Parenting | Heart of the Matter

August 12, 2010 By Nikowa Lee 14 Comments

I’ve heard over and over how people lose their privacy once they have children. Maybe it started in the delivery room, but it extends well beyond! I’ve swapped “I get no privacy” stories with many friends & they all seem to understand. They even have their own stories to share!

I swear I can’t go to the bathroom without an audience anymore.

But the alternate scenario is just as ahem, embarrasing.

You see, I’ve noticed that there are generally (generally being a very “loaded” word here) two types of children. One: children that listen to and follow directions. Those that know the rules and happily, or not, abide by them. And two: those children that listen to the directions and proceed to do what they want to anyway. The live-in-the-moment child.

I have one of each. (Lord help me!)

So when I don’t get the bathroom audience, I get the sounds-like-the-house-is-caving-in piercing screams of my live-in-the-moment child. Must he wait until I’m in private or dare I say on the telephone with someone important to test out those vocal cords?

Is there a little tingle that we forgot about when we were children that tells them, “Hey! Mom’s on the phone, you know what that means. PAAARRRTTYYYYYY!”

Does a little voice tell them that they MUST tell your in-laws that they stay in their pajamas most days & Mom lets us eat cold meat loaf for breakfast & cereal for dinner?

So tell me I’m not the only one, please!

What are some of your zero privacy adventures in parenting?

Nikowa Lee is a quirky homeschooling mom to a special needs son, co-schooling mom to a son that’s a handful, foster-to-adopt parent, Cub Scout volunteer, frugal lifestyle livin’, 2x cervical cancer surviving wife. She enjoys social media, photography, gardening, reading, and teaching. You can visit Nikowa at The Adventures of a Quirky Mom.

July 14, 2010 By Lee 3 Comments

Luke 8:23-25 Jesus and his disciples are sailing to their next destination, when disaster strikes.

As they sailed, he fell asleep. A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped, and they were in great danger. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we’re going to drown!” He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. “Where is your faith?” he asked his disciples.

It seemed like a routine sailing

For more than a dozen years you have parented this child, and it feels like you have seen it all. There have been ups and downs, and there is no struggle that is new under the sun. Your child is just your child – and you have adapted.

A sudden squall and great danger

The unexpected happens. Not only is there conflict, but you no longer even recognize your child. Not surprising, because adulthood has begun, and your baby is no longer a child at all. In the midst of this growing up, there is sometimes huge difficulty.

Panic, and beliefs go out the window

Unexpected behaviors, situations and hormones consume your growing child – and overwhelm your ability to rationalize, and cope. Panic. Parents sometimes believe all is lost; game over. Epic fail.

Where is your faith?

This moment in parenting is when you most need your faith. This is where the rubber meets the road! You have to hang on to the fact that you have trained your child is the way they should go, and have faith that they will not depart from it when they are old.

Arrive safely at the shore

God’s promise is that you will arrive at the shore. The crisis will end, and God’s plan for your child’s life WILL come to pass. The Lord controls nature, the wind and waves. Certainly he can control the squall within your child, and work his purposes. His plan for your child was made with the assumptions that this squall would occur – he already knew it would happen. Only the parents are surprised – not God.

Parents sometimes face a difficult time in the storm of adolescence, and their child is unrecognizable due to impending adulthood. This passage urges you to have faith! Don’t give up hope, because all is not lost. The Lord knew in advance this would happen, although He doesn’t necessarily approve of the choices people make from their own free will. But the Lord has made us a promise; Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

We WILL see the shore. We WILL arrive on the shore safely. No adolescent storm, not matter how dangerous, can thwart the Lord’s plans.

God’s promises are true EVEN WHEN THERE IS A SHIPWRECK. In Acts we read about Paul being shipwrecked. He was in a ship and in danger too, and he STILL completed God’s plan for his life. Paul recognized that even though he did not expect the shipwreck, the Lord already knew it would happen. Paul tried to explain the situation to the others in the ship;

Acts 27:25 So keep up your courage, men, for I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me.

Adolescent storms happen, and sometimes they can result in a major shipwreck. Keep up your courage, parents! When they are old, they will not depart from your teaching, and it WILL happen the way the Lord has promised.

Lee Binz is a veteran homeschooling mom of two and the owner of The HomeScholar, “Helping parents homeschool through high school.” She has a new free minicourse called “The 5 Biggest Mistakes Parents Make When Homeschooling High School”. You can sign up for her free email homeschool newsletter, The HomeScholar Record and get your daily dose of wisdom via e-mail from her homeschool blog, The HomeScholar Helper. Get homeschool transcript help with her Total Transcript Solution. Get comprehensive homeschool support as a member of her Gold Care Club.

May 6, 2010 By CarolB 6 Comments

There’s a conversation you should have with your chatty child–not so much, if they’re the dreamy, mind-just-sort-of-wanders type of child. But rather, with the child who talks a mile a minute about each and every thing that pops into their heads (which is constantly full of such pops) and is absolutely compelled to share it all with you (or whomever is within three feet of them) in a non-stop, rambling, even tenacious fashion, complete with sound effects, hand motions and above all…en-THU-siasm.

That is the child to whom the following thoughts are dedicated.

Let me give you the backstory.

It is rare that I meet someone who talks faster than me. I have always been a very fast paced speaker, whether in front of a microphone or just sitting down over tea. Not only do I speak quickly, I sometimes seem to be almost grabbed by a subject or idea and then thrown onto a train of thought that I simply must share with you, in its entirety, with every exciting detail before the train pulls into the next station. Feel the urgency. So, when I actually DO meet someone who thinks and talks faster than me, I’m amazed at my reaction.

You would think I would be delighted, connected, or at least supportive. Instead… It makes me tired. I want to listen. Really I do. They’re so earnest and smiling and full of interesting information. But nonetheless, there it is. It makes me tired.

I have to try to process ever so slightly faster than my processor is able to accommodate. And soon, I’m squinting with added intensity of focus. I’m nodding my agreement just a bit too slowly, like one of those movies where the sound track lags just slightly out of sync with the video. While I’m still nodding, they’ve left behind the thing I’m currently nodding to, segued into another topic I’m trying to follow, and have leaped heartily into yet a third topic that, while fascinating, is nonetheless queued up FAR behind in my chain of thoughts processing machinery.

Realizing this then made me wonder…do I make people tired? And the conclusion I came to is YES, I can and I often do. Since I tend to punctuate most of my conversation with lots of humor, I think people tolerate the break neck speed with which I deliver information because they know, if they just hang in there with me, I’ll eventually stop long enough to let them laugh at something.

But the truth is, my fast non-stop speech can overwhelm people a bit, or at least cause them to need a few moments of silence once I’ve passed by. I have had to learn to work with this truth.

I haven’t had much luck actually slowing down. But I have learned to separate my ramblings with questions of my listener that allows them a chance to speak. I have learned to allow them to complete their thought (even when I’m absolutely certain that I know what they’re going to say and I could simply finish the thought for them and we could all move on to the next one. Whoosh!) I have even learned that I don’t have to share every single thought that comes into my head. I can actually let one or two of them ride by.

Here’s where we get to the part about the conversation you need to have with your Chatty Charlie or Babbling Babette. Fast talkers can overwhelm people.

It’s not their fault. They think fast. And because the thoughts are usually interesting, they naturally want to share them.

They’re just sure you’ll find these thoughts to be as interesting as they do, which indeed is often the case. They need to know that this is actually a good thing about them. There is nothing wrong with having lots of interesting thoughts and wanting to share them. In fact, that fast pace of thought which makes sudden leaps into seemingly unrelated areas is actually a treasure trove of innovation and out-of-the-box thinking. This quality may serve them very well over the years.

But…they also need to know that many people may be overwhelmed by this fast pace of thought-outpouring.

And when people are overwhelmed, they get cranky.

So sweet little Bobby is rattling away non-stop behind Grandpa, not pausing to take a breath. Grandpa is trying to be patient but is also trying to get some things done around the house and needs a bit of his own thinking margin. But Bobby doesn’t notice, and continues to jabber incessantly, sometimes even punctuating his commentary with, “Ya know, Grandpa?” “Isn’t that cool Grandpa?” “Would you ever do that Grandpa?” (Think of the movie The Birds. Peck. Peck. Peck-Peck-Peck.)

Eventually (and completely unexpectedly for Bobby) Grandpa sort of snaps. He says something curt and dismissive, completely shutting little Bobby down.

So in your conversation with your chatterbox, he needs to be told that his gift of fast-paced thought must be guided and delivered carefully. And he needs to be compassionate toward the people that he may be overwhelming. It’s not their fault either. We’re all just wired differently. He certainly can still share his thoughts, but he needs to deliver them in a way that allows people time to process.

And don’t let little Bobby think this is about being bright while the rest of the world is not. Make sure that he knows personal brilliance is not what is at work here, although I will confess, it took me a few years to figure this out myself.

I have a child who is extremely bright, maybe even gifted. But I missed this for years because she processes thought very slowly. She is methodical, careful, contemplative and meticulous. But once she has processed a thought, it is solid. She knows why she knows what she knows. She is a child who can only handle just so much input at once. She has recently learned of and adopted a metaphor that describes her well.

“I am like a cordless drill, who can give you about a 10 minute burst of focused productivity, and then I need about a 24 hour recharge.”

Chatterers and more typical talkers can co-exist without driving each other crazy. But it will take an awareness on the part of the chattier amongst us to regulate the flow and impact of our speaking habits. Then…it will take a little work, a little understanding, and a LOT of practice.

Carol Barnier is a fresh, fun and popular conference speaker unlike any you’ve heard before. Her objective is to have the wit of Erma Bombeck crossed with the depth of C.S. Lewis, but admits that most days, she only achieves a solid Lucy Ricardo with a bit of Bob the Tomato. She is a frequent guest commentator on Focus on the Family’s Weekend Magazine broadcast, has been a guest on many radio programs and is a speaker to conferences nationwide. She’s the author of three books about dealing with (or possessing) a non-linear mind in a linear world: How to Get Your Child Off the Refrigerator and On To Learning, If I’m Diapering a Watermelon, Then Where’d I Leave the Baby?, and The Big WHAT NOW Book of Learning Styles. Her main websites are CarolBarnier.com and SizzleBop.com. You can also find Carol at her blog for moms with distractible kids at SizzleBop. And for fun, see her church humor blog at CarolBarnier.

May 4, 2010 By Misty 7 Comments

There are as many opinions out there about how to manage a family as there are families. And a large percentage of them have been codified into full-fledged methods, philosophies, and books. As a new mom with a helpless baby in her arms and a heart full of hope, I felt absolutely petrified that I was going to do something wrong. I knew that the writer of Ecclesiastes had warned, “But beyond this . . . be warned: the writing of many books is endless, and excessive devotion to books is wearying to the body.” Ecc. 12:12 .

But I wanted what every new mom wants . . . to be the perfect mom for my perfect new baby.

And so I read everything I could get my hands on. I tossed the philosophies that didn’t ring with what I knew in my heart, and the ones that seemed to contradict Scripture–that was easy. More difficult was knowing what to do with the ones that made so much sense and claimed to be God-inspired . . . and contradicted the others making the same claim. I’m sure I’m not alone in my quest for the perfect child-raising method.

And you know as well as I that there’s one buzzword amidst all the theories out there–one that even the secular world holds up as the Holy Grail of parenting: CONSISTENCY.

We’ve heard it over and over. We know we should respond the same way to every child every time they behave in a particular manner . . . make a chart for it, even, because, after all, who can remember the different scenarios they’ve set up for every infraction? If you have a chart, you can go look and see what happens next–not making the bed = missing morning snack time. Not finishing math homework = no TV. Hitting a sibling = one swat.

If we’re just consistent, our kids will obey. Makes sense, right? And yet, most of us find ourselves lamenting as we fail at it over and over.

I was talking the other day with a friend about the time Jesus was in the temple and pulled out a whip. What a surprise that must have been! Apparently, He was fed up with what He was seeing happen in His Father’s house. And that’s when it struck me . . . He’d been there before. This wasn’t the first time He’d been in the synagogue, and surely those moneychangers hadn’t set up for the first time that very morning. So why was His reaction to their presence so different on this day?

I don’t know. He does, of course, but His reasoning isn’t enumerated for us here in the 2nd chapter of John.

So here’s the thing: I figure that if Jesus acted differently one day than He did on other days, perhaps it’s okay when I do, too. Perhaps God understands my reactions being different on different occasions because He knows that sometimes my kids need mercy, and sometimes they need to pay the piper. Some days a sassy response may require a quick rebuke, and sometimes circumstances may warrant a little bit of grace. Because when I think back over the ways the Lord has dealt with me, I don’t see the exact same response given to my every action every time.

Now, I’m not trying to say our kids should find us to be crazy women from whom they never know what to expect. But I am trying to say that we shouldn’t feel ourselves locked into one method or ideology of parenting, because we need to be sensitive to God’s Spirit and timing as we parent our children. Also, on a less spiritual-sounding level, because we need to realize we are human beings, and so are our children. And humans are just flat out NOT consistently consistent.

Misty Krasawski is the overly-blessed mom of eight children whom she homeschools in sunshine-y Florida. She has been clinging ferociously to the hand of her Lord since she was knee-high to a grasshopper, homeschooling for the past thirteen years, and has eighteen more years ahead of her with the children who are glad she will have done most of her experimenting on those who went before. Her wonderful husband Rob has much treasure laid up for him in heaven for having been called to such a daunting task. After the house goes to sleep she can sometimes be found gathering her thoughts at http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/MistyKrasawski.

April 16, 2010 By Meg 6 Comments

You’ve heard it often. I hear it often. “Motherhood is a thankless job.”

I heard it while I was still carrying our first son. With two children, I still hear it, whether from another mom or a well-meaning stranger.

You know what? I don’t entirely agree.

Don’t get me wrong. There are so many motherhood-related tasks that are repetitive, laborious, and that often go, well, thankless:

Countless diaper changes (the average baby gets 7,000 changes)
Preparing, serving, cleaning up after 3 meals a day, 365 days a year
Carpooling
Purchasing clothes and shoes
Medicine dispensing
Doctor and dentist appointment scheduling

It’s a fact: Babies can’t talk, and toddlers are often too defiant and self-centered to thank anyone without being told. Yet learning how to be grateful and appreciative can start early. “Please” and “thank you” can be so much of your family dynamic that it seems commonplace and effortless. Teaching your children to be thankful can be as natural as teaching the alphabet.

Sure. I’ve changed a lot of diapers. (I believe my total would be 14,000.) I’ve laundered a lot of clothes. I’ve treated a lot of stains. I’ve refilled a lot of juice cups. And I’ve stumbled out of bed at 2am many times to soothe the effects of a bad dream. Many tasks for which I never received back one audible “thank you.”

But now that our children are 3 and 5, their hearts are beginning to be pricked for the well-being of others. They’re learning something called empathy. Their worlds are expanding and their eyes are focusing on the needs, feelings, and struggles of people around them.

That, plus our diligence to request a “thank you” for every token granted, is showing its fruit.

Just this past week, both of our children have taken the initiative to do nice things for each other. They are using kinder words. And you know what? They are telling my husband and I “thank you” a lot more often — without having to be told.

But you know what? I have seen the evidence of their gratitude long before they even had words with which to speak. This is just the articulation of the seed that’s been growing in their little hearts ever since they were very small.

You see, thankfulness has come to me in many forms:

The gleaming glint in my son’s eye, the beaming smile on his lips, the excited kick of his feet, peering up sweetly to me from his crib as I walk in to wake him at daybreak.
The gentle nuzzle of my infant daughter’s sweet forehead as she cuddles in my arms before bedtime.
The exuberance and excitement on their faces when I let them play outside “for just five more minutes.”
The way their tiny, chubby arms outstretched wide when I asked them how much Mommy loves them.
The way they stayed so close to me in moments of trepidation, knowing that I would protect them, no matter what.

And then there are those “sideways compliments,” the sweet things they’ve said about their Mommy or Daddy to others (grandparents, church nursery workers, or friends)….things I find out about later. My heart bursts with pride and humility all at the same time.

So, for me, motherhood is many things….but it is not “thankless.”

Though you may not believe you are making a difference, loving them enough, or doing any good at all….

Trust me. You are.

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” II Corinthians 4:18, NIV

Meg is a devoted wife to her husband, Ken, of 9 years, and mom and homeschooling teacher to her two children, five-year-old son “G” and three-year-old daughter “R.” When she’s not writing or creating something, Meg loves to cook for, host and entertain friends and family. She also enjoys reading, the outdoors, eclectic music, yoga, and studying history. You can read all about her adventures (and misadventures) at her blog, Muses of Megret and read her educational product reviews at Muse Reviews.

April 13, 2010 By Sheri 4 Comments

“I’m having a hard time with watching him grow up.”

Those were the words my husband said to me the other night as he drove me home from work. We have made a habit of Mike driving me to work a few times a week, that ride home is one of the few times that we get to talk and discuss our days, our lives and what’s going on with our children.

That night that comment caught me completely off guard.

You see, I have sat back and watched our oldest son. I am amazed daily at him. I love the way his shoulders have broadened, the thickening of his jaw, the depth of his chin cleft. I enjoy the manner in which his voice has deepened. Every single change has been something I have celebrated.

To be honest, it’s been an incredible journey so far and I am excited over the next few years.

So hearing my husband say he was having a hard time was a bit of a wake up call to me. Did he mean he didn’t love these changes?

I looked at him quizzically. He seemed a little sad. Okay, he seemed really sad.

He smiled “He’s not my little Dylan anymore.”

I smiled back at him. “He’s not supposed to be. He’s supposed to grow up. He’s supposed to change. He’s supposed to become a man.”

And then the truth came out. “I am not sure I am a good enough father.”

And there it was. Mike has worked so hard for our family, for years he’s gone to work every day, 10 hours a day, so we could have a house, food, a car. But now he was looking at our son, who is turning 16 soon, and he suddenly realized that his life was passing us by.

Perhaps I’m too simplistic, but I looked at him “So, spend more time with him.” I shrugged my shoulders, I failed to see the big picture. He looked at me, big sad brown eyes and commented that he just didn’t know how or when.

And with that we began to work together to figure out ideas, things he could do with our son who is on the verge of adulthood to let him know he’s there for him:

Dollar movies: There is nearly always a dollar movie the guys want to see that us girls aren’t interested in. Rather than wallowing in the fact that our son is getting older Mike can celebrate that he has someone with whom to watch The Bourne Identity.
Hikes: We take long walks as a family. Sometimes Mike and I fall behind and chat. Other time Mike and Dylan fall behind and chat. What a great opportunity to talk to him and to watch how he’s grown as he carries his baby brother on his back.
Video Games: I can’t stand video games, but Mike and Dylan love to play RockBand together. Most of the music is from our generation and popular again. So we gained a tiny bit of coolness there.
Stay up late: I am decidedly NOT a night owl. Our son is. And Mike is. Many nights Mike will stay up late and chat with Dyl. They bond over late night talk shows, SNL and The Office.
Teaching him to drive: This is a big one and coming in the next month or so. Dyl will be getting his permit and that will bring with it some major father/son time because I am NOT teaching that child errr…teen to drive.
Biblical discussions: Dyl is a fountain of knowledge when it comes to the bible. If I am unsure of something I just ask him. Mike and Dylan have had some great discussions and the “son” loves teaching his “father”.

And as I listed ideas for him I could see Mike’s eyes lose some of their sadness. Rather than looking at our oldest son’s growing up as a bad thing he suddenly saw much of it in a positive light. In just a few short years he’ll be leaving us. We can just hope we were there for him and guided him down the right paths.

What things do you do to spend special time with your teens?

Sheri (with the help of her fabulous husband Mike) began homeschooling her four children in 2001. She spends her time creating whatever she can out of nothing to make her house more homey, creating lesson plans, and listening to her son’s garage band and writing how God is carrying her out of the depths of depression. You can catch up with Sheri at her blog, be sure to check out the on-going Love Story she and her husband are writing while you are there!

March 29, 2010 By Tara Leave a Comment

“Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD is one!
You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart
and with all your soul and with all your might.
These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.
You shall teach them diligently to your sons
and shall talk of them when you sit in your house
and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.
You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.
You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”
-Deuteronomy 6:4-9 (New American Standard Bible)

Whew! This is quite a huge command from God, isn’t it?

If you are like me, it leaves you thinking, “Um, yes! I WANT to do that! But, I’m not sure HOW to do that!”

Merriam-Webster defines “diligently” as “characterized by steady, earnest and energetic effort; painstaking, the act of taking pains with something”. Wow! Are YOU doing this? I know I wasn’t! At least not the steady part and definitely not the energetic part! I think I would characterize my nurturing of my son’s spiritual development somewhere between “flying by the seat of my pants” and “praying I could fit it all in somewhere before he graduates”. Sound familiar?

One day, quite out of the blue, I looked around and realized how much time had passed since I held my newborn son. Then I realized something else even more sobering than that: I wasn’t doing much to make sure he really knew and understood who God is, why God created him and why we are called to honor and serve Him.

Sure, we prayed over our meals and at bedtime, but I had never explained to him why we did that. Neither had I explained to him why we went to church each week or why Mommy reads her Bible to him at night. It hadn’t occurred to me to make known to him what is so real to me. These were just the things we did.

I simply didn’t think about giving him the “why”. Apparently, I was operating under the assumption that he would pick it up along the way.

I felt so foolishly blind and like such a failure! That’s when I knew I had to become a missionary in my own home.

Today, I am passionate about not letting my son’s spiritual development occur by osmosis, by chance or hoping that he will pick it up along the way. My heart’s desire is to make sure that I don’t look back years from now with regret that I didn’t intentionally make the time to teach my son what is really important. I don’t want the most important part of his life, his spiritual development, to have a big hole in it because I let the daily grind distract me. I don’t want to use the craziness of life and my fleshly nature as excuses to not be a Godly example. He needs to see what being a true child of God looks like including all the highs and lows – from obedience and failures to repentance and forgiveness. Most importantly though, I want him to see and come to know God and all that He is.

Do you feel the same way about your children?

In order to pass on a spiritual legacy to our children, we need to have a spiritual legacy to pass on. This isn’t to say that we pass on our salvation as that cannot be done. This simply means you and I need salvation by grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone. A spiritual legacy also includes a desire to know God and His Word, a desire to live for Him and His glory, and a desire to know how that looks in our everyday lives. A legacy isn’t just something that our children receive once we are gone from this earth. It is also something they acquire every day. What we teach, what we say, how we act (gulp!), and the example we set, etc. are all a part of our everyday legacy. We live it in front of them every single day. Keeping this in mind is vital to helping us stay focused on what we really want them to see in and hear from us and what we want them to know. This can cause us to take that extra deep breath (or two) before correcting our little angels! This can cause us to pause and think before we make a choice about something. This can (and should) cause us to hit our knees asking for strength, perseverance and guidance every day!

Do we have to be perfect? No.

If we aren’t perfect in this every day (or even every week), will our children turn out to be heathens? Not necessarily.

We do our part – be obedient by the grace of God to raise our children in the ways and words of God – and God will take care of His part. We will not answer to God for our children’s salvation; we will answer to God for the obedience (or lack thereof) of raising them as He directs us in His Word. To do this, we need to make sure that our lifeline is to God Himself. He made our precious children, entrusted them to our care and will supply everything we need to raise them in His ways. He will not abandon us or leave us to our own devices. Everything we need is found in Him alone. Run to Him today and everyday, and let Him shape His legacy in you so you can live it out for your children all the days of your life.

Tara is a devoted mom to a two-year-old “little man” and enjoys discovering how God has “packed his suitcase”. As an associate with iBloom, she has a heart for inspiring, encouraging and equipping moms to become “Proverbs 31 mamas” and raise their children according to Biblical principles and guidelines using the Bible and other tools. Tara adores falling leaves, sweatshirts, Starbucks White Chocolate Mochas and the first curly BBQ chip from the bag!

March 29, 2010 By Chris 3 Comments

People who haven’t known my family for very long might assume that my son is quiet around strangers because he is an isolated, unsocialized homeschooler.

You know that isn’t the case.

I have found that homeschooling has actually taught my boy the art of conversation in some very unexpected ways.

By way of background, this is the same child who sat on my lap and sobbed while the rest of his preschool class presented their Christmas program on stage and who burst into tears when, in kindergarten, the school nurse wanted to perform a cursory (and required) eye exam.

Interacting with strangers is not his cup of tea.

However, since we brought him home, that same boy can converse with adults as we wait in line at the bank, play guitar on stage with his co-op classmates and rush to get the door for an elderly lady at the post office. He is still quiet but the difference is astounding.

I know that much of this newfound change comes from maturity. He is older and the world isn’t as scary to him as it once was. But I also know that his confidence has grown as he has tried new things and succeeded at classroom and real world challenges. He has time to pursue his passions and stretch his limits beyond what he thought was possible. The safety of his daily environment inspires him to step out into the unknown, to risk failure and to surprise himself. That might be the biggest benefit of homeschooling at our house.

Just ask him. He’ll be glad to tell you about it.

Chris Worthy is mom to Caroline (15) and Nolan (10) and will soon celebrate 20 years of marriage to her favorite person, John. Chris practiced law before becoming a writer and stay-at-home mother more than 10 years ago. She enjoys cooking, crafting, spoiling dogs, green living and rummaging though old books. Follow along at www.chrisworthy.com

March 26, 2010 By Barbara 16 Comments

My daughter had an appointment with a specialist recently. This doctor is lovely. Truly one of the best physicians I’ve ever had to deal with. She is intelligent, patient, understanding, funny, great with my 3 year old, gentle, encouraging, non-condescending. She has a lot of letters after her name. I won’t even try to understand what they all mean, other than a lot of schooling and a lot of expertise. Along with all of that comes the pay-check, the lifestyle, the wardrobe, the respect, and the pride that accompanies such a career achievement. She is living the dream!

Except…

Once when my daughter was in to see her, this doctor asked me how many children I had. I told her we had seven. She asked if I worked out side of the home. I said no. And that we homeschool. And then she said something I will never forget.

“We are all jealous of you, you know that?”

“Pardon me? Who is? Jealous of me?”

“All of us women who bought the lie that we could invest in our education, and build our careers first, and still have children later and have it all. It was a lie.”

“Oh.”

“I have my education. I have my career. And now I have two wonderful children, but I’m still missing out,” she said. “I am here all the time and they are at day care from early, early ages and then school and I am still missing out on so much. You are so lucky.”

Now, before you take this wrongly and think I am about to launch into a “And that’s why I’m better than she is because I stay home with my kids” soap box rant, think again. Clearly, I stay home with my children, and I am so fortunate and so grateful that that has been an option for our family. However, this is not a rant about working women. I love having a female family doctor, and a female optometrist, and a slew of female midwives (clearly!) so I would be a hypocrite to then say that all women should forever, always, stay home and never work outside the home. That is not the point of this article.

Here is my point: This doctor is looking at me and assuming that because I am home with my kiddos every day, every waking minute of most days, that I am not missing out on anything. That I am there for them, all the time; investing in them like she wants to be for her kids; being the perfectly engaged and engaging mom; experiencing and enjoying every moment with them with out fail.

That’s not reality. Can I get an amen?

Please tell me that I’m not the only one here who will admit that just being in the house with my children all day, everyday does not instantly make me a great mom. Who else will admit with me that many, many opportunities to build in to my children go by every day that I miss and waste because I’m too absorbed in my own selfishness, laziness, distractedness? How much am I missing, even though I’m in a better position to really soak it all in?

I know, I know, my being here at home with them, teaching them gives me an advantage of time and proximity that certainly helps in “getting it right” with my kids, but I still miss out so many times. At a homeschool conference I once attended, the speaker said she didn’t cry when her daughter married and moved out because she didn’t feel like she had wasted their years together at home. She felt like she spent her years well with her daughter, teaching her and loving her, and communicating to her all she needed to know before she moved out. She was at peace with her moving out, knowing that their mother-daughter relationship had been so well built over their years of being home together.

Can I say that? Do I feel like I’m making the most of my days with the kids? Do I see today and tomorrow and the next day as chances to invest in these wonderful little people or do I see them as 72 hours to survive before the weekend?

Here is the challenge for those of us staying at home: being intentional about using these days wisely. There are women who would LOVE to stay at home if they could but their circumstances dictate otherwise presently. We are blessed to have the option of being home: let’s not waste this gift by not making the most of our time with our children. Not just being with them and caring for their basic physical and educational needs, but really enjoying them, getting to know them, preparing them for their future.

What can you do today to change how you view the joy and the responsibility of being at home with your children? What can you do today to thoroughly drink up all the rich blessings of enjoying being with them?

Barbara and her husband, as they homeschool their 7 children, are finding out that no two children are alike! Between lessons and lunches, Barbara blogs at Fuel by Barbara.

March 16, 2010 By Christine 5 Comments

I admit it. I wish away certain moments and stages in my children’s lives. I guess I don’t know anyone who doesn’t occasionally do this, but I know many older women who tell me not to.

From their perspective, it’s clear that the moments and stages will pass quickly; from mine it often feels like an eternity till bedtime. The future seems bright and full of promise; today often feels like drudgery. I battle this feeling on some days more than others as I change diapers, sit someone in time out again, correct the same spelling word over and over, and say, “No, you can’t watch TV” for the 15th time.

The more I read in search of the perfect formula for saintly motherhood, the more I realize that the books on my nightstand are written to portray an ideal, and not a daily reality.

Failure today is inevitable; thankfully, forgiveness is failure’s close companion.

The future [is] not where real life [begins].
Each day [is] God’s perfect will for me.

In fact, it’s not just because we’ll regret time passing when we’re old and the children are gone. It’s not just that these moments will become sweet memories to savor as we rock on our porch decades from now. It’s instead that each moment, each today, is a block with which God is building us into the mothers, the teachers, the individuals, He plans for us to be. There have been times in the past few months and years when I didn’t, couldn’t, see the plan. I have questioned whether there even was a plan and, if I were to stumble upon it, why I should follow it at all.

Whatever the Lord requires, He also enables.

God’s perfect will for me is today. And isn’t it true that tomorrow never arrives but instead becomes today? I don’t want to pine for the elusive greener grass on the other side of midnight only to find that waking in the morning provides merely another opportunity to pine again.

Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.
Matt. 6:34 (MSG)

God is doing a good work in me (and you!) today. He is building, refining, preparing, requiring, enabling. My prayer is that today, we’ll let Him.

Quotes taken from Sally Clarkson’s The Mission of Motherhood.

Christine is a Christian, homeschooling mom to three boys and a girl, ranging in age from 9 to 2 years old. She is a musician by trade, eclectic in homeschool style, and continues to grow and learn along with her children in this journey of life and discipleship at home. Visit her blog at Fruit in Season.

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