Growing up as an only child, the pressure was always on me to answer “yes” to everything. After all, there was no one else to split the responsibilities or chores with. It was all me – all of the time. After years of saying “yes”, I’m now finding it hard to say “no”.
Women by nature are great multi-tasker’s. I think God made us this way for a reason. That’s smart design! We can fold laundry, talk on the phone, & nurse a baby all at the same time. I’m sure you know what I mean. Our to-do lists are a mile long and we’re always adding more to it quicker than we cross stuff off.
Do you stay stressed out even over the “small stuff”? This probably means that you have too much on your plate. Assess everything that you’re doing at home and away from home. That’s right. Just for a moment, take the time, write it down. Everything.
Then assess what’s necessary for you to complete and what you can delegate. Surely your children can help clean the house. They can also pick up after themselves. Teach them to be proactive. Delegate as much as you can. After all, you do so much more behind-the-scenes work. Once you’ve delegated all that you can, mark those things off your list.
Next we should evaluate those things that we want to keep in our life versus those things that really aren’t fulfilling us. You can determine if something is no longer fulfilling you by asking a few simple questions.
- Do I get joy from this task?
- Is this task helping me?
- Is this task helping others?
- Am I being a blessing by completing this task?
- Does this task cause me or my family grief?
- Is it more of a chore than something that you like to do?
- Did I just agree to do this to make someone else happy?
Basically you should get your priorities in check. You priorities can change all the time. What was important to you 6 months ago might not be so important to you now.
You should also reevaluate your tasks if you, like me, have problems saying “No”. Practice this, not just at home. “No I cannot do that right now.” “No thank you. It’s a great opportunity, but it’s not the right time.” It’s better to turn down opportunities than become overwhelmed with all of your duties. After all, how effective can you be at your tasks if you’re only able to give 10% to each of them? I don’t know about you but I want to give my best in everything I do.
Nikowa has been homeschooling her two boys since 2007. With her “learning never ends” philosophy, they have an eclectic year-round approach to learning. When she’s not teaching, she enjoys photography, organizing, cooking, and reading. She is a #1 LOST fan and watches UGA football too! (Go Dawgs!) You can visit Nikowa at Knowledge House Academy.
I like the “idea” of practicing “no” at home. As a homeschool mom it is easy to get distracted during the school time with all of the other things that you could also be doing.
Thanks
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I have been struggling with this very topic lately. With all of my “back injury/surgery” nonsense, I have had to completely change my “todo” list….but it is not easy!
Thanks for the tips and for the encouragement with this. I need all the help I can get.
God Bless,
Amy:)
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It is so true! I have a hard time saying “no”, too. Ugh! I used to be involved in a lot of things in the last place we were at, but after we moved here it has slowed down as no one really knows me. Recovering from my 2 car accidents, I havent gone out as much as I used to for different groups with military and otherwise. My children are only involved in piano this year and we do field trips with our church’s school. Next year will probably be different though.
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Great thoughts, Nikowa. I recently had to think why I had such a hard time saying, “no,” when necessary. I decided it had to do with the fact that I care too much about what people think of me. So setting priorities and appropriate boundaries…while remembering God’s evaluation of me…and knowing that He’s called me for a specific purpose has freed me to walk out His plan for me. Very freeing to think of my life as His, rather than my own….
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I loved this article Nikowa. its so important, especially for a homeschooling mother.
There are so many distractions and GOOD opportunities—-but sometimes we have to say yes to the things that are good simply because we have run out of room. There is a season for everything.
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I am late in commenting because I am just. now. finding time to go through some of the pages I’ve missed lately.
I think all women should have your list on their fridge right next to their calendar.
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I suppose as a woman and also an only child the first 13 1/2 years of my life, I always want to please others and especially my loved ones. We can, as long as we don’t allow them to take advantage of us for it does make us feel better helping and doing for others. Hey, we may need them to help us one day
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Great thoughts – thanks for sharing! I’m going to have to keep those questions in mind when people ask me to do things. I said yes to something else just this morning!
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