It is often hard for me to talk only about homeschooling my family. I end up discussing discipline and family dynamics. To me they are lumped together into one category; teaching, training, and raising my children. It is all that is included in being a mother. I do not often separate them. I will admit I have found it hard to come up with things to write about for this column because I have a hard time trying to focus only on homeschooling. Homeschooling a large family is normal for me just as homeschooling two children is normal for the mother of two. This is just my life. I do not often think of how I homeschool a large family, instead I think of how I raise my children. I do not often factor in the number of children into my equation but only acknowledge that I have more on my plate to manage than most. I simply do what I do by the grace and wisdom that God provides. It really is that simple.

One thing that God has shown me as I have begun this journey of motherhood is how to discipline my children. Discipline is teaching, instruction, and correction. Sometimes punishment is a part of that but if so then it should be with the outcome to instruct. Teaching, instruction, and correction, that sounds a lot like homeschooling doesn’t it. Do you see why I have a hard time separating the two? Discipline is a part of homeschooling. Even in colleges they call a particular area of study, a discipline. They go hand in hand.

My husband and I were newly married at 18 & 21. Our first child was born a year later, when we were 19 & 22. We really had not talked about how we would raise a child. We simply followed examples around us and did what was expected. Our discipline was more on the punishment side without much thought to teaching or training. Outward obedience was the main goal. Please do not misunderstand, outward obedience is extremely important but should not be the main or ultimate goal. Have you ever seen an obedient child full of resentment and disrespect for the parent or any authority figure for that matter? It also leads to a “it is okay as long as I don’t get caught attitude.” Right and wrong is determined by the outward viewing of behavior. So if no one sees, then it is okay.

I truly believe that some of the difficulties we have faced, and thankfully not too many, were because we focused more on the outer behavior than on the heart. As we have grown as parents and in our relationships with the Lord, a lot of things have changed. Teaching to the heart is something that my husband and I have learned along the way in our parenting adventure.
This scripture hit me in a completely different way one day.

1 Samuel 16:7b
“…for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

If God looks at the heart then maybe as a parent I should look to the heart as well and not just the outward appearance. I began to look at disciplining my children in a whole new light. I started to look at the root of the problem. Why did my child behave that way? Yes, we would discipline for the actually hitting of his sister but we would ask questions.

“Why did you hit your sister?”

The replies might be: “I was angry, I want that toy, she was bugging me.”

We would in turn respond with God’s word:

Anger: Ephesians 4:26a, “Be angry and yet do not sin.” Or Proverbs 14:29, “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.”

I want: Romans 15:2, “Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.” Or Galatians 6:10, “So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.”

She was bugging me: Galatians 5:22-23, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”

We began to teach to the heart for things such as selfishness, lack of self-control, anger, pride, envy, disrespect, and so on. In tackling those “hidden” sins and using Scripture to address them, we found that most of the outward behavioral sins became fewer and fewer. The majority of the outward is an overflow of the inward. If we take care of the weed’s root then the weed cannot grow, but just picking a dandelion does not keep it from returning. In fact the longer it remains the more it will spread. You must get the root!

Psalm 51:10 says “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”

This is a prayer that as a parent I pray over and over again and I also pray this for my children. As I teach them, at the heart of their sin and use the Word of God to address it, I pray for the Lord to create a clean heart within them, and the rewards are immeasurable and far outweigh a child that is simply outwardly obedient with a hardened heart.

I encourage you to search the Scriptures and to re-evaluate how you are teaching and training your children. All Christian parents, including me, are not perfect, we need the grace of God to accomplish the great task which He has given to us!

As you homeschool your children, make sure you are teaching and training their hearts as well as their minds! This really is The Heart of the Matter!

Kristine is the wife of a pastor who is currently serving as a chaplain in the military. She is also the mother of eight wonderful children and schools them using the Classical Christian method. In her column, “Ducks in a Row,” she writes about the challenges, joys, and logistics of homeschooling a large family. Visit her at her blog, Mama Archer.