Heart of the Matter

Wondering if your child might be on the spectrum? The first thing people ask me when I tell them my son has Asperger’s Syndrome, a form of Autism, is how did I know that Xander had a problem? To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t sure he did. He seemed like a perfectly normal, albeit quirky, child. Sure, he was super hyper, but he is a boy, and so were his brothers to a degree. The tell-tale ‘signs’ were all there, but they could easily be mistaken for many other issues found in normal childhood development. Some of these include:

1. Hyper-focusing

What we thought: hyper-focusing on on Buzz Lightyear, and more recently oceanography and marine biology,  all seemed very normal. There are many kids at this age who still have not given up their security blankets, have imaginary friends or a particular show or subject that they can’t get enough of.

Why it was a problem: Xander could not let go of these subjects. It was as if he was obsessed. Loss of important items or books caused major hysteria and meltdowns. We have since learned how to use these things to our advantage. For instance, if Xander takes a toy from his brother, we can ask him what he thinks Buzz would do in that situation. Since Buzz is his hero, he wants to do good things too, so he gives the toy back to his brother. We have also learned that by providing Xander with reading materials on sharks and lighthouses and other aquatic creatures he is more apt to calmly sit in his beanbag and read. He does not forget a thing about it because it’s what he obsesses on.

2. Developmentally behind in fine and gross motor skills.

What we thought: We thought our son was just clumsy, and perhaps lazy a time or two. There isn’t a wall in any house we’ve lived in that hasn’t been met by my dear son. At any point in time there is a collage of varying colored bruises from head to toe. My personal thought? ALL BOY.

Why it was a problem: We found out that Asperger’s children are behind on their fine and gross motor skills. Xander learned how to crawl, walk, and run late. He has major issues with sharing his food, with his apparently also very hungry, shirt because he cannot manage utensils very well. He also still appears to ‘scribble’ draw, though his imagination will tell you it is something altogether quite wonderful.

3. Speech Issues

What we thought: When Xander was 18 months old, there was a period of time that he spoke wonderfully! We understood all of it! Then it completely went away. We often joked that he realized we could understand him and didn’t like it, so he quit. We chalked up his current speech issues to being 4 because there are many children his age that I can’t understand at all.

Why it was a problem: After speaking with the child psychologist, we learned that gaining a developmental skill such as walking, talking, etc., and then suddenly losing it was a sign of Autism. I also learned a new term, echolalia, which is the act of repeating certain sounds or phrases repeatedly. Usually when someone says the word ‘Autism’ the common vision that comes to mind is a child rocking back and forth repeating the same phrase over and over again. Not all types of echolalia are like this. For Xander it was not so obvious.

Me: Do you understand me?
Xander: Understand me?

I always took this to mean yes, when in fact, he was trying to process what I’d asked him.

Me: It’s time to clean your room.
Xander: Clean my room. CLEAN my ROOM? CLEAN MY ROOOOOM??!!

I always thought he was just being a brat and throwing a tantrum, when he was actually showing us ‘stress echolalia,’ which occurs when what is said or asked is too overwhelming for the child to process. We alleviated this problem by making the request smaller such as, “Xander, would you put all of the Legos into the blue bucket?” and these requests continue until the room is cleaned. No arguments.

4. Social Anxiety

What we thought: Xander gets VERY wild when we go out into public in an unstructured environment (daycare, a gym, baseball practice, or grocery store). He starts, what we thought, showing off and getting super hyper. We thought this was a matter of him misbehaving. He was disciplined excessively, considering he did not understand.

Why it was a problem: Asperger’s kids are all about routine, routine, routine. If anything deviates from this — a quick stop at the post office, when he would normally be playing outside, later naptime due to the kids getting out of school early, etcetera — causes major overstimulation, anxiety, fear, and stress. We learned that he has to be prepared to go places, to change routines, etc. Spring break was a HUGE ordeal for Xander because he was used to his brothers being at school and on the third day they were home he was a mess.

Some other things that are characteristic of Xander’s Asperger’s are noises he makes when he’s stressed out (I call it the sprinkler noise, because that’s what it sounds like to me). When he gets super wound up his body seems to pulse with energy. He also sees the world in black and white only — it’s either right or wrong, there are no gray areas. In other words, he’ll call it like he sees it, whether it’s hurtful, mean, inappropriate, etc. He isn’t aware of society’s social rules. We will have to teach him by memorization.

I encourage any of you that have questions about whether or not your child has Autism to contact your pediatrician and have your child tested. Remember, we all have a choice about what we accept for our children. We are their number one advocates and the only ones who have the ability to step forward and say “no” on their behalf.

“By wisdom a house is built and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.”
Proverbs 24:3- 4

Angela DeRossett is military wife, homeschooling mother, and an advocate for autism research. She also serves as the Heart of the Matter Review Coordinator. Angela can be found blogging at Homeschooling the Chaotic Family and Memoirs of a Chaotic Mommy.