I Had No Idea

Posted by Suzanne | 0 comments

Obviously I’m naive. I think of myself as enlightened. Aware of the world. Not living a completely sheltered life. But there are times that I’m made aware of my serious lack of knowledge.

The other day I had a conversation with a friend who is pregnant with her 3rd child. She had just found out and had questions about how different going from 2 to 3 was. She said she had come to the realization that she kinda had a vague notion that 2 kids was normal and that 3 was breaking the boundaries of an “average” sized family. I’m aware of that thought. As in, I’m aware that there are people that think that. However, it’s so far removed from my own mind. Four children is not large to me. Not by far. Five is not large to me. Seven is kind of pushing large. Ten is where I say, “Wow. Now that’s pretty big.” And over that I just stand in awe. But I have to admit that’s not even shocking to me anymore. My husband’s former youth directors have had 13 children. I live in the same state as the Duggars. I love watching all those “dozens of kids” shows. My attitude toward those families is wonder, curiosity, interest, and, if the truth be known, a little jealousy!

I’m not naive enough to think that the general public feels the same as me. I know that there are people who look at me a little strangely at the grocery store. I know I get asked all the time if they’re all mine, if I have my hands full, do I run a daycare, are we “through?” And when I’ve said, “We think we’re done” I am amazed when they reply, “Good” or “I should think so.” But those comments have been very rare and far between. I do get the “Please get your kids under control” looks. I have had help offered, like by the young mother of one very well-behaved child in the store the other night, who felt sorry for me since 2 of mine were wailing like I was beating them (which I wasn’t!).

More often than not, I get stopped on the sidewalk and told about how I remind them of their sweet mama who had 5 kids and how they had so much fun growing up, how get-togethers now are a hoot because they’re all grown up and have lots of kids of their own running around.

It never occurred to me that there was actual hatred and disgust out there. Really. After the conversation with my friend I researched “large families.” I wanted to find some resources, how-to’s, encouragement, and general info on families that are considered a little larger by our current culture. There was an article in my search list that talked about how God doesn’t want that many children. The sheer venom that spewed forth was shocking to me. I was glued to an essay that I should’ve walked away from because I was so amazed that there were really people that felt this way.

I sat reading, rereading, and pondering it all with a heavy, hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. I imagined that this feeling was a hint of what Adam and Eve might’ve felt after eating that fruit. The bittersweet bite of enlightment made me feel very ill. This wasn’t the knowledge I was looking for. But now that I stumbled upon it (read: made the conscious decision to click on the link that didn’t look like the other encouragement/how-to links) what was I to do with it? Send hate comments to him? Send links of people’s blogs that would argue the other side of the issue? Quote Bible verses to him? Form a group that would attack him with our way of seeing things?

I didn’t know what to do, but those didn’t seem to be it. I scanned some of the comments to find that there were many more that felt the way he did. I backed out of there and went looking for encouragement in order that my soul might be soothed. And I did. Here – where Rabbi Shmuley Boteach of “Shalom in the Home” on TLC talks about having a large family. His love and tolerance were wrapped around each of his gentle words. It was the honey I was looking for. I soaked it in and went back to the other piece. I pondered it some more. There are people that feel this way in the world. In our world. Maybe next door. My eyes were opened and filled with sadness.

I will pray. For him. For the others like him. Not that their point of view will be changed, but that they will find peace. That they will have words as gently spoken to them as I was searching for.

I will step lightly while in public. I will smile a little wider at those who give the judgemental looks.

I will answer all questions from strangers with patience and humor.

I will try to make sure my children are givers and not just takers in our society.

And I will share with others my joy and the encouragement that I have been blessed with.

I’m not out to change the world. Or even his mind. I’m out to make my source of acceptance known. And that Source knows each of His billions of children by name. He knows the hairs on their heads. And He counts them all blessings.

I will teach my children, through action and word, to accept all different points of view with grace and mercy.

I encourage all of you, whether you are blessed with one or twenty, to see children as the blessings they are! Being an only or part of a big group, does not make them any less or more valuable. Each child is a treasure and gift from God!