Real Answers from Real Men

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A few weeks ago we asked our readers to send us their husband’s input to a variety of questions designed to get to know the heart of the average homeschooling husband and father. Some of their answers will tickle your funny bone, others might tug at your heartstrings. We could not possibly include all the answers we received, but here is a collection of some of the most insightful or most common answers.

1. What do you wish your wife would understand more about you?

• Sometimes I just want to be listened to and heard.
• That I’m not angry or disappointed in her as often as she thinks.
• How much I really love her.
• There are sometimes that I really am thinking about nothing.
• That I think she is beautiful no matter what she does to herself.
• That I am not an animal for wanting sex every day.

2. What would be your perfect day?

• A family picnic and a mountain bike ride.
• Morning intimacy, golf, little bit of shopping, meet the family at the boat for an evening cruise, more intimacy after kids are in bed.
• Church, then Popeyes Chicken and Saints football (Saints win), then whole family snuggles under covers and takes a nap.
• A cup of coffee outside by myself with a newspaper, then a great breakfast with my family. Then a little reading and thinking time. Then, a nice lunch outside somewhere. Then, an afternoon nap. Then a good dinner on the barbecue. Then, kids go to bed and parents play.
• Having sex all day

3. What is the most ingenious or oddest use you’ve found for duct tape?

• Taping someone to a tree/ being taped to a tree
• My son uses it for everything and I never get to use it.
• My son can make a duct tape belt and that’s pretty cool. My daughter made a duct tape wallet and that was cool, too.
• Naptime enforcer. Just kidding. Reinforcement of the artificial Christmas tree box. Ten years and it still holds together, like a sausage. I wish I was kidding.
• Patching a hole in your pants (one piece on inside and one on outside of hole)-obviously not a permanent fix

4. If you didn’t have to consider your wife’s preferences, what would be your perfect date night?

• Dinner by the water outside on a warm evening
• Motorcycle ride going out for ice cream.
• A great steak dinner, a play or concert, then coffee and a stroll around downtown.
• A nice meal and an evening without thinking about what is going on. It could end in a little romance and I wouldn’t mind so much.
• One where we walk, holding hands, and some excellent Chinese food.
• Eat buffalo wings and go watch a ball game

5. What gift would you rather receive?

A. Power Tool of choice 25%
B. Intimacy 58%
C. An evening alone at home– no wife, no kids, just quiet. 17%

6. What does your wife do that REALLY makes you want to run and hide?

• Not listen and jump to conclusions
• Yell at the kids when she has really had a hard day
• Any major cleaning project (closets, the garage, etc.)
• Gets mad about shoes in the house
• Wake you up too early in the morning
• Accuse me of staring at another woman
• Get angry when I am just trying to be playful

7. What could your wife do to make your daily homecoming pleasant?

• Come over and give me a kiss.
• Greet me and be happy I’m home, not complain that I work too much.
• Be pleasant and not criticize me for anything.
• “Hi Honey! I’m proud of you and I respect you for the work you’ve done today.”
• Greet me wearing nothing but an apron.
• Give me time to adjust without talking my ear off when I walk in the door.
• Get the kids involved in something so they don’t climb on me.
• Have dinner ready and the house tidy.

8. What is your greatest reservation about homeschooling?

• That the kids wouldn’t be able to attend the college of their choice.
• The kids don’t get daily interaction with other kids their age.
• Putting too much stress on my wife related to planning and preparation.
• How much we stick to a structured approach versus real-life experience and unstructured learning.
• Kids being too secluded from realities of today’s society and not knowing how to handle them as an adult.
• That their academic achievement will not be recognized as equal to public or private schooling – that their education might be viewed by colleges/employers as lesser.
• Boredom

9. What makes you feel loved?

• Being listened to followed by intimacy
• When my family seeks my attention, wants to be near me
• My children wanting me to read stories to them.
• When she makes me a drink without being asked, rubs my shoulders without being asked, offers to put the kids to bed alone so I can relax after a long day.
• Her willingness to take care of me when I’m feeling un-well.
• When my wife initiates sex
• When the house and errands are taken care of so I can spend all my free time with family
• Not being argued with
• When she tells me I am her dream man or hero

10. Is there a way that you show love to your wife that she doesn’t always notice or appreciate?

• Playful affection
• Even though I am often overwhelmed by my days, I do not let work take over my life.
• I rave about her beauty.
• When I fill her car up with gas
• Going to work everyday so she can homeschool
• Bringing in the groceries for her
• Spending time with her family even when I don’t want to
• Making sure her car is in great shape
• I get her all the best gadgets and technologies to make her life as easy as possible

11. What are some creative ways husbands and wives can spend time together at home without actually having a night out?

• Beside
  s just putting the kids to bed at 6pm (yeah, right!) we try to run errands and do everything as a family. If the kids go to bed on time, then it’s easy to have several hours alone together so long as you don’t get distracted with other things.
• We meet 1 night per week after the kids are in bed for prayer and Bible study, also renting a movie for after bed time, or exercise together.
• Watch cooking shows together and then make what you saw on TV.
• Purchase your favorite series on DVD and watch an episode after the kids are in bed.
• Funny comedy movies, so you can laugh together. Laughter brings people together.

12. What would their typical school day look like if they took over for the day? Phone calls, school, errands, breakfast, lunch, dinner, and chores.

• Wake up.
  Eat cereal or waffles.
  Sit down and they would do their schoolwork. They would ask questions that I have no idea what the answers are. Then I’d say let’s move on to the next subject.
  Lunch would be macaroni and cheese or Cici’s Pizza.
  We’d come home and be too full to finish school. So we’d take a nap.
  That’s about it.
• Field trip!!
• We would take a sick day and play video games all day.
• Cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I would not answer the phone. We would read books, and watch educational videos all day.

13. How can I get my husband involved/lead family devotions without him feeling that it is just another thing on his plate?
We’ve struggled with this one in the past too. My first response is to ask why do you feel it’s necessary for him to lead family devotionals in the first place? Without devotionals, is he living up to his role as the spiritual head of the household? Does he model Christian behavior, put the family first, share the gospel with his children in other ways (read Bible stories, make Church attendance a priority, etc.)? Devotionals are a good thing, but they do not equate to “being a good father or spiritual leader” and a lot of times it comes across as criticism. My wife used to do several devotionals and Bible studies at a time and all it did was make her too busy to enjoy life.

If he’s truly not living up to his role as spiritual leader, you’ve got bigger fish to fry and may need to seek the help of a Christian Counselor or your pastor. If he’s doing a great job and you just want to add this new item to the mix, 1.) to him it probably does seem to be just another thing on his plate, 2.) there will always be things to add to the mix so keep in mind that this one thing isn’t the end all, be all, 3.) see if there is anything you can subtract from the equation and substitute the devotional so it’s not taking up more time, just a different use of the time he’s already blocked aside, and 4.) try getting him to commit to a small goal like one hour a month. It should be pretty hard for him to say no to such a small request and it would at least get the process started.

For men, especially those with hectic work schedules, the thought of committing a regular amount of time to any activity that we don’t feel is a necessity makes us cringe. It might not be that he doesn’t want to do the devotional but just that he doesn’t know what the future holds with his schedule and doesn’t want to make promises he can’t keep. Start slow…Rome wasn’t built in a day.