I have the curricula, I have the plans, I have the dates of field trips, library times, the best days to go to the park all written down. I have a calendar full of gymnastics, music lessons, taekwondo classes, and assorted clubs. My kids are excited about this school year. A first in my family, really.
I started one day much like any other day before that. I would stumble out of bed as my 4 year old jumped on me asking for breakfast, trip over myself to the coffee pot, and wait impatiently as it would brew my “lifeblood”. I would never have time for myself, my schedule and things I wanted to accomplish for the day, and we always seemed to be running around ragged. Not the best of homeschool situations. I was often hoarse from yelling at the kids to finish their school work, or taking legos away due to fights. I could not figure out what was the real problem.
And then it hit me.
God and I were talking over soap bubbles and dried oatmeal covered bowls. I wanted a better day, and I would often pray that He would guide my paths and help me settle the kids down. Boy, did I have another hard lesson to learn!
It wasn’t the kids, it was me that needed to settle down. They got me every morning, but I wasn’t ready to be mom and teacher. I was barely ready to be human before that first cup of coffee. They needed my availability, but instead got my irritability. I had to make a difference in my schedule. So, I tried it. I scoured blogs for inspiration, read books on how to become “the woman I always dreamed I could be”. And at last, I found the answer. I set my alarm clock for 1 hour earlier than I would normally get up. I woke before the kids, had my quiet time, workout time, shower and got ready for the day. I was all smiles as I had my second cup of coffee in hand when the kids came downstairs. This was Heaven….
Then the bubble burst.
I was exhausted because I am a night owl, and getting out of bed at 6 am was a struggle for me. I wound up crying over failed dinner one night and losing control. I had spent so much time trying to be like other Moms that I forgot who I was. I was trying to make someone else’s schedule fit mine. I had tailored my workouts to be like this person’s, my quiet time to be like that one’s quiet time, and even my homeschool schedule like other people had it, because I thought that was the way it should be. After all, if it works for them, it should work for me, right?
Why are you laughing?
After some tears, ice cream and prayer, I called a friend. I finally laid it all out, how I was burnt out, and failing miserably. I was convinced that I was ruining my kids…you know the drill, right? And she gave me the best gift I have gotten in a long time. She said, “I give you permission to say no. I give you permission to be different, to be yourself.”
There was a sweet relief in those words. I finally had permission to be myself. I had permission to NOT be like everyone else. I could let go of what I thought my day should be like, and expect more realistic things. I let go of the expectations that were awfully high for my kids. I have let more things slide, and laughed so much more. I have set “emergencies” to the standard of “What will this matter in five years?” If it won’t, it isn’t worth getting upset about. And now, my kids have not only my availability, they are not dealing as much with my irritability. I learned this simple truth:
We must let go of the life we planned in order to
accept the life that is waiting for us…
So, for any of you who are struggling with your days, I am giving you permission to be yourself. I am giving you full permission to skip the textbooks and read aloud in jammies all day, or to pick up the textbooks that someone told you were too restrictive. I am giving you permission to miss a day of school now and then, and go to the park, or bowling. I also give you full permission to not go on every field trip that your support group has, or to every seminar on homeschooling. I give you full permission to not be like anyone else.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made…no one else is like you. (Psalm 139:14) Enjoy being who you are…and have an ice cream sundae one in a while…
Heather is a stay at home mother with 3 blessings to take everywhere with her. Teaching women to shop and save and get the most for your dollar are a vision that has been a long time in the making. She enjoys sharing her trials and triumphs at the local stores, as well as some good (and some not so good) recipes to help make those dollars stretch. Her column is a must read for the thrifty homeschool mom. Visit her blog at Titus 2 Woman.
It is really funny that I read that this morning as I sit at the kitchen table drinking my coffee. One of children is playing a game and the other two are sound asleep. Did I mention is almost 9 am!! ;0)
We usually are up and about and starting school at 9am. Not today. Before I read this I just talking to the Lord and He reminded that it really didn’t matter what time we do the actual lessons, as long as they get done. As a homeschooler I do have the flexiblity to do school any time I want too. LOL
My children are not littles, they are 12, 14, and 16. However, they are very productive in their lives and it’s okay to sleep in, now and then. ;0)
Thanks for the reminder. :0)
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“Anonymous” is not my name, really. LOL I hit the wrong button.
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I too have just been down that path and GOD revealed to me that I need to do what works for our family and today I sit here with so much peace and joy for the choices i have made for my family!!
Lots of love Jessie
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I totally need to learn how to relax… but part of my personality is to be high strung, so while I’m happy to have permission to be me, I still need to be weeding out those areas where who I am isn’t exactly who I should be.
But it is so nice to be reminded that there is grace for me.
Thanks!
~Luke
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Ahhh, wonderful words of wisdom, Heather! It is a hard lesson to learn and often takes years to come to that place…then you say to yourself, “Who am I anyway?” I think that as homeschool moms we often lose that by pouring our lives into the lives of others. And as we rediscover who we are, there is the wonderful realization that Jesus loves us perfectly as that unique person! Nothing sweeter than that!
Thanks for sharing!
Blessings,
Tammy ~@~
Garden Glimpses
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so good, Heather!!
i really need permission sometimes. i was just struggling this morning with how i “should” homeschool versus how i actually do it. but it’s working for us, why on earth would i change it right now?
thank you so much!
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Amen! What a wonderful heartfelt post!!
I too have been down that path, and sadly took me years to make ‘my own’ schedule, ‘own’ path so to speak….
Home schooling for me is more than education… its so much more… and as I walk, seek and learn who I am in Christ…. I find that peace.
It sounds like you are finding that peace sister! *Ü*
I am no night owl… I’m sleeping by 10! So being an early riser works for me… but I’m a bump on a log at woman’s retreats! LOL I want to be up giggling too, but my body just won’t let me… *Ü*
Peace~
Lisawa
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I NEEDED this this morning! What a WONDERFUL truth that I am not like anyone else and that my day does not have to be like anyone else’s. God bless you!
Linda Mabe
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I’m normal! LOL Thanks, Heather.
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Amen! Amen! and Amen!
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I struggle with the same general dilemma. I am very much wired as a night owl and have to stay up very late to do basic household tasks/school logging and planning… and I’m just not ready to be available for the kids in the morning when I need to be. (“Need” being not how I think things “should” be, but functioning reasonably well, without the irritability, and in good time to fulfill others obligations by evening.) So, IRONICALLY, I was waiting eagerly to hear how YOU resolved the dilemma… =) It’s not that I want to do things like others; it’s just that I can’t even figure out what works for US!
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Great advice! We need to be who we are and not what everyone else thinks we ought to be.
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Heather, you have no idea what a blessing your words were to me tonight. Thank you!
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I really, really needed to read this. Thank you.
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What a wonderful post! I missed reading it yesterday because I was frantically getting prepared for our Co-op. It is the homeschooler’s version of what I’ve been studying at a ladies Bible study. One of the things we’ve really hit on is being open to the spirit filled life that God has planned for us, versus whatever life we’ve planned for ourselves. So, this really hit home on more than one level. I think I’m going to have to print your post so that I can read it again, whenever I want. Thanks!!
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This is something I REALLY needed to hear. It was like looking in the mirror as I read the story. That is me every day. Struggling. Trying to fit into someone else’s mold.
Thank you, thank you.
I will pray more about this.
Blessings to you.
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Thanks Heather…..as I read your post… I couldn’t believe how much you sounded like me!!! I’m still working on finding that peace part though. Blessings to you and thanks so much for your honesty. I don’t feel so alone!
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(wiping the tear from her eye) Have you been peaking in my windows??? This fits ME PERFECTLY!
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Thanks for the reminder that we don’t all have to do things the same way, that not every schedule will look the same, and that it’s OK! I needed to read that today
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