Teaching Emotions Through Conversation

One of the biggest obstacles parents face when homeschooling a child with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is how to teach appropriate socialization. This becomes just as important as the core subjects like math, language arts, and science.

Did you ever wonder how these children learn the basics of good conversation? Perhaps you’ve experienced the blessing of echolalia, the repetitive conversational nature of ASD that pops up during times of stress or pure joy. Perhaps your child is non-verbal and you’ve been battling the ‘how do I teach this kid’ struggle. Communication skills are one of the greatest gifts -verbally and/or non-verbally – that you can teach your child. It strengthens their abilities to adapt in their environment. It builds positive experiences. It leads to less embarrassing situations during social functions for parents.

One of the perks I have found in having a child with ASD is the absolute honesty that comes along with his personality. For example, this situation:

Xander: MOOOOOMMMMMM… Harley hurt me….he hit me hard on the arm!

Harley: I did not–he’s lying! He fell and hurt himself and I wasn’t even in there!

Xander is my 6 year old child with ASD. During a situation like this I can tell by the look on his face what actually took place. If he has a giant, goofy grin plastered across his face, I know that the situation did not take place as he described. If he is stressed out and his eyebrows are wrinkled I know that it absolutely did.

There is something I’d like to point out about the above scenario: If he was smiling, it is because he has been practicing how to bend the truth, or quite frankly, how to lie. I know you are probably thinking, “But how will that benefit him?!”

Let me tell you why it is important for him to learn this skill. Take for example the following scenario:

Random girl: How does this outfit look on me, Xander? Does it make my (backside) look big?

Xander: Oh absolutely, it looks huge!

This is where there needs to be a lesson.

Do I advocate lying in this house? No way. A negative action on the kiddos’ parts always has a negative reaction from me. However, we do teach that you should always be polite. Xander could say, “You look very nice” or “That’s a nice color.”

How on earth do we accomplish that with Xander? We practice with him. We initiate scripts and scenarios and most importantly we set an example (just like with the rest of the kids) by speaking to others in a manner that we expect from him. I am probably one of the only women in the midwest who responds to drive-thru workers and truckers with a ‘ma’am’ and ’sir.’ My kids see me respond to all adults this way.

By the way, if your child is practicing how to lie, be supportive of the progress that is taking place, while reinforcing the proper responses through practice. Believe it or not, being able to speak in an abstract manner – that gray area – is a good skill to have. This will not help them to be able to discern when others are lying to them, as that is a completely different skill that they may or may not be able to obtain. However, it may save them from embarrassment, from losing a job someday, or from finding themselves in sticky situations with those who do not understand their condition.

Angela DeRossett is military wife, homeschooling mother, and an advocate for autism research. Angela can be found blogging at Homeschooling the Chaotic Family and Memoirs of a Chaotic Mommy.

Tags: autism, Encouragement, learning styles, Life Experiences

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