Have you ever wanted a window into your teenager’s heart? Try listening to music–their music.

Being raised in the 70′s, I remember the music battles. Most parents from my generation said at least ten times a week, “Turn that racket down!” I decided to take a different approach with my young adults.

Often, when we hop in the car, I ask my kids to pick the music. I can’t say I always enjoy their choices, but it is enlightening. What a person chooses to listen to is so many times a reflection of their thoughts and emotions.

Sometimes it’s the beat they love and, at other times, they are drawn to the lyrics. I keep my opinion and criticism to myself as I offer instead, my standard question, “What do you like about this song?” The most tight-lipped teen usually opens up, and what you hear from him or her, is very revealing.

If I am cautious to do more listening than speaking, I learn what my kids think about God, His message, and their responsibility as part of God’s mission to the world. We have some of our best theological discussions at these times.

What if I find a moral objection to my teenager’s choice of vocal artist or the words of a song? My question instead might be, “What do you know about the singer?” or perhaps, “What worldview comes through the song?”

If you feel clueless about some of their music selections, you can check them out at Focus on the Family’s popular entertainment review page: http://www.pluggedin.com/en/music.aspxhttp://.

One of the most important benefits to sharing music is seeing my kids smile and say, “Thanks for listening to my music.” As they are growing into individual adults with their own tastes, respect for their choices strengthens our relationship.

I think it is worth forgoing the music war to gain the music window.

Rhodema lives the parenting adventure with Calvin, her college sweetheart. They have two adult daughters and two teenagers still at home, a girl and a boy. Their homeschool style is eclectic with a great love of living history books. Rhodema teaches women’s Bible studies and is a MOPS speaker. Her blog for moms is Herding Worms.