The “Ash-burgers”

Posted by Angela | 0 comments

“This is Xander!!!” exclaimed my son.

It makes me smile every time I call the downstairs phone and he answers. His speech has not completely developed so it is just that much cuter. He is so excited that he is now allowed to answer the phone—even if it is just Mom. This is one of many changes that have been happening with him lately. Over the last year he has become independent in the shower, developed a toleration of some foods and discovered that playing with children outside of his brothers and sister isn’t so bad… as long as there aren’t more than one or two friends at a time.

I am in awe at how much he has grown. As the days go by we discover brand new milestones that he is continuing to conquer.

Recently, while attending a social function, I encountered a boy who looked to be around 11 or 12. He was absolutely fixated on the items he had in his pocket and wanted to tell me all about them. I admit that after a few minutes I became a bit weary, but allowed him to go on. He was eventually asked to leave in order to continue with the job at hand. He left, but I had to smile when I saw him a short distance away anxiously waiting for the opportunity to talk again.

“I think he has the ash-burgers”, a woman near me stated.

I am used to people mispronouncing the name. In fact, I am used to people mispronouncing MY last name. I said nothing and continued to do what I was there to do. She persisted,

“You know, ASH-BURGERS, the disease?”

I mean, disease, disorder, whatever… oy vey.

I simply said, “Perhaps” and left it alone

“So sad, he’ll never live on his own”.

I did cringe.

“Never get married or have children.”

I am certain I turned red.

“What a burden to his parents.”

My heart sank as I absorbed those words. They have been said so many times and each time I am reminded that there needs to be more education for those who don’t understand. I honestly do not think she meant any harm, but believe that she was sharing her thoughts and mimicking all of the stereotypes that come from not having a ‘Spectrum’ kid of one’s own.

I carefully responded to her, noting that I personally have a child with Autism, to try not to believe the ‘hype’. I know there are those of you that would have jumped all over her, but that’s not how I roll. Unfortunately she continued to make assumptions, further implying that it wouldn’t turn out well in the end.

Do we consider that this could be a life-long endeavor? It most certainly will be, it is how he was created. Have we talked about the possibility of him living with us forever? Absolutely and my husband said, “If this is the case I can always use a fishing buddy.”

The woman asked what I was ‘going to do with him” when he grew up. I laughed at the question, honestly I did. I told her that if we had anything to say about it he would be living outside of our home independently. It is very much a possibility, ‘cause my kid rocks and as a mom, I have the ‘my child can do anything’ complex.

Can it be hard at times? You bet’cha. Let me tell you, reading is his least favorite, most protested, slowest-going, throw him into a mega-fit, subject. Can I get an Amen??

Let me encourage you to educate, educate, educate those around you. It is intimidating and uncomfortable, but done gently can make a world of difference. I spoke with this woman a few minutes before I realized the effort was futile. You will most definitely run into people who cannot be reasoned with. More often, though, you will find people receptive to the information you are providing about your child and may be asked to further clarify some of the thoughts they may have on the subject.

But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear what they fear ; do not be frightened.” 1 Peter 3:14

“Yes, I will do it…bye… OH, by the way, THIS IS XANDER”

Angela DeRossett is a fun-loving, married to the military, homeschooling mother of four. She has four cats and a great big dog and loves her very full house. She is currently pursuing a Master’s in Christian Education and holds a Bachelor’s of Arts and Science in Christian Ministries. Angela is a coffee and theology junkie and is passionate about Autism advocacy and disability rights. You can find her blogging at Memoirs of a Chaotic Mommy and Homeschooling the Chaotic Mommy.