Replacing Negative Thoughts with Positive Actions

Posted by Sheri | 0 comments

This is a take off from a Wifey Wednesday post I wrote in October, and if you haven’t visited Sheila’s site,  I highly recommend it.  She’s a sweetheart and I love her Wifey Wednesday Meme.

Anyway, as I wrote the post I was referring to my husband and I realized that the same thought/action process could be used with my children. So bear with me as I think through this.

First off we’ll start of by playing the word association game, these are the first things I think of when I think of each of my children.

• D-15: Helpful
• M-12: Sweet
• G-9: Funny
• E-7: Baby

Okay, phew, those were all positive. (Trust me, E-7 sees being the baby as positive). But are all of my thoughts of my children always positive? No, like all parents out there, there are days that I want to curl up in a corner and cry, or kick a door, or scream into a pile of pillows. There are days that I feel like a complete and utter failure with kids who are Pushy, Bossy, Whiney and Sleepy (A not so great version of Snow White and a bunch of drawfs).

As I go through my days once in a while a bad thought will pop up into my head. Something like this: Why on earth is D-15 being so pushy with E-7, why can’t he back off? Gosh, this is ridiculous. OH MY WORD!

Now I can speak on that thought in one of two ways.

1. I can say “D…you are not the parent, you need to back off.” (Been there, done that, bought the tee shirt, wore it out) OR
2. I can say “You know D, I so appreciate the way you try to help out and care for your brothers. I’ve got this one though, okay.”

I can also act on that thought in one of two ways:

1. I can jump up, throw my blanket off (because I am surely bundled up, I always am) and stomp into the room. They will KNOW I am mad by my demeanor and the wild look in my eyes. They will cower and try to regain a sense of peace before the ugly alien mommy comes out. OR
2. I can calmly stand up and walk into the room. I can calmly ask them what I can help with. I can place my hand lightly on my little guys head, and make sure that as I pass by D I give him a one armed hug. I can step in and take over, smiling at D as I do so.

In both of the examples above it’s obvious that #2 is the right choice, but I do believe that many of us automatically head for #1. Why do we do that? Well my opinion is this: We are tired. We are frustrated. We hear their voices all day long and sometimes one little word or squeal is just one too many.

I began making a very conscious choice to try to replace the negative thoughts in my head with positive actions. I know this will be a long, slow process. Because I have allowed my exhaustion to cloud my vision. As a result I am trying to retrain my brain into seeing what is really there. But as I do this I am slowly seeing little needle sized points of light. Points brought on by a conscious decision to choose option #2. This is a painful journey. Not only am I having to learn to hold my tongue and keep certain thoughts at bay, but I am having to face what years of snapping here and there has done to my relationship with my children.

Thank God that He’s sending promising little rays of light down for me so I can see more clearly. And I Thank Him daily that He is here helping me work through this.

I have more to say but my big one just came in and asked if I gave the little one permission to climb a tree and catch a bird…and I have to run and hide the ladder…

Sheri (with the help of her fabulous husband Mike) began homeschooling her four children in 2001. She spends her time creating whatever she can out of nothing to make her house more homey, creating lesson plans, and listening to her son’s garage band and writing how God is carrying her out of the depths of depression. You can catch up with Sheri at her blog, be sure to check out the on-going Love Story she and her husband are writing while you are there!