquely perfect in our eyes and we know that God doesn’t make mistakes–don’t feel sorry for us.
• He thinks that all things should be equal and fair, even when it works in his favor to be stingy–don’t feel sorry for us.
• He protects his brothers and sister when they are misbehaving because he just cannot bear to see them punished–don’t feel sorry for us.

There will always be challenges in homeschooling him and life in general. He will always be a loner, especially in big groups. He will most likely chew on everything for a very long time. I believe even after swallowing a bouncy ball, an army man, and whatever else we are not aware of, he will continue to swallow foreign objects. He will throw himself on the floor, scream and cry, bang his head on walls, floors and furniture. He will protest nail trimmings and blood tests. Nails because it is part of his body and blood tests because he is terrified they will take ALL of it.

But then again, he will lay in the sunshine on the trampoline and dream of things unknown to us and smile.

Please, don’t feel sorry for us.

Angela DeRossett is military wife, homeschooling mother, and an advocate for autism research. Angela can be found blogging at Homeschooling the Chaotic Family and Memoirs of a Chaotic Mommy.