The Day I Quit Home Schooling
Posted by Barbara | 23 comments
By all measures, I have a great life. I have a simple life. I have an uncomplicated, joy-filled, hopeful life.
Ah, but some days….
None of us live a life of perfect ease and bliss. There are always “things” that get in the way of total joy and contentment and satisfaction. Wouldn’t you agree?
What do you do when a major wrench is thrown into your plans for peace and functionality? How do you handle the disappointment of an unpredicted, and undesired, change of plans?
Me? I quit. Just the other day, I quit homeschooling.
I’ve been teaching my kids from day one. They’ve all been educated at home and I’m so grateful that I’ve been given the opportunity to make this choice for our family. My husband always wanted to marry someone who wanted to homeschool, and I always thought it would be the coolest thing ever to homeschool even though I had never known anyone who had done it, or if it was even legal!
And so we married. And so we started. And it was good. I mean, not perfect. And not ‘easy’ all the time, but it was good.
Just last year, however, there came a couple of twists into our school at home that made my husband and me stop and reconsider how we did a few things. This is the benefit of homeschooling, yes? You get to change curriculum and philosophy and style along the way to suit the needs of your students.
However, I was finding that these changes we made (that are the right changes: of that I am convinced) were hard, and exhausting, and outside of my scope of ability.
I found myself driving in my car, weeping, saying out loud, “I am a failure. I do not know how to home school. I can’t do this anymore. I quit. Today is my last day of homeschooling.” And I thought about how I could work it so that my children would no longer be subjected to having me as their teacher.
I was done. D-o-n-e. Done.
And in the middle of my ranting I heard that small, still voice say to my heart, “Finally. Finally, you got the lesson.”
You see, there in the middle of my ranting I was reminded of the fact that I, truly, can do nothing. Period. Nothing. Nothing apart from the work of the Holy Spirit in my life. From a standpoint of working in the flesh, it will all be a failure. It is all for naught. And that’s the place from which I was functioning. I was striving in the flesh. How can I do this? How can I squeeze this new thing in to my schedule? How can I arrange everything on my precariously full plate so that I can handle everything?
Simple answer? I can’t.
And so there in my car, I quit for real. No, I didn’t quit homeschooling. Rather, I quit homeschooling in my own strength. I remembered that “He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it” in more areas than just my salvation. He called me to homeschool. And before that he called me to have these children. He is faithful. He will surely do it.
Am I required to do the actual teaching and training and discipling and housework and ministry? Yes, of course. But the position of strength and usefulness in His Kingdom is the place where I have surrendered my will to him who is my Sabbath Rest (Heb. 4:9-11) and say “Yes, Lord. You are my strength. You are the one who works and wills within me for your good pleasure (Phil. 2:13-15). Apart from you, I can do nothing (John 15:5).” That is the position I need to adopt as I work this life (and live this work) He has given me.
Lord, you know that I am unfit for the tasks you lay before me. You know that you alone are able to make me fruitful and useful in your kingdom as it is built in my home. And I know all this, too. I know that I am helpless apart from your great strength. I am thankful for my weakness so that through it I can see your perfect strength. I throw up my hands in surrender today, and today I quit trying to do this in my own strength. I pray with the Psalmist and proclaim: “The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him. (Ps. 28:7) Amen.
Barbara Postma and her husband, as they homeschool their 7 children, are finding out that no two children are alike! Between lessons and lunches, Barbara blogs at Fuel by Barbara.
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Deo gratias! may the Good Lord reward your humble submission in all things, especially your homeschooling. i trust that homeschooling is the path of sanctification for many moms.
prayers for a gracefilled school year.
Ad Jesum per Mariam, lena
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Barbara Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 6:26 pm
“A gracefilled school year”. Amen. And to you also, Lena. Blessings!
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wonderful post. thank you for sharing. as a brand new h/s mom I enjoyed your post. thank you for being ‘real’. I look forward to reading more about your journey. bless you for listening to Him.
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Barbara Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 6:28 pm
Congrats on starting homeschooling! It is a joy. And hard work. And the hard work is joy. Persevere! and Enjoy.
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Thank YOU for such an awesome post!
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Barbara Reply:
February 8th, 2012 at 6:29 pm
And thank YOU for the encouragement!
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Wow… I can’t tell you what a blessing this was to me this morning. Thank you for letting the Holy Spirit work whithin you as you wrote this blog post. God bless you and your family!
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Barbara Reply:
February 9th, 2012 at 6:03 am
Thank you, Meg. Blessings on you also! May today be a Spirit-led day.
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Amen! Amen! Amen! I am only finishing up our first year this summer as a homeschooling family and this hits home so much! It isn’t me who has what it takes…it is Him working through my weaknesses to show His love, kindness and open the mind and heart of our boys so He can work in them.
You have blessed me today! Thank you!
Growing in His Grace,
Mary Joy
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Barbara Reply:
February 9th, 2012 at 6:07 am
Thanks to you, Mary Joy! We can do all of these home school things through him who strengthens us! Blessings! (and Congrats on your first year! I hope it ends with all of you excited for September to roll around so you can do it again!)
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I have to say this story could have been written by me. We have been homeschooling for 7 years now and this year has been particularly hard. We just moved half way across the country and I have been wondering how I will do this. He brought me to the same place where I broked down and I heard Him say, “You finally get it.” I can’t do it and that is where He wants me to find my strength in Him. He will enable me to do it and do it successfully. Your article was great and such a great encouragement to someone that is unpacking boxes and building a new life in a new town.
Thank You.
Lysa
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Barbara Reply:
February 9th, 2012 at 6:09 am
Ah, Lysa. Those seasons of one more busy thing added to an already full plate. I understand that. But, as we are learning, the greatest position of strength is on our knees with our hands in the air saying, “I can’t do this, Lord. Do this for me.”
Thank you for your comment!
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Oh Barbara,
I can relate! Here’s the sad part about that…I don’t even homeschool yet! I’m in the process of prepping to bring my 5th grader home next year. I am overwhelmed with the planning and that worries me. If I’m already overwhelmed how will I muster up the daily strength needed? Then I read your post and it’s timely reminder that I can’t – at least not on my own. Thank you for your transperancy and truthfulness. I am now a follower of your blog and am grateful for your wisdom.
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Barbara Reply:
February 9th, 2012 at 6:11 am
Thank you for your encouragement, Laurie! How exciting! A new adventure awaits you. He who calls IS faithful. And he will do it. (Perhaps those are the first words we should utter each morning as we wake?) May you have clarity and wisdom as you plan and prepare. Blessings!
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You don’t know how much I needed to hear that. I feel so inadequate all the time. I’ve been feeling it even more since my husband passed away 16 months ago. I feel like I’ve failed my children AND my husband…
Thanks for the reminder that I truly AM inadequate, and I can only homeschool my children through His grace, strength and goodness.
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Barbara Reply:
February 9th, 2012 at 6:12 am
Julia, I am praying for you just now for peace and strength and endurance. He is gracious, and strong, and good (as you’ve said) and he will be your very present help in time of trouble. Blessings on you.
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You had me worried there for a sec!
I’m all over this post right now. I’ve been struggling to fit my daughter’s needs and balance it all and I catch myself worrying about the future. I ask Him to forgive my weak faith when I remember DUH. It’s already taken care of! God bless!
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Barbara Reply:
February 9th, 2012 at 9:01 am
Ah, balance. Yes, well….ahem.
There is such a fine line between being the responsible adult in the house who needs to be “in control” (by which I just mean “being the grown up who knows what’s going on next”) and being driven by fear and needing to “control”. Right? Wisdom is necessary. And so we are back to prayer! 
Thanks for this.
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What a great post and a great reminder. Thanks for sharing this!
Lori Lane
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Barbara Reply:
February 15th, 2012 at 7:22 am
Thanks, Lori!
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To be honest, I was a bit disappointed that you didn’t actually quit homeschooling.
We are trying to decide if we should continue teaching our children at home, mainly the two oldest. I don’t know if I ever felt “called” to homeschool. It is just something we fell into. I wish that I had a true conviction and passion to do it. Maybe that is something I should pray for. Thanks for sharing your insight.
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Barbara Reply:
February 15th, 2012 at 7:22 am
Ha! I love this comment. Yes, I know. It may have been more helpful to see an actual quitter to help in your decision to continue or not. You are absolutely right about praying for true conviction. That is key. James says, “If any of you lack wisdom, ask!” (okay. That’s a paraphrase
No one knows your kids better than you and your husband, and the Lord will direct you both to make the right decision for your family. Thanks for your honesty! Blessings.
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Beautiful post. We have been homeschooling our six for 18 years. Now three are in college (one grad schoo). Life moves on!
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