The Gift to the Giver

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Double-fudge cake. Cream cheese frosting. It was a beautiful cake … even if it was for a teddy bear. When my son announced at his third birthday party, “Teddy needs a birthday party too,” I knew I was in for an interesting year.

I thought I could dissuade him, and make him forget his great idea. But, when I saw the seriousness in his eyes, I lost all reason to say no, began nodding furiously and said, “You bet. Maybe we should have a couple of presents too.” Was I crazy? Yes. Was my son for real? Even more so.

So, I found the date of Teddy’s “birth,” we made the cake and brought out the party streamers. And you know what? It was the best celebration we’d had in a long time. I realized that my son had a spirit of giving– one that I almost squashed to bits because it was inconvenient for me– and I didn’t want it to go away because of my bad attitude. While cake isn’t the best solution to everything (thought I beg to differ) what’s worse is me not teaching my son, or in my case allowing to blossom, the gift of being a giver.

Here are seven tips for a “Teddy” birthday celebration that reinforces the gift of giving.

1. Hammer out a date:
By doing this, you reinforce to your child that you are taking them seriously. Check the calendar; find the right birth date for the object of their affection. In my son’s case, Teddy was born four years ago. Even if I didn’t want to do it, my son already had a date on the calendar that he was planning on sticking to … and wasn’t about to forget. Picking out a date not only taught him to wait for something, but it taught me to follow through and keep me a mom of my word.

2. Let them pick out the cake choice and frosting.
This was one of the best parts of the whole soiree. My son jumped up and down in the shopping cart with glee, looking at candles and sprinkles, frosting and cake mixes, trying to figure out what he wanted. Sure, I could have made the cake from scratch, and that would have been awesome too. But we had just as much fun picking out a cake-mix, and frosting, and felt equally rewarded. It was his Teddy’s birthday after all and a choice that he had full control over. It gave him a confidence boost in his ability to make decisions. And his cake was one fantastic decision!

3. Bake the cake with them.
This is probably one of the most labor-intensive parts of the whole party. Having your child or children help bake the cake is harrowing — especially for the parent trying to keep an eye on moving hands, fingers in batter, and a hot oven. However, it’s worth the time, effort and mess. Your child learns that by sowing effort, they reap a bountiful harvest … and in this case, a delicious cake. Even if the batter ends up on the floor, and some (or a lot) of the frosting finds its way into the mouths of babes, isn’t that where it was going to anyway? The cake is part of the party- and exactly what your child needs to help with.

4. Get the family involved.
Even if older brothers or sisters roll their eyes and moan, wondering why they have to be a part of this celebration, get them involved. Have them stir the batter, or bring out the party hats, or blow up balloons. When the whole family is involved, the child feels a sense of unity. It affirms that his mother or father isn’t the only one who thinks his idea is great. If there aren’t any other siblings nearby on the special day, then invite a friend or two over. A birthday for Teddy is an important occasion. And when it really comes down to the nitty-gritty –or in our case, sugar and frosting — who doesn’t want cake?

5. Have a gift (or two).
Okay, plain and simple, this is a chance for your child to get a gift. Even though technically the gift goes to Teddy, and your child helps him open it, it examples to him or her the methodology of giving and receiving. My son was sweet enough to suggest a party for his stuffed animal because he didn’t want Teddy to feel left out. That’s human behavior at its finest. And if I can motivate my children to remember others, and to treat them with generosity, then I’ve got something worth promoting! Your child will gain the gift as a reward for their generous behavior.

6. Keep it relaxed, but special.
So, you don’t need fifty of his closest friends to celebrate the day, but as mentioned before, family is crucial to making this party special. And more importantly, keeping the party relaxed– and their parents– is essential to your child’s happiness. If they see chaos and disorder, it doesn’t create the pleasing environment most children want for a fabulous birthday party. If your child wants to dress up, great! Let him. But keep it low-key; turn on some fun music, sing happy birthday to the inanimate guest, and blow those party horns. Treat this day special, just like any family member’s birthday.

7. Take pictures to document the day.
Pictures are pertinent to carrying out this activity. Next year will probably roll around with my child very indifferent to giving Teddy a party. He may even have forgotten about it, and wondered if I made the whole thing up. This is why it’s important to take pictures of the big day. Pictures also prove to them that the event actually happened! And if you’re extra lucky, the pictures may make it to their graduation day from high-school or wedding day, giving you– the parent– all the glory you deserve for letting your child give a party for their Teddy bear.

While this whole charade may seem juvenile, remember, that’s exactly what it is supposed to be. By next year, my naively sweet child probably won’t care to do this again, and I’ll have to reminisce and blubber over pictures and say, “You sure you don’t want another party for Teddy?”

While I may not get a cute un-birthday (a.k.a Teddy birthday) party for my child next year, I will have the memories of my child wanting to share his generosity. In todays age of princess and superhero birthday parties, there’s something wonderful about knowing that there’s a little bit of benevolence inside of him.

The stuffed bear will probably get tossed back onto a shelf and forgotten once my son realizes Teddy doesn’t care about cake and presents. But the birthday party for him will never leave my memory. And hopefully, my son realizes that his desire to give to those who don’t have, resulted in a wonderful lesson: it is better to give than to receive. If he can remember that key ingredient of the party, it was well worth giving in to my son’s wish.

And since it involves cake, I’d say everybody won.

Heather Spiva is a freelance writer from Sacramento, CA who loves taking care of her two boys and firefighter husband. When she’s not reading, she’s writing, and when she’s not writing, she’s eating chocolate cake with Teddy.