Teaching Formal Elegance & Etiquette

Posted by Leslie | 0 comments

Sometime ago I posted on my blog, Journey to Simplicity, about making each day special. I don’t mean in just a generic way, but a memorable way. I offered tips such as eating by candle light every night, using your good dishes for an everyday meal a few times per month, “dessert for dinner day,” among other things. Kids truly enjoy the special jolts and the memories created are forever.

Afterwards I began receiving emails that offered other ways families make every day special. I also began receiving questions pertaining to incorporating homeschooling lessons alongside these “special” occasions. Although some of my replies were a bit lengthy at times (I get so easily carried away with incorporating learning into life), I knew that from the great questions and ideas something was missing from so many of our lives– teaching formal elegance and etiquette.

Homeschoolers by nature are usually fairly relaxed. We don’t “do” a lot of formal. This means that we often wear our jammies to school in the morning, we wear our hair in a scruncii each day, or jeans and a T-shirt are the school uniform. The term “dressed up” to a homeschooler usually refers to costumes for a play, church attire, or period garb that coincides with a unit study. Etiquette may refer to the proper way to answer the phone, speech club presentations, or general manners. These are all worthy life lessons to be sure, but there are other more infrequently used lessons of etiquette that we never even think about teaching. These are lessons that have been so often overlooked in today’s culture that I have wondered if they have been lost entirely.

How often have you viewed a movie that has a scene set in a formal situation such as a dinner, ball, charity function, or attending a theater production that we don’t have in our common lives? I can think of countless titles which we have read about or viewed in a movie and one or more of my children have asked why we don’t have those anymore; and these are movies set in modern times. The fact is that most of us only encounter these situations a handful of times throughout our lives. However, this does not make learning about formal occasions any less worthy of teaching. In addition, these lessons can bring a truly FUN element to your school schedule.

Here are a few lesson ideas that can be incorporated into your schooling. If you are not familiar with the etiquette take the time to have fun learning right alongside your children.

Formal Table Settings

When I ask my children to set the table they quickly grab a fork, knife, and napkin for each setting and plunk it down; with an exception of soup night which is further simplified by the placement of a spoon and napkin only for each person. Take time to learn how to set a table for a formal meal. It is important to include the usage of each utensil and its placement. When do you place two forks at a setting? Why do some forks have three prongs while others have four? Do spoons go to the right or left of the dinner plate? How many plates are used in a formal dinner setting? How do you know which utensil to use with each course? Does the placement of a napkin give use any clues on what type of meal one will be eating? How many glasses should be available for each setting?

This can be a lot of fun even for the youngest littletons when you make it a game! Set a formal place setting. Have them study the place setting and then close their eyes. At this time remove a utensil or “misplace” it and then ask your children to open their eyes and ask, “What’s missing?” or “What is different?” For a Free Field Trip, consider taking your children to a local store that sells settings such as Linens ‘n Things, Bed Bath & Beyond, or Crate & Barrel. Take time to call ahead and speak with a manager before you go and inquire about the availability of a staff member who would be able to give a simple tour of the table settings department.

Different types of invitations

An invitation sets the stage for any formal affair. It tells the recipient a lot of vital information about an event. How does one begin the process of choosing the right invitation? Does paper matter? What information should be included on an invitation? What does RSVP mean? When is it appropriate to include a photo? Is there a standard for colors regarding seasons or types of events? What is an RSVP card and when should it be included? Why do some invitations contain tissue paper? How long does it take for invitations to be printed? What is the printing process? What size and weight are appropriate for what style invitations? Who places the postage on the invitations? How does one choose a printer? Should an invitation include graphics? Compare a simple invitation for a birthday party with a formal one for a graduation. For a Free Field Trip contact a local printer.

Different types of attire

Throughout each year we attend events that have specific dress codes. Each time we are in attendance I am amazed at how many people come dressed inappropriately. Spend an evening at the theater and you will find individuals who are dressed for a ball at Cinderella’s castle and those who show up in tattered jeans or short shorts and a barely covering the belly T-shirt. Which outfit is appropriate? Neither. Dress codes are barely remembered today, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t teach them. Find out what is appropriate to for boys and girls to wear to events such as weddings, charity functions, cotillions, Sunday morning church service, weddings, an evening at the theater, a graduation ceremony, a tea party, baptism, or a specific event coming up in your life. Have your children define the terms evening wear, business casual, formal wear, seasonal, etc and list events at which each are appropriate. How does one know what to wear to a function anyway? Are there differences among different regions, countries, and cultures? Does the time of day an event takes place make a difference? You can really open this topic up and with a study of specific clothing such as the differences in tuxedos. For a Free Field Trip visit a department store with a formal section. Ask for a few catalogs from the last season to use for at home activities.

Fancy Footwork

So often people do not know the steps for simple dances. If you were attending a wedding and the band played a waltz, would you know how to dance if asked? I didn’t either. Dancing has become a lost art, that is until the creation of Dancing with the Stars. When I called around to dance studios, I was repeatedly told that the show has boosted class interest and attendance levels. Teaching your children just two or three basic dances is really all they need to know. How does one know which dance is appropriate for which songs? What does tempo mean? What should your partner know? Are there rules for each partner? Who leads? What is leading? For a Free Field Trip contact a local dance studio and ask if they offer a free introductory class. If they don’t explain your lesson and ask if they would be willing to either offer a free class at their convenience or a free demonstration of different dances.

These are my thoughts, what are some of yours?

Leslie Valeska is the wife of Thomas and homeschooling mother of four children who reside in SW Florida. Her family operates Fresh Gear Solutions, LLC and enjoys RVing. She is the founder and director of Simple Journey Ministries which was established to encourage, inspire, and support women on their journey to Godly womanhood. Leslie is also employed as a vintage seamstress by Vintage Vixen.