In the springtime the butterflies return from their southern migration, flitting on fresh blooms like a welcoming parade for the new season. But many of our children live with butterflies year round. Not the monarch variety this time, but those that buzz inside children’s stomachs. Will I find friends at church? Will I get the part in the play? Will anyone come to my party?

Our reaction to these kinds of stresses often determines our enjoyment of life. I witnessed this firsthand last summer when our family embarked on an adventure to Kenya, where we worked in a children’s home filled with kids whose parents have died of AIDS. In order to take such a trip, we were all required to get several shots. Being a parent who believes in full disclosure, I told my kids when I made the appointment. Big mistake! Rebecca, my older daughter, took it in stride. Katie, my younger one, didn’t sleep for a week. “How much will it hurt?” she asked, over and over again. Rebecca laughed at her mercilessly.

Then came the big day. Katie went first, just so we could make sure she got it over with. And you know what? She didn’t even flinch. She said, at the end of it all, “That wasn’t that bad.” And Rebecca? We had to peel her off the ceiling.

Afterwards, I asked both of them which is better: to worry incessantly about something that may turn out badly, or to not worry at all, and then be surprised when life kicks you in the teeth. Pessimism believes in preparing for the worst, just like my youngest daughter did. She cried, she worried, she visualized, she whined. That way, she said, there was no way it could possibly be as bad as she imagined. Optimism, on the other hand, is embodied in my Rebecca who thinks she’s invincible. Nothing bad is really going to happen, so when it does, boy is she surprised.

I’m not one who believes that kids, or adults for that matter, with a “prepare for the worst” personality lack faith. I think we’re all born with certain personality traits, and this is simply one of them. But I do think faith in God can help us overcome pessimism and handle new things better.

First, we need to teach our kids repeatedly that God made them for a purpose, and that life is about discovering what those plans are and running with them. When kids understand that our lives are bigger than the here and now, they will better be able to understand that being left out of the cool clique at church does not mean the world is coming to an end. God still loves you and has something special for you. And what others think isn’t as important as what God does.

Overcoming pessimism also requires us to push our kids a bit to try new things, so they can discover the gifts God gave them. An aversion to risk is closely related to pessimism. Pessimistic people are far less likely to take big leaps because something – they’re never sure quite what – may be lurking just around the corner.

My Katie, as talented as she is, won’t take dance lessons, though she dances around the house. She might not like it, you see. And the piano competition we entered them in this year? She dreaded it, until it came time for her to play. As we were leaving, she said, “That was actually kind of fun. Can I do it again?” After listening to her whine about it for two weeks, I just about lost it.

But once they do try these things, and the sky doesn’t fall, they’re more likely to do it again. Pessimism is not a fixed personality trait. Parents can affect it by steering kids towards God, and helping them to understand that we can have true joy even if our circumstances don’t seem that great. When we’re part of His plan, we don’t need to fear.

And so we will continue to push our little one to take on new adventures because God has great plans for her. We had an amazing time in Africa, as even she agrees. The needles, in retrospect, weren’t that big a deal. I know what we saw and did there will affect her for years to come. I hope the lesson she learned about the shots will, too.

Check out my article on page 12 of the funky flipbook edition of Heart of the Matter Magazine.

Sheila Wray Gregoire is a popular homeschool speaker and the author of four books, including To Love, Honor and Vacuum: When you feel more like a maid than a wife and a mother. If she’s not homeschooling her two daughters and her nephew, she’s probably knitting. Even in line at the grocery store. You can read her blog at tolovehonorandvacuum.blogspot.com, and find her at www.sheilawraygregoire.com.