On the Rocks?

Posted by Jamie | 0 comments

I once heard a college professor suggest that marriage should be a five-year contract with the option to renew–or not–at the end of that contract. Most of the world seems to take marriage lightly. Many confuse lust with love, and some think living together is good way to “try out” marriage. When we do enter into marriage, it’s often with the caveat somewhere in the back of our minds that divorce is a sort of escape hatch. Though we know divorce isn’t easy, it seems like a better option than being stuck in a miserable marriage.

This topic is near and dear to my heart, not because I’m not a sparkling example of marital longevity, but because I fell into this trap myself. I have a lot of experience in what not to do, and now I’ve been blessed with a few years of experience doing it right. I failed at my first marriage, and here’s the very simple reason why – God was not at the center of that marriage. Our marriage was built on sand (Matthew 7:24-26), and it crumbled.

It breaks my heart that the statistics for divorce among Christians is no better than the divorce rate among non-Christians. Why is that? Because we’ve bought into what the world says about marriage. The truth is, marriage is meant to be about glorifying Christ, living out an earthly version of Christ’s relationship with the church (which is all believers, not just one congregation or denomination!). We should seek God’s wisdom and guidance in choosing our spouse, we should keep our hearts and bodies pure to present to each other only, and we should never expect our spouse to fulfill all our needs. Only God can fill that God-shaped hole — no other person or thing. But the good news is, if you’re doing these things, you’ll have the joy of an intimate relationship with Christ, which in turn will bless your marriage. A Godly marriage is full of true and lasting joy!

It’s a fact: men have different needs than women, and I’m not referring to anything physical. We as women need to feel loved and cherished; men need to feel respected. I choose to encourage my husband and show him respect because God commands it. My husband really is a “super man” but he’s not perfect, and I’m not either, so occasionally we do butt heads. Sometimes I get downright irked at him, but I choose to obey the command in Philippians 4:8: “…whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” By the time I’ve forced myself to think on a few good things about my husband, then more good things come to mind readily, and before I know it, I’m back to swooning about him. You see, in everything that happens each and every day, I have a choice whether I will think on good things or focus on the negative. If I choose the latter, I will never be satisfied with anyone (including myself) or anything. Focusing on the negative begins a dangerous, downward spiral. Even if your spouse is getting on your last nerve, find at least ONE thing you appreciate or love about him or her, and think on that.

When I remarried, my husband and I vowed to keep Christ at the very CENTER of our relationship; it’s the only way marriage can work. The saddest thing about my own failed first marriage is that we were both Christians, but neither of us knew anything about actually living out a Biblical marriage. Just being a Christian parallel to your spouse is NOT enough! Find those verses that speak of marriage, and pray for understanding as you read them. And then start living them. Many of us don’t know how to do this because we’ve never seen a true Biblical marriage in real life. How sad that is! How can we expect marriage to thrive unless we are showing the world what God’s true intention was when he created marriage? Christians, if you are married, you have an obligation to live out a Biblical marriage so that others can see what that looks like in practice!

Is your marriage “on the rocks?” Or is the foundation of your marriage built upon the Rock of Christ? ”… the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock…” (Matthew 7:25)

Check out my article on page 23 of the new flipbook edition of Heart of the Matter Magazine.

Jamie is in her third year of homeschooling, and loving the mostly-Charlotte Mason style she’s chosen. She is a joyfully married wife in a blended family, and knows that absolutely anything good she accomplishes is because of Christ in her. Her days are fueled by the love of her family and many cups of steaming hot tea. Visit her blog Life and Love in Rose Cottage.