The Consistency Myth

Posted by Misty | 0 comments

There are as many opinions out there about how to manage a family as there are families. And a large percentage of them have been codified into full-fledged methods, philosophies, and books. As a new mom with a helpless baby in her arms and a heart full of hope, I felt absolutely petrified that I was going to do something wrong. I knew that the writer of Ecclesiastes had warned, “But beyond this . . . be warned: the writing of many books is endless, and excessive devotion to books is wearying to the body.” Ecc. 12:12 .

But I wanted what every new mom wants . . . to be the perfect mom for my perfect new baby.

And so I read everything I could get my hands on. I tossed the philosophies that didn’t ring with what I knew in my heart, and the ones that seemed to contradict Scripture–that was easy. More difficult was knowing what to do with the ones that made so much sense and claimed to be God-inspired . . . and contradicted the others making the same claim. I’m sure I’m not alone in my quest for the perfect child-raising method.

And you know as well as I that there’s one buzzword amidst all the theories out there–one that even the secular world holds up as the Holy Grail of parenting: CONSISTENCY.

We’ve heard it over and over. We know we should respond the same way to every child every time they behave in a particular manner . . . make a chart for it, even, because, after all, who can remember the different scenarios they’ve set up for every infraction? If you have a chart, you can go look and see what happens next–not making the bed = missing morning snack time. Not finishing math homework = no TV. Hitting a sibling = one swat.

If we’re just consistent, our kids will obey. Makes sense, right? And yet, most of us find ourselves lamenting as we fail at it over and over.

I was talking the other day with a friend about the time Jesus was in the temple and pulled out a whip. What a surprise that must have been! Apparently, He was fed up with what He was seeing happen in His Father’s house. And that’s when it struck me . . . He’d been there before. This wasn’t the first time He’d been in the synagogue, and surely those moneychangers hadn’t set up for the first time that very morning. So why was His reaction to their presence so different on this day?

I don’t know. He does, of course, but His reasoning isn’t enumerated for us here in the 2nd chapter of John.

So here’s the thing: I figure that if Jesus acted differently one day than He did on other days, perhaps it’s okay when I do, too. Perhaps God understands my reactions being different on different occasions because He knows that sometimes my kids need mercy, and sometimes they need to pay the piper. Some days a sassy response may require a quick rebuke, and sometimes circumstances may warrant a little bit of grace. Because when I think back over the ways the Lord has dealt with me, I don’t see the exact same response given to my every action every time.

Now, I’m not trying to say our kids should find us to be crazy women from whom they never know what to expect. But I am trying to say that we shouldn’t feel ourselves locked into one method or ideology of parenting, because we need to be sensitive to God’s Spirit and timing as we parent our children. Also, on a less spiritual-sounding level, because we need to realize we are human beings, and so are our children. And humans are just flat out NOT consistently consistent.

Misty Krasawski is the overly-blessed mom of eight children whom she homeschools in sunshine-y Florida. She has been clinging ferociously to the hand of her Lord since she was knee-high to a grasshopper, homeschooling for the past thirteen years, and has eighteen more years ahead of her with the children who are glad she will have done most of her experimenting on those who went before. Her wonderful husband Rob has much treasure laid up for him in heaven for having been called to such a daunting task. After the house goes to sleep she can sometimes be found gathering her thoughts at http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/MistyKrasawski.