Everybody wants to be accepted. We try to find our niche, the place where we fit. Yet even when we’ve found our comfortable spot, the struggle with insecurity still rages.
In our society, it is sometimes hard to silence the noise. We are surrounded on every side by images and expectations. There are pictures from idol makers, who say what we should look like, on television, the internet, and even the check out aisle at the grocery store. If you are not young, beautiful, and smart your value diminishes. The expectations to be the perfect super model mom are unrealistic. My ideal is not to be in vogue, but to become a woman of righteousness.
Then add the whole issue of home schooling to the yelling. There aren’t many images in the media telling us what homeschool moms should look like, but there are plenty telling us what she does look like. Those negative stereotypes are of weary moms in frumpy clothes surrounded by piles of laundry, or horrifying images of insane mothers who killed their children. I fight against those stereotypes.
However, in my own mind, I have built an effigy of the perfectly organized, quietly patient, dynamically interesting, and stylishly groomed homeschool mom. I don’t know where this idea came from since I have yet to meet this lady; she is an idol of imagination.
To quiet the lies, I must replace them with truth. God’s plan is that I will be conformed to the image of Christ. It is not for me to decide if I’m worthy. Jesus already made that decision. He loves me weak as I am. The image He sets before me is a glimpse of His heart. Are my thoughts and intentions becoming more like His, or am I succumbing to the idols of the world?
The unseen is harder to deal with because it can’t be covered with make-up or cleaned with a vacuum. It is delicate work to be done by the Holy Spirit, and He is faithfully working even now to make me like the one I worship.
photo credit: stephmcg & Lori Greig
Renae teaches her ten-year-old son and two little girls at home. She has prepared lesson plans, enjoyed children’s literature, and delighted in discovery with her children for five years. By studying Principle Approach philosophy, she realized what she always suspected: the Bible lies at the heart of all subjects. Find her reflections at Life Nurturing Education.
Thank you so much for this post. I too wrestle with feelings that I must conform, and if I don’t dress “right”, or my house isn’t just so, or I don’t say just what is expected of me, people won’t like me. I had a strict upbringing, and was constantly trying (and failing it seemed to me) to please my parents, and maybe this has overspilled into my adult life. But God loves me as I am, not as the world wants me to be, and I somehow have to learn to accept that as the marvellous fact that it is.
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Amen Renae! These last few days I have felt bombarded by people telling me I don’t have a degree, so I shouldn’t teach my children.. I’m inadequate.. what do I think I’m doing.. yadda yadda yadda, and it’s frustrating. There’s the outside view, the inside “fantasty”, and the truth… and people on the outside simply don’t understand that I KNOW I’m not perfect, and I KNOW I don’t have the degrees, and I KNOW I’m inadequate.. but God isn’t! And God is the leader of my homeschool. My children aren’t lacking!
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Oh how I needed this post. As a mom starting homeschooling for the first time in the fall, I’m just feeling so insecure and inadequate. I don’t even touch the stero types I hear and I envision. I need to turn to God and get my worth from him… Thank you.
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I agree that the hardest idol to crash is the one in your imagination. It’s more powerful than any media image..that’s for sure.
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What a timely post! With the new school year looming on the horizon, I’m finding it hard not to bow down to those images of the perfect homeschool mom in my imagination! May we all be formed into His image and not one of our own making!!
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Anonymous,
That can happen even if your family wasn’t strict, because I struggled, too.
I encourage you to keep kicking those feelings. I’m so thankful that God’s standards are not ours! He calls us to relationship and that is where we find our strength.
Blessings of peace to you!
Mandymom,
In the story Prince Caspian Aslan asks Caspian if is ready to be king. When Caspian states that he is not, Aslan says that is precisely why he is ready. I think that applies to us as well.
Alexis,
I’m so glad you were encouraged. None of us meet the expectations in our own head. There is never a perfect homeschool day, but that is where we learn to walk in grace.
Blessings on your first year of homeschooling!
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Emily,
That’s interesting though, because where does that image in our heads come from? I think the media does influence it, at least some.
The Butterfly Catcher,
Thank you. I agree.
I wrote this article shortly after starting school last year. It’s a good reminder as I plan this year full of hope and promise. There will be no perfect days, only days bathed in the love and grace of God.
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You are an amazing writer, Renae!
AWESOME, awesome post!
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Thank you Renae for this wonderfully written, heartfelt post. I deal with these issues also. I truly desire to be a Proverbs 31 woman,yet I struggle so often with feeling inadequate. I appreciate you for taking the time to write this.
~Have a blessed day.
~Rhonda
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Nicely written, Renae. I worry about all the same kinds of things, but the sad thing is, often I am worry what man will think of my failures rather than what God will think.
I have to continually refocus myself.
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Renae, Awesome article! I do just this thing with a notebook. I write down a lie that I’m apparently believing…and then I write down the truth from the Word of God. It’s been an awesome tool over the years.
My list of lies with corresponding truths is fairly long. But in keeping it, I have a sort of “memorial stone,” (Josh. 4) to see how God has transformed me over the years of my walk with Him.
He is so good.
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I read this post when it posted on your blog. It was great then and it is great now. One if the biggest battles to fight is the silenecing of the thoughts that are in your own mind.
We can become our own worst critique when we allow our minds to become bombarded with the worlds standard instead of simply focusing on Gods standard for our lives.
Great post.
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Great job, Renae. I like to remind myself that “there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” It’s hard work to constantly keep our focus on Jesus, but otherwise we’ll sink!
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Thank you all so much for your kind words.
It seems many of us (dare I say all of us?) struggle with these issues. Let’s keep looking to God for our hope, security, and worth.
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