Kids Spell Love, T-I-M-E

Posted by Lori | 0 comments

It was a long journey….longer than I anticipated.
It was a nearly four year long struggle to conceive our first child.
It was something that I needed to have happen, to put things in perspective for me.

Have you ever watched a toddler try and reach something that is j~u~s~t out of reach for them. They try…they stand on tip toes, they bargain, they cajole, they whine and even heave themselves to the floor. That was me. I wanted children and it was out of reach. When the time came that the Lord saw fit that we should become parents, I had a completely different perspective than many of those around me.
Thanks God…

I’ve been determined ever since the birth of my first that these relationships, (our family) would be the most important part of my life. It’s what I believe I was born to do…first.

Sheila mentions some sobering statistics. In Judith Harris’ book, The Nurture Assumption, she claims that parents have become irrelevant to their children. The study that she conducted showed that by the time kids reached the middle and teen years that their peers, teachers and media have more influence over them and their opinions, dreams and values than their parents do.
That will wake you up….The word “irrelevant” just has me shaking my head…

Just yesterday I was listening to the news and a new report came out with the same sad story.

“Spending a lot of time watching TV, playing video games and surfing the Web makes children more prone to a range of health problems including obesity and smoking, U.S. researchers said on Tuesday.”

The sad reality is that we aren’t creating relationships, if we are avoiding each other. The fact that we are here on this site as homeschoolers shows that we have made the education of our children a priority, but what about fostering a real, honest and respectful relationship. We know what we envision for the future, at least I do….it’s my adult children coming home with Godly spouses, forging onward with the values that we’ve passed down to them. Well, I know only two things…God’s plans are not always mine, and raising Godly, confident kids is not going to be easy.

We have to begin where it all began, and that is with HIM. That may mean, (it did for me) an evaluation of where I was in my relationship with Christ. I couldn’t teach what I didn’t have or had only in a shallow form. If we look at the verse that Sheila gives us (page 142) we get a very clear vision about how to begin to form these relationships.

“Love the Lord God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on to your children. Talk to them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Deuteronomy 6:5-7

When I read that, and meditated on it. It was so clear to me. It’s all there. We have to know who we are in Christ first. As parents we have to LOVE the LORD God with all our heart and soul. We have to have our own personal relationship with Him before we can ever hope to pass that down to our children. Then and only then can we begin to live that kind of life.

I had to laugh when I read “talk to them….” My children will tell you that their momma can TALK! I seize every opportunity to do just that. Questions seem to be the thing that is working best as we move into the pre-teen and teenage years. I’ve always been a believer in communication and I’m witnessing it first hand. Honest and real communication, not just a blow in the door, kiss you on the cheek, I’m headed for my room kind of communication. I’m talking about the kind of communication that takes TIME OUT. Time out for a walk or a table for two at Starbucks.

I teach a group of eighth graders on Sunday evenings and what I’ve noticed more than anything else is that these kids want to talk. They long for validation for their choices, they long for confirmation in that what they are doing and they are looking to someone to listen. It’s amazing to me each week that as diverse as they are, they share the same stories over and over again and I can’t help wonder some weeks how much time they have in their week to really talk to their parents.

My sister in law and I found ourselves talking at Thanksgiving about how much time we spend with our kids. She teaches in a school and her children are in high school, but they make it a point to spend time together, all the time. They’re lives are just as busy and hectic as the rest of us, but it’s the priority. One look and listen at these kids and you know that they are getting what they need at home in the form of communication and time spent. The older they become the more apparent it is that THEY have been a part of a family with these priorities.

Sheila also addresses the opposite side of the coin. On the flip side we have the mom who ONLY does for her children. Shuttling and scheduling to the extreme. It’s a tough balance, I admit. With three children engaged in activities, (all which we’ve prayerfully considered) the schedule is a busy one, and yet amidst that busy~ness, I know that we are still talking and respecting each other.

They also have learned to accept that I have dreams for the future too. There will come a day when they will, Lord willing, be on their own and I’ll enter a new season. I’m working on starting some of those goals now. It’s a balance and they understand it. They certainly don’t NEED me to care for them in the physical ways that I did when they were babies, it’s evolved and the care that they need is often found in those little moments.

We’ve adopted some strategies here at home that have helped us all, especially dad. We have a rule that the t.v. does not go on during the week….(unless the Clemson Tigers happen to be on…it’s an exception we make for the boys:)) It allows us to come together and talk. We try and eat dinner together as many times a week that we can, and we always worship together.

I know that in the words of Mordecai to Esther, “I was born for such a time as this.” Raising these children to adulthood is not going to be free of pot holes and trials. I also know that it begins with my husband and I, and God in the center. They need US, they need our time, perhaps even more now than ever. I had plenty of time to think in those years that God was teaching me unaware. When I finally held those gifts in my arms, I knew then and there where my priorities lied.

“As for me and my house we shall serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15

I love hearing what you’ve taken from the chapters. Please feel free to leave a comment or email me! That’s what this study is all about.

Join me on the following Saturdays as we finish our “to love, honor and vaccum” devotional study.

December 27th ~we’ll move into Chapter 9, “Bringing your Wallet under God’s Control.”
January 10th ~ “In the Mood”
Our study will conclude on January 24th with a look at the last chapter, “For those who Homeschool: Keeping your Sanity as you Build your Family.”

We’ll be announcing the new book study SOON!!