Legos and Army Men are Calling

Posted by LauraD | 0 comments

It’s October.  My schedule tells me that we should be on this page in our math books and on that week in Tapestry of Grace. Guess what? We’re not there.  I ended up switching my 2E (twice exceptional) son’s math program mid-stream, and his antics often throw our whole day off track.  I’d love to tell you that I don’t beat myself up over the break from my planned schedule, but that would be one heck of a falsehood! I live and die by the schedule – not one that comes from a curriculum out-of-a-box, but the one that I pre-ordain for our homeschool from my selection of the “best of” all the curricula out there.  I would tell you that I’m not overly ambitious, and for my nine year-old daughter’s personality and academic propensities, I’m not.  For “N”, though, about whom I’ve written exhaustively here, any thought of a schedule is an invitation to disappointment.

“N” is seven, and a young seven at that.  He is officially in 6th grade math, and is doing pre-algebra and loving it. Well, he loves it when he wants to do it. Which isn’t really that often.  He enjoys learning a new concept, and he’ll do a couple of problems to try it out.  Then he’s done.  He’s good.  He can’t see the point of doing any more problems, any more than he can see the point of doing 30 *extra* problems to demonstrate his mastery over concepts already learned (hence the math curriculum switch).  On some level, I have to see it from his point of view.  He’s learned a concept, he’s shown me (and, more to the point from his perspective, himself) that he can do it.  Let’s move on already, the Legos and army men are calling. Language Arts-wise, we have been blessed by the most amazing curriculum, written specifically for gifted children (although certainly appropriate for anyone) by Michael Clay Thompson.  Thanks to MCT, “N” already knows all eight parts of speech, prepositional phrases, subjects and predicates, and linking vs. action verbs.  Parsing sentences is his favorite way to pass time in the car.  Before you get the idea that he behaves any differently during Language than he does in Math, let me assure you that he doesn’t.  What helps is that MCT knows how to write and design for kids like “N”, thus he stays more engaged, and for a longer time.  Still, if “N” decides that he’s not going to have a good day at school, he’s not going to have a good day at school. Period.  He doesn’t give a fig what my schedule says.  The problem is, of course, that his attitude or, more relevantly, my having to address his attitude, also throws off the schedules of my three other children.  My nine year-old daughter, “T”, is extremely intelligent, and, as a 6th grader, has plenty of independent work.

My five year-old twins, however, still need me, and all of me, for every subject.  It’s a conundrum: how much of myself do I allow “N” to use up? Having a son like “N” is an ongoing exercise in frustration.  It is thrilling to see the intelligence at work – the seeming effortlessness with which such a young child does math that I struggled with at nearly twice his age.  When it comes to grammar, (as a writer, it’s my love and forte) “N” looks at his grammar book with delight and says, “it’s like a whole book of puzzles!” Parents tell me how proud I must be to have such a smart child. His piano teacher tells me that he is fearless, and that there is nothing she can’t teach him.  He gets a new piano piece, and immediately he begins to improvise on it.  Well, I am proud of “N”, but I am also bewildered.  The same child cries brokenheartedly all the time, often for reasons I don’t understand.  He shakes with anger over the most minor affronts.  He says “black” to my “white” for the sheer joy of seeing me squirm.  He misbehaves in public so severely that I cannot even believe he is my child.  How could I be the kind of mother who has the kind of child who acts like that?? Most painful of all are the family members who judge rather than try to understand.  The term “twice exceptional” would be foreign to them.  The idea of profoundly gifted coupled with ADHD and, possibly, other as yet undiagnosed issues would just be so many excuses for lax parenting.  To these people, I’m obviously gilding the lily when I relate “N’s” grade level, just like I “let him get away with anything” when I don’t immediately excoriate him for his bad behavior.  Really – can you chastise a child *all* the time?

Two things give me comfort: most importantly, I have no doubt that God gifted me with “N” for a reason.  I have my guesses as to the reason(s), but my guesses don’t really matter at all.  I know that He won’t leave us hanging.  He will lead us through this difficult time.  The other thing I rely on is the companionship of those who share my angst.  Some of them I know, and most of them I don’t.  Some have children just like “N”, while others are with me in spirit.

If you have a child like “N”, please know that you are not alone.  I know that there are days when all you feel like doing is crying.  I know that many people don’t understand.  You may have friends with children who are mentally challenged who just don’t understand why you think you have a problem: your child is so brilliant! It is so hard to explain a 2E child to someone who is not close to one!

Today my prayer is for all mothers.  We’re all in this together.  We all love our children, even if we parent them imperfectly sometimes.  The schedule doesn’t matter; we must judge our progress by the year, and not by the day, the week, or even the month.  If you have any kind of a special needs child, then sometimes a day without a major incident (however you define that) is a victory, even if no schooling to speak of was accomplished.  Love your children, and trust that God gifted you with the ones who are right for you.  He doesn’t make mistakes.

Laura Delgado has been married to her husband, Henry, for 14 years. She gave birth to four children in exactly 40 months, but cheated since the last two were twins. She now happily homeschools her 8,6, and two 4 year-olds. She earned a Ph.D. in Political Science from Rice University, but finds that she uses her undergraduate Great Books education far more in her homeschooling pursuits. In addition to writing for various homeschooling publications, she creates educational materials for edHelper. For homeschooling helps and curriculum reviews, please visit her blogs at Living as Martha and Salve Regina Homeschool.