One-on-One Time With Mom

Posted by Montserrat | 0 comments

As a mother of a large family I am often asked how I can truly be a good mother to so many. Can I really know who my children are, what their needs and desires are when there is a limited amount of time each day? Can I really give each one the love and attention they deserve?

Throughout a typical homeschool day I do spend some one-on-one time with each child but it’s usually for something they need: help with school, fixing their hair, helping them practice the piano, brushing teeth, reading bedtime stories, etc. I wanted to spend time with each one that was just for fun, just the two of us together. So I did something I never thought I would have to do. I scheduled it in.

At first I felt like I was a bad mother. Who has to schedule special time to spend with their children? Apparently I did because it wasn’t happening. I’d intend to do things with each child but something always came up. I was at home. My children were at home. But I was not with my children. Now there’s a reserved time, it’s easy to say “no” to any distractions. It is also a relief.

It’s not possible to spend one-on-one time every single day with each child so we do it once a week. Thursday and Friday afternoons are reserved for those times. The children get my complete undivided attention. Whoever I’m not spending time with takes turns watching the baby. During “our time” we do whatever the child wants to do. The kids look forward to these times all week. I do too.

It has been so informative spending this time with my children. I’ve learned so much about their interests, their talents, their dreams, through our one-on-one times. I can see what special souls they all are. Who knew there would be so many unique combinations coming from the same gene pool?

My four year old son, Ira, is a deep thinker, even for his age. He likes to take walks and work outside for our time together. And he likes to talk…..a lot! Have you ever really wondered what goes on in a little one’s head sometimes? These one-on-one times provide the perfect opportunity to get a glimpse into my son’s innermost thoughts.

Laura (6) almost always wants to sew clothes for her American Girl dolls, Ruthie and Emily. She chooses the fabric from our stash, helps pin the patterns, and sits on my lap pushing the sewing machine pedal while I guide the fabric. She’s a hugger. She needs that physical contact to feel loved. I think that’s why she chooses this activity more than any other because she’s on my lap with my arms around her while we talk and giggle and sew.

During three-fourths of the year (spring, summer, fall) Debbie (8) wants to spend our time outside. We go on walks, weed the garden, count the flowers that have bloomed, swing on the hammock, lay on the grass and cloud watch, etc. She LOVES nature.

Abigail (10) and Sara (12) like to do crafts, play board games, go on walks, or work on special value building experiences for church, reading scriptures and discussing them. The majority of the unfinished projects I had lying around the house are now done because they enjoy working on those with me.

Marie (14) and Eve (15) enjoy taking walks, working on developing character and value goals for church, Family Search Indexing (they LOVE genealogy), baking, and sewing. We also like to talk about their goals for the future, plan out high school work, and discuss books they are currently reading.

One benefit I did not expect with one-on-one time was the lessening of behavior problems. I do have some children who are higher maintenance. They don’t care why they are getting the attention – just that they are getting it which results many times in misbehavior or whining. We are working on it. And they are doing better, especially as they get older and are able to show more self-control. The one-on-one times have greatly reduced these outbursts because my children know they will get that undivided attention and not have to seek for it.

I have come to really see my children as God sees them – individual, unique, with talents and abilities they can use to bless the lives of others around them. One-on-one times have truly become some of our most treasured times together.

Montserrat Wadsworth is completely devoted to her wonderful husband, Joseph, and their eight children (seven girls and one boy!). They live on a 4,000 acre alfalfa farm nestled in a small Northern Nevada valley. They’ve been homeschooling for 11+ years. Montserrat enjoys, photography, cooking, crafting, chocolate, and sloppy goodnight kisses. She strives to live each day as God would have her do following Mary’s biblical supplication, “Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word.” (Luke 1:38) You can find her at her blog Chocolate On My Cranium.